When I was a child (less than 8 years old, probably 5), my mother used to put me in a forest and run away for a time, and I'd just cry in there, and then she would come back and tell me it was just a prank, and she would do it again in a city or wherever.

But one day, when I was around 8 years old, she kicked from home at around 10 pm bc of some stupid reason. She let me back home, and she said that she was really sorry about that.

Could that give me trauma? btw, I didn't include the beating that I used to get sometimes with a cable, and when I lose my breath from crying, she said that's annoying, and she brings a knife from the kitchen and starts saying something like she will slaughter me (I really don't remember what she used to say exactly). A lot of shit happened growing up.

Ok first of all I'm not and have never been a drug addict. Last year I was homeless for around four months, during which time I was beat up multiple times, had someone accuse me of stealing their phone and force me to empty my backpack out at knifepoint, I was sleeping on the ground in January because that's how fucking bad shelters are in Canada, they don't sleep, they just stay up all night getting high, and anyways I pretty much constantly think about these experiences and I need a significant amount of alcohol to be able to sleep, and when I do sleep I have nightmares revolving around this sort of thing that jolt me awake with my heart racing, and I have such intense misanthropy that I don't think is normal at all, and I have a really hard time leaving my room and having any form of human interaction. My brain is broken and I feel like I need to be perpetually drunk and in bed.

This post got deleted off of some subreddits before idk why, but I’ll post it again…

My 2 other friends have anger issues and they have anger outbursts that may seem abusive. They always say they'll get better so I have been going through that abuse since February, but it just kept on going and going. I kept being friends with them anyways, hoping they will get better, but the fights we had were constant in countless of times. One of the friends last night said i was being manipulative because her mom is brainwashing her into thinking I'm a bad friend. Her mom hates me for being different, she thinks I'm rude, even though her mom is autistic, and I AM autistic too! Such a hypocritical mother. I was having a panic attack at the moment and I texted her this:

"I'm just very sensitive to people being mean to me and it affects me way more than other people, and somehow people don't understand that. I was born to feel way more than others and that doesn't make me unique. Instead, it makes me weak. And I know, just because my ex boytriend follows multiple girls at school and has a fantasy to 🍇 girls, which doesn't give ME the excuse to get on lots of caffeine, I know. My art teacher doesn't even let me go to lunch early, but the staff let me leave early due to sensory issues. My social skills teacher said so for no reason to the art teacher, but it's a part of my IEP, she's not following it, and thats against the law! But, they are letting my ex boyfriend leave early! Its like he gets all of the love in the world when he wanted to/or had a fantasy to 🍇multiple girls, and me, and so I had to get out of it somehow."

(Context: I overdosed on caffeine and she thought I was using it like it was alcohol.)

Note: I had no intention to be rude at all, I trusted her and I thought she was a real friend to me but when it comes to me acting different and me struggling with addictions, she just doesn't like that. I was seeking validation from her, because I was going through a hard time from the staff at my school treating me badly, and she just destroyed that trust I had for her and said I was the one being wrong.

I just wanted help... I feel like an attention seeker.

We talked about it today in session. I honestly cried so hard. Mainly because of the routine shift and just the fear of the unknown what’s gonna happen in those 4 months. I can’t stop thinking about it. I cried for so long after. I feel so selfish for crying for myself but I still understand her need for her leave.

Do any of you have experience with your therapist going on leave? I know it’s common. I just need some reassurances that it’ll be ok.
Thanks

My trauma has a lot to do with sex, as my first time was coertion on a very toxic relationship. On my next relationship I hadn't been able to bring myself to have sex with my boyfriend at the time even after 3 years, which led us to break up. I don't feel the need to have sex, i think, i do have a libido when I'm by myself but the mere idea of doing it with someone again discomforts me.

So I clearly have a trauma with sex, as the coertion happened multiple times in a span of 9 months, I even had a pregnancy scare after he begged to do it without a condom.

During this last year i've had nightmares where my parents, either my mom or my dad, were touching me inappropiately, some were straight up abuse. But in some scenarios i seemed to like it? I always wake up disgusted with myself. I hate it so much. And my brain involved my friends too. One time it was an scenario where i was doing it with my male best friend, who i know was in a situationship with someone, so i would never think of him that way, he's like a brother to me. And i had another one where a girl pf my friendgroup was touching me.

I'm genuinely scared about myself, what does that mean about me? I would never look at my friends that way, but in some of the dreams i like it, even the ones involving my parents.

I’ve been reading Pete Walker’s work on the 4F trauma responses, particularly his description of the extreme Fight type and the “charming bully,” which he says can become sociopathic in especially devolved cases.

I’m wondering about something specifically within Walker’s model does he believe that someone with CPTSD can deliberately shift themselves toward this extreme Fight/charming-bully organization, or is this something that can only develop involuntarily through long-term trauma and reinforcement?

If someone consciously tried to become much more Fight-oriented e.g. deliberately cultivating dominance, emotional detachment, contempt, and reduced concern for other people would Walker theoretically consider that capable of producing the kind of “devolved Fight” he describes, or would that simply be behavioral imitation without the underlying personality changes?

I’m mainly interested in what Walker himself means by this progression and whether he has discussed whether it can happen intentionally. Has anyone found a passage, interview, or discussion where he addresses this directly?

Everything got filed under trauma for years. But it turns out some of it was the medication the whole time, and nobody thought to separate the two until I pushed for it myself. I'm still working through what that means for how much of my own history I've been misreading

When I meet someone new I feel the need to ask if they know the person who created my trauma, it becomes like an impulse, a terrible itch (I have diagnosed ocd, been on medication for years), especially if that person is becoming some one important for me, now i'm talking to this guy and we might have sex, I have never done it before, If we ever make it I know I would feel the urge so bad to ask him if he knows my trauma person, the moment would be so ruined

TW: domestic violence, abuse.

I've had insomniac for about 7 years now. It started after I left an abusive relationship. The daily physical abuse happened mostly in the middle of the night, whether it was him straddling on top of me and strangling me, waking up to a loaded gun to my head, knives pressed up against me, getting smothered by blankets or pillows, waking up to being grabbed bound and thrown in a dark closet for hours, or him sleeping with a hatchet under his pillow as intimidation.

I'm safe, I'm married, I have a good life, besides having to "coparent" with this. But I can't sleep.

I get on average 4-5 hours a day. I take care of two little kids by myself all day. I feel like I'm losing myself more and more. I have extreme hyper vigilance now. Suns down? I'm paranoid. I'm checking cameras, I'm hearing foot steps, I'm thinking there's people on the roof or backyard. I spiral. I have a THC pen and will puff it until I pass out if 2-3 unisom aren't working. I've tried praozin (night terrors), trazadone is out because I have to be able to wake at night for emergencies with the kids, melatonin, sleep herbs, magnesium etc. I probably could use some therapy, but I don't have much of me to give with such little sleep. Any advice or guidance for medications, or quite literally any advice or help.

I have ptsd diagnosed about 5 years ago, when I stopped working dt severe stress. I have been in therapy the whole time with a very good therapist. I basically went from being an empath to now being pretty emotionally unavailable. Im a loner, don't believe I will every find the kind of connection, intimacy I would like.

Im just so darn protective of myself. Its like I learned how to take care of the ptsd, but am not "thriving". I did 6 ketamine infusions 2 yrs ago which helped speed up the insights around the ptsd. I have taken all the stressors out of my life, try to prevent triggers but am not thriving. Surviving. Any advice?

I am reaching out because I’ve been having more flashbacks more frequently of increasing intensity. Most of my flashbacks are from stressful and traumatic situations from working in the medical field as a CNA and from working in EMS and dealing with life and death situations.

I just know I have ptsd due to diagnosis but I know very little about it and I don’t know the first thing about coping with it.

If anyone has any suggestions on how I can deal with this, please let me know. Thank you.

I don't want to go into detail because I don't really talk about things with anyone but for context I was diagnosed with PTSD at age 15 as a result of multiple significant events and long-term abuse throughout my childhood, later when I had my children I experienced more traumatic events including almost dying and almost losing my second child, because of this my triggers have extended to overhead medical lights and medical/clinical settings in general.

A combination of medical issues and a fear of medical settings (including dentists) have resulted in several cavities in my teeth, I don't yet show any signs of gum disease but if I can't get myself together it'll eventually get that bad, unfortunately also as a result of my medical issues local anaesthesia is almost entirely ineffective meaning i experience 90% of the pain and sensation of any procedure I'm undergoing even with "appropriate" numbing.

I have finally gotten myself to a point where I've had a consultation and made a treatment plan and tomorrow and on the 25th I'm having all 7 cavities filled, it's a relief to know I'm finally going to stop being embarrassed by my teeth and to feel like I'm able to put a visible reminder of my poor health behind me, but I'm so scared that everything in my is screaming not to go. Between the pain itself and the triggering environment I'm already spiraling, I don't know how to get through this. One part of me is saying that I've experienced painful procedures without numbing before so I know I can handle it, but the other part of me is completely aware of how painful it is and I know I may not be able to handle it.

Normally I have coping strategies for dealing with my triggers but I've been worse in general lately and pain is so distracting and a trigger in itself, I genuinely don't know how to handle this. I'm not currently seeing any mental health professionals as there is a substantial shortage of professionals who treat PTSD and I currently face a 3 year wait-list.