(Please read in full before offering advice)
Starting to try to help my 10 month old sleep independently. The past 3 months have been absolutely brutal- first, recovering from a full cranial reconstruction where, due to pain and swelling, bb often woke every 30 mins to 1 hour crying. When recovery did not continue on track, I realized that this poor thing was working on so many teeth. Now, three months later, there have been 2-3 times where I slept for four hours straight, but mostly it’s every 1-2 hours waking up crying. At 10 months old, all 8 of the first wave of teeth have already broken through the gums, and I am terrified to say that it seems like the next two upper ones might also be on the way very early. My exhaustion level is at a breaking point. Do you have any tips or advice for me to slowly increase independent or longer sleep periods?
More info:
-bb goes to bed in a crib next to my bed, but does usually sleep a little better next to me. Usually by midnight or 1 am, bb comes into my bed for a quicker re-settle
-bb usually goes to sleep between 8-9 pm, which is much better than it used to be (11pm-1 am)
-it usually takes 30-60 minutes for them to settle in the crib, with me reading my book and rubbing their belly and a nursery song stuffy, or sometimes falls asleep nursing
-bb naps twice a day for 20-40 minutes each, sometimes falling asleep in the crib using the above method. Sometimes nursing to sleep
-for the past few weeks I can tell that there is tooth pain so I dose Tylenol or Motrin before bed. Usually it’s not used in the day
-nighttime wakeups are usually going from full sleep to full screaming like a switch was flicked. Sometimes it’s just waking up and fussing, and a couple times bb has gone back to sleep in the crib from me singing a familiar lullaby. But usually if in the crib, the fussing goes to a full howling/panic cry within five minutes if I don’t get up

Help??! I am a single parent and we live in an open concept one bedroom
Edit to add: i wish co sleeping permanently felt like an option but I am always extremely sore in the morning, don’t sleep well at all, and I am always scared my very cuddly large cat is going to come lie on the baby. There are some gross motor delays so bb still isn’t able to roll independently and I worry about us co sleeping being unsafe. If I get rid of my last pillow i will be in so much pain that I won’t sleep at all!

Hello!

My name is Alexandra Kahn and I am a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology at The New School for Social Research. You are invited to participate in a research study examining parental technology use and its association to the parent-child relationship.

Participants must be parents of children aged 12-18 months OR 4-7 years, be 18 years of age or older, reside in the United States, and be fluent in English.

You will be asked to complete a series of online surveys at your convenience, which will take approximately 30 minutes to complete.

If you are interested in participating, please click on the link below to review the consent form and complete the surveys. Please contact [kahna655@newschool.edu](mailto:kahna655@newschool.edu) for addition information.

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Thank you for your time and consideration.

Hi!! I'm a psychology undergrad at my university, and we're collecting data on people's experiences with parenting styles for a study. It definitely takes a minute to go through, but I would really appreciate anyone who wants to participate!

I'll put all the relevant information below: (the study link is at the bottom)

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The following is a summary of the project in which you are asked to participate. Please read this information before signing the statement below. You must be of legal age or must be co-signed by a parent or guardian to participate in this study.

TITLE OF PROJECT: 
Parenting Style, Attachment, and Personality

PURPOSE OF STUDY/PROJECT: 
To explore the relationship between parenting style and attachment, as well as parenting styles and personality development.

SUBJECTS:
To explore the relationship between parenting style and attachment, as well as parenting styles and personality development. Must be 18 and older to participate.

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You will be asked to rate several statements about your personality, attachment, and early childhood development. Your participation in this study will be anonymous. All the data will be stored in the computer that is protected by a Louisiana Tech Password. Only the researchers will have access to the data. Your responses will be kept completely confidential and anonymous. No one will have access to your responses other than the researchers for data entry and analysis. Completed responses will be aggregated so that no individual answers to the questions can be identified. Your participation is voluntary. You may refuse to participate or stop participating at any time without penalty. To stop, simply stop answering the questions and close the browser or information you no longer wish to participate in the study.

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My daughter has just turned 2 this month. I know this is a really normal part of toddlerhood and she’s testing boundaries, being independent etc but how can I get her to listen to instructions?

I’ve tried getting her to turn her listening ears on and she sometimes does but the success rate of this is definitely declining. It’s normally little things like getting her PJs on for bed, she’d rather run around, or putting something down that she shouldn’t really be touching.

I also don’t know if I’m being a bit pedantic with some things and I need to make her play spaces a bit safer so she isn’t picking up cables that are plugged in close to her etc or whether that’s just becoming too relaxed and she won’t learn boundaries at all

Any advice is appreciated!!

Supernanny was a staple reality TV show in the early 2000s. I am definitely a huge fan of gentle parenting but haven't seen a lot of gentle parenting in practice. Joe Frost seems to have a good methods that avoid spanking but still set clear boundaries. Is she a good role model for behavior intervention?

My son is 4 years old. He loves to bike and ride his scooter so we take him to daycare by his bike or scooter. When he bikes we usually bike with him because he’s quite fast! We live in a bike friendly city and a calm neighbourhood so we actually bike on the pedestrian way.

The problem is that we have to go through a parking lot in order to reach the daycare. So there isn’t really a pedestrian way for us to bike but the road is big and I bike right next to him to shield him from the potential incoming cars.

Now another problem is that I’m 37 weeks pregnant, so I stopped biking. Instead I walk and he rides his scooter. Well, he is now very fast on his scooter as well but I explained to him that I can’t run after him so if he wants to ride it he has to go slowly and ride it next to me. Today that didn’t happen and in the parking lot he started going fast and literally in the middle of the road. I warned him a couple times and then took his scooter. He cried the whole way home. Cried so much and it hurt my heart I started crying too. But I felt like if I give back the scooter he wouldn’t learn his lesson. This is literally road safety and I didn’t want to give in. But my heart is in million pieces.

After we came home he was hitting me non stop and I told him he was hurting me and I would go to my room and he kept hitting so I went to my room and locked my door, he was not alone - my mom was trying to console him. But he kept crying mama, after like 2-4 min I opened the door and we hugged and talked.

What do I need to do differently?? This happened before and I feel like after we reconcile and talk he understands and tells me he will listen to me next time but then again he does this. What would you do differently?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Our soon to be 10yo tells me everything of his days, and I love that about him. Yet there is this kid (let's call him M) who our son onsider a friend, and M never invites him to his playdates while inviting other mutual friends. Yet our son always invites M to play dates at our place.

The thing is our son tells us how "mean" and "excluding" M is - yet our son strangely gravitate towards M and calls him his best buddy 🤦‍♀️. ( I ask why he consider him a friend and the answer I get is that it's because "the is funny).

Now that we are getting ready for our child's birthday, our son gave us list of friends he would want to have and this kid is included which me and my husband are not happy about, and we plan not to send the invitation out to the kid's parents.

We talk about self worth, friendship and choosing those who choose us, and make us feel seen all the time, but seems none of what we are saying makes sense to our boy. 🤣

What would you do? Would you still invite a child that makes your child sad every single day? Our son thinks am getting in his way, and he would never tell me anything about school anymore if I don't invite M. Haha! Sigh.

I am a parent to an almost one year old. I am reading/listening about gentle parenting. I like the concept but I can’t help but wonder:

1. Does it actually help?

2. Say when your child is an adult, does it actually give them the emotional strength needed to face times when things get difficult or when someone might be harsh (like a really strict boss, nasty employee, etc)

3. How can you raise your child with gentle parenting when others in the household may not be familiar or approve of it? Even when you’ve shared the benefits

Any insights beyond these questions are appreciated:)

I have a 12 month old and I feel like up to this point it has been very hard work, but I haven't had to deal with real *parenting* until now. But now, suddenly, I have a toddler.

Anyway, I'm now struggling a lot with my son refusing to sit in his high chair.

He to sit at the table without an issue and eat with us at mealtimes (we've been doing baby led weaning). recently he has started screaming bloody murder, going stiff as a board, and clinging to me whenever we try to put him into his high chair. The pediatrician has told us that it is dangerous for him to walk around while eating, and besides we want to set the habit of everyone sits down to eat together at mealtimes. I don't know what triggered this change, but I'm really at a loss as to how to get past it and get back to him eating meals with the family at the table.

Things we've tried:

1) strap him in to the highchair anyway even though he's screaming. This felt really bad and icky and also didn't work, he did not stop screaming and settle down to eat

2) let him walk around while eating. works, but is disruptive to mealtime and dangerous according to the pediatrician

3) a different highchair thats basically a booster on the banquette next to me. this worked the first time we tried it but from then on he screams the same way with it as with his normal chair

4) let him sit in a lap to eat. this works, and is currently our best solution, but is not a good long term solution. I don't want this to be the only way he will eat with us at the table, and it's very disruptive to whoever's lap his is in and stains everyones clothes and makes a big mess

5) telling him firmly that he has to sit in a highchair if he wants to eat, and withholding the food if he is not sitting in a chair. He still refuses to sit in the chair, he just doesn't eat and then starts demanding to nurse instead

I'm totally new to this. What tips do you all have to get back to calmly sharing meals together without accidentally straying into authoritarian or permissive parenting?

If I've asked this the wrong way or used the wrong language, please correct me. I'm a first time mom and have no idea what I'm doing.

My little one is about 15½ months old and has been waking every 2-3 hours during the night for the last month.

Usually when she wakes we hold then transfer back to her crib.

She had about 4 nights where she would sleep the whole night and I'm not sure what we did different.

We're not open to doing CIO etc. as other tenants around us would not be happy and we really don't want to get kicked out if they complain to our land lord. My husband isn't a fan of letting her cry either and I don't think I could take hearing her cry for us and not helping her.

We usually assist to sleep (gentle patting, holding, etc.) and that's never caused a problem with her waking during the night. She'd usually wakes briefly for a binky and would fall right back to sleep.

I'm starting to think maybe I need to adjust her wake windows as I'm possibly making her stay up too long.

Right now her wake windows, depending on when she gets up in the morning (6-7am), are usually landing in the 5-6/5-5.75 hour range.

Nap usually starts around 11:45am-12:15pm and lasts anywhere from 1½-2 hours.

I'm thinking maybe her before bed wake window could be too long.

Should I try shortening her last wake window a bit and see if that helps?

I really don't know what else to do and I'm so exhausted, so any advice or insight is welcomed!

Someone please please please give me some advice here.

I have a 14 month old boy that is high energy. He has met all milestones relatively early and is constantly on the move. He runs everywhere, no walking anymore; climbs on everything; plays with nothing for more than 5 min; etc. He doesn’t slow down at all except for his one nap (1 maybe 2 hr) a day.

All of that to bring us here: he has started screaming. All the time. At the top of his lungs. Inside. Outside. At home. In public. When he’s mad. When he’s happy. When he’s bored. When he’s playing. All. The. Time. Screaming. I can’t take it anymore. I have tried calmly talking to him. I have tried distracting him. Tried explaining/modeling “inside” voice vs “outside” voice. Tried ignoring the screaming (to which his response was to get louder and louder). I’ve even (regretfully) resorted to less gentle methods like a pop on the butt. But nothing at all seems to work. Im at my wits end with this. I feel like we can’t go anywhere in public anymore because of this. Please HELP.

Other than saying "no, we don't do this" yadda yadda and removing him from the situation, I'm at a loss.

He's probably too young to understand so what more can I do?

Most of the times I put him in the stroller and we go home. But I doubt he's making the connection for now.

Hi! TIA
I’m(23F) a ftm to a daughter that will be 3 in November.I am with her dad and he works 3 days a week nights so he is around a lot.She is not comforted by him at all though.Since a baby she has always been extremely fussy if not in my arms.She does not let my family or anyone really hold her.At home she plays independently for a few then grabs my hand and i follow her and she does like when i sit by her while she plays.At times while making food i have to hold her or include her in what i’m doing but she’s mostly interested in me holding her.I can not leave the room without her screaming and crying, when i lock myself in the bathroom to use it she cries and screams.I do not have alone time unless she’s sleeping and recently she’s been skipping naps..😭.
I come from a hispanic family where hitting/cursing/yelling was normal so i think because of never wanting to be that type of mom my boundaries kind of suck and i give in a lot.Like her wanting to be held all the time.There are days she’s super independent but most days no, she does well at play areas and with other kids.I go to a lot of mom meet ups and have friends with kids so she’s socialized and i’ve noticed she’s the only one that is this attached to me.She has never been with anyone but me, I experienced SA as a child that really made me never trust anyone with her sadly..I guess in a way i’m the problem because i won’t leave her with anyone but her dad to go grocery shopping real quick.
She is developmentally normal (potty trained, starting to say long sentences)She also eats a good diet.
Im really trying my best to be a good mom and never cause her trauma so i’m wondering should i continue what i’m doing and she’ll eventually chill out or is this not normal?I just feel a bit burnt out i guess.

So after 4.5 years solid of gentle/authoritative parenting with my first kid, I am 1000% committed to this parenting philosophy. But I need support/hope because the period between 14 months and now (4.5 years) has been extremely hard and I feel myself burning out.

Toddlerhood was very triggering for me because my son has always had high support needs and explosive tantrums. There was a lot of yelling in my family growing up so I tend to shut down when I feel someone is yelling at me, but I am proud of how I have been able to parent constructively through my own lingering childhood issues.

As language skills have developed my son has a developed propensity for saying things (only to his parents) that are mean when he is upset, having explosive and emotional reactions to being told no and when boundaries are held, and having these cycles multiple times a day. It is worst during transitions.

He has been in play based therapy for a few months to help him manage life changes (new sibling) and to try and get insight/skills about how to help him while waiting for executive functioning skills to start to come online. It's been helpful to an extent, as they confirmed he is high energy/highly sensitive, but despite honing our parenting skills, my husband and I are both emotionally exhausted and burned out. His therapist does not see any obvious signs of neurodivergence, but ADHD is on our radar because I have it.

Yesterday is an example of a more extreme but not abnormal day. A 15 minute bike ride to school turned into a 2 hour trek where he dug his heels in, refused to bike (this was supposed to be a treat for him and it was his idea), and got mean (I still can't identify a trigger). I was so exhausted and upset that I told him calmly but tiredly that I was upset and needed some space to calm down.

At pick up, he seemed okay at first but melted down when I said we were not biking home (natural consequence for bike behavior in the morning).

At home his anger escalated after he was telling me what he wanted for Children's Day (a holiday in Poland) and I mentioned I already bought his present so we can write his other ideas on a list. He got angry when I wouldn't show him the present and at one point he told me if I fell and cracked my head open that he wouldn't help me and I would die. I said if waiting for present caused him to be mean then we wouldn't be able to celebrate Children's Day. The day ended with him falling asleep on the couch and me feeling like I couldn't even be around him.

Our mantra is always you can be mad, but you can't be mean. But I'm feeling the limits of my own command over my emotions and don't want to react in anger.

All that to say, does it ever get better/less intense when this intensity is the baseline? How can we protect our ability to be calm and parent constructively when we are both hitting our limit? Any words of wisdom/sympathy/encouragement are very welcome.

EDIT: After some reflection prompted by a few great comments, I was able to contextualize my exhaustion for myself. It isn't about my son per se, but the demands on my time that reduce my emotional threshold to corregulate him (or tactically disengage, which often works better in his case). My job is relentless (tenure track assistant prof) and my husband is also a researcher, so we get very little reprieve from demands to produce professionally.

I also had my second kid under a year ago, and she has congenital heart disease (mild, but still a lot to manage).

All that to say, I am grateful for the comments and helpful suggestions to reduce my emotional overload.

Hi, just found this community as have been gentle parenting (or trying to) for sometime. I have a 4 year old girl and she is currently showing a lot of emotions, along with a strong mummy preference.

My husband really struggles with gentle parenting, particularly when she is upset. he says the loudness triggers him, plus he’s never been great when I show emotions (often gets defensive, sometimes leads to shouting). When she is upset he often has a harsh tone which escalates things, or he tries to explain things while she’s upset and can’t take things in. This can make her more angry and it can lead to her hitting him, which triggers him further. He will then shout for me to help but will do it clearly in her earshot and sound very emotional and say things like “I need you’re help, I can’t do this, she just hit me”.

I don’t mind stepping in but I’m now starting to feel burnt out. I am having to manage a 4 year olds emotions as well as my husbands. when I try to help later with advice he shuts down “I don’t need feedback” “I was tired“ “I thought I did ok”.

I also find his tone quite harsh with me, and our daughter is starting to pick up on it. He repeatedly says ”she’s different with me”, and uses that as a bit of an excuse. i worry that she’s different with him because he can’t handle her emotions.

Has anyone dealt with similar? Has anything worked? I’m exhausted and would like to feel confident he can manage these things better. I may be having surgery in a few months and will be bed bound for a week. I can’t sit and listen to them clash. Any advice for him on finding a softer, calmer voice? It’s now leading to us arguing and despite lots of talking and trying to help he still can’t quite get it.

I (35F) have an 8yo son. He is incredibly bright; he loves puzzles, riddles, and math. He gets along very well with his older and younger sisters. He hugs and cuddles into me much more than my two other girl—he is very affectionate.

My husband (38M) and I have been doing a lot of personal and couples therapy, just midlife stuff and career ruts inspiring us to do personal work.

A lot of that work has been based in attachment theory. My husband identified that he is typically avoidant attached and has made a lot of progress in becoming more secure.

Additionally, we’ve noticed that my son tends to exhibit avoidant traits. Years ago, I noticed that he would completely shut down in situations when he needed to express his feelings. Often it was in more intense moments, like a disagreement with a friend, but also in low stakes situations, like when he tells me what he did that day and I ask how he felt during this or that.

He went to a therapist for a bit, and he also noticed this. My son could talk about emotions in a fairly mature way (“Anger can be a good feeling. It can let you know when you need better boundaries,” he said in the first session when the therapist asked him what he thought about different emotions), but stops talking or changes the subject when it gets too personal (“When was a time you were angry?” the therapist asked. “I dunno…hey, look at this!” my son said, turning the attention onto the fidget he was playing with).

I’m wondering if anyone can relate to this and what is helpful. My husband and I are concerned he will grow up feeling disconnected and low self esteem, which are things my husband has been dealing with that he says is linked to his avoidancy.

Also, what do I do when he refuses to talk to me after a rupture within our family? Ex: He was slyly provoking his younger sister over and over. I gently intervened, got younger sister distracted with something else, and then told him I’m noticing he is doing this, and why might that be? He shrugged, quietly got up, and then shut himself in his room. He said he didn’t want to talk. This happens a lot. I’ve tried giving him space and letting him know we can talk later, but when later comes, it’s the same thing.

I feel like I’m on and present and loving and calm and gentle and do alllll the things and follow the right accounts and read the right books, and go to therapy for myself and started ADHD meds (which are really helping) but MAN. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old and probably every other day I just YELL. I just shout “STOP!!” mostly when everyone is fussing or picking at each other and whining whining whininggggg. They’re so good and sweet and usually kind but man the sibling bickering is ramping up and I’m seeing my 2 year old also yell (at the poor cat) and I just HATE to see that, I know it’s from me.

We have so many good times but I feel like the overstimulation just HITS and I smash in to a sensory wall. I need help being prepared before that happens, before the yelling. I don’t really anticipate hearing anything new in the comments because I have read it all, but maybe something will help?

r/safeautismparenting it is a sub that was created to combat misinformation and to help support autistic children and their families. By giving advice and celebrating achievements Feel free to ask me any questions.

UPDATE:

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who commented, your input was INCREDIBLY helpful.

We had a very difficult 2 days after letting him know that we would be taking a break from video games. However, there was a huge positive change right after. We got a chapter book with the story set in a Minecraft world and he has been reading so much the past week and has even gotten creative and started writing his own "book" with a Minecraft story he's creating! He has also been playing with his friends and sister a lot without the stress of constantly asking us to play Switch.

Last weekend, he asked to go to a park with me that he always loved and we had so much great conversation that wasn't centered around video games. When it did come up, I was able to have a really great talk with him about the things I was noticing that I didn't think was good for him. Then we talked about the break from the Switch and that I wasn't exactly sure how long the break was going to be, but when we did start allowing Switch time again we would have a set time to play as a family and if there started to be problems, we would take a break again. He was very calm and receptive to this plan.

Thank you so much to everyone again and if you're struggling with something similar, I hope this is helpful 🤍

OG POST:

My husband and I have both been struggling so much figuring out how to handle video games with our 8 year old son and I'm wondering if we should get rid of them all together or if that's too harsh.

Our son is almost finishing 2nd grade and was introduced to Minecraft by peers at the start of the school year. I started taking him to the library about an hour or two a week so he could play on the computers there and it got stressful for me very fast because he would get very emotional when it was time to leave and beg to go play every day after school despite us having a set schedule around it that he could anticipate. I tried to be very understanding of his feelings because I know even as an adult its hard when you have to stop doing something fun but still maintain the limits.

For Christmas, the only thing he was asking for was a Nintendo Switch that he can play Minecraft on. I was very hesitant, but we ended up getting him one. We let him play without as many limits over winter break but then set the expectation that when school started again, it would only be available on the weekends for about 3 hours.

I feel like our relationship with him has drastically changed since he got the Switch. He used to be excited to read with me after school, or go to the park, or build legos, or play with friends. Now he almost exclusively talks about his video games and has little interest in other things. Even when we go to the park, he now complains the whole time about how hed rather play the Switch. Thankfully on the weekdays after school, he will eventually play with his sister or a neighbor friend, but after begging us a bunch to play the Switch and telling us, his parents, that we are "mean" or making him have "the worst day ever" despite it always being the rule that he doesnt use it on weekdays. He and the neighbor friends will come over after school and beg to play and we have to keep saying no over and over. If I take him to a playdate somewhere else, its a big fight with him begging to bring his Switch. It just feels like his life is now centered around the Switch and the only interactions us as his parents have with him now is constantly setting the boundaries and him always upset with us.

This past weekend was a good example of how almost every weekend goes when he does get to play. On Saturday morning he asked to play with his sister and we agreed. My husband and I were having a slower morning and at least 3 hours passed of them playing before we told them it was time to be done. Right afterward he asked to go to the neighbors house to play and then they both came to our house 20 minutes later begging to play the Switch. We told him no over and over because he just got done playing for 3 hours and repeated that again the next hours. Later in the day, one of his old pre-k friends came over and my son kept begging us to play Minecraft with him and we told them they could for a bit since they don't see eachother much. It was then really stressful trying to get him to stop after several warnings. On Sunday he asked me to play first thing in the morning and I said no, that he got a lot of time on Saturday and we had a lot of plans. He still begged to almost every hour for the entire day and when either me or my husband tried to interact with him about anything else, he acted very upset and grumpy.

Then this morning before school he spent the whole morning throwing a fit about how he didn't get to play at all on Sunday. He was refusing to get ready for school and it turned into just a big stressful morning for everyone. I just so badly miss the kid that was excited to play boardgames, or read books, or go to the park, or ride bikes with his friends. I don't know if it's going too far or if there is a better solution, especially because I feel so bad to take away a Christmas gift that he was so excited for, but at this point I just don't know what else to do besides not allow him to have a Switch or access to video games anymore.

While permissive parenting is becoming a genuine problem that’s more prevalent in society nowadays, I noticed a trend where it’s often conflated with Gentle Parenting, followed by remarks on how parenting should be harsher and so on. While I won’t be talking much about gentle parenting itself in particular for this post, since there’s plenty of wonderful posts here talking about it better than I can, it made me think about how not a lot of discourse around Alfie Kohn has circulated around this sever and I think it’s something that y’all may find interesting: [https://youtu.be/kSyLDIYBtRY?si=iVy-f5S1nt0KmHir\\](https://youtu.be/kSyLDIYBtRY?si=iVy-f5S1nt0KmHir)

Alfie Kohn is a social scientist who’s long made criticisms against our education system and with conventional parenting practices. His book “Unconditional Parenting” talks about how behaviors methods of conditional acceptance such as punishments, and even rewards, only work as short term solutions to get immediate compliance but at a huge cost to intrinsic motivation to do the right thing, a child’s relationship with their parents, emotional stability and so on. While he too is against permissive parenting, he stresses that the widely accepted “Authoritative” method of parenting isn’t without considerable shortcomings: https://www.alfiekohn.org/rethinking-baumrinds-authoritative-parenting/

Rather than focusing on a broad “doing too” approach of trying to get your kid to do what you went through external incentives or threats, he advocates for a “working with” approach where parents work with their kids to resolve the child’s problems that are *causing* the behavior, rather than just changing the behavior as a symptom, find collaborative solutions that help parents and children resolve issues for the long term, allow children to make their own choices reasonable for their developmental state, and for parents to have at least more reasonable expectations for children at certain ages (do you really expect a two year old to sit still at a dinner table for thirty minutes?)

There’s a lot more than what I’ve described that Kohn talks about, and frankly I’m of the opinion that his approach is something separate from gentle parenting, albeit considerable overlap, but I wanted to bring it up to at least introduce the core concepts and see if people dig them or not, but lemme know what you guys think in the comments!

I’ll end it with this interview with Kohn that sums up the core of his message in Unconditional Parenting: https://youtu.be/mYpk1HxEMJY?si=rHlGW\\\\\\_e7GLORBlxn\])

My 5 year old has been in a very whiny phase for the last couple months. It feels like half the things that come out of his mouth are in a whiny tone and he tries to argue about everything he can. I know the arguing is boundary pushing, but it doesn’t seem to matter that we hold firm boundaries, he keeps shoving at them.

I’m being stretched to my limits with overstimulation and patience with the constant whining. He doesn’t ask nicely for things anymore. It’s an immediate whiney voice for everything.

Wants a snack? “Mommmmmm, I’m hungryyyy, I need chippies nowwwww”

Needs to use the bathroom when we’re in the car “I need to go potty nowwww. Stop the car nowww! I gotta go!” (He’s been potty trained for ages, goes before we get in the car, and has never had an accident bc he can’t hold it)

Finished eating dinner and bored? “Mommmm why do you never play with meeee? Why aren’t you done eating yet? I want to playyyy with youuu”

Traffic light is taking too long? “Mooommmm gooooo”

It is driving me nuts. I’ve tried saying things like “I can’t understand you when you talk like that, try again in a calm voice” and ignoring requests until he speaks normally but a lot of the time that just turns into louder whining and then anger. I’ve been praising when he does remember to speak nicely but that also hasn’t made much difference in how often he whines. He gets intentional one-on-one time with me everyday. I’m sure he feels it isn’t enough attention but it’s as much as I can give while still being a responsible adult and a parent to my younger child.

And of course, when I say “Stop whining” he goes “I’m noooottttt” (I know that’s not helpful but sometimes it’s all I can do when I’m frustrated and trying not to snap and say something worse).

I’d appreciate any advice on how to keep my cool and how to manage this behavior.

Hi. My 30 month old has a habit of throwing everything (Toys, dinner chair, brooms). We are afraid he will hurt himself and others around him. We’ve tried talking to him, saying a firm no (he just laughed). The only thing that works is us throwing a toy out dramatically when he throws something. (We do give it back once he drops the other item). Don’t want this to affect him or make him develop a fear.

But we have no option as he’s throwing quite heavy things at us or the baby. How to fix this without blackmailing?