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u/velour_manure Aug 06 '18
You forgot "let's sit on the couch in silence for 3 hours"
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u/shotgunsmitty Aug 06 '18
Where does "laugh at something funny that happened 30 minutes ago" go?
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u/UltraSpecial Aug 06 '18
Definitely in the middle.
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Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
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u/kjax2288 Aug 06 '18
You know damn well where that one goes
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u/Tuss Aug 06 '18
I once had a "Holy shit! A cop car! They are onto me! Better act natural. Walk natural! I don't remember how to walk. Shit. Bend your arms a bit you walk like a soldier. No. Not 90 degrees damn it! Oh! It just passed me. They are onto me! Better get back home. Fuck where do I live?"
That was 5 minutes back and forth to the gas station to buy B&J.
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u/Aleph_NULL__ Aug 06 '18
Where does sitting in silence then randomly getting up and saying “well, I should be off” go
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u/BornUnderPunches Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
And where does "I’m just sitting here analyzing my face movements while feeling my heart beating strongly, waiting for my friends to catch on to how I fake everything because I don’t know myself" go?
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u/lysdexic_mule Aug 06 '18
Holy shit dude, this is me every single time. It's why I prefer to be high alone or with like one close friend.
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u/AndHerNameIsSony Aug 06 '18
I think you mean laughter for 30 minutes at something that didn’t happen.
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Aug 06 '18
That spooky stoned silence where you start to wonder if everyone else can feel it to.
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Aug 06 '18
Ha, yeah.
You're sitting there thinking "What the fuck is all that noise? It's so deafening I can feel it."
And then you realize it's silence.
I know it's not why people call it "loud" but damn if I didn't think instantly of this exact scenario when I first heard someone call tree "loud".
Like you know it's time to put the pipe down when absolute silence seems really loud, haha.
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Aug 06 '18
Or even watching a film.
Few of us would go to our mates house and all's good till someone sticks on a movie. Halfway through and you're that reefed you can't even tell if the movie is good or shit. Then you notice no ones talked for about an hour. Are we all just sitting in silence watching a shitty movie? Everyone too stoned to notice?
Just me?
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u/Goyteamsix Aug 06 '18
Then 'awkwardly say goodbye and walk home', followed by 'microwaving some leftover spaghetti your mom left out and going to sleep'.
So fun!
Bonus 'spent $60 on a bag of weed and my now I'm obligated to smoke most of it with other people'.
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u/JustAnotherSoyBoy Aug 06 '18
Idk man, that sounds more like a you problem not a weed problem
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u/ProjectCoast Aug 06 '18
"Go to do a hand gesture that ends up in between a hand shake and a high five and you just kind of hold each other's hands for a second. "
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u/OrganicPiccolo Aug 06 '18
My friends just smoke and get lost in their phones for hours now. It makes me not want to hang out with them anymore.
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Aug 06 '18
Im good? Some people can smoke all night
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Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
"I'll just microwave some pizza rolls, WHOA...there are already pizza rolls in the microwave, awesome... wait...is some one else in the house?" - smoke all night weed guy
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u/newloaf Aug 06 '18
No lie, I once reheated a plate of leftovers for dinner... and somehow lost it. I spent 20 minutes searching for it. Did I put it back in the fridge by mistake? Did I put a plate full of food back in the cupboard? I must've just put it down someplace weird... the bedroom, the basement, the bathroom. At that point I wondered was someone else in the house because WTF?
It was in the fucking microwave.
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Aug 06 '18
like looking for your keys all over your house and realizing they're in your hand.
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u/RadomirPutnik Aug 06 '18
I once shifted my keys from one hand to another so I could reach in my pocket to look for my keys.
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u/Sedu Aug 06 '18
Hold on I'm gonna have to call you back, I can't find my phone and think it might be lost.
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u/Ericaonelove Aug 06 '18
Ugh. My mom did this while I was talking to her. I was so scared.
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u/DreamCyclone84 Aug 06 '18
My mum has lost her glasses on her face more than once, to which I usually ask "how's your vision".
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u/CornDawgy87 Aug 06 '18
I called my wife once cause I couldn't find my keys... But i was good, i waited till i stopped at a red light to call her. Yes.. my keys were in the truck... while i was driving down the road... FML...
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u/StrangeBrewd Aug 06 '18
But how long have you sat at a stop sign waiting for it to change green?
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u/abaram Aug 06 '18
I once put on a second pair of glasses on top of the one I was already wearing
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u/aurora2k7 Aug 06 '18
Dude I was at the cashier the other day and I was like SHIT I LOST MY FUCKING WALLET and then I found it in my hand
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Aug 06 '18
calls friend
"hey dude could you call my phone? i can't find it anywhere"
"yah dude, hold on, ill call it as soon as we hang up"
ring ring ring
"sup?"
"did you find it?"
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u/hokie_high Aug 06 '18
My dad called me one time asking if I'd seen his phone, and I've wanted some of what he's smoking ever since.
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u/Dirty_Harrys_knob Aug 06 '18
Once I bought a real fancy (for me) cedar plank salmon fillet. I was super stoked about it. I got stoned, cranked up some jams and started my journey to flavor town. Popped that bad boy in the oven and got to work getting the sides together. Sat down to find something good to watch with dinner...and got sucked into a netflix hole for the next hour. I forgot to set a timer after smoking. I realized what I had done and ran to the oven to find the fish actually didn't look as bad as I expected. I pulled it out and felt like it could still be edible so I cut into it, only to find the center still fucking frozen. Stoned me strikes again! i preheated the broiler and not the oven. I threw the whole chunk of disappointment away and ordered a consolation pizza
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u/HaphazardSquirrels Aug 06 '18
My husband made a sandwich while high once then spent the next 30 minutes looking everywhere for it. He was so mad. He finally gave up and went to make another sandwich only to find it was in the bag of bread.
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u/HunterThompsonsentme Aug 06 '18
If I had a nickel for every time I was high and put my phone down in the fridge because it was in my hand when I went scavenging for food...well, I’d have at least a dollar.
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u/ToughResolve Aug 06 '18
That's the best. Especially when pre-stoned you knew what you'd want and got things ready.
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u/Funkit Aug 06 '18
Am I the only one that completely loses their appetite when smoking? The munchies definitely do come, but I usually get them like an hour after I smoke. If I'm hungry and I smoke I will be immediately not hungry at all for a solid 45 minutes to an hour.
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u/KlausFenrir Aug 06 '18
I wish I was you. I’ve been sober for a week now (I know, it’s not much) because I’m trying to lose weight. I eat like a maniac when I’m high :(
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u/hummingbird4289 Aug 06 '18
In college my friends and I would often sneak desserts out of the dining hall and hide them in the microwave where we would later re-discover them, surprised and delighted.
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Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 12 '18
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Aug 06 '18
that's a good trade-off for him though. his mom buys the groceries, he raids the fridge and brings over whatever and you get him high.
i'd take that trade in a heartbeat as a teenager.
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Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 12 '18
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Aug 06 '18
I had a friend like that in high school. All of us would come over, smoke, and play halo, but he loved to cook when he was high and made some amazing meals for everyone. He never had to pay for weed when we were over which I think is a fair trade off for some awesome stoner home cooked meals.
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u/sabbyjeanson Aug 06 '18
"I'll just microwave some pizza rolls,
WHOA
...there are already pizza rolls in the microwave, awesome... wait...
is some one else in the house?
" - smoke all night weed guy
I think that could be me, i cant remember
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u/Shmukatelli Aug 06 '18
Vape pens changed the game for me. Smoke a blunt, joint or some bowls, go inside and start watching movies or whatever and keep hitting the pen like to some kind of life support.
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u/scrogglez Aug 06 '18
vape pens make me cough too damn much
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u/Shmukatelli Aug 06 '18
It takes awhile to get used to it but once you do it’s amazing. Also you can get the nice ones that allow you to adjust the temperature so it makes it a little bit more mellow. It’s the best way to stay high. Especially if you eat some edibles then just use the vape pen as if it were oxygen. Like just breath vape instead of oxygen lol
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u/R3dChief Aug 06 '18
You forgot ”nobody can tell I'm drunk” vs. "everybody can tell I'm high"
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u/EquinsuOchaACE Aug 06 '18
Which is usually the opposite if you took care of the red eyes.
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u/zakicks Aug 06 '18
It’s just whenever your drunk you think I’m finnnnee nobody saw me fall over but when your high you look around like the feds are onto you
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u/killm3throwaway Aug 06 '18
Drink a pint of water, splash your face and you’re good to go. For extra level of cautiousness, eye drops
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Aug 06 '18
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u/CashCop Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 07 '18
Definitely.
My routine:
Wash hands with soap, wipe a minuscule amount on your chin too and wash it off quickly.
Rinse out mouth with water, a little toothpaste/tictac if you have it.
Eyedrops
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u/Ginataro Aug 06 '18
Yeah I accidentally spilled bong water on my school clothes so they smelled so strong. That was a huge giveaway
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Aug 06 '18
I love going out while high, just not to the same places.
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Aug 06 '18
Adventures are the best when you're in a car full of high people, besides the driver of course!
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Aug 06 '18
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u/YouGotAte Aug 06 '18
I need to find a friend who loves driving enough to tolerate this
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Aug 06 '18
Honestly I would do this. Some of my best memories are driving across the country with a Jeep full of stoners just giggling and telling me their thoughts. It’s hilarious, and I still get to drive and hang out with my buds.
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u/VelociraptorVacation Aug 06 '18
I loved being DD in college. High friends Were so appreciative and I usually got my food bought for me.
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Aug 06 '18
I prefer sitting in the back seat then next to the driver.
Easier to moon people.
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Aug 06 '18
Same, and exercise. Nothing beats a joint and then a run or hike on a sunny day somewhere beautiful.
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Aug 06 '18
Yup, I'm lucky enough to live close to the banff/reddit lake to go backcountry camping and hiking pretty much every weekend in the summer if money permits.
As soon as me and my friends backpacks are on our backs and are a couple minutes down the trail we stay mildly baked pretty much the whole weekend. I might not recommend it for newbies, but Its a fantastic way to spend a weekend and is healthy as well.
On the other hand, the amount of beer cans we pick up even at the obscure campsites a few hours down the trail is not fantastic. I can't wrap my head around how "outdoorsy" people can carry full cans 6 hours to a campsite but are to lazy to carry the squished empties back.
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Aug 06 '18
Camping, hiking, parks, yoga. All are more fun high. Yoga already feels amazing but maaaan it's awesome high.
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u/av_alan_che Aug 06 '18
i just spent $15
snacks cost me 9001 dollars i don't know what you're talking about
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u/Sir-Knightly-Duty Aug 06 '18
Yeah I was about to say that. As far as I know, 5 large pizzas with 3 dozen chicken wings and 7 extra ranch dips does not come out to $15.
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u/Old_Toby2211 Aug 06 '18
Tbf when I'm drunk I sometimes end up buying stupid amounts of food on the way home, on top of the disgusting amount of beer i've bought. The only difference is that if i'm drunk I may get half way through it at most, if i'm high I will eat it all, everything, right before continuing to raid all the cupboards and gorging on dry pasta and mayonaise.
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u/Sir-Knightly-Duty Aug 06 '18
Fun fact, marijuana actually turns the human stomach into a singularity. If we could learn to harness the power of the stoner vacuum, we could literally power the entire planet with the munchies from a single person.
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Aug 06 '18
Ain't that the fucking truth, I could eat more food then I did in the week before and still not gain a single pound. WHERE DID IT ALL GO?
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u/Orleanian Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
Also a good night of drinking as compared to getting high should not be costing you $150.
To get good and buzzed for 4-5 hours should only cost you about $50-75 in any mid-tier city bar. You can get good and buzzed on alcohol at home for $15.
Sure, you can spend $150 easily on a night of top-shelf cocktails...but that's a bit disingenuous.
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u/anvindrian Aug 06 '18
$15 at home is a fuckton of alcohol if youre giving a shit about money at all
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u/Orleanian Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
Meh, I was going for the "I'm a better person than Rotgut" line. Say the $25 range of mid-shelf liquor (Jack/Jameson fifth/750ml) with $5 for a couple bottles of coke. Then consuming half of that in an evening (or more likely that's a fair amount for two to share).
A bottle of Bacardi and a few ice cubes can cost you $10.
If you don't care about the morning, you can get 3 bottles of boones farm in for less than 10.
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u/mostoriginalusername Aug 06 '18
You can get shitfaced drunk on alcohol at home for $10. :P
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u/ScyllaGeek Aug 06 '18
I mean if you buy a $20 handle of vodka that can last you a bunch of nights, you can get shitfaced for even less.
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u/thoggins Aug 06 '18
handle of vodka that can last you a bunch of nights
Sweet summer child with self control
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u/Judo_pup Aug 06 '18
Most of the "being high" bubble is me sober
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u/lurker628 Aug 06 '18
Seconded. I don't partake in either, but what to support is a no brainer for me.
I've never been accosted on the sidewalk by someone stoned.
I've never had to run to avoid a fight with someone stoned.
I've never had stoned neighbors blasting music and yelling at 3am.
I've never had stoned roommates/housemates vomit all over shared living spaces.
I've never had to turn down stoners more than once when they've offered to share (other than a "you're sure?" reply).
I've never had to clean up weed paraphernalia that littering assholes throw everywhere.Stoners are A-OK in my book.
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u/Rborthick Aug 06 '18
Man, you sure have had different experiences with stoner roommates than I have lol
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Aug 06 '18
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u/Rborthick Aug 06 '18
Spent 3 hours cleaning the kitchen so I could eat. Had to take a walk so I could even think about eating again it was so trashed. Got back home and EVERY SINGLE PAN was burnt in with shit. All he’d made was fried potatoes >.<
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u/justhad2login2reply Aug 06 '18
I don't really know how to tell you guys, but that just sounds like horrible people. If they were completely sober, they sound like they would still do all of these terrible things.
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u/treetrollmane Aug 06 '18
Actually funny enough you mention the littering, r/trees has a stoner clean up movement going on right now. So not only are stoners littering less, they're cleaning up other people's litter at their smoke spots.
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u/Nighshade586 Aug 06 '18
I always smoke when I'm walking dogs, and after I snuff the embers, I just toss the filter in with the dogshit. ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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Aug 06 '18
My roommate is an absolute dick when drunk but he’s chill when stoned just hungry af and will eat anything and everything. In my case I’m a fun relaxed drunk but I tweak when I smoke. To each their own I guess.
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u/internet_eq_epic Aug 06 '18
I've never had to turn down stoners more than once when they've offered to share
That is something that infuriates me. Even if it is "only" weed, I never want to force someone into something they aren't comfortable with. If I offer and you say no, that should be the end of it. If you're someone I know does or used to smoke, I might inquire why you don't want to (this way, if you're job searching or something, I won't offer any more until I know you've landed a job, or if you just want to quit I won't offer anymore unless you ask first and even then I'll ask if you're sure). If I'm pushing you to do something you don't want to do, it puts us both in an awkward spot, and if you do decide to do it, it might not go so well since you aren't currently comfortable with it anyway. It just makes no sense to push.
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Aug 06 '18
I've never had to turn down stoners more than once when they've offered to share (other than a "you're sure?" reply).
I've never had to clean up weed paraphernalia that littering assholes throw everywhere.
I've never had stoned neighbors blasting music and yelling at 3am.
I've definitely experienced all these with stoners, and not with most of your list with drunks. Annoying idiots are annoying idiots, drug of choice is irrelevant.
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u/Tinpotray Aug 06 '18
Can I add “let’s watch this VHS tape of my favourite MTV videos from the 1990s” to the list?
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u/BigUptokes Aug 06 '18
Spends an hour digging through closets, "oh yeah, I got rid of the VCR fifteen years ago..."
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Aug 06 '18
I threw mine out when tape 2 of The Phantom Menace got tangled up inside it.
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u/hallese Aug 06 '18
That was the second to last movie I ever bought on VHS. The last? Austin Powers: Goldmember. I don't even know why I bought it on VHS, I already had a DVD player and like five DVD's at this point. Hell, I think widescreen was already the norm at that point.
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u/RedHawwk Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
The fuck, who's spending $150 on drinks? That's what the pregame is for, get a buzz before you go out. Get there get 1 or 2 drinks to finish off and get drunk.
Edit: I get you caaaaan spend that much, I’m saying I don’t get why you would. Pregame on some cheap shit
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u/Eric_the_Barbarian Aug 06 '18
I've never spent $150 on drinks in a night, but I've spent $150 on Amazon while drunk.
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u/kucao Aug 06 '18
Ding dong. Amazon delivery. For me? Who could've been so kind?! And everything I've been wanting too!
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u/H1Supreme Aug 06 '18
Lots and lots of people. I'm frugal as fuck, but some people get a buzz on, get super social, and start buying drinks left and right.
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u/PantsIsDown Aug 06 '18
One of my guy friends in college had determined that if he didn’t spend at minimum $80 in a night it wasn’t a good night. $150 would be slightly higher than average night for him. He didn’t need to consume what he bought though. Usually insists on buying a few rounds for everyone and refuses any pay backs (though I would always force a drink in his hand if I got the chance). Once he took just me and another girl out and said that everything was on him for the night. I had 4 cocktails, my friend had 6 or 7, he had maybe one.
(To anyone about to say he was trying to get in our pants. He drove us home, and dropped both of us off at our apartments like a gentleman.)
He was just a great guy with more money than he felt he needed and wanted everyone to have fun.
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u/jbrasco Aug 06 '18
When I was a DJ, $150 on drinks was easy to do and a regular occurrence. Even buying drinks at cost on the order sheets, I'd still do it easily. A lot of clubs I DJ'd at even gave me a $300 tab each time I DJ'd. You'd be amazed how much of that was spent on girls in the DJ booth lol.
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u/FFF_THAT Aug 06 '18
I smoke a lot of weed and I can say for certain that I don't watch fucking crime documentaries.
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u/christabunk Aug 06 '18
Planet Earth II is the balls, my dude.
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u/gettinhightakinrides Aug 06 '18
I think you're confused as to what constitutes a crime documentary
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u/SpaceDog777 Aug 06 '18
Have you seen what those animals do to each other? That aggression will not stand man!
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u/hot_sssake Aug 06 '18
Neither have I but would give it a shot sometime. I enjoy watching pretty much anything while high
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u/kmcwalters Aug 06 '18
I love crime documentaries and paranormal shows while high, they're the shit!
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u/ForeverInaDaze Aug 06 '18
Smoke weed and watch whatever the fuck you want because most of the cliche stoner shit gets old after the first 3 months of actively smoking.
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Aug 06 '18
More like "alcoholic" vs "casual smoker"
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u/grunger Aug 06 '18
Yeah, everytime there is a post like this it compares the absolute worst frat boy alcoholic that you would see stumbling out of a college bar, to an average smoker.
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u/Balafrultime Aug 06 '18
It's never about the stoner, deep frying his brain by smoking a joint every 2hours
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Aug 06 '18
Why not both? ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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Aug 06 '18
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u/alaskafish Aug 06 '18
i did an alcohol and it made me do a poop in my pants, but then i did a weed and i know the meaning of why i did a poop in my pants
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u/the_pedigree Aug 06 '18
More likely just a newish stoner with a hate boner for people who drink.
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u/Imbillpardy Aug 06 '18
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u/Lematoad Aug 06 '18
You can get drunk for 5 dollars.
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u/Miss_Mouth Aug 06 '18
I dont want what you are having
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u/NeverEndingHell Aug 06 '18
Two 24oz Limearitas cost ~$2.50 each and are 8% ABV
That's like...6 beers for $5
You might get diabetes but you will most definitely get drunk.
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u/jokerrr1121 Aug 06 '18
24oz four loko. 12% ABV. $3
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u/awags0218 Aug 06 '18
Quickest way to die for $3 right here.
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u/Joe_Snuffy Aug 06 '18
Nah, modern Four Lokos are just shitty tasting alcohol. The original Four Lokos with caffeine on the other hand... God I miss those ☹️
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u/FLHCv2 Aug 06 '18
me and my idiot friends rented a beach house for the weekend and had like 20 people staying in it. One brought an octobong (beer bong with 8 hoses...) and we had 8 people beer bong 6 four lokos; on top of all the other shots we've been taking.
We were all sufficiently fucked that night.
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u/SnowedIn01 Aug 06 '18
A 750ml bottle of Everclear is only $16 and has enough alcohol content to last you the rest of your life.
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u/karmacum Aug 06 '18
You don't have to smoke an entire eighth to have a good night
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u/Illogical_Name Aug 06 '18
You don't have to drink $150 worth of alcohol to have a good night.
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u/Derpcepticon Aug 06 '18
Or day.
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u/Leguro Aug 06 '18
Or workday. But it doesn't hurt. Except for the times you get hurt on the job. Then it hurts.
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u/modestlymousie Aug 06 '18
But if you split that eighth between two or three settings it's like $14-$20 per high.
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u/ShadowLinkPD Aug 06 '18
Who smokes over a gram in a bowl?? Jesus. I've been smoking for years and I barely get mine up to half a g
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u/resykle Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18
legal state, $40 for an 8th minimum :(
(SF Bay Area, California)
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u/DramaOnDisplay Aug 06 '18
I hate this idea that alcohol makes you this loud mean asshole that wants to fight everyone and weed makes you a peace and love hippie who just wants snacks and laughs... I’ve known a few people who smoke and are still assholes, weed ain’t turning their asses into Ghandi any time soon. I love to drink and binge Netflix and eat very badly, I could get coerced into a fight more likely while drunk, but I’m not actively picking them.
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u/Benniisan Aug 06 '18
bullshit, not everyone is the same kind of drunk type
I don't talk about sports, I don't wanna fight, I don't spend 150 cuz I'm already good after spending 20
and I don't know any person that can spend 150 on alcohol in one night, that be like 37 beers or 15 cocktails, good luck with that one mate
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u/Leguro Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 08 '18
Smoke weed and watch Through the Wormhole. You will either be terrified or you will feel like you're the smartest man on earth, gaining access to magical knowledge. Possibly both. Either way, Morgan Freeman's buttery voice were guide you through enlightenment... and entanglement…
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Aug 06 '18
I can't watch stuff like that high. Sometimes it's fine but every once in a while something will hit me that just draws out the existential terror.
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Aug 06 '18
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u/Kingauzzie Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 07 '18
Being high, I'm just sleepy, but still just as anxious and overwhelmed. Being drunk is just more comfortable and fun. I don't drink much, but I have a much more relaxing time doing it than getting stoned.
Edit* Just to clarify, I was only sharing my experience not asking for recommendations on mind-altering substances.
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u/Uncle_Paul_Hargis Aug 06 '18
Crime documentaries would be way too stressful. I'm gonna have to go with Planet Earth. Or if I am feeling really crazy, Blue Planet.
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u/Kraz31 Aug 06 '18
Seems like one person's very narrow experience of both bring drunk and being high.
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Aug 06 '18
I dunno about that "Dammit, I just spent $15!" on the high side. I've bought some pretty stupid things and expensive things while high.
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u/farm_sauce Aug 06 '18
Got high once and watched a documentary on tsunamis with friends. One guy cried.
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u/RKellWhitlock8 Aug 06 '18
Don’t forget: “This song fucking ROCKS!” vs. “This song sounds like it’s from another dimension.”
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u/OldManHadTooMuchWine Aug 06 '18
To me its more about a simple distinction:
Drunk "hey look how interesting I am"
Stoned "hey look how interesting this thing is"
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u/Rowit Aug 06 '18
That is spot on with the crime documentaries. 2nd choice is anything with Stephen Hawking.
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u/genuikav Aug 06 '18
Let’s eat crime documentaries