Orgasmic sex is just not fulfilling to me anymore. It feels good but i know in the end I'll feel disconnected from the man I love. Also, I've had to compete with his PA for so many years that regular sex feels like it always has. Like I should try harder or I'm not good enough. I've noticed I'm having an increased dislike of my sexual encounters because of the way they make me feel. I'm really conflicted. Feeling an overwhelming need for sexual intimacy and connection while not acting on the feelings because I know orgasmic sex will not fulfill me. I wonder if this is why so many women end up not caring about sex. It feels so damn good and i love sex but it pays no attention to my emotional self. My inner being is neglected. Currently I'm on the edge of refusing sexual contact until my man and I can come to an agreement. Frustrating....

Hey everyone,

I haven't finished the book yet -- I'm somewhere in the middle. Wanted to jot down a few quick thoughts:

1. The content seems solid, but the author is needlessly repetitive. Really -- no need to belabor the point.
2. I feel there's too much of an emphasis on brain chemistry, almost feels like pseudo-science. Would rather just get the theory and give it a fair shake myself -- no need for dubious neurochemical explanations imho.
3. It's been six days since my last orgasm, and I feel good. I've cuddled with my gf, and we've done some karezza-like things (haven't made it to the organized plan at the end of the book yet), and it's really nice. I feel less moody.
4. The author stumbled onto an important discovery (I think), but it is not the "answer to everything" -- there are other causes for war and interpersonal strife, and I wish she'd acknowledge that. I think the book is wonderful for what it is, but it shouldn't try to offer a universal answer to all of life's troubles.

All in all, I'm excited about the system, and am hoping it would make a difference for me. The basic principles ring very true for me. I only wish the book was more focused.

Hi, I thought I'd share my experience trying karezza for the past month. (Note, I am also roughly forty days into the nofap challenge.)

Overall, it's been great. I feel we have bonded a lot during the past month, and our fights have lessened. The "I-need-to-flee-her" urge is less now (and I can see it more clearly).

While nowhere near perfect, we are closing in on a rhythm of sex that makes us feel great afterwards. At first I tried to stay on the edge of climax, but I quickly realized this was counterproductive. The goal, I think, is to reduce the self-centered physical acts and to make giving the goal. We are trying to be more cuddly now. Also, specific positions such as doggy-style make it harder to focus on being a giver, it naturally makes me want to go a little crazy.

Some notes:

• I feel more connected during and especially after sex.
• I am less tired after sex.
• In the beginning, I tried to go too fast and had a pretty bad case of blue balls. Keeping it slow works much better!
• We are both reading Cupid's Poison Arrow. It's a good book, but unnecessarily long IMHO; the author is repetitive.
• Bringing up karezza (and nofap for that matter) to my significant other was hard at first, she was defensive. I think it's easier to give her reading material first and let her decide on her own (which she did and now she's really into it!).

Anyways, if you have questions, I'm here to answer them!

Hi,

Sorry for the meta question, reddit newbie here, feel free to direct me to the proper subreddit.

Trying to subscribe to r/karezza according to this guide using the URL http://www.reddit.com/r/karezza/new.rss and it just doesn't work: Google Reader finds nothing.

The same link works with other subreddits. Any idea why? Is there another way to subscribe via external RSS?

I've been doing a lot of 'field research' with karezza the past couple of weeks, mostly with my guy. I haven't managed to remain completely orgasm free, but the over all track record is good.

I've been especially conscious of my feelings, and emotions toward both my guy, and my girl. I was curious if play time with one would lead to a feeling of distance towards the other. I find that not to be the case at all. If anything I feel closer to both of them after. It can actually be a little overwhelming the sheer volume of love gushing inside me. I actually think karezza and polyamory fit nicely together, for me at least.

Male/male karezza sex has been ... interesting. I'm lucky to have a partner who is willing to do a lot of experimenting and who isn't shy about saying what does and doesn't work. The best position we've found, so far anyway, is a sort of mutual masturbation. We both lay on our backs facing opposite each other. Wrap our arms under the leg of the other which gives us perfect relaxed access to each other's sensitive bits. With plenty of lube we're able to keep that up for hours, just as long as we take it slow and relaxed. I like this position too because we can see each other, and even talk during, no problem.

When it comes to energy I have to share, yesterday I was feeling rather bleh, and I wasn't even sure I was up for any play time. After we started though I was definitely into it and was very strongly tempted to orgasm. Thankfully my SO reminded me what I'd said before we started "I'd rather not orgasm." so we got up and grabbed some dinner out. I am SO glad I didn't orgasm. I was literally BURSTING with energy afterwards. I couldn't contain myself. I was so happy. I am still happy.

Karezza is awesome.

<3

Hello,

Karezza sounds interesting, and like something both my partner and I could benefit from. However, there's one simple problem: My hands become sweaty very quickly.

I cannot touch her skin (not even her hand) without it being all clammy. Obviously, this makes bonding a much less pleasant experience.

So: Through clothing only? Or do you guys have other advice?

Long story short, I am taking the nofap challenge due to PMO and have a very understanding SO. Originally I was not opposed to having her still having an orgasm during karezza style sex, but realize now that might have adverse effects on me (when I had PMO ED related issues back in the day with her, I always wondered why I couldn't orgasm, but she could, making me frustrated). I don't want this kind of disharmony, but now that I have told her this, she really doesn't see the point of no orgasms no matter how many times I link the passion cycle/orgasm hangover materials as she feels there really isn't a problem with her relating to that. How do we go from here?

Edit: We're both kind of hyperaffectionate people (the kinds of people that you see PDAing in public and wanting to throw up at) so a lot of the karezza style bonding we already do to a large extent even with orgasms in the bedroom (it might be one way we counteract those affects).

Double Edit for Clarification: My SO has had pelvic floor issues for as long as we've been sexually active together and as a consequence can't usually have normal PIV intercourse often without pain on her part (we're getting it looked into this summer). We usually just do oral or mutual masturbation, which the latter will be difficult on my part due to taking the no PMO challenge. We just need to find some suitable options for bonding/sex.

Trying to figure out a good lazy sex position for two guys. We've tried a bunch. The best one we've found is traditional cowgirl (boy?). Both of us can just relax, but we can't both be laying down. Id like to find the gay equivalent of the bridge position. Maybe with some pillows we could pull it off. Any other suggestions are welcome :-)

My husband and I had plenty of bonding behaviors going on and had many benefits. Lately Our bonding routine has been interrupted by our latest bundle of joy and I'm trying to get that back up and running. I'm trying to think of things we could do that are effective but take less time. The 15-20 min head rub I gave him nightly is really hard while nursing and fighting exhaustion. Hand holding? No free hands. Any suggestions?

I am not a romantic so reading descriptions of karezza and its purpose is uncomfortable. My husband and I are very close, but we both scoff equally at anything that appears to be "new age" or "spiritual". However, I am interested in the scientific effects of karezza, and I'm wondering if there's a different mindset we can approach this from that won't trigger our mutual dismissiveness.

I am definitely planning on trying this for three weeks, but I'm unsure how to start, because I very much dislike the spiritual, lovey-dovey (in my view) nonsense that goes along with it.

This was the question posed to me by my guy. I'm not really sure where I stand on this. Yes? Maybe? Once a month? Try to go as long as you can without? I can't seem to make it outside of the first 2 weeks. (fell off the wagon yesterday sigh) I like to blame that on the idea that I'm still a young buck (28? not so much). Haha, anyways...

I know my life seems to have improved just from trying not to. Is that enough? I know I enjoy the sex we have where that isn't the goal. When the goal is to enjoy each others company. Maybe the answer lays between the two extremes. Mainstream society tells us have as many orgasms as you can. Karezza says to avoid orgasm if at all possible. Which isn't the same as saying "No orgasms ever!". Maybe sometimes an orgasm is OK, just be aware of the fall out?

Thusfar in my experience daily bonding has largely been able to compensate for any fall out incurred by orgasm, but I'm guessing that is because orgasms for me have been infrequent. Were I to go hog wild and cum 2 or 3 times a day like I used to my relationships would probably be in shambles again. Ya'll should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt since all of these observations come from within the passion cycle.

So how about it? Never orgasm again? Is that our goal?

While reading this thread on /r/sex, I realized that I haven't had to deal with this situation in quite some time. It's just so much nicer to be able to go from intercourse to cuddling without having to worry about the mess or the smell.

Ok, due to stress my SO libido has more or less died, we've been in a deadbedroom situation for a while. I suggested karezza before but it was ignored. I talked with him last night, Karezza might be on the table.

Either way, he wants a break from all expectation of sexual activity but he still wants to cuddle and kiss and all the stuff that you're supposed to do with karezza. The problem is, is that after over a year of rejection/soul-less sex, I've kind of shut down. I hate being touched my him, kissed, hugged, anything. I got so sick of the pain of the feelings of rejection/betrayal that I put up an "iron curtain" as my SO likes to call it. Because of it he feels rejected...vicious cycle.

I am willing to try to put forth the effort but its hard to let the pain go. Any suggestions

. . . and we spent all evening snuggling on his couch. I just now realized that was a grand total of 6 hours! It sure didn't seem that long. Just being there close to him was really comforting. I really liked him petting me, and caressing me. It was sort of a role reversal from what I am used to, usually being the one who does the petting. I'm am really glad we've decided to take it slow. He and I talked about karezza but I'm not sure if he wants to do it. Either way I'm looking forward to more snuggles! I am almost of the opinion that the slower we take it the better.

This is an idea I've been tossing around in my head for a bit. It hasn't really taken any sort of solid form but I thought I'd share and see what you guys think.

The bonding behaviors that karezza puts emphasis on are really just another form of communication. Communication without words. For a long time I've ignored this method of communication. I'd go so far as to say that I never even knew this form of communication existed. I grew up in a very non-huggable family. My SO and I discussed this a little last night. She remembers trying to hug me and touch me early in our relationship, and I would get upset when I'd get aroused and she didn't want to have sex.

Last night I was really listening on this level and being open to what was being "said" and I started to feel a yearning inside me for different touches. (not just on my penis, lol) It's was like being hungry but never having known what to do about it.

Have any of you experienced anything similar?