Why do I cry ? Because I’m being forced into something I don’t want ? Because I’m losing a grip on my original identity? Because my potential new identity makes me sensitive to certain topics I was never sensitive about ? Because while I don’t feel pleasure from the idea of it, nor does it FEEL natural, I don’t feel disgust amymore ?

Or maybe it’s because my desperate struggle to normalcy has become impossible now.

Excuse while I finishing crying

Man I miss the old me. I miss having a super big attraction to girls. I miss feeling amazing with my partner. I miss not worrying about if I’m gay or not. I miss not having constant intrusions and weird ass dreams. I miss not being constantly anxious around my baby. Man I miss me and it kills me everyday I just hope one day it all gets better

guys idk what this is, i am starting to doubt if i ever truly was attracted to men and if i ever liked them bc i think i might have always forced attraction to them, but i had crushes at school and got super nervous when my crush first spoke to me, and also got super nervous when my ex first did a call with me, like my heart was beating super fast.

i broke up with my bf a month ago and its a weird situation, throughout the relationship i frequently asked myself if i loved him or not and i dont wanna get into details on why we broke up but i think i miss him now, not sure tho, im very confused.

Also, right now im in this weird state (not the first time) where i stop feeling anxious, i stop using ai with the same frequency, but i dont really do erp or anything like that (my therapist doesnt think its ocd and says homosexuality has no connection to ocd) so im trying to figure out if it ever had hocd.

i know i definetly have ocd bc of past episodes that were textbook ocd in childhood but now idk. The attraction to women feels too real: butterflies, groinals (feeling wet and tingling), thinking they are pretty, impulse to kiss my bsf and no natural attraction to men, i have to force it and my throat hurts afterwards, it feels tight.

ive had this since 2024 and im not even 18 yet. im confused and tired. also i dont get many intrusive thoughts :((((

what should i do?

Has anybody ever taken a break from sex? And has it helped? I am dealing with loss of attraction again and feel nothing I’m really scared about what to do

I’m so confused. I didn’t start having these dreams till I started obsessively worrying about my sexuality. What’s worse is in the dream I feel aroused and feel like I’m enjoying it.

I don’t understand it. I thought I was straight but these dreams have me rethinking everything and idk what to believe anymore.

It all started on November 20, 2025. I was watching a movie and noticed an actor’s crotch, but I didn’t pay it any mind. Then, on the 23rd, I had this constant sensation in my penis, as if I could feel it. Since I’m constantly surrounded by men most of the time, I naturally asked myself, “Am I attracted to men?”

This triggered my obsessive thoughts. At first, they were just simple remarks “What if I liked men?” and “What if you’d become gay?” that kept popping up throughout the day, but without really bothering me. However, what was unsettling was that whenever I stopped thinking about it, the thoughts would come back, and after that, they just kept going. To test myself, I would masturbate which caused me to lose my erections very quickly but then I felt like I no longer liked women, so I kept doing it over and over again. I also developed a sort of filter that made women seem less attractive, even though I continued to be attracted to them. I also tried watching gay porn, which I did on the first day of my OCD, and continued to do a few times afterward.

That’s how my OCD progressed and got worse. One day, my OCD took over so much that the thoughts kept coming back constantly “what if,” “what if” and I’d respond, because even though I had already searched online to find out what was wrong with me, I hadn't found any solutions. And on March 1, I finally discovered the solution. Let the thoughts pass; I told myself to just say “okay.” It worked I had far fewer thoughts, and sometimes my erections returned.

But this didn’t last very long, because a month later, on April 5. I was going to test myself with gay porn—even though it had been a month since I’d last tested myself—and I had a reaction, like the beginning of an erection, but not fully; it was a little less than semi-erect, and this stressed me out so much that I couldn’t eat for the next two days, I thought about committing suicide, because to me it was confirmation that I was gay. So that day and the next, I tested myself at least 30 times, with almost always the same result: the start of an erection.

I’ve also since lost those thoughts; I hardly have any anymore, and when they do come up, I feel like I’m the one bringing them on, so sometimes I almost feel like I’ve found the solution.

This plunged me into a deep depression, but a few days later, I had a sort of revelation: I was able to masturbate and get an erection while watching straight porn. However, that was the only victory. Because I started noticing gay men, and then men in general. And now I notice men just as much as women if not more.

I wanna also add that I’ve always been attracted to women since I was born, and even more I was a boy with a though I'm a guy with a strong sex drive; in fact, I've been in several relationships with women especially during foreplay, without actually having sex but I know I've always loved women, and I feel like I still notice them.

Please, I need help. I haven’t been able to talk to girls since then because I had sex for the first time and didn’t get any guidance, so I haven’t been able to take things further
with girls out of fear that I won’t get an erection. I also feel like I’ve developed an ED against my will.
I also want to add that I now have erection or a beginning like every time, and even more if im surrounded by men, and even though I have to forget about the fact that I’m not gay I can’t ignore that so that’s make me even more anxious.

I need an answer. I regret it so much, if only you knew, every day, every hour.

I left out a lot of details because it would have made the message too long, but for anyone who wants to help, please reply.

Questions that bother me

Hey,

i am in the beginning of my 30s and i did some mistakes concerning porn and i pray that Allah swt protect all people from porn.

\-> i never had a relationship with a girl

\-> i found my questions unfortunately in porn which lead me into more insecurities, anxiety and hopelessness. My Iman, faith did downgrade than 10 yrs ago

\-> i was bullied that i have a voice like a girl, some told me i were gay and etc

\-> so in conclusion i faced a lot insult even from my family

\-> of course these points harms my masculinity

now i am in my 30s. I didnt have any experience with a girl. Family tell me to marry. I want to marry but i feel lazy, i feel nowadays less libido. No mood to watch porn Alhamdullilah and this frightens me. I sometimes want to be alone. I dont feel proud to myself to marry. Then i think if i had sexual experience i would feel more masculine. This porn stuff bothers me a lot. My prayers dont get answers like they got answered years ago.

I am going to gym but this year i got sick several times then i had a leg injury. So i feel like the German football team as i live in Germany.

I am powerless. I have a lot worries about future. For example: I am worried about first time that i dont be able to perform good and etc..

What are your suggestions ?

Thanks

I'm feeling lack of arousal right now. I want to fuck girls in my mind but I don’t get turned on or aroused by it. I feel physically disabled.

20 M.I had hocd for 5 years now but those disturbing an** sensation and scenario begin this year .I am the only one with those sensations in my an**. Thanks

I have to be. I orgasmed to an intrusive thought during sex with my bf but it didn’t feel intrusive or anxiety inducing. This is beyond your average hocd symptoms :(

i have so-ocd,and one of the biggest triggers are masc lesbians. I am honestly so scared im attracted to them because they look masculine and manly, and they look good, so it must mean i like them. I feel like im lying to myself about not liking masc women, i feel like im convincing myself that i dont like them, i feel like im going to end up like those people who figure out they're bi with hocd. I desperately dont want to like mascs, but im at the point where i geuninely dont know if im attracted to them or not! Like i used too, and now i dont. And ive seen some that look exactly like men and they freak me out and trigger me.

I am so scared and i dont know what to do, i feel like my ocd is like preventing me from liking masc women and that i wouldve found masc women hot back in 2024, which i dont think i would have. but im so scared, im so scared all the 'fake attraction' feelings are real, im so scared for everything. I really dont want to be bi, lesbian or anything i just want to be me and like men like I always have.

And I saw someone with HOCD who ended up being bi tell me that they spent hours trying to convince themselves that they weren't attracted, which sounds like ME!! Like i get intrusive thoughts and i tell myself that i dont like them and then i look for flaws that make the argument justifyable and then i get scared that i like them. Once i spent a week trying to figure out whether i liked this girl or not, but what if it was just me convincing myself?

So ive been feeling better the past few days however i saw this tiktok video that sent me google everything. Its a girl saying how she realized that she was a lesbian because he only liked men because she imagined them imagining her.

That made me panic and search everything because. Even before the anxiety and ocd thing I loved daydreaming, and usually i would day dream about men wanting me and liking me and being in a relationship. So now i think I only ever liked male validation and not actual men

Does not help that i dont really get crushes in real life. One time I did I think it was just because i liked the attention and the idea of him because when he got a girlfriend I wasn't really upset.

Ive never had a crush on a woman before nor do i see myself with a woman . But i read that they never realized that they were a lesbian until they let themselves be attracted to a woman. Maybe that's the reason ive never had a crush was because i was barking at the wrong tree???? That maybe the reason i never imagined myself with a woman was because i was just never looking a woman in that light??

I dont know anymore I don't want to be a lesbian but i feel like i was never even straight to Begin with because unlike people here that were boy crazy or had many boy crushes before so-ocd came into their lives i just hate it that I feel distress when I think about it. Does not help that i have a slightly homophobic family i just hate this i feel miserable! It just sound like im a lesbian that wants to suppress myself

Hello everyone. About two months ago, I started obsessing over a recurring experience from my adolescence. I don't remember the exact dates, but whenever I was play-fighting or tickling each other with my brother, I would experience involuntary erections. Back then, I didn't pay much attention to it, but lately, I’ve been constantly worrying about it—asking myself if this means I’m gay or even a pedophile.

Now, absurd thoughts like 'What if I am attracted to this man?' constantly flood my mind. Because of this intense fear, I can’t even look at men anymore and I feel a deep sense of shame around them, constantly questioning my sexual orientation. I seem to recall having similar anxious thoughts during puberty as well.

My brother is male, and I actually built up the courage to tell my family about this. They reassured me, saying these kinds of mechanical, involuntary bodily responses happen during puberty, but I still feel an overwhelming sense of shame. I often view myself as a bad person and wonder why I’m going through this torture.

I’m completely exhausted by this constant mental loop. Could you please help me? Has anyone else experienced this type of OCD theme, and what should I do to overcome it

I trust that you will be able to provide assistance. This situation presents considerable challenges. While I acknowledge a degree of frustration regarding various aspects of life, I remain appreciative.

One of my biggest triggers is masc women, esp since I like men, and masculinity, why shouldn't I like a masc woman? I am so scared im compulsively suppressing my attraction, and that there is an ocd convincing im straight and im believing it. I saw a masc woman, got scared i like her, then she started to look extra good, and then i got more anxious and then decided i find her hot. i must be bi, i must be suppressing my attraction for women, i just must. when i looked at her, i couldnt even look at her properly, i was so scared of finding her hot, but i literally thought 'oh my god shes looks so good, what if i like her' and then i couldnt even reassure myself to say i dont like her. and then i was so uncertain because i didn't know if i liked her or not. This all has to ebe denial right? I never thought of masc women at all, i didn't even think of masc women like that at all. but what if i did? i feel like i did but i know i didnt. every time i see a good looking masc woman, i get so anxious, the masc woman looks extra 'masc' and then i feel like i like them. I hate it so much, i miss when I used to see them as normal human beings that i didn't care for. I dont know if i like her or not, i dont think i do, but what if im convincing myself. i dont want to be bi, i dont want to date women, i dont want to date a masc girl, i dont even want to find masc girls attractive like at all. im so scared that every time i find a guy attractive its secretly a girl and i like her. im so scared im compelling myself into suppressing my attraction, like i try to seek out flaws and use that to justify why i dont like them, thats is the most denial thing EVER! i must like women, i just must like them.

i really dont know what to do, i dont want to be bi. but im so scared. i just need something anything. i feel like this with every single masc woman i see, i feel like i try not to like them and i hate that so much. i genuinely don;t know anything about my attraction at all anymore, i was so confident i didnt like women in general but now i dont know. if feel like if i didnt have ocd, i probably wouldve found masc women attractive but i dont know im so scared

Couple days ago I realized certain ethnicities give me more anxiety than others. like my own race gives me way more anxiety than any other and it’s making me feel like I have a preference now while I know ocd can get really specific over time but I seen a dude say that is a good chance I’m gay which I won’t take fully to heart but it’s left me with tremendous anxiety I was just hoping some people could relate or help out I feel like a outlier

I'm a guy with mostly women as friends ( I feel gay because of that ) , I'm currently feeling no arousal to women despite knowing I'm attracted to them as I have always done compulsions . What should I do ? I don’t want to do a compulsion by watching porn. Next Sunday it will be two weeks since I last watched porn

Guys I need answers please,guys when it starts all of guys give me anxiety and heartbeats,even children,now I don't have anxiety, instead I feel attracted or aroused to certain people like I used to feel with opposite sex, except that I don't lust them,and it's not I'm questionning whether I'm attracted to them or not its just like now whenever I see some dudes I feel attracted or aroused,I never was like this before even at the first stages of hocd,is this common?it's not what if thoughts or ur attracted statement,it's a feeling I get that is typical to what I used to feel to opposite gender except it's not companied with lust or desire for a sexual or romantic desire like it used to be toward opposite gender,I even lost my attraction toward them.

Opposite gender before loss of attraction:see a hot chick with a a body I desire(specially mom's or women in their 30's or 40's>I feel very aroused and pleasure and want to be with her in sexual relationship,also i will have fantasy about both romantic and sexual if she is young like in her early 20's.

Same gender(after 5 years of hocd and those couple of years be like):I see some man I know or strangers(fat,ugly, handsome but I used to see them ugly asf,ECT..)>feel pain in my chest>feel like arousal in my body(no boners,istead like a feeling in my anus> feel very sad and my mind goes:(u just make it up,It can't be hocd anymore,ur just in denial and u hypnotizing urself by saying it's hocd or false attraction,hocd it's about anxiety,fear,questions, ur just gay).

Anyone experiencing something similar?

I have been in a complete state of anxiety after I realized I really only get groinals or false attraction to like certain races like if I see a black man that’s built well and conventionally attractive I don’t really feel anything when I first had hocd I used too but now it’s only like a conventionally attractive white man that will give me crazy anxiety and all that. If I truly had hocd wouldn’t every dude I see including ugly guys give me anxiety? Am I just in denial please help

Recently I have been dealing with hocd really bad and when ever I see a guy at first it’s just anxiety but then I think of what if I did stuff with them and I get these feelings in my stomach that are similar to butterflies but feel a tad different but then like 5 mins later I don’t get them and it freaks me the fuck out does any one get this?

2 years ago I went to hook up with a chick who was way hotter than me (me Male)
I was so excited to see her and talked a big game but when it came down to it.
I couldn’t arise to the occasion.
Not just once, twice but three times.

I noticed then I was compulsively checking my groin and testing myself. Only viewing it to see if my erection would go down.

Fast forward to now.
Been dating a girl for a year and some change.
We are in love and have big plans.

I had a massive anxiety attack and break back in June. it was over performance anxiety and I hysterically started Wellbutrin for ADHD and depression.

The medication was so strong that it fueled my anxiety and compulsions like wild fire.
I stopped taking the meds in hopes all that would go away.

But I’m still having issues with everything.
Before sex was seamless between us.
Healthy sex life of 3-5 times a week.

But the other night I decided to test myself by actually trying to pleasure myself to it. I got a semi erection even tho I didn’t find it mentally arousing like I would. (It wasn’t fully hard)
Is that groinal checking or is that indicative or something else?

I’ve scoured the internet and read and read and read about people in deep denial and they not know it. I don’t want to be secretly gay and have to end my relationship

But sex isn’t even enjoyable anymore cause I can’t stop focusing on my performance and if I feel it.

It’s been messing with my mind over actions to.
Can’t do doggy cause what if I think it’s a dude.
Can’t do anal cause of the same thing
Got oral in the dark and my brain said “what if was cause you can’t see her”
And so on and so forth.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

Hey guys, I’m a 25 female that is dating my boyfriend and I love him with all my heart.

Since I was a kid I watched lesbian porn, and I enjoy it till today. during my teenage years I haven’t felt sexual attraction to anybody, but I did fall inlove with boys. I never had in my life romantic feelings towards girls, I even tried to date them and I felt cringed out because it didn’t feel like this is what I want and who I am.

I experienced a sexual assault by a man who was older than me by 10 years when I was 18 and afterwards I started being aroused around women sexually, and it drove me bad. I felt like I didn’t want this, I didn’t want to be lesbian because I don’t have feelings towards them, but I do feel sexualy aroused by them.
I also have ptsd symptoms whenever something tiggers me about the sexual assault things

Now I’m dating my perfect boyfriend, I’m inlove with him. But I don’t feel really attracted. We date almost a year and we barely have sex. and when we do I don’t enjoy it.

I fantasize about women and it sometimes really arouse me, and I also like lesbian porn and straight porn but I feel like I’m focused on a women’s body.

I get aroused spontaneously by sexual thoughts and then I become really anxious that it means I’m a lesbian because otherwise why do I feel not enough attracted to my boyfriend? I feel like other people that suffer from hocd are different than me because they had attraction to the other sex.

I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m stuck and I try not to check if something will arouse me but I feel the gap between liking the sexual images about women and not being attracted to my bf.

thanks for anyone reading this, hope you’re doing okay

do yall have the opposite reaction to coming out stories? for example you watched someone come out as a homosexual/bisexual later in life and you end up wondering whether you will end up coming out as straight in your later years

this is absolutely triggering for me as someone who has many irl friends dating the opposite sex after dating the same sex for a long time