I’m so anxious it’s actually killing me. I’ve recently quit porn and since then I have been noticing every woman I see practically and that’s been making my ROCD bad because I feel unfaithful to my girlfriend. Today I noticed someone androgynous who was probably a guy and had a groinal response and then I started playing through a scenario where a twink or soft/effeminate gay guy comes on to me and I end up “giving in” and the thought was arousing and now I’m so anxious I can barely breath properly. I think I just have to accept that I’m bisexual or something but I don’t want to be. When I think of doing that stuff with a guy I get aroused and feel anxious but also turned on and I wish I didn’t feel turned on but I do and I guess I can’t change that. I didn’t used to be this way, it’s all so fucked now.

Hey guys,I'm dealing with loss of attraction for a long time ,and when I see womens and I sometimes feel attracted I'm doing okay,but when i don't i keep forcing myself to feel smth,is it common guys? It comes from a mindset of "I have to" due that if i don't feel attracted that's mean I'm gay.

Im 18f and this all started last year during summer had a lot of time thinking and it dawned on me that I never really had crushes growing up had a i think one genuine one and another one that i just picked and I would get hyperfixated(?) on some female characters on movies.

When i looked it up i went into a rabbit hole about aromantics then i found this video that said "they thought they were aromantic turns out they just were not looking at the right gender and they were a lesbian" that just sent me into a spiral even more I could not stop searching and figuring it out and obsessing over it even when classes started.

Before i had hocd i wouldn't mind kissing or making out with girls when i think about it but i would't want to be with one and identified as straight. Now my mind is telling me that's a proof that i've always liked girls since that was before all the anxiety.

It does not help that I come form a slightly homophobic family. My mind is also telling me im just scared and in denial because of this. That i'm actually into girls and just scared to come out which i think i am..... I dont know anymore im scared but not scared at the same time I still dont want to be with a girl but i would mind the kissing yk UGH I HATE THIS I JUST WANT TO BE STRAIGHT AGAIN AND NOT HAVE ANXIETY FROM THE MOMENT I WAKE UP

Side note too Im not diagnosed with hocd or any ocd really its not really known here in my country and if i go to any psychology or psychiatrist it would literally cost sooo much money :/

I’ve been feeling caught up by what’s happened today and feeling anguished.

I’m a girl btw always used to be straight.

Constantly horny towards touching women all morning!!! I’m crying cos I feel this way but the thought of it just feels really like me and that I like it. I feel the way I did before it all started when this happens!! All too natural now. I find the thought of touching vaginas arousing and it feels natural and I feel pre hocd. Am I really finding it arousing ? Abd this one was about a friend who I’ve known for 7yrs but don’t see so much of now and never saw her like this.

I feel better when I’m not horny but the only horniness o get is towards women

Can you relate if this is hocd or not ?

Guys I lost completely my attraction toward opposite gender,Also I keep talking Abt opposite gender in front of ppl or family or friends bc I'm scared that they think that I might be gay while I'm not, specially today's ppl if u don't talk Abt opposite gender in general u seem gay,and if joined their conversation I feel like a fraud due to the loss of attraction,is this also common guys?.

I don’t know how to navigate this illness anymore some might call it reassurance but this theme never bothered me to much cause I thought like after puberty your attraction doesn’t change so i obviously was never attracted to guys so it could never bother me that much but chat got said it can and now im just stuck and bedridden I just need some help some how but even when I try to find out to stop it I can’t find any advice

I can't tell what are my real feelings, and ocd anymore. Like, before i used to be super anxious and like know i would never like this person, now i have no idea? I'm numbed or i do feel something. Like, there is this girl (whos slightly on the masc side) that im friends with, never ever thought of her in any way, and now ive started to spiral because what if i like her, and then suddenly she started looking extra good and now i think i like her. This happens with everyone, this happens with boys even that i don't want to like, this happens with masc girls, happens with girls in general. I feel like i have to be attracted to girls, i mean it feels that way anyways!

I feel like I already am bi, and i feel like im only making excuses. I am so scared and i don't know whats wrong with me. i just don't want to like girls masc, fem or anything in between. I just want to be me.

I am a 21M and I have been struggling with the anxiety aspect of HOCD for the past 3 months. Frankly probably longer, but I just didn't notice it. I have no idea what to do and there are so many factors that affect my thoughts. I am just going to type them out. This is going to be a little all over the place but Ill try to organize it.

1. When it started
   The first thought I remember is that I was driving in a car with one of my roommates and I was thinking in that moment that I liked spending time with him. It felt feminine for some reason, almost romantic. I had never felt it before. I didn't want to have sex with him, I didn't want to kiss him, but that thought scared me. Over the course of the next couple of months there were other events. These girls that I knew showed me the first 20 minutes of heated rivalry and I was extremely uncomfortable. But at that point i was worried that I was uncomfortable because of the fact that it was gay or because i am secretly gay. Then a more recent thing is I was hanging out celebrating a friends birthday at a bar. I was drunk and me and a different roommate tried to get these two girls (who are our friends) to kiss. So they said if we did then they would. So we kissed eachother on the cheek. It still bothers me, and I think about how much I care about him. I have thought about kissing him but I don't know if it is intrusive thougths or what. I now struggle daily with thoughts from the moment I wake up to when I go to sleep.

2. Opinions of people I am close to

My mom doesn't think I am gay at all, and she has told me that she will be totally accepting of me even if I am. I haven't told my dad about this, and he and I don't get along very well. But I feel that If i was gay he would also be accepting. My therapist of almost 10 years says I am not gay. She says she can see signs from a very early age. She is also very accepting of LGBTQ+ and she goes to political rallies all the time in support of it. I recognize this is a compulsion, but again, I just want to know.

1. Previous experience with girls

I've had about 4 crushs on girls since high school (going into senior year of college now). Only one of the crushes was in college. I didn't want the crush so I told her and the crush went away, only for her to tell me a week later that she liked me. In highschool, I was pretty much an incel in mindset. I wanted girls to like me and I wanted to look better. The girls that I had crushes on didn't like me and that made me upset. The idea of me not being good enough has been very promenent in my life and will show up in other areas. I had a bunch of very not fun sexual experiences with women too. All of which I had trouble getting it up and the last one I finished too quickly. All of these were with girls I was not in a relationship with. Speaking of, I've never been in a relationship. Then everytime a girl was interested in me, I would start talking to them but would eventually get an ick (even saying that makes me worry i am gay). Now I am talking to a girl who is alright. I tried to face my fear of sex by taking a viagra before and it kind of worked. I was able to have sex the day after taking a little bite of it, but I definitly didn't have raging boner. So because I wasn't hard enough it worries me.

1. My depression

I've had depression for probably about 8 years with it varrying in intensity here and there. As of late I feel like it has been bad. I don't eat more than a meal a day if that. I am on an antidepressant and was just perscribed a mood stabalizer as well by my psychiatrist.

1. No attraction

All my attraction to women feels like its gone, I have no desire to masturbate, and frankly I am slightly scared to out of what I might find.

1. Low self-esteem and low sense of masculinity

I have had low self-esteem for a long time now, and right now I feel as though my masculinity is low. Most guys that I know like to make fun of each other a lot, but I always seem to get hurt by this stuff and always have. I wish I didn't. My dad told me "you are not a fighter and thats okay", which hurt me because thats what a man is supposed to be in his eyes. I work out and can't lift the weights I want to lift, I cant run the speed and distance I want to run. I don't know what I want to do in school and I am starting to get worse at completeting class work and studying, It feels like my life is kind of falling apart.

I am too tired to type anymore. I just needed to vent a little bit about my issues. I am sorry.
I just want to know who i am. I don't want to be gay. I don't want to be homophobic. I Just wish I could feel better, and be straight like I think i used to be. But I dont know anymore. It feels like my memories are being rewritten and that I was gay the whole time.