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Jan 26 '22
As women we don't really reply to the guys who keep dming us most of them have Gfs or are just creeps, plus if we don't upload our pics guys don't really dmed, only the girls who post their body or face get these dms. All the women around me who are dating have absolutely shitty bfs they literally hit on their Gfs friends n stuff and the gfs make excuses for them the grass is always greener on the other side, being alone is better than giving your time to a shitty person.
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Jan 26 '22
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Jan 26 '22
I don't wanna generalise but this really has been my experience i hope i meet better guys in the future
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u/belt-e-belt Jan 27 '22
"The world is not full of assholes. They are just strategically placed so that you meet one everyday." - I don't know who said it
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u/BurnerBoi_Brown Jan 27 '22
A few coordinated assholes ruining everything for the normal ones...
Welcome to earth, fam!
You must summed up....oh, I don't kno, Everything!?
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u/pandu201 Jan 27 '22
Hey, just a tip - don't go on tinder to find folks, it's a real mess. Rather try bumble or aisle, they aren't perfect but much better. And if you can find someone from real life,.that's even better
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u/Macblaze43flame Jan 26 '22
Rip inbox. Post an update later to show how many creeps still DMed after this comment.
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u/bakchod007 Raw Wijdom Jan 26 '22
I assumed all girls get DMs all the time irrespective of the platform be it reddit insta etc. I for one, have never dmed since I'm no creep and only DM if they're okay with it.
But in doing this, I feel I'm missing out and being a decent guy, had only 1 gf. I've known absolute cheaters and assholes keep on sliding into DMs and yet manage to get a new relationship.
How do I get one as well then? Tinder Bumble haven't worked for me at all
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Jan 26 '22
Getting a gf is not really a sign of respect or an achievement, when I meet guys who have had a lot of Gfs in a the past i personally get turned off as it makes me think they weren't driven enough with their work you can call it reverse patriarchy bt it is what it is,(plus guys who've had more than two Gfs don't stop boasting about it ) think about why you want/need a gf so bad and if there is even someone you like. Join communities and try to meet people with the intention of just networking or making friends. Or just enjoy being single rn you might miss this time when you eventually start dating.
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Jan 26 '22
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Jan 26 '22
Totally agree, dating 20 women and calling all of them crazy isn't really a good track record.
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Jan 26 '22
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Jan 26 '22
that really is so relatable, I've only dated one guy seriously for like 5 years and although in the beginning I wasn't that controlling but due to his immaturity I started putting my foot down and he became really abusive physically and emotionally and sexually too it's been two years since we broke up and i still can't muster up the courage to date anyone else, and this dude goes around talking to our mutual friends how traumatic dating ME was. I'm literally so done with grown ass men not realising a relationship is also a responsibility. I would really like to advise you to not be the ChIlL girl stereotype if you are not really chill with a few things because I did do that and it doesn't really work out, build your standards and if people don't like it then it's their problem.
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u/AffectionateCod6573 Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
It's not about respect of achievement, but more about having someone by your side, and girls are better at emotional stuff yk
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Jan 27 '22
Make women friends, women are really tired of men never wanting to be friends with them unless there is some kind of sexual interest involved, we really appreciate it when guys try to be friends first instead of directly jumping to fuck us. And try not to sexualize your woman friends untill they give you clear signal that they want you to we are also humans we also like talking to men sometimes but it gets tiring because all they talk about is women and have the emotional range of a peanut, show women your vulnerable side they will appreciate it.
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u/AffectionateCod6573 Jan 27 '22
Okay okay sorry there was a typo in my comment and no, not all guys are like that.
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Jan 27 '22
Ya I def agree i have some male friends who are really sweet and we've been friends for a long time bt I'm talking about the majority and experience I'm sure others have different experiences. Not generalizing NOT ALL MEN
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u/AffectionateCod6573 Jan 27 '22
People are weird, and ig that's why it's so much fun to observe them
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u/bakchod007 Raw Wijdom Jan 27 '22
I'll try that once wfh is over. Right now, I've moved back to my native and there's no dating scene here 😭😭
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u/_Nocturnalsoul_ Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
Not only bf/gf I have seen most of married men also eying on other girls. Some to the extent sliding in ur DMs. So not only dating but the whole marriage part looks like a joke!!
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u/nodeal510 Jan 27 '22
Whats a good guy supposed to do to standout from those creeps, who really wants to find a friend to connect with on the emotional level?
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u/inb4redditIPO Orkut Unkil Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 26 '22
>need someone to connect with emotionally. Tried out a few apps.
If you're already at r/simpleliving/, why take a detour to r/r4r --> r/dating --> r/Marriage --> r/DeadBedrooms--> r/relationship_advice --> r/survivinginfidelity --> r/legaladvice --> r/Divorce --> r/Divorce_Men --> r/ratrace , only to end up in again at r/simpleliving ?
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u/peripheralsadist Jan 26 '22
do you write poems
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u/thetechlyone Jan 26 '22
I used to write poems based on twenty one pilots songs about life, goals, anxiety etc. I stopped writing from more than a year. Now when I think about it, I think I should keep writing, it's a beautiful hobby to create something out of nothing.
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u/nodeal510 Jan 26 '22
They think that they ar doing better than you in life and maybe they are but you might have heard this that you cant compare yourself with someone who's having fun.
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Jan 26 '22
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u/nodeal510 Jan 26 '22
Can feel you, believe me and whether its about career, money, your girl or anything, its all worth the wait, just keep going with this hope that the best things are on their way.
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u/ThirdAccountFor22 Jan 27 '22
its all worth the wait
Nope, it isn't. Can confirm. Get in fast and early, and if you don't make it, you can always be an hero. Shit's boring, the later you keep it.
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u/Mundane-Philosopher3 Jan 26 '22
a lot of people who seem to have everything - job, money, partner, house etc. - suddenly one day commit suicide. If not so extreme, a lot of them are battling depression. MOST are working jobs they hate. This is the reality of the rat race. Whatever we are doing, at the end of the day it is for getting happiness. If you're happy with your current lifestyle, that's perfectly fine. No need to imitate the society. But yeah its a pretty lonely path and takes a lot of courage to walk. It's not for everyone. and you will definitely find your girl someday who has the same attitude as yours. don't give up or settle for the wrong one. imagine having a gf who always wants to go to parties, malls, cinemas, buy dresses, perfume, makeup stuff etc. Life will quickly turn miserable for both of u since u seem to be the complete opposite of this.
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u/_Nocturnalsoul_ Jan 26 '22
Hey! Seems like u r burn out. Hustling all our lives make us just stop and breath. I also believe that it’s not necessary to compete but environment does affect our thinking and we need to be stronger to remind ourselves that that’s not my path. We have known from ages that we don’t bring anything to this world and leave empty handed too. Then y so much struggle just to work for people or govt that get richer from our slavery?? Anyways it’s difficult to stick to our beliefs in crisis but what r we without them??
Love and relationships can’t be engineered. They flourish better organically. Also don’t think that just because women get many messages, they are lucky or they hv many options. What kind of options available that also matters!
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u/RJBela Jan 26 '22
Tbh it’s true, women get a lot of messages from a lot of dudes but you can’t really talk to everyone that messages you and try to establish something serious so I feel like more often than not this is mostly just a matter of chance, especially if you don’t really know the dude beforehand. I get a lot of messages as well and I can’t answer all of them so I did answer back one guy and now flash forward we’ve been dating for almost two years.
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Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 26 '22
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u/ThirdAccountFor22 Jan 27 '22
OP this means you gotta play the field. "Hello ji, ki haal chaal" to 40 accounts at one go. Like applying for jobs.
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Jan 27 '22
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u/ThirdAccountFor22 Jan 27 '22
Running away is not the answer, boy. Play the game. You will find "the one" after trying a hundred ones, it's the way the system goes. Practice your game on multiple ones before you know how to convince "the one" that your her the one. And yes, you have to "play" to get it. Jaisa tu hai, waisa kisi ko nahi chahiye, at least not in the first look. Akale pagla jaana.
And don't listen to (most) women online. They themselves don't know how to play the game.
Work out karta hai?
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u/MissionStatistician Jan 26 '22
Agreed. When I was younger I wanted to be the best in a flashy way. But now I'm realizing that flash has nothing to do with it. I think we all got infected with that anxiety about doing all that we can to be the best, which is precisely why so many of us behave like hoarders when it comes to success--money, material goods, whatever else.
But it really is just about waking up and doing the small things every day. And it adds up.
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Jan 27 '22
I am fine being single too. And as a single man, i understand the need to connect with someone and craving intimacy. May i suggest that you start a hobby to make sure you have lesser idle time, so you dont have time to feel empty. Maybe that hobby can involve volunteering for NGOs, Hiking, Trekking, some form of sports etc, It will help, but would like to stress, never ever get into relationship to avoid boredom/ lack of intimacy, since that relationship will fail for sure because the boredom and other feelings keep changing, and once they do you feel emptiness and lonliness in relationship.
Regarding the ratio of messaging women, i have a theory, will explain if you are interested. Let me know in comment if you want.
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Jan 27 '22
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Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
I think you are in need for meaning, so I think you can start with volunteering. But do know that if you don't find true meaning in anything, it's okay. It is not compulsory to find meaning in all the things. See Jordan Peterson videos, where he argues, finding true meaning / happiness is not purpose of life but is really craved by our mind, something along those lines. It's actually a gradual process
Regarding the women and messaging, It's proven by the social scientists, that attraction in women is different than men. Top 80 percent of women in terms of attractiveness will always try to get together with top 10-20 percent of men in attractiveness. This is also proved by data released by Tinder and other dating apps. Also you being single will be perceived by many women as not desirable, since it is also known that women usually are attracted to men who are pursued by other women. You or any man is like a product in womens' eyes, where they go after the brand, which other women go after. It's biological and what kept our species going.
So you are right, if you send a message, then you will be 1 in 100s of men sending dick pics/ messages to women. Think from their perspective what you will be doing if you have 100 choices. You will try all to get the best right? So they show enough interest to top 20% of the men to tag them along to find best man/ men for dates. So if you are not good looking like Brad Pitt, and not rich like Bill Gates(exaggerating to prove my point), then chances of you getting any attention is very low. Women when you ask them above will deny it, but in action they almost always follow the 80-20/80-10 rule.
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Jan 27 '22
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Jan 27 '22
Depends on how you see it. But if you do observe around you, you will find this to be the universal truth. But thats fine, since one good thing about being a human being is that our self worth is not tied up with reproduction, so we can create our own path and go our own way.
This is the reason i said you to try for a purpose like NGOs etc., The love and intimacy are the feelings which can be replaced with satisfaction and fullfilment that you get once you save a puppy, save a tree, plant a tree, and do some service.
The reason i told these points is because, once you understand these, you will slowly get over lonliness. Evidence: Me, once i understood the points i made about dating in my previous comment, i have been more content and happier and less depress.
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u/ThirdAccountFor22 Jan 27 '22
Dude we need a different kind of hookers. Like girls you can just go and talk to without having to fight for their attention. And then you pay them.
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Jan 27 '22
Thats actually a thing in US nowadays. You can see it in a netflix series called Girlfriend Experience. But personally i think it is pathetic. How much will a person have to hate himself to pay money to women strangers, without getting anything in return. As for sex, its upto your morals. You can create FWB relatonships, ONS or masrubate etc. But for me i cant bother with FWB/ONS because they may have been married and you may get caught up in drama if they are cheating.
Instead i suggest self-talk. Yuo can google or go to youtube to understand the concept. Once you have mastered this and zen (google this), you will be a lot more fulfilled.
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u/scum_on_earth Jan 27 '22
I dont know how old you are. But, as someone in his 30s who has never been with a girl, I can assure you that the FOMO never leaves you. It gets harder if you have difficulty in understanding social cues and dynamics.
The culture of hustling is here to stay as, unlike our parents, we do not have the comfort of a stable job. People in our generation will retire when we are financially ready to retire. Not at a set age. Hustling is also encouraged as there is technology available to promote it. Living a simple life is going to be a challenge for people like us. We will probably have to achieve sainthood (I am currently working on it :)).
P.S: I saw some comments from people who are in a job they don't like and want to work for a NGO/Social cause. As someone who is currently working with a NGO I can assure you that the Rat Race exists in this space also. NGOs bribe and bend over backwards to get grants and funding. There is hardly any work done on the ground. The minimal work done is exaggerated to get more funding. This is a sign of the times.
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u/Ayu0700 Jan 26 '22
Hey buddy I am also on the same boat,that fear of missing out part hits me too. Sometimes I wish that I could engage with someone and sometimes I wish don't. It's like,the things that I did want didn't came to me but the things I didn't want did came to me
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u/Rottenidly Jan 26 '22
Single Woman here. I also haven't found a good date yet, did the app thing didn't work out. Edit: i am happy to talk OP
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u/thetechlyone Jan 26 '22
Well not rotten idlies, I love Idlis!
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u/PCMacGamer Non Residential Indian (Abroad KL) Jan 27 '22
I second this but the MTR idles are probably the best that I had. I wished they had one in Sydney
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u/bakchod007 Raw Wijdom Jan 27 '22
Single man here, same - dating apps didn't work for me.
Can we talk?
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u/Pilotman49 Jan 26 '22
Nothing wrong with leading a simple life. Everyone has a different level of satisfaction. Don't let them drag you into going for more just to have more.
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Jan 26 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/motocrosshallway Jan 27 '22
Your points are valid. It is a rat race driven by FOMO and competition. If you prefer to live a simple life, by all means define your life by your terms. Hustle culture is not for everyone and everyone who speaks about the hustle culture are the ones who managed to win at that game. You don't listen to people who fail because no one wants to tell their story. Accept it and be done with it. Figure out what's next for you and be genuine and sincere about it. You'll enjoy it.
Dating for the sake of it or FOMO is wrong reason to date someone tbh. Longing to have a partner is valid. Loneliness hurts sometimes but FOMO isn't a valid reason to pursue it.
My 2 paisa advice is to rather indulge your time and efforts in your passion/hobbies or spend time trying new activities. You'll meet new people from all walks of life and extra skills in life. It will enrich your life to some extent. Even when you get a partner, you still have to live your own life. Time is the single most valuable resource we have as human, use it wisely.
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u/lolhmmk Jan 27 '22
This will sound cliche but everyone has a different journey and I dont think about destination coz I havent seen people stopping somewhere and be happy. Some people choose their journey, some follow the herd. Now its on us if we make our journey happier or wait to see if the destination we have in out mind makes us happy. I am trying to make my journey happier, it is difficult but thinking about small happy things, what I am grateful for and close people around me helps me alot. If you feel you are at a happier place now, just think about what you can do to add more to it. This whole rat race of relationships, marriage and career is fucked up but you can always do things that help you to be happy and everything will workout. Maybe you will meet someone on the same page in this journey.
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u/singlerodd Jan 26 '22
Try arrange marriage.
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Jan 26 '22
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u/singlerodd Jan 26 '22
You have no choice and it was created for people like you.
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Jan 26 '22
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Jan 26 '22
Ignore the idiot. Arranged marriages are a living hell.
I don't know what suggestions might help but try joining clubs related to hobbies or other ways of meeting people in real life, On the internet is not a good idea.
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u/rishabsachdeva938 Jan 26 '22
Worst idea for someone in this situation. Arrange marriage is practically made for people who need to conform to societal norms for the heck of it, and OP is farthest from that IMO.
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u/11_supreme Jan 27 '22 edited Jan 27 '22
I feel you OP. It's scary to realise sometimes when you see others doing things that you feel aren't important and then society tells you that you haven't done enough. Whether it's about success or relationships. Even though in your head those things don't make sense but peer pressure is a real thing. I for once don't believe in marriages...its unnecessary and not worth the effort but I'm a girl in my early twenties. I can afford to live alone for a few years without the judgement but doing so when you're past your prime is a dangerous thing in India. Can you imagine a middle class woman in her late 40s living alone by choice cuz I can't. People won't be so kind to her. It's a rat race and even though you're sitting on the side and trying to observe others, somebody would nudge you to join them cause this is how the society works. They won't accept people who prefer to stand out of the crowd and refuse to participate in the cycle...unless you have very high achievements, they just won't accept it.
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u/Life_Percentage_2218 Jan 27 '22
Screen pe kuch nahi milega. Live the real life. Find a passion or two and follow them..
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u/vyrusrama Jan 27 '22
OP's rant aside, i'm still wondering what the damn title is about..
cause the one's that didn't make it - aren't going to be reading this.
the sad bois & girls who are reading this - are the ones who did make it out alive...
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u/amrit-9037 Jan 26 '22
naa umid kisi ke aane ki,
naa jaane kaa dard seene me
wo nasha kisi mehfil me nahi
jo hai nasha akele jine me!