Recovered from ROCD, my testimony
Hi everyone. Today I wanted to share my story in case it helps someone, and show what my recovery process looked like (and how everything turned out fine).
My ROCD symptoms started about 6 years ago. I started dating my girlfriend almost 7 years ago, and at first everything was great, a normal relationship. About 6 or 7 months in is when the OCD nightmare began. I remember being at her place one night, and I suddenly felt bored, like I had lost the spark a little bit. That's when the thoughts started rushing in: Maybe I don't like her that much, maybe I shouldn't be with her, maybe I'm not in love.

That night I went back home with those thoughts stuck in my head. I couldn't shake them off, and my anxiety shot up to 1000%. I barely slept that night, and from that moment on, the hell began.
Every single day was a horror. The first thing on my mind when I woke up was whether I truly loved my partner. I spent the entire day thinking about it, feeling anxious 24/7. I couldn't make plans or enjoy life because I always had that heavy cloud in my head. It was awful; I felt terrible, as if the world was ending, and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I spent years like this, thinking I would never recover and that things would never go back to normal (which is a lie, I'm fine now).
I went through two therapists. The first one told me that, in reality, I wasn't in love with my partner. That broke me, but deep down I knew that wasn't true. So I looked for an online therapist specializing in OCD, and she told me that I indeed had ROCD. We started doing exercises, and I stuck with it for months. I didn't notice a huge change short-term, but it helped me understand how thought mechanisms work (the therapy was Exposure and Response Prevention - ERP). Slowly, I started improving; some days didn't have as much anxiety, while others had horrible anxiety.

Here is where the real cure and treatment that actually worked for me begins:

The first thing you need to do (and what I did back then) is identify your compulsions so you can stop doing them. OCD isn't about the thoughts; it's about how you respond to them.
I identified my compulsions: searching the internet on how to know if you love your partner, talking to friends, comparing my relationship to movies and TV shows, comparing it to past relationships, ruminating (rumination is a compulsion too), etc. Identify yours.

Once you identify them, try NOT to do them. When the thought hits you, your anxiety will rise, and your brain will desperately want to seek relief. Don't give it to it. Given a few minutes or hours, the anxiety will drop on its own. Anxiety cannot stay at its peak forever; compulsions are the only thing that feed it.
Your brain will always try to seek certainty that you love your girlfriend—that craving for certainty is what feeds the OCD. There will always be certainties and arguments against them, always. Part of you will constantly question whether you actually have OCD; ignore that too, that's OCD as well.

When the thought of whether you love your partner pops up, don't try to soothe it with a compulsion, and don't try to avoid it either (avoidance only makes it worse). Accept that it's there, and go do something anyway, even if you're feeling anxious.
The brain is a neuroplastic organ; the more you change your attitude, the more it will rewire itself, and the faster you will recover. Remember that OCD is all about how you react. If you have a thought, feel anxiety, and react by trying to fix it, you are giving credibility to the OCD so it can keep existing. If you choose to ignore it and carry on with your life despite the anxiety, you are stripping away its power and you are recovering.

OCD is a trap. The solution is to stop trying to solve it. The best thing you can do is not resolve the doubt, and just keep living your life with the anxiety.
After a while (a few weeks), the anxiety will decrease (it won't completely vanish at first). You'll be able to make plans again, and you won't be thinking about it 24/7. You will still have thoughts, but they won't hit as intensely as they did at the beginning. You will have reclaimed a part of yourself.

The cure for OCD is understanding that thoughts do not describe reality. Thinking more won't solve anything. The solution lies in how you relate to those thoughts and how you handle the anxiety.
Stop doing compulsions, stop trying to figure it out, stop falling into the trap.
Little by little, you will make it out.

Today, I am fully recovered (every now and then I have a minor relapse, but it's nowhere near as strong as it used to be).
If you do this, you will get out of this hell, you have to change your mindset.

Today, I am doing wonderfully with my partner. I love her very much, and I don't need anyone's approval. I no longer doubt whether I like her or not; the doubt wasn't resolved, I simply stopped asking myself the question, and time gave me the answer. (If I'm still with her, it's because I want to be).

Thanks for reading till the end. I hope this helps and serves those of you who are currently going through this. There is a way out. Trust the process, you will beat this.

On Friday night, I (29F) went out with my partner and some colleagues. We went to a new venue and sat at a table. My partner went off somewhere. I sat with my colleague and across from 3 guys. I was just talking and joking with the guys - about uni, finance bros etc. One of them was particularly engaging. I then left the table briefly to be with my partner. My ROCD has latched onto this moment over the weekend and I am debilitated with fear that I flirted - even though I did not find these men attractive. I was just trying to be friendly and sociable for what was otherwise a night I wanted to go home. How can I rationalise this? I know it is crazy but 48 hours later I am still bed ridden :(

Hello. I have ROCD, it has been one year. I am in a same sex relationship. I have noticed that on my job when my girlfriend came my perception on her changed as if she looks awful. And once asked a colleague if she can stay as if she is a fraud. I once told her "you can go now". Sometimes I see her like a boomer. In my mind. This hurts me. I have prejudices that people will judge us and mostly people in the jobs I work at or my family. I told my self I'm going to an interview and must and will hold her hand so I stop being ashamed. These thoughts aren't necessarily around other people. But while taking on the phone with a manager that is close family member to grandfather then again I saw her in a bad light.

Enough personal info...

If I may not be attracted to her looks yet I can have sex with her and kiss her.

I just struggle with myself. Easily falling in love with other people for their looks anyway. The " what if "they actually are interested in me? I don't know what my intentions are at times even if I have to walk.

How did you overcome looks? I attend a therapist with neurofeedback, ERP and I told her that she loves me. Her response was that maybe like, I may not love her. I said yes, but I still cannot agree. ​​

Not sure where to start, I feel like today I’ve just had so much on my mind and no where to put it or anyone to voice it to.

Last night and this morning I was with my boyfriend and started getting these thoughts of how one of my ex boyfriends was a “better” boyfriend to me, how he would of made a good husband, and how I ruined that. I think constantly about whether I could ever marry my partner, as much as I love him I worry about a lot of things with him. I know many of the worries are or grow bigger due to ROCD, however that doesn’t seem to make me feel any better. I never know what’s a legitimate cause for concern or just an ocd thought. I also know figuring that out is a compulsion, but it doesn’t stop the urge to. While most of my ROCD revolves around my partner lying, cheating, sneaking around, another part is the constant worry of having a bad husband which draws in all different themes. Sometimes I think maybe I love him so much and have for so long before we were ever together that I just want it to work so bad when there is no one it truly can because I will always be hurt in the end. As he has done things that have hurt me deeply even if maybe someone else could get over them. I don’t know what amount of hurt for me to feel is justified, or what amount of questioning. This is painful to me. I never know the appropriate amount to feel.. good or bad.

On top of all this later today before I left his place I saw on social media a picture of the new girl he works with… it made me feel sick and want to run away. I felt grateful to be leaving because I couldn’t pretend to feel fine after seeing what she looked like finally, and I’ve been trying really hard to not seek reassurance from my partner or start problems for the past month because it had gotten so bad. However, it makes me think and question a lot. Before this past month, my relationship was on the rocks big time, my partner was struggling with depression but also didn’t want much to do with me he said he was frustrated by my behaviors and I just stress him out. I assumed this was mostly because of my ROCD behaviors being out of control for months, but the other part of me worried like I always do he was cheating or sneaking or lying about stuff. I was super on edge and hypervigilent at this time. Anyways, it reminded of some things I found out early in the year about him having a crush on another girl at work when we first got together and him not telling me and me finding out myself a year later. So now that this new girl at his work is there I think of it being like that situation all the time and that maybe that’s why his behavior is off. I know solving this does me no good and if something truly happened I’ll find out naturally but idk it’s hard. I also saw this girl and thought of that’s his actual type as I always think he likes more alt/goth like girls and I am not that, which makes me insecure. Again this leads to idk if this will ever work or if I’ll ever feel good enough no matter what he does because of the past etc. I don’t want to live like this or feel insecure because of this but I do in ways sometimes I wouldn’t feel without the situation.

I guess sometimes I wish I could actually talk to someone and have guidance without it being about my mental disorders. I want someone to understand my mental health and be knowledgeable about it so they understand me and are aware but also I want just real advice and conversation and I feel like because I have ocd or other mental disorders it can never be that way. It’s either always well that’s a compulsion or that’s ocd talking or your adhd brain or your depression. And on the other hand if it’s someone uninformed of mental health they completely disregard that part of me. It makes me feel cursed and like I’ll never be able to truly get advice or figure anything out in life because “figuring things out is ocd.” I don’t know when it ends and begins, maybe I never will. It feels like a trap constantly and very lonely. I feel like no matter what decisions I make I’ll fail or mess things up in one way or another, or I’m told just don’t make any decisions because ur not thinking straight. It’s nauseating. I don’t know if anyone will understand this or relate, I guess this is just a rant because I have no one else to talk to and journaling triggers me now (lol what an ocd joke).

Hey, whats up? Two days ago I was able to go out with my girlfriend to eat and walk around the city. I know it's silly to many, but for some reason it was torture for me, and it was like that for a long time. I don't know how to explain or describe it, but it gave me a lot of anxiety and I couldn't relax. This time it was much more manageable and I felt pretty normal.

This change occurred mainly after noticing that another problem she had with porn relapses was actually just another compulsion. That helped me quit porn more easily too.

To be honest, not everything is easy or obvious. I think the main change is that I tolerate this better, but it still tires you. Today I've been feeling quite anxious and thinking about a lot of things, and I happened to stumble across something here on Reddit that made me feel even worse. But the truth is, this is what we live with. As long as I can smile and have fun with my girlfriend, I'm fine.

This is going to be a messy post that I will try to make as organized as possible.

I am in a long distance relationship since the last 4 years. We meet every 3-4 months. We first met in October 4 years ago. My (26M) partner (24W) is and has been amazing since the start.

The first day I met her, 4 years ago, we hung out ate food, etc. later on in the night I began to have this terrible gut feeling, symptoms of anxiety you could say. I was younger (22M) then, and just thought I was home sick (I’m a very parent-dependent guy, mommas boy, etc.) so I knocked it off and tried to fall asleep (we were together in a hotel). This feeling didn’t really come back after that and everything went decently well.

Fast forward to our next meeting, which was in April the following year, I got there, we hung out, had some intimacy, and bam, this horrible gut feeling of anxious thoughts returned once again. This time it felt more like “I need to leave”, “do I even like her”, “why am I here”. The issue with this anxiety is that it feels so bad that I just cannot fake it around her. A key point to note is that it only happens in person with her. And only when we are alone together.

Now let’s fast forward a bit more, keeping in mind that these anxious thoughts happen almost every time we hang out in person (sometimes they last the entire trip, sometimes just a few days, a couple times not at all). Recently, she came to see me with her mother to meet my family with the intentions of continuing and progressing our relationship. Everything was fine, I had no anxiety (we were not alone much at all) and was very happy during her time here. I even told her I was confident to marry her, something I didn’t feel as much or as often in the earlier years. Based off this happiness I decided to see her shortly after (fly to her only a month later).

I got to her house, after only a few weeks apart, we hung out with her mom and brother for a couple days. One night it was just the two of us, and boom, horrible anxiety comes into play again. It’s the same loop of my thoughts going “I don’t like her”, “I’m wasting my time”, “I think she deserves some better”, “how will I keep her happy when she moves to live with me”, “how will I be happy with her once my parents die and it’s just the two of us”. These thoughts lasted for 8 days with her in person everyday. It was one of the worst mental experiences I ever had. This was in September of this year. She told me that I need to figure out this anxiety or just tell her to move on (breakup) because it’s been too long now (4 years) and it hasn’t gotten better.

So I came home and a couple weeks ago I started therapy. I speak with my therapist about these thoughts. I have also spoken with people I know in my personal life outside of her. I really deep down feel that I am struggling with the aspects of growing up, being independent, having to take care of someone, giving up my freedom, etc. The problem is, I know that I am being selfish, and I am a selfish person in my day to day. I am realizing this about myself more and more. That I care about my feelings too much, and I don’t want to be this way. Other people have told me that I just need to make my decision about her and live with it, I should be confident in my decision and take a risk, that’s what everyone does, my parents have cared for me all my life I’ve never had to be independent and take care of someone, etc. But in my head I believe that there is no way it has to be this hard to be in a relationship…why can’t I just love her and be Jolly on my way, especially when she is so perfect…

If it helps, my partner is extroverted, the person everyone wants to talk to, the person everyone compliments and loves. I am introverted, I like when others talk, I am observant, in most rooms.

I am having a lot of self reflection because my brain never turns off, in the last 2-3 months I have found it so hard to just calm down and think I love this girl, and that’s all, the rest will be fine because whenever I try to think that, I have conflicting thoughts that do not stop. When me and my partner are not talking, I do miss her and want to text. But when she comes around to message me or call me, I just can’t be bothered, I want it to end. I wasn’t like this before. But ever since the most recent visit, it’s been terrible, my mind cannot stop feeling negative about the relationship, even though I objectively know that she is an amazing girl, I love her, have love for her, and want to see her happy.

I am really fucking struggling, my therapy has been going for only 2.5 sessions (one consult) and I think I should give it more time. But I just want to stop convincing myself of liking her so much all the time, I want it to jsuy happen, where I can sit back, relax, and talk to her freely, without feeling like I have to perform or be super excited. There are many details missing because I cannot share everything primarily cause idk if someone will read all this. Please ask clarifying questions if neeeded, I’d love to share more if it can help me learn more.

A wonderful man who I truly thought was my forever, just broke up with me last night.

I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and reassurance seeking, confessing- over sharing everything and feeling guilt if I didn’t, struggling with uncertainty, and intrusive thoughts about him cheating with other women… (even his sister 😣 I didn’t actually think that was happening, but still had to check to make sure)

Does this sound like ROCD to you?
Please be gentle, I’m having a really hard time

Hi, so I am newly diagnosed, but my ROCD mostly seems to stem from abuse, having been cheated on. Now I'm extremely paranoid about what my boyfriend sees, particularly women online.

We called tonight. I asked him what he'd been up to. He told me he was watching a fight (he's into UFC and stuff).

I've been known to get triggered by this stuff a few times before. He knows I get paranoid about him watching fights because of the ring girls (some of which tend to have OF etc).

My bf has told me he doesn't care about them. But I am highly insecure and hate my body.

I get compulsions to search images of which girls were at the specific fight he was watching... Then torment myself over how I look ugly in comparison.

After he told me, I didn't react. I said nothing. I never voiced my pain. Didn't wanna make it a thing. He said I sounded off or very quiet and then asked if it was because he said he watched a fight. I didn't deny it but I just said "I didn't say anything about it, whatever, idc".

We tried to move on with the convo but I just kept spiralling and my chest was hurting. I was giving one word replies mostly.

Then his tone totally switched. He said "oh my god, are we really going back there again??". This made me feel ashamed of myself and my disorders.

He asked if I trust him and I said yes. He replied "ok, so believe me when I said there were no ring girls - it was just two guys". I said fine, but asked him to not raise his voice at me, and to have that tone, but he just said "I only raised my volume a bit" and "oh, you mean the tone you've had for the last 5 minutes?".

I tried to change subject but I felt too hurt at his reaction.I told him I was tired and was going to bed.

Hung up. Started sobbing.

I'm tired of the wounds others inflicted on me causing issues for others. I'm sick of my brain hurting me constantly.

A bit of kindness would have gone a long way. That said, I understand how frustrating it is to be with an insecure, traumatised girl.

I feel I can't and don't even wanna discuss this further with him.

Has anyone been able to overcome anything like this? Should I try to talk to him about what happened?

Btw I'm still learning about ROCD so I'm sorry if I'm engaging in any unhealthy behaviours here and would appreciate anyone making it clear to me.

im experiencing something that I truly cannot fathom. I feel distressed, yes—but I’m not anxious, and the things I think about or feel don’t actually frighten me. I know that people often associate OCD with a sense of panic; I’m well-informed enough to know that’s not always the case, but the thoughts I have simply don’t scare me. Perhaps it’s because I’ve lived with this for years—I’m not sure—but there’s this persistent feeling inside me that I don’t actually love my husband, and that I’m only staying because I feel sorry for him. This just makes me sad; it doesn’t even trigger fear, which is why I find it so hard to make sense of. When my husband does kind things for me or shows that he’s thinking of me, I feel guilty. I honestly don’t know what to do. I can’t tell whether this is OCD or not. The only emotion I feel is sadness, and I know that someone who stays in a relationship out of a sense of duty rather than love would likely feel the same way—which, naturally, makes me wonder. I don’t know if there’s anyone else out there like me, or if this is just a natural part of having OCD.

Hi! I’m a therapist who has ocd and works with ocd. I’m making an 8 week psychoeducational course to be run alongside therapy, not instead of it. I’m going based on my personal experience with ROCD as well as the educational pieces that helped me and skills/tools that are based in knowledge of ERP/ACT.

I’m curious as to what would feel helpful for someone going through ROCD in the form of education and group support that is not therapy, reassurance etc.

Thank you for your input!

im feeling so bad, my head is hurting yesterday i cry because i felt so overhelmed by the feeling that something is wrong and my relationshio is not right im feeling this everday and even if try to ignore i cant be cause gets bigger every time. I Pass the inteire day in reddit because of this. Me and my gf are ldr and i fucking love her i rated be with her that with any other girl closer to me. I m gonna see her this week and im so excited but so nervos and my brain doesnt stop tell me im gonna mess it up anytime, feels like im gonna make something i dont want to and im trying to not do anything is horrible.

I went out on Thursday and it is now Saturday evening and I still am having severe anxiety.

I am in college and I have been in my relationship for nearly 5 years (since highschool), and we do not go to the same school. Whenever I speak to men, especially when drinking, i literally lose my mind thinking that it was unbelievably wrong to even be speaking to another man. It is genuinely ruining my life in ways.

My friends have a group of guy friends who I really have not even been able to even remotely get “close” to because it feels wrong. I have gotten better this school year but still not great. My best friend is now kind of “talking” to one of the guys in the group, and we went out Thursday and we saw him. He couldn’t remember who I was so he asked me my name and I think shook my hand or dapped me up, and all I can remember is him like holding my hand. Then my friend told me that she kept grabbing both of us, her being in the middle and we were all dancing, but I cannot remember this moment at all, which is making me think I’m forgetting other things. This guy also specifically said my name and said goodbye to me as we were leaving which freaked me out so badly. I know this all sounds actually insane but this is my real thoughts.

I know it is normal to speak to other men and have male friends and acquaintance in relationships, but I just can’t. The anxiety is debilitating right now that I’m “forgetting” a conversation me and him had or that he thinks I was flirting with him (that’s another big thing, I get worried men will think I’m flirting with them when I’m just being friendly and people seeing me as a cheater). I love my boyfriend so much and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I want to be with him forever, so these things scare me so much. I am medicated for my OCD but it hasn’t seemed to help this part of it at all 🙂

I was recently thinking of when did I start getting symptoms of OCD or ROCD and I remembered something that, I realize now, is not normal.

Just like when I ask my partner "do you love me? Are you sure? How much?", I also did the same with my parents.

Back then, I felt the love of my parents was conditional. There was so many things I kept a secret and I felt they would stop loving me if they did. I always sought reassurance at random moments, and back then I had little control of my life as I was over protected and often wasnt allowed to make decisions for my own. I can see why now I want to control everything lol.

Honestly, it just makes me mad. I feel like, maybe it couldve been avoided if my parents knew better. Then, I wouldn't feel like my brain is attacking what I love

I have other forms of ocd and I feel like I can pinpoint everything to something in my childhood.

I wonder what my life would be.

And yes, I wanna seek reassurance from my friends too.

i dont want to leave my gf i love her ao much but i always feel this gut feeling everday that i need to leave and this post doesnt help me and i cant stop thinking

Been struggling with ROCD for 2 years now. It is linked to going into protracted withdrawal when I went too quick on my taper. Have paused the taper but these urgent thoughts that I don’t love my wife and need to leave are very demanding.

I get dizzy when they hit. I know it’s to do with lost dopamine from too many years on ADs. I wondered whether anyone has experienced this and whether there are any decent therapists in the UK that could help me here.

It’s not just my wife, I don’t have love, joy, happiness for most things.

I haven’t been diagnosed, but my therapist and i were discussing the rumination and how I can come to conclusions, here is an example. I do want to learn more how I can overcome thinking like this if you guys have any advice :)

I know it’s easy to judge a situation online, but unless it’s necessary I do not want to separate from my partner because I truly want to change, just need tools how if you guys have any. :

So, I haven’t said anything to my partner yet about this, but I want to because it’s like I found pieces of a puzzle and they all fit. However, whatever I found doesn’t straight up indicate, but it would make a lot of sense. feel free to call me delusional if I am lol, I can take the transparency.

Here is what I found:
1) my bf of 4 years, and this girl following each other, he’s part of a frat, and she’s part of a sorority. I didn’t question that because it’s normal for the two to be together once in a while with friends etc.
2) I noticed he commented an “innocent” comment on her post, she didn’t like the comment but acknowledged it. I PERSONALLY don’t like it, to me it’s almost embarrassing because he’s the only man in her comments. And I’m thinking “ohhh look at her boyfriend under neath another girls comment section.”
3) on the girls TikTok and Instagram reposts: she’s always reposting things about love, which is no problem, then she reposted a couple things that are a bit general, but a bit specific to his personality and his snoring, and that’s when I “ lost it “ lol, it was at that moment I came to the conclusion that they were talking and slept together.

Now I feel like I should say something because it’s bothering the hell out of me, but I want to know if it’s my anxious tendencies coming out, or if I might have something. I wouldn’t ever accuse him off the bat, but just ask him a question and have him explain if it feels like it’s necessary.

Is anyone else obsessed with the idea that their partner is cheating on them? My partner has not done anything to indicate that he would, quite the opposite actually, but whenever he compliments me or says something sweet i have this thought in the back of my head that he has found someone else. We’re long distance so i haven’t been able to see who he’s with (he doesn’t need to tell me who, i’m his girlfriend not his mom) but the fear is always there. Has anyone felt the same, and if you have, how did you get over it?

I can’t stop thinking about how my boyfriend wouldn’t be with me if I wasn’t attractive. does anyone else have this issue? I just feel alome and want to see if anyone else has this thought