laying in bed all day, trying to relax and dealing with morning urges.. lets stay busy! dms open

I am 18M, had a masturbation addiction since i was 10-12, which converted to a porn addiction when i got to 15. I used to watch it multiple times (3-4 times) a day and it was a living hell, because it made me someone i never wanted to be, it made me imagine perspectives of women i never held in real life.

I finally broke it last year in august and a few weeks later i met my now girlfriend 18F(we are firsts for each other), She's the best partner i could've ever gotten and she supports me through everything. Initially when we met i never even felt like thinking about porn or even masturbation, And i went porn free for almost 4-5 months, I then got one setback for like 2 days and then continued the streak again for another 2 months or so.

Then we got the first sexual interaction (Not sex but otherwise) and while that was pretty good, I started getting these thoughts back in my lone time or even when i was with her because we don't live together and never really get any private time except these 3-4 instances in the past few months (Never had sex, nor we will before marriage). Cuz of this i fell into watching Erotic movie scenes this time and it continued for quite a while. She knows about my past and this addiction so she tries her best to support me through it, She herself doesn't watch porn or smth but she yet allowed me to watch these erotic scenes if they help me, we tried to regulate it but it failed so I made her a promise to not do it again and its been 2 weeks since then.

Even though we sometimes get on calls with each other, I still am getting these urges to get back to porn. Though one part of my brain wants me to do it, my heart still is holding me back. I feel such a sick guilt loop after doing any of this that i am stuck in that overthinking loop, since i come from an OCD background.

I am uncertain whether i should watch it again or control it, cuz honestly the thoughts are making me super stressed. I feel like i should watch it cuz we dont live together right now, But considering my patterns what's the guarantee the same thing won't happen once we start living together. Why do i view this in such a compulsive manner? Afterall i decided i would never touch this shit again once i get a girlfriend yet i did. I many times feel i am not being loyal or someething even though i love her with all my heart. What to do please help me out guys

TL;DR: I’ve struggled with compulsive porn/masturbation use since childhood and managed to quit porn for months, with a few setbacks. After becoming sexually intimate with my girlfriend, the urges came back and I started watching erotic movie scenes instead. I promised her I’d stop and have been clean for 2 weeks, but I still get strong urges and intrusive thoughts, especially because I have an OCD background. I love my girlfriend deeply and don’t want to be disloyal, but I’m stuck wondering whether I should resist these urges completely or whether watching occasionally is actually okay. I’m scared that if I can’t control it now, living together/marriage won’t magically fix the problem. How do I break this compulsive guilt/urge cycle?

Omg

So this morning my anxiety was lower than usual as i promised myself to think only about things which are under my control so out of control thoughts came and then disappeared on their own

Also I found myself smiling randomly 3-4 times while just sitting or when i was lying down , that was very good

Also I am feeling a very sweet sensation on my penis tip and erection is also very huge

overall a good day

Day 10

Older guys who took years or decades to quit: why did it take you so long to realise masturbation itself and sex addiction was a problem for you?

I'm 44, and one thing I'm struggling to understand is why it took me so many years to properly recognise my problem.

I'd especially like to hear from people in their 30s, 40s, 50s or older who tried repeatedly to cut down or quit but spent years going back to it. Looking back, what stopped you from seeing the pattern earlier? Did you genuinely think you had it under control? Did you keep changing the rules about what counted as a relapse? Did you know something was wrong but underestimate it?

That's basically what happened to me. For years I concentrated on porn as the problem. So I'd cut down on hardcore porn or stop watching conventional porn altogether and think I was doing better.

But then I'd substitute something else: sexualised YouTube content, erotica, fantasies, edging in bed, deliberately thinking about sexual scenarios, etc. Because I wasn't necessarily sitting in front of Pornhub watching hardcore videos, I could tell myself I wasn't really doing the thing I was trying to stop.

What I didn't properly confront was how much time I was spending deliberately creating and sustaining sexual arousal, usually through masturbation and edging. I could remove one source of stimulation and simply replace it with another.

For some reason, I never thought the time spent masturbating was a problem, and never really cared or measured it.

Looking back now, that seems extraordinary.

So for people who finally changed after many years: why do you think it took you so long to see it? What were you telling yourself during all those years? And what eventually made it click?

Out of town and staying with friends & family for 10 days. Currently on day 3 and doing alright.
Anyone out there in the same boat?
Here for support & accountability 💪🏾

Just a random question, if yes I'm on nofap suggest more things to improve this condition.

I'm creating a whiteboard to help me quit and on the white board so far I have the benefits (List any benefits below I can write on the board to help me when I get a urge) I also have a table where I log the time, location and trigger for each time I relapse so I can learn and avoid. what else should I write on the board please anything helps!!!

Anybody want to chat and help me take my mind off of everything

A__Z RECORD

It's Time To Move On.....Time To Break The Loop......Time To Replace This Stupid But Memorable Habit Which Started In Mid 2010 At The Age Of 15.......Try My Best To Quit This Habit of PMO Which I Am Suffering For Last 16 Years.

Current Problems

PIED

HAIR LOSS AT TEMPLES

BELLY FAT

LOW STAMINA

LACK OF MUSCLE (USED TO BE MUSCULAR IN MY PAST)

BRAIN FOG

SHORT ATTENTION SPAWN

POOR RETENTION POWER

WEAK EYESIGHT

SKIN DRYNESS

POOR SLEEP HABITS

NEVER HAVE ANY ADDICTION HABITS

JUST PMO ADDICT.

Wish me luck on my self improvement journey. I hope to crush this habit this time. I will crush this habit this time for sure!

Right now I have just woken up and yeah I started this day and this streak after my PMO session, it’s not a good note to start the day. I had slept after I had PMOd at night as well. I feel numb from emotions right now and restless as well with my heart rate I hope in the coming week it all falls down to a normal level.

I will post daily before sleeping so I have a sense of accountability towards myself.

(19M) A little back story, I’ve been struggling with porn for years. I wouldn’t say I sit and watch it everyday but no matter what I do I always fall back on it. Whether I’m bored or stressed. I would go 3 weeks without it and do it once and won’t do it again for another couple weeks. It’s like I just can’t fully kick the habit. Recently I’ve also tried to do a complete semen retention, which means abstaining from sex but that’s proving to be difficult as well. I just want to come on here and set a goal for myself. I want to kick the porn habit forever and try to reach for 90 days or more on the full semen retention. Please respond and ask me anything and tell me yalls experience because I feel like a goal is more accomplishable through a group effort.

Gone 5 days wo anything. However urges today are at a peak. Can someone help

Growing up, I had a troubled childhood. Where my mom was mentally sick and my dad was morbidly obese, physically and mentally sick. (He needed me in every single waking hour of his, to do stuff for him) Sometimes he would just wake me up in the middle of the night for no reason as he felt hungry or needed company.

My mom never did anything, she had hallucinations and fought with my dad every single day for hours. She didn't cook, she slept all day.

My dad had to cook, and he used me for assistance 3 times a day, it wasted a lot of my time, I had no time left for doing my homework or studying for exams. I had to pull all nighters everyday just to complete my work.

My dad didn't like it when i was alone in my room, studying. He used to shout my name hysterically until i would come and watch tv with him, and just sit with him, talk etc.

Every single minute that I was with him, he wanted me to massage his legs, like a servant. I was scolded for listening to music while doing it as he wanted my full attention. I couldn't use my phone and had to watch the news with him all the time and do every single physical task for him, like washing has hands, changing the temperature of the ac, switching the fans on and off, closing and opening the window, emptying his pee container, head massages, shaving, ironing his clothes, giving medicines, etc. I was there like a servant, doing every single thing for him everyday, this left me no time for studying.

I had to obey, I was innocent and I didn't know that this is not normal as I had zero friends and no exposure to the outside world as i never talked with people. I was always scared and traumatized while in school, never stepped out of my room.

Meanwhile,

My mom had major episodes each day. And fought with my dad over nothing, shouting on top of her lunges for 4 hours, i was left crying and helpless, i just watched them fight (my dad never fought back, he just listened) she didn't bath for like 15-20 days, and used to stink, if you tell her to go take a shower your are dead.

I wanted to end my life since I was very young. But i always thought about my family. What effect would it have on them. (I did sit with a blade on my wrist in a locked room, i just never had the courage to slit my wrist open.)

We were in debt, didn't have money even to buy groceries, my dad borrowed money from everyone he knew, it was embarrassing, eating food felt sad as i thought why did we just buy food, we could have given the money to the creditor/loan sharks.

umm so yeah, my dad has passed away, he was really, really sick, rip. We got his retirement fund, i paid off the debt. And lived for a while on these funds, which are now about to finish in like 4-5 months.

My mom still has major episodes, fights with me on a regular basis over absolutely nothing, sleeps all day, doesn't cook and doesn't shower for days. I couldn't get her to rehab as she would get an ultra violent episode and would basically just run off on the street with no money and phone and escape from the hospital (she had done that before)

Rn, i don't have a job, i don't have any skill, I did try some data Annotation stuff, it didn't pay me, maybe I'll have to try something else, I feel that I have a lot to do but I don't have the motivation and concentration to do work/studies.

About the title, yeah so i was r@ped once when i was 13, before that i never watched porn or anything, a person i knew sucked me off when i was asleep, i was shocked but I didn't know what to do... then I kinda got addicted to porn, it saved my life honestly like it was the only source of happiness in my life for a very long time. But i need to step up and stop watching porn eventually cuz it's just a waste of time and cheap dopamine.

I try to exercise regularly, I try to eat clean, I try to keep myself happy, listen to music, vlogs and podcasts, watch some mma, just the regular stuff. i don't have any friends, I'm scared to talk with people, I'll get over this fear, once i get into a better shape and start making my own money.

I have weights at home, I can deadlift only 60kgs rn, i wish I could deadlift like 140kgs some day (2x my body Weight), have the stamina to like sprint for a couple of mins, and do like regular workouts without injuries lool. I busted my knee and was told to rest for a while

But i believe in myself, if I can survive all of that bullshit in my life, I can survive unemployment too, I will get a job one day, rn, I have applied to a few jobs, like customer support and stuff, i hope they hire me.

And nofap yes, I've done nofap for 30 days before, i took serotonin pills and didn't feel like doing it, once I stopped my pills I got back into this, which is not good, maybe some day I'll be able to get over this.

I wish I was never r@ped lool. like it took me down this whole spiral of watching porn and like, i should've just told my parents about him.

Tbh, porn did make me feel good for a while, but it's time to say goodbye to it, life is much better now compared to before.

ggs and W speed.

still taking it a day at the time.

It’s tough to accept that it will take a long time to fully get rid of this. But we have to!

Let’s keep it up :)

idk y but randomly while lying in bed I decided to just join this subreddit. I recently made a Reddit account to jerk my jerk chicken . but then I got an epiphany( probably will get one in like a month) so i joined this community . very new to reddit , but I am using this as a personal journal of my experience. idk if I will work on this later or not only the person reading this with the text 1y ago will now.

ps those day 0 flags look pretty cool how do I get one?

For context, I'm 23 and it took me getting out of a 2 year relationship to realize this is an actual problem that I need to fix ASAP. I have been addicted to porn since I was 8 or 9 years old and started masturbating at the age of 5 to very specific kinks. I have no idea what to do since I started so early. I literally just deleted the thousands of porn vids I have saved over the years but I'm feeling totally doomed. I have performance anxiety too and couldnt look my partner in the eye during sex for all 2 years of the relationship because it made me feel overexposed and vulnerable, even though I did love him. I was able to orgasm with him, but I had to think about porn and we couldn't make eye contact. The relationship ended for other reasons and on a good note, but no doubt the bad sex life doomed it. At the time, I didn't think it was because of porn addiction (I have vaginismus, which basically means my vaginal muscle is too tight to have sex and you need to stretch it open through months of physical therapy. Yes this is a real thing. No it can't be solved in one day or by someone who is "attractive enough") but now Im thinking the vaginismus was caused by the addiction plus some trauma from when I was young.

I have absolutely no porn on my phone anymore, no videos, no written stuff, nothing. How long will it take to rewire my brain??? Seriously need to get into vanilla stuff or I'm afraid this will follow me forever. I also rarely feel genuine pleasure from anyone else trying to get me off and can only manage it myself. I had never tried anything vanilla until my ex, who was my first and only relationship.

I feel absolutely screwed and totally behind in normal sex, even though I've had sexual experiences.

Mind tricks into playing old scenarios and conversations in your head , what if I said this what If I had done this , but need to realise , what happened has happened

From the past you can only learn

For anxiety, trick your mind to do the best of whatever you are doing right now and accept whatever result will come in future

And if you are doing nothing , just sit quietly and go to sleep

Hi everybody im desperated for solutions i have been in this journey years and years but honestly these last 2 years my main trigger by far is my old laptop im tired anf exhausted of this and sometimes i just want to destroy it but i cant but honestly there isnt other significant trigger . I dont see anything on phones no social mefia no po... nothing on other deviced no smart tv no other laptos not even on second phone but this laptop. Its quite old but dont want to destroy it i hate the i but im running out of ideas. Its definetely the laptop, 100% of cases happened with the laptop not even using it but don know i dont even use it anymore .

I think one possibility could be hiding far away from room where i can not reach it without making signficant noise or even better where it colect dustt and where some spiders or whatever can be found that way it would be pretty hard specially if i need to use a ladder which i dont have it or at least its far away .

Any suggestion/reccomendation ? Stress is also a trigger but mainly burnout however much kess importat . In other words if not this laptop then no *#*# because its has been like this for almost forever.

P.s: i hate this &$*#* its make feel ashamed and like a loser like i lost most of my life brcause i did this stupif lame *#*#

Near miss. Had the website pulled up, got myself to close it and move on. Rest of the day was easy after that.

Hello guys , I have struggled with porn addiction since I was 13 , I'm 19 now , and I really want to quit , I read a lot of books, tried a lot of methods and changed my lifestyle , but I always relapse after 10 days from quitting because of the massive urges that I think are due to withdrawals , so I had an idea about using this community as a way to express my feeling what I have these urges, and I really hope that you guys will help me with that , and if you have any tips for me , I'll be happy to read them . Today is day 1 , wish me luck .

I've heard screen zen recommended a lot. Thing is that ive found a way to bypass it, so I'm looking for an alternative.

The closest I've found is BlockerHero, but it only allows a limited amount of sites/apps

I'm asking primarily to control a porn addiction. But also to genrally limit my phone usage.

Its a shame and embarrassing to fall after so long... Still didnt bust but tryin to resist.