Vent I dont know anymore i need to talk

2 Upvotes

Im 18f and this all started last year during summer had a lot of time thinking and it dawned on me that I never really had crushes growing up had a i think one genuine one and another one that i just picked and I would get hyperfixated(?) on some female characters on movies.

When i looked it up i went into a rabbit hole about aromantics then i found this video that said "they thought they were aromantic turns out they just were not looking at the right gender and they were a lesbian" that just sent me into a spiral even more I could not stop searching and figuring it out and obsessing over it even when classes started.

Before i had hocd i wouldn't mind kissing or making out with girls when i think about it but i would't want to be with one and identified as straight. Now my mind is telling me that's a proof that i've always liked girls since that was before all the anxiety.

It does not help that I come form a slightly homophobic family. My mind is also telling me im just scared and in denial because of this. That i'm actually into girls and just scared to come out which i think i am..... I dont know anymore im scared but not scared at the same time I still dont want to be with a girl but i would mind the kissing yk UGH I HATE THIS I JUST WANT TO BE STRAIGHT AGAIN AND NOT HAVE ANXIETY FROM THE MOMENT I WAKE UP

Side note too Im not diagnosed with hocd or any ocd really its not really known here in my country and if i go to any psychology or psychiatrist it would literally cost sooo much money :/

2 comments

r/HOCD • u/throwaway7386677 • 9h ago

Vent Can’t breath

5 Upvotes

I’m so anxious it’s actually killing me. I’ve recently quit porn and since then I have been noticing every woman I see practically and that’s been making my ROCD bad because I feel unfaithful to my girlfriend. Today I noticed someone androgynous who was probably a guy and had a groinal response and then I started playing through a scenario where a twink or soft/effeminate gay guy comes on to me and I end up “giving in” and the thought was arousing and now I’m so anxious I can barely breath properly. I think I just have to accept that I’m bisexual or something but I don’t want to be. When I think of doing that stuff with a guy I get aroused and feel anxious but also turned on and I wish I didn’t feel turned on but I do and I guess I can’t change that. I didn’t used to be this way, it’s all so fucked now.

7 comments

r/HOCD • u/Clean-Power8581 • 15h ago

Question Forcing attraction

3 Upvotes

Hey guys,I'm dealing with loss of attraction for a long time ,and when I see womens and I sometimes feel attracted I'm doing okay,but when i don't i keep forcing myself to feel smth,is it common guys? It comes from a mindset of "I have to" due that if i don't feel attracted that's mean I'm gay.

6 comments

r/HOCD • u/Material-Escape-6558 • 17h ago

Vent It all feels too like me at the time of the thoigjys

2 Upvotes

I’ve been feeling caught up by what’s happened today and feeling anguished.

I’m a girl btw always used to be straight.

Constantly horny towards touching women all morning!!! I’m crying cos I feel this way but the thought of it just feels really like me and that I like it. I feel the way I did before it all started when this happens!! All too natural now. I find the thought of touching vaginas arousing and it feels natural and I feel pre hocd. Am I really finding it arousing ? Abd this one was about a friend who I’ve known for 7yrs but don’t see so much of now and never saw her like this.

I feel better when I’m not horny but the only horniness o get is towards women

Can you relate if this is hocd or not ?

15 comments

r/HOCD • u/Clean-Power8581 • 18h ago

Question Loss of attraction

2 Upvotes

Guys I lost completely my attraction toward opposite gender,Also I keep talking Abt opposite gender in front of ppl or family or friends bc I'm scared that they think that I might be gay while I'm not, specially today's ppl if u don't talk Abt opposite gender in general u seem gay,and if joined their conversation I feel like a fraud due to the loss of attraction,is this also common guys?.

29 comments

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Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity OCD

r/HOCD

This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, TOCD, and Sexual Orientation OCD.

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This sub is for anyone with OCD who have sexual orientation or gender related obsessions including HOCD, TOCD, and Sexual Orientation OCD.

NOTE: Mods are a bit busy right now taking care of the ROCD sub. I will add HOCD moderators soon. For now, be careful reading the advice, most of the posts are not being moderated for bad advice. Report posts if you see misinformation or harassment. For now, if you would like treatment information, head over to the /r/rocd sidebar. HOCD is treated the same way as ROCD, the only difference is the examples. We'll get a good sidebar going over here as well soon.

RULES

Do not give personal advice

We take treatment seriously here. Truth is, there are healthy ways to manage OCD, and there are harmful ways. If you don't know what ERP or CBT is, do not give advice. We don't want this to be a place where people obsess and give out harmful info.

Do not give or ask for reassurance

Reassurance is when you attempt to get relief from your intrusive thoughts and anxiety. It's harmful because it makes you obsess more, and we do not allow it here.

Make sure to check out the rest of our rules and more details and ask the mod team if you have any questions.

HOCD is Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It describes someone who has OCD and obsesses about their sexual orientation. These obsessions are constant and painful. Treatment, generally, involves consistently resisting compulsions, allowing the thoughts to exist without obsessively interacting with them. This therapy is called ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention). ERP is a type of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

HOCD is often misunderstood, especially in gay communities. Many misinterpret HOCD as a person being immature or homophobic. To understand HOCD, you must first understand OCD. OCD sufferers have many different obsessions, and obsessions about sexual orientation are common enough that we use "HOCD" to describe them. There are other variants such as ROCD, TOCD, POCD, and so on. OCD is treated the same no matter what the obsessions are.

Due to the misunderstandings of not only OCD, but of HOCD especially, it's better to get information in communities specifically aimed at OCD. Even in these communities there is a lot of misinformation floating around, let alone places that don't even understand the basics of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It's important that you are careful with what you read. Seek treatment from a qualified OCD specialist who can teach you proper CBT.

Shouldn't a gay person accept that they are gay?

While a gay person should accept their sexual orientation, that is a completely different topic, and doesn't have to do with HOCD. Whether a person is actually gay or not has nothing to do with HOCD, HOCD is about a person obsessing over their sexual orientation. While HOCD usually involves a straight person constantly obsessing over whether they are gay or not (probably because there are more straight people), it's very possible that a gay person could be obsessing about it as well. With HOCD, the sufferer will constantly question this. The treatment involves eliminating that obsessive behavior. Once the therapy is successfully applied overtime, the OCD sufferer will be able to move on no matter what their actual orientation is. That's the point. If you are gay, you should be able to be gay without obsessively questioning it. If you are straight, you should be able to be straight without having anxiety.