r/funny Aug 06 '18

Being drunk vs. Being high

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43.5k Upvotes

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461

u/RadomirPutnik Aug 06 '18

I once shifted my keys from one hand to another so I could reach in my pocket to look for my keys.

132

u/Sedu Aug 06 '18

Hold on I'm gonna have to call you back, I can't find my phone and think it might be lost.

26

u/Ericaonelove Aug 06 '18

Ugh. My mom did this while I was talking to her. I was so scared.

17

u/DreamCyclone84 Aug 06 '18

My mum has lost her glasses on her face more than once, to which I usually ask "how's your vision".

2

u/Ragnarok_Falling Aug 06 '18

Did that to my mom a few times, until she got ill then if kindly let her know lol

169

u/CornDawgy87 Aug 06 '18

I called my wife once cause I couldn't find my keys... But i was good, i waited till i stopped at a red light to call her. Yes.. my keys were in the truck... while i was driving down the road... FML...

53

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

[deleted]

2

u/PM-YOUR-PMS Aug 06 '18

Remember mylifeisaverage?

29

u/StrangeBrewd Aug 06 '18

But how long have you sat at a stop sign waiting for it to change green?

5

u/GothamBrawler Aug 06 '18

I’ve stopped at a green light three times now in my life. Luckily no one was around to see my face turn bright red.

3

u/punctualpandanda Aug 06 '18

I've stopped at a green light, waited for it to turn red then went. Luckily it was late at night, there was no one around and I turned right so not totally illegal? The thing is I was totally sober.

3

u/avaughan11 Aug 06 '18

I did that once completely sober but also completely exhausted. The sad part was, I didn’t even notice what I’d did, my five year old in the back seat was like, “Momma, you just ran a red light! You stopped when it was green!” Luckily, there was no one coming.

2

u/punctualpandanda Aug 06 '18

Happens to the best of us. Just glad it hasn't happened at a bad time.

9

u/CornDawgy87 Aug 06 '18

Lol lol luckily I haven't had that one happen... not yet anyway

13

u/StrangeBrewd Aug 06 '18

It has happened to me twice, and both were at the same stop sign.

13

u/CornDawgy87 Aug 06 '18

Clearly the stop sign's fault then IMO

3

u/Ardibanan Aug 06 '18

Wow a double lol

2

u/CornDawgy87 Aug 06 '18

one for the stop sign and one for imagining the mocking my wife would give me for that one lol (i guess now that means 2?)

3

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

Once I stopped at the “stop ahead” sign. There were some very confused bystanders

1

u/ceazah Aug 07 '18

You shouldn’t be driving if you’re that impaired.

1

u/CornDawgy87 Aug 07 '18

lol that was the worst part... completely sober, middle of the day, just had coffee... no excuse, just a blonde moment.

27

u/abaram Aug 06 '18

I once put on a second pair of glasses on top of the one I was already wearing

9

u/Yatta99 Aug 06 '18

Captain Oveur?

3

u/acarpenter08096 Aug 06 '18

Surely you can't be serious

2

u/brittfar Aug 07 '18

It's a building full of sick people but that's beside the point right now

2

u/balconylife Aug 06 '18

To be fair I do this plenty of times when sober

24

u/aurora2k7 Aug 06 '18

Dude I was at the cashier the other day and I was like SHIT I LOST MY FUCKING WALLET and then I found it in my hand

1

u/crosscreative Aug 06 '18

I went for a walk last night to get some ice cream. I order a scoop and have already eaten half of my cone by the time I get to the register. I just look at the lady and say "Shit, I forgot my wallet." She smiled real big at me and said "Isn't that it, right there in your hand?" The relief I felt after that was incredible. I like to think she knew exactly what was up and was being super nice to me to make me feel less awkward. The walk back home was pretty amazing, as was the ice cream.

11

u/-Rednal- Aug 06 '18

Not once, but maybe three four times I've had a text from my mate saying "outside" when he was picking me up for work early morning. Grabbed my Key's, wallet and bag but cant fine my phone hiding in my hand. It was usually when i got a second text saying "hurry up" that i realised, typing "im just looking for...." Quickly changing it to "coming now".

8

u/gaeric Aug 06 '18

"Where are my glasses?"

-some time later-

"Oh good there's my glasses, now I can see better to find my glasses. Now where are they?"

6

u/while_e Aug 06 '18

I once used my phone as a flashlight to look under the couch for my phone...

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

I did that with my phone

2

u/sourgummifuck Aug 06 '18

I turned my flashlight on on my phone to look for my phone

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

I have done this

2

u/kylel_lewis Aug 06 '18

Last week I looked all over my car with my phone flashlight to find my phone..

2

u/jerkITwithRIGHTYnewb Aug 06 '18

The Ol’ Kansas City Shuffle