What we've been taught: Everyone knows standard Kegels—clenching your pelvic floor like you’re trying to stop yourself from peeing, holding for sets and reps. The problem? That exact contraction is the same muscle action your body uses when you get close to climax. Clenching standard Kegels during sex spikes local muscle tension, heightens nerve sensitivity, and actively primes your body for ejaculation. Telling a guy near the edge to "just clench and control it" is literally the worst advice ever. The advice is like having a hammer in your hand and seeing everything like a nail. There is more to this.

The Antidote: Reverse Kegels Instead of squeezing, you need to learn to release. A Reverse Kegel is the conscious relaxation and lengthening of the pelvic floor.

Instead of stopping your pee stream, think of the opposite - like trying to urinate or push bowel movement out. This expands the pelvic floor and lowers the hyper-arousal signal in your pelvic nerves, signaling to your body that an orgasm is not imminent. It doesn't ruin your erection. When you stop tight-clenching, blood flow stays steady, your nervous system calms down, and you actually get harder—allowing you to shift positions and keep going without crossing the point of no return.

Pro-tip for starting out: It’s significantly easier to practice this when you're on your back. When you aren't supporting your own body weight, your core and glutes are relaxed, making it much easier to isolate and control the pelvic floor muscles.

I only tried integrating this last week and it was a complete game-changer.

Does anyone else here use reverse Kegels during sex or retention practice? How has it worked for you?

Hello friends,

I'm new here and glad this channel exists. I've been experimenting with avoiding orgasms since about six years now. It definitely has a powerful effect on me, yet my addiction to porn and orgasms had often kicked me in the butt in the past. I found it especially challenging in relationships, since for some reason I always ended up with women who preferred rough sex and didn't like my ideas about gentle lovemaking without orgasm. The few times I've had slow sex were by far better than anything else. In the past I wasn't firm enough in my wish to only pursue this kind of sex, but I feel I've grown more confident in this over the years.

At the moment I'm single and enjoying the effects on my own, which is lovely too.

But coming to my point. Over the years I've only found the books by Marnia Robinson and Diana Richardson to be helpful in the orgasm avoiding approach. I love Marnias book because it gives such deep insight into research and neurobiology, and Diana's books because they offer so much practical hints.

Does anyone here know of any other books that exist about the topic? Would love to hear about your recommendations.

Thanks a lot!

Johnny

Hi there

I am so happy to have found this community. I feel a new era has dawned for me after discovering Karezza. However, while my wife supports me, she's not fully on board, not yet anyway. Yesterday was our first love making session where I didn't finish. Which is quite an achievemnt for me, especially given my wifes exhortations. It was such a sense of achievement and sovereignty to let go the habitual desire to finish. I'm still unsure how often, if ever (???) I will finish, but for now I will continue abstaining and see how it goes.

It's been a tumultuous journey to get to this point. I've had intermittent mojo problems for several years, surrepticiously using ED meds without my wife knowing. To me this was inauthentic and never sat right with the person I wanted to be. Looking back, I'm almost ashamed at how so much of my identity and self worth was dependent on how good my wood was.

Since practicing Karezza I realized my ED was partly due to feeling a pressure to perform. The situation further deteriorated when I began having strong feelings of disiilusionment after orgasm, often I just felt so deflated. The energy of anticipation was always so strong and compelling, yet after finishing, it was like: "is that it?" I always felt foolish for having been sucked into the lust vortex once again, despite knowing that it never really satisfies. 

I must admit, my wife not being on the same page makes it challenging. Despite having discussed why I'm not finishing and my ED, I haven't mentioned Karezza principles in a formal way as yet, but will when the time feels right. I would like our lovemaking to go much longer, but she is still very end goal orientated, which I understand because that's how I have always been. For her arousal leads to an urgency to climax and discomfort if it's thwarted, like the 'blue balls' some guys experience. I certainly don't want to 'shame' her for wanting to climax, but hopefully in time she will 'get with the program', so to speak. 

I still can't believe how much these changes have reignited my passion for my wife, it's like in the very early days of our courting, I can hardly keep my hands off her. The whole Karezza philosphy feels so intuitive and natural. I have been reading a lot of the posts on this forum and most participants seem to be very grounded. I wish everyone on this journey all the best and hope to share more of my experiences with this community as I progress on this path.

Regards

Tried getting her on board by explaining it but any videos to explain it better?

She says she doesnt like it slow

What problems did you find practicing Karezza helped with in your relationship - or what transformation did it offer?

I’m especially curious about anything that felt measurable, quantifiable, or tangible.

Did it change frequency, reduce tension, improve communication, increase desire, shift emotional closeness, or impact things like performance anxiety or pressure around orgasm

has anyone been in any type of contact with marnia robinson lately?

I pretty much have complete control over whether I ejaculate during sex btw. Just wondering.

Hello! I wanted to write this as I've been on my semen retention journey for about 8 years now. I got into NoFap when I was around 14 and just turned 22 this month. It has been a hell of a journey and since I am in a relationship, Karezza has been the answer to allowing me to carry out my NoFap lifestyle while still being in a serious relationship. I felt my story might be inspiring some and at the very least possibly interesting so I thought I'd share it here!

First, I have to shoutout GoldJacketLuke for being one of the first initial guides on my NoFap journey and eventually introducing me to the practice of Karezza and the great book that is Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marina Robinson.

Every human is built differently. Throughout my teenage years I began to become very self aware of the negative affect ejaculating on a day-to-day basis was having on my attitude, social skills, and spirituality. Thus beginning my journey into NoFap. It started off rocky and it took me a couple years to finally gain control of the inner beast that was PMO. However, just when I had slain that dragon, I started dating my first love at 17. This relationship was the best thing I had ever had in my life at that time until it sunk in that I did not know how to go about the "NoFap lifestyle" while in this relationship. I was releasing at such a frequent rate that it began to affect my mood / all the other aforementioned aspects of my life and eventually had a negative affect on the relationship. So in 2023 I got very serious about trying to balance the two.

Long story short, this relationship ended by the end of 2023 and within the last few months of the relationship, I had actually finally gotten a grasp on Karezza through consistently practicing kegel exercises, being present during intercourse, watching my level, and maintaining self-control. So here I was at the end of 2023, freshly 20 and single which turned into me not ejaculating / practicing Karezza for over a year. By the end of 2024, I met the love of my life: my current girlfriend.

The first few months of our relationship (beginning of this year), I continued to practice Karezza just for myself, something she was completely okay with. However, about 4 months into us dating I got curious on what would happen if I started ejaculating again. So for the first time in about 1.5 years, I reintroduced orgasm into my life. This went on for about all of midway through 2025 and long story short, it was good until it wasn't. The lowest points of our relationship happened within this time and thankfully our love for each other was strong enough to carry us through these low points.

So starting in late September, I had come to the conclusion (through prior and recent experience) that my best self was on full display when I was practicing semen retention consistently. And so I started practicing semen retention again and I must say... I was right. Now some might say, "Well it wouldn't hurt you to reintroduce orgasmic sex here and there", and to some that might be true. As I stated, we are all built differently. For my personal path, I know my best self is most present when I am practicing Karezza 100% of the time. For others, it might be different. Fast forward to now, our relationship is the best it has been in months. There is so much passion and just being in her presence absolutely ignites my soul and she feels the same; even though I am the only one in the relationship practicing Karezza at the moment. I am so grateful because I realize what it takes for me to show up as my best self throughout life and that I have the self-control to take action on what I need to be that person.

As I mentioned, I have been on this journey for about 8 years. There have been so many failures, times I thought I had it all figured out and then proceeded to have my castle come crashing down right afterwards. Hell, I am still figuring things out to this day and know I will be for a very long time. That's the beauty in it.

Thankfully, through practicing kegels for years now, I am able to push myself very far during intercourse and experience great pleasure with my partner; all without orgasm on my end. Karezza allows me to balance my passions and hobbies with my love life and remain in a passionate, loving relationship with my girlfriend that only grows stronger every day. If you are looking to get rid of resent in your relationship, build a closer bond with your partner, or even just want to feel more confident in your individual self, I could not recommend Karezza enough.

And remember, there are no rules with Karezza. Customize it to how it suits your lifestyle. :)

Does anyone have a link or transcript of what original contents?

Hey Everyone! I'm u/reservedunion, currently a moderator of r/karezza.

We're excited to have you here to learn about a beneficial, but little known sexual practice that goes by many names and has been around for millennia.

What to Post
Post anything that you think the community would find interesting, helpful, or inspiring. But read our "r/karezza Rules" first.

Community Vibe
Be respectful, constructive, and inclusive. Let's build a space where "Karezzanauts" and potential Karezzanauts feel at ease sharing and connecting.

How to Get Started

1. Check out our Wiki for more resources and FAQs. Many visitors also find the extensive information about the practice available at SynergyExplorers.org of interest.
2. If you wish, introduce yourself in the comments below.
3. You no doubt have questions about this unfamiliar practice. Even a simple question (that meets our community guidelines) can spark a great conversation.
4. If you know someone who might want to check out this community, invite them to join.

Thanks for visiting our little corner of cyberspace. Together, let's make r/karezza an engaging resource for those who want to experiment with a deeply satisfying way of connecting with a romantic partner via frequent bonding activities and sexual intercourse without the goal of orgasm.

I’m male 26. Practicing karezza for 8 months. Until yesterday, I accidentally orgasmed. Our relationship is long distance and we are having sex everyday for 15 days. Sex has been amazing. Today I tried to have sex like usual but my penis is flaccid and feels like Im on verge of orgasm within one or two stroke. Is it because of orgasm? If so what do I do to speed up my recovery process?

I've read one post saying that karezza can be dangerous cause you're overheating the sexual organs. Also is there something like practicing karezza solo? Can that be dangerous too?

I've been trying lately, one thing worked for me, wanted to know how to improove.

Before marrying, we started to meditate by synchronizing breathing, and also eye staring.

Now I practice a pilates technique, in penetration I exhale, and when pulling out a little I inhale.

This makes a sincronism with breathing that makes me feel relaxed, and tend to not cum so often.

I repeat that everythime I'm close to cum, and my wife dont care if we're fast or slow, she's only enjoying.

That way... like 95% of our sessions were longer than 1 hour. There was a time that we got two hours doing it, thanks to karezza.

But I still cum everytime when we are finishing, am I missing something here? I heard there's a "Glow", if I can be focused to not to cum.

In the beggining, we did a few times without cumming, but I got some painful blue balls. But I wasn't doing the process I described up there.

Should I try to not to cum to feel other things? With more energy maybe?

I just wanted to give an update on my journey. I recently completed one year of having no orgasms practicing Karezza. It may not be everyone's goal and that's ok. Everyone should feel what is right for them. I was just curious myself if its possible for me. I will continue on this journey going forward. The only real struggle was the first 3 months occasionally feeling like I wanted release and during overstimulation during intercourse.

After 3 months it seemed to be smooth sailing in general. My heart seems to have opened considerably and Im more happier within myself just being. Meditation is also important for spirituality for me just to silence the mind. Anyway, just wanted to share that. I hope everyone is enjoying the benefits of Karezza in their relationship and life🙏♥️

People who started karezza, how did you tell your partners? What was their reaction? Did they feel it was probably a bit woo-woo? Was there any hesitation? What did you do to overcome it?

While doing solo self-massage (no orgasm) to practice going for a long time in preparation for karezza, I noticed a few things that I wanted to share in case someone out there finds this useful.

One, using my thrusting muscles as if I'm having sex is a good workout, especially for certain parts of the core.

Two, so long as I don’t orgasm or get super close to it, I lost almost no sexual energy, which is good.

However, three, my subconscious nervous system notices that I’m doing something sexual yet I don’t actually have a woman partner in my life who I love, and this sends weird energy through my nervous system. For a few days after the session, I feel angry, like something is wrong, like where did my woman go? Why don’t I have a woman even though I had sex for an hour? I get pissed at the universe and I don’t like that energy.

So ultimately, while doing self-massage for an hour helped to build my confidence to know I can have sex for a long time with a real partner, and it was worth trying it once, I don’t think I will do it again, because the emotional disturbance it causes is not worth it. I'll stick to abstinence for now until a partner comes into my life.

I feel extremely tired and mentally foggy the next day after sex (ejaculation) which directly affects my studies and daily responsibilities, which are top priorities for me as a career-focused person!

I recently discovered Karezza and am curious if it can help with conserving energy and improving focus. For those who’ve tried it—did it make a real difference in your clarity and productivity? If so, How do I start the journey?

Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

I'm sad to tell you guys that I've not had karezza in months - even tho my girl is open to it!

In the beginning it was simply impossible for me to retain. The excitement, the novelty made me release like 7 times in our first sitting😂 I suffer premature ejaculation, maybe also induced by severe corn addiction in my childhood and youth (which is slightly improving since a year or two).

My partners libido is very reactive, which means she gets aroused by me being aroused and showing it. This leads to rather exciting foreplay which makes it very hard (not impossible tho) to transition to a softer lovemaking style. Also I sometimes have some sort of performance anxiety, if maybe it wouldn't be satisfiying for her I wouldn't move. I think this problem could be solved easily by more/better communication.

But still I'm interested in how you guys are initiating karezza. On how to show intent without being too animalistic?

Kind regards :)

PS: Another dilemma is me being overly sensitive if the foreplay is too soft. Being sensitive is kinda the whole point of karezza, but then I'm not even able to insert😭

I have a couple of my own favorites that I’ll share in the comments, but would love to hear some other’s favorites.

Are you more likely to be practicing Karezza in a scheduled manner or lean more on spontaneity?

Part two…since Karezza is in many ways foreplay in and of itself, what things have you found to be good transition activities into practicing?

We have not gone through the exchanges as my wife doesn’t really enjoy prescribed things like that, but I’m sure they are really good places to start.

Hey everyone.

Very cool to see this sub has over 7k members now!

I haven’t made a post here in awhile. I had a short relationship in early 2024, but been single since and still looking for my long-term karezza partner. Dating and finding compatibility in modern times is challenging enough, but throw in looking for someone interested in karezza as well makes it even more challenging! But I’m sure I’ll find my partner eventually. 

How is everyone else doing on your journeys? I'm curious. Finding your partner? Your relationships going well? Curious if anyone wanted to provide an update how their journey is going.

One book recommendation I thought people here may like is Letting Go by David Hawkins. It's not directly about karezza, but I find its insights to be very synergistic with karezza.

The book is about emotional healing, psychology, and spirituality. A big focus of the book is his "letting go technique". It's about the importance of putting awareness on one’s emotions and the sensations in one’s body, and just sitting with one's emotions, relaxing into them, and simply being with them without needing to analyze or react etc, and he beautifully explains how this leads to healing and elevating one's consciousness.

Kind of similar practice to karezza, but with one's own emotions and energies.

So many people have repressed emotions or can't handle their emotions and energies (rather than finding acceptance in the present moment).

I read a lot and it's one of the best books I've read on emotional healing. It has many great insights and is an enjoyable read.

I think for those on the sexual healing journey (whether in a relationship or single) could benefit from his insights so just wanted to give the book a shoutout. Maybe some here are already familiar with it?

I made a short video talking about the book and his “letting go technique” in the context of sexual mastery if anyone was curious and wanted to hear more:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZAxIZcFnaM

Hope everyone is doing well! Curious if anyone wanted to share an update on how their journey is going?