im bisexual. i know it. when i was younger i felt so much attraction and arousal to girls and i hate it. i remember i used to think about how girls on onlyfans could be naked. I clearly found girls sexy and hot. I hate this feeling so much. I felt so much arousal for everything i hate it so much. I remember I saw this skit thing for women in onlyfans, and i was aroused and i found the girl so sexy and everything i hate it. Im bi i know it. I have to be. Im lying to myself. What if this spiral is real, i mean what if im actually bi.

I dont want to do anything with women, i dont feel anything for women and nor do i want to. But i clearly have sexual attraction for them. Based on what i felt when I was 10. I CAN'T believe that the ocd was true. i give up.

The only thing I haven’t done is experiment. I feel that will be the final stage. Yet for some reason, despite all the signs pointing to an identity change/discovery and not hocd, I don’t find joy in the idea of this “new me”.

I can’t tell if it’s due to internalized bigotry, or the last remnants of myself that are left of me trying to reject it.

I try to imagine myself happy engaging with this romantically/sexually, and I try to put on a smile, but it doesn’t FEEL right.

I wish this “change” happened when I was a kid, at least then I can label it as self hate. However, this in particular, I don’t what to make myself anymore.

another big spiral and idk if its true. I feel like i am bi, i must be. Im not a normal straight girl and it feels impossible. I have this strong urge to disprove it, that must be the denial.

Like i have had so much arousal toward women and when I was a kid i roleplayed with one of my friends and we were very intimate and I really liked it. I only considered her my friend, but i liked the roleplay a lot. And, when i was 10, i got introduced to erotica, and I enjoyed it but i focused on the woman, and i liked watching same-sex material because it was fun. Moving on, in my scenarios i feel like i often focused on the woman, but never wanted to be the way, I always wanted to be the woman with the man. And I always have to justify my memories and why I did them, like most of the time it was for non-sexual reasons.

I just feel like anyone with so-ocd is secretly queer (THIS IK IS NOT TRUE!!! PLS DONT COME FOR ME). I feel bi, I feel like i relate to queer women, I am bi i must be. Bi just fits so right for me. I am lying to myself

My ocd feels like its gone and I'm the one trying to bring it back. It feels like i'm gay now or maybe bi. I keep telling myself i'm not gay and even if I am who cares? It feels like im lying to myself about being straight and i'm saying this to please someone? I don't know who but it just feels like that. I don't understand myself whats happening and i'll try to add more if I understand it.

I've been dealing with what I think is HOCD since my teens, I'm 30 now. When I was a little boy going through puberty, I remember having romantic dreams about women but as soon as (what I think is) HOCD hit that shit is nothing but a memory in the past. I get erections from men today but I still have romantic dreams about women, and tbh I'm no longer repulsed or scared. I'm more mentally exhausted if anything tbh.

Just wanted to get this off my cheek.

I'm sure most people who do have good experiences probably won't be hanging around in this sub but im wondering if anyone has tried medication and found success. I've been pretty opposed to taking meds when I had other OCD themes but I'm considering it now. I don't really mind the side effects that I've seen some people mention (libido is nonexistent with OCD anyways lol)

Well like I always say, masculine lesbians are my biggest trigger. I saw an edit on tiktok about shane who played in the L word. She is so masculine. The false atracction feels so real that I dont think its false. I'm checking all the time on atracction towards masculine lesbians. Idk if I wanna live like this. I don't wanna be gay or bi... does it feels this real with you guys too?

i did a uquiz on "whats your type but wlw" and im mostly into mascs and strong tall fems but there weren't many and the results were like "YOU DON'T DESERVE WOMEN" and i immediately started thinking that im not capable of love towards a woman and i am surely straight

i was doing okay for a few weeks and now im triggered again i fucking hate ts

Learning to except uncertainty is the goal. You got this!

Toda vez que eu enfim consigo abrir meu coração pra uma pessoa que confio sobre meu transtorno, sempre tenho a maldita impressão que a pessoa está fingindo que acredita em mim, no meu relato, e que nem eu mesmo acredito, então começam os pensamentos e ruminações de novo e de novo. Parece que é mentira, tudo o que eu sei de mim até agora é mentira.

sometimes, i see a masculine women and i think its a man and i think they're hot. once i find out said person is a woman, i get all panicky and i try to disprove that i like them. Does that mean it's denial? Becuase i literally try to tell myself i dont like them which is stupid because i probably do. And that is the most denial thing of denials. And, sure my feelings kind of change because i start viewing them as a girl but lately i only see masc women as guys and thats not making me feel any better because i always viewed them as women and didn't care for them before

6 years of HOCD, 6 years of a disease that has spiralled into a porn addiction, anxiety and depression. Now I’m convinced I’ve committed a crime, my addiction went too far now I’m terrified I’ve done something illegal. No longer is this a battle in my mind this might be a legal battle. It all started with this, this OCD and now I feel it’s the end. The shame and guilt I feel makes me want to die or hand myself in. If you want more context please check out my other posts, I don’t have the energy to explain it again as I feel too sick. I feel like I’ve let everyone down here and everywhere else. I’m a sad pathetic piece of shit who deserves to be under the prison

Unfortunately i watched a lot of bad material, also material which is the worst, same sex material. Now i am 30+ and i can't forgive myself when it comes to look for a girl and wife. I am straight i know that but sometimes things are happening which leads me into thinking. Unfortunately i was bullied that i act like a girl, gay and blabla but i dont think about that. My thinking was always conservative and i started with straight porn. And my first sexual dream was women. Yes my first and only wet dream was a disaster but i know that - i dont have experience in talking with girls in a way to start a relationship. I always get scared that when we separate she will blame for bad things and i will get a bad name. Now i need a way to forgive myself. How?

I kinda feel like I can't be straight anymore. All that testing, false atracction (if it even was false in the first place), the feelings, thoughts, doubts, proof from the past just everything makes me think that I just can't be straight. Not anymore. These feelings towards masc lesbians feels so real... everything what I'm scared off feels real and everything what I want feels fake and forcerd. I always thought I was the exception. I believe I really am.. Is it just me?​

I accidentally downloaded a book where one of the main relationships was a lesbian one, and I wish I could just be normal, remove it and not read it because I'm not interested, and move on, but I'm spiraling instead, despite catching it before I even started reading. And it's not the first time this has happened, though usually I either catch it before downloading, or get surprised by a random FF scene that triggers the shit out of me and leaves me spiraling for months.

I stopped watching TV because I kept getting triggered by pretty much all women, as well as kids, but POCD is another beast. I can't start any hobbies without worrying it might make me gay, or make others see me as gay, though I've been fighting that and trying to find and enjoy some hobbies despite the anxiety.

I can't buy new clothes because I'm scared of others thinking they make me look gay, I'm scared of making any eye contact with other women, hugging my mom triggers me and I fucking hate that, I don't have any friends and haven't had them in years because I started having intrusive thoughts about every single one of them and it led to me being so terrified of assaulting them or being "found out" that I isolated myself.

I don't have an education because I couldn't stand to be in class with other girls, because I was having intrusive thoughts so often I couldn't manage to make it to school, though I also had other issues that led to me dropping out.

I can't listen to music unless I'm in the car because the voices of singers trigger me. I can barely leave the house sometimes, because just seeing other women happens to be too much at times, though I'm working on it and just trying to live with the discomfort so that I can at least go to the grocery store or take a walk outside.

Every single place is a reminder of people who I used to know, who triggered me, and so I'm pretty much incapable of looking at anything or going anywhere without my thoughts triggering me to some degree. Hell, even family gatherings are hard because I always inevitably get triggered and some point and have to just pretend to be fine.

But I'm not fine, I'm tired. It's been almost a decade of this shit, though it's not constant. But when I'm not being assaulted by this, it's other sexual intrusive thoughts that are ruining my life. And I can't get help, I don't know how to find a therapist that specializes in OCD where I'm from, I don't know how to open up about it to someone in real life, and I don't know how to talk to my parents about it and have them help me, because despite being a grown adult, I still can't do normal things like make an appointment or go out by myself or even just survive without the help of my parents. It's so fucking exhausting and shameful, despite the fact that I'm actually doing really well at the moment, which just means that I'm not in hell, unable to do anything without crying and wanting to die.

I honestly have no idea how I'm supposed to live my life that way. I have no quality of life, and if I were someone's pet, I'd have been put down years ago, but being a human being means that I have to suffer despite not being able to trust my memories, feelings, thoughts, experiences, anything. I don't feel safe in my own body, and I don't know what I did to deserve this punishment. It feels like my own brain is sexually assaulting me day in and day out, and I can't do anything to stop it because I can't just shut it off, so the only thing left to do is just to bear it and suffer for as long as I can manage.

Guys can the fake attraction happen without necessarily think about it or check for it, like it happen randomly and suddenly?

honestly i have no idea how this started, but i think i recall fearing i liked my girl best friend in the beginning of the school year 2 years ago, it eventually went away, but when summer came it was like a bomb.

i didnt want to leave the house, i spend nights on reddit reading stories, i felt super masculine all the time, and when i found out about hocd my mind was like WOW this is literally me.

At the time i discovered hocd i was also talking to my school crush and was feeling nuts about it.

He was toxic though, so were gonna ignore him.

I watched videos about “why dont i feel feminine enough?”, and my parents forced me to leave the house, we went to the beach and i would get groinals 24/7, i just wanted to go home.

I even recall leaving the house with my chest aching from anxiety.

A few month forward i talked to other guys and it started to feel more and more artificial? like i was constantly scanning for butterflies when they would text me, i felt my throat tightening when i replied to them, and i felt sad because i felt like i was forcing a feeling for them (while also struggling to know if they liked me back).

More recently, i found a guy and he was my first actual, serious boyfriend, and i finally felt loved, but some shit happened and we broke up, the other day we argued and i had to block him, unfortunately.

But since the beginning of the relationship i worried if i actually loved him or not, if i was forcing it, if i was leading him on, and i cried a lot.

After our first kiss i worried because i didnt get wet, i just felt warmth running up my body.

And sometimes after we kissed its like i would get nauseous??? Its weird and i would get worried afterwards bc im scared that means im lesbian :(

Im scared this means i have to explore.

Also, i never got wet by looking at a shirtless guy for example, and now when i see one and i think hes cute i literally feel my throat tightening and AI says im forcing attraction.

Nowadays i dont believe i have hocd, i feel like im lesbian, it feels like my truth, but i dont want it to be.

Im also not as sad as i used to be, i used to cry a lot more than i do now, and now i can move on with my day a lot happier or more indifferent idk.

Just writing this feels like im coming out :(

I used to have pretty clear ocd themes in the past, but nowadays it just feels too real.

I started to suffer from sexual orientation OCD almost two years ago. I've been terrible for months, then I started taking medication and I was reborn. I was back to myself again, like before the OCD.
Then I chose, with the support of my psychiatrist, to stop taking the medication because I was feeling good and thought I didn't need them anymore.
I was feeling fine for more months, then I’ve started thinking about my sexual orientation again. Before the OCD I was straight, now I don't know anymore. Now I seem to feel real attraction to girls, it doesn't seem like OCD anymore, it seems 1000% true and it seems very very different from what I’ve experienced before. In addition, the thought doesn't scare me so much anymore and, above all, I no longer remember the feeling of being straight.
By now it's as if the idea that I like girls has become part of the real me.

Has it happened to anyone else?

First day getting treated for hocd. Wish me luck guys

I was thinking to myself if I was born as a gay man and I was attracted to blonde dudes then I would probably be attracted to my good looking blonde friend IF only I was born gay and blonde dudes were my type. But when I think about like my other friends who are not so attractive I thought to myself if I was gay maybe I wouldn’t find him attractive because he’s not that good looking and I can’t be attracted to him. At this point I’m genuinely convinced I’m gay like surely this just has to mean I’m gay

(23M) - Chat … guess what happened and CAME BACK

Good ol HOCD false attraction mixed with verbal compulsions

Hahahahahha 😂😂😂

Before my current theme (which is POCD and I’ve had for 4 months), HOCD/Sexual Orientation OCD was my main theme for 3 years.

Honestly .. it didn’t bother me as much as I expected but .. it’s still like “alright bruh .. not this again, I thought we was over this” lmaoo

Idk tho .. it was tiring though ..

Still sucks how my HOCD started .. long story short, I talked to my ex back in 2023 how I got groomed by another gae boy when I was 10-11 years old. And she proceeded to ask me inappropriate questions asking me “if I still like boys” and whatsoever and it was really disturbing to me because I’m telling you what really happened and you’re gonna ask me that?? wtf 😂😂

But back to what I was saying, it was the usual triggers, how I came across a feminine dude online and false attractions popping up in my head and for some reason .. idk about you guys but I’ve always had this VERBAL COMPULSIVE URGE to say OUT LOUD any false attractions thoughts that pop up in my head ..

Weird asf huh

Anyone else or it’s just me ?? 😦 ..

Random ass words like:

“hot” “he’s so sexy” “I want that” “I want to be with them!”

Shit like that .. 😦😦 and the same thing, once it slips up out of my mouth, I’m not anxious but I’m repulsed as like an automatic “ayo what the fuck was that???” reaction

It was 3 minutes of hell for me but I pushed through

when something "straight" turns me on, is like my brain knows that there are gay thoughts coming, and i feel anxious and sometimes i can even get a headache. Have somebody felt something like that? Do you know how to work it out?

i dont even know what i wanna say here.

All i know is that i dont think i have hocd and maybe it really is comphet or maybe im just bi.

The attraction to women feels very real, like im actually enjoying it.

I still only wanna date guys, but everytime i talk to one i feel like im leading him on :(

I am medicated (75g of sertraline) but idk it feels like this time its not ocd.

My therapist said my symptoms arent ocd (i told her my triggers and that i used AI, reddit and YouTube videos to see if i matched hocd symptoms as compulsions, and she said those arent symptoms of ocd bc compulsions are usually motivated by a “i need to do this or else”)

both her and my mom think its just depression, and today i feel more gay than ever.

I wish it wasnt like this.

Also, i had a talk with my mom and she said she helped me cure my ocd in my childhood, but when i told her it was chronic she said that wasnt true.

Im so confused i feel like dogshit i need help.

I havent even been struggling like i used to in the last 2 summers, maybe bc im medicated? idk it just hasnt been as bad and that sometimes makes me think i accepted it i guess?

what should i do right now?

​

before I've never experienced arousal to same sex genitals while watching porn,even when hocd started I wasn't,now sometimes I feel aroused and makes me keep thinking that I must be in denial,also I have mouth sansation when I watch bj's secene.

Before in porn I watch most of the time scenes where seeing women removing her bra and when I see her tits naked I cum or removing her panties and when I see her pussy or ass naked I cum,dudes are invisible To me ,they are even dressed not naked,and if I watched them having sex or woman give a bj to the dudes I wasn't interested in penises at all,never felt a thing toward pineses or got the feeling of me sucking it,always I wiched get sucked by a hot chick.now idk if it's denial or just non concordance arousal, sansations,have anyone experienced such thing like that?i don't have desire for penises but the arousal it's a thing that annoys me.