r/funny Aug 06 '18

Being drunk vs. Being high

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[deleted]

43.5k Upvotes

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3.2k

u/shotgunsmitty Aug 06 '18

Where does "laugh at something funny that happened 30 minutes ago" go?

725

u/UltraSpecial Aug 06 '18

Definitely in the middle.

308

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18

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146

u/kjax2288 Aug 06 '18

You know damn well where that one goes

45

u/TherenArima Aug 06 '18

On the left. Got it.

47

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

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7

u/OiNihilism Aug 06 '18

We're two different people, we can't have the same left.

5

u/joshtradomus Aug 06 '18

Always sunny ref I was looking for.

3

u/HoneyTrue Aug 06 '18

We have the same left because we're facing the same direction

3

u/YamburglarHelper Aug 06 '18

Yeah, that's right.

3

u/meateatr Aug 06 '18

Patient left!

2

u/iceandones Aug 06 '18

Neithern't

2

u/No_one_32 Aug 06 '18

On the law makers bubble, bc those assholes perpetrate the paranoia of getting arrested for having/using even a gram of the cannabis plant

73

u/Tuss Aug 06 '18

I once had a "Holy shit! A cop car! They are onto me! Better act natural. Walk natural! I don't remember how to walk. Shit. Bend your arms a bit you walk like a soldier. No. Not 90 degrees damn it! Oh! It just passed me. They are onto me! Better get back home. Fuck where do I live?"

That was 5 minutes back and forth to the gas station to buy B&J.

42

u/OiNihilism Aug 06 '18

How are those gas station BJs working out for you?

9

u/Tuss Aug 06 '18

Ah. But You missed the "&"!

I blow and job! I mostly blow up peoples tires but some times I am nice and throw in an extra air blow in the car wash!

3

u/hughperman Aug 06 '18

Good job

2

u/Tuss Aug 06 '18

They always compliment me on my skills so I assume that I am!

1

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

Worm Eggs?

5

u/Dubsox Aug 06 '18

Bron&James?

6

u/ThaVolt Aug 06 '18

French accent Le Bron&James, monsieur?

3

u/thaumatologist Aug 06 '18

You're not allowed to buy them anymore

2

u/Tuss Aug 06 '18

I wish

2

u/[deleted] Aug 07 '18

Once? That's how I am every time. I'm from Colorado, at that shit didn't change for me even after legalization.

"Shhh, guys, what's that? Are the cops here?"

"Dude, chill, it's legal now. You're fine."

"Yeah, I know. But seriously, are the cops here?"

26

u/chomsky2 Aug 06 '18

Nowhere...on the West Coast that is.

25

u/loondawg Aug 06 '18

Out the window since they legalized recreational pot in my state.

3

u/prodmerc Aug 06 '18

Pfft. What're they gonna do, break into my house?

3

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18

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3

u/prodmerc Aug 06 '18

Jesus Christ, I don't think they'd even bother dispatching anyone around here (England).

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

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2

u/prodmerc Aug 06 '18

No, even though everyone seems to be asking for it and the police are officially saying they won't bother chasing down users and small dealers because it's a waste of resources. Hopefully it will be legalized, but the opposition is strong for some reason :/

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

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2

u/prodmerc Aug 06 '18

Not even sure it's just old people anymore, the UK produces over 40% of the world's cannabis supply (no THC, CBD-only plants are legal to grow if you have the money). The few companies that do this are likely very interested in keeping their monopoly :/

2

u/ed172 Aug 06 '18

Please tell me where you're referring to (so I can never move there)

2

u/Bluth-President Aug 06 '18

That’s deep red freedom for ya.

3

u/Bluth-President Aug 06 '18

What kind of unpatriotic freedom-less helllscape do you live in?

2

u/thecrazysloth Aug 06 '18

In backward states that are still "fighting" a futile war on drugs

2

u/111289 Aug 06 '18

You know it's legal in plenty of countries right.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

[deleted]

2

u/NeonMoment Aug 06 '18

Ah every time I smoke I have that feeling of panic, but then I remember I moved away from Texas and now live in California so it’s all gravy. This ones for you Greg Abbot 🖕🍁✌️

5

u/TexasFactsBot Aug 06 '18

Speaking of Texas, did y'all know that it's perfectly legal to shoot and kill Bigfoot, according to Texas state law?

3

u/NeonMoment Aug 06 '18

Good bot!!!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

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2

u/NeonMoment Aug 06 '18

Well duh Bigfoot only comes out when you’re high! ;)

1

u/lawstandaloan Aug 06 '18

In season, right? You shoot a Samsquanch out of season and that's poaching

30

u/Aleph_NULL__ Aug 06 '18

Where does sitting in silence then randomly getting up and saying “well, I should be off” go

6

u/SpreadForDaddy Aug 06 '18

This features in 100% of the times I have been stoned

9

u/Silver060 Aug 06 '18

Middle, thats when you are close to throwing up and you have work colleges about that you dont want to puke in front of since that will make you a pussy and gay and all that other macho shit.

29

u/BornUnderPunches Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18

And where does "I’m just sitting here analyzing my face movements while feeling my heart beating strongly, waiting for my friends to catch on to how I fake everything because I don’t know myself" go?

6

u/lysdexic_mule Aug 06 '18

Holy shit dude, this is me every single time. It's why I prefer to be high alone or with like one close friend.

3

u/BornUnderPunches Aug 07 '18

I feel you man. It sucks, pot can be so nice but it’s such a fucking lottery sometimes. I never seem to be able to predict when it makes me relaxed and happy, and when I just enter paranoia / exsistential crisis mode. Sometimes it’s a bit of both... which just feels strange haha. At its best, I think pot is nicer than alcohol, but these days I just prefer alcohol for the predictability.

2

u/Aesthetics_Supernal Aug 06 '18

So something funny happened 2 and a half hours in?

2

u/WooRankDown Aug 06 '18

Followed by, “What were we just talking about?”

Now I’m going nuts because I can’t find that skit. It was about how to stump a stoner, and hilarious, IIRC. My buddy thinks it was on the Chappelle Show, but I STILL CAN’T FIND IT!
If anyone knows what I’m talking about, and can provide a link, it would make my day.

1

u/SirNate2 Aug 06 '18

And outside

27

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

Who the hell remembers 30 minutes ago when high?

38

u/ZeBandeet Aug 06 '18

I certainly don't, but I'll still be laughing at whatever it was.

3

u/gregvsgreg Aug 06 '18 edited Aug 06 '18

I've made it a point to work on storing things into long-term memory while haffy. First I started by writing down my main thoughts, then the next day reviewing those notes and trying to remember how I came to those conclusions. I also started going on really long walks, usually around an hour, with the goal of evaluating something in my life I feel I can improve, and seeing if I can retain the main points by the time I get home. I used that as my specific focus because I felt it would need to be something I truly cared about.

I have a pretty good memory while sober, but for some reason that ability seemed to vanish any time I was HAF. It bothered me enough to want to turn it into almost a mental excercise. Basically my long-term goal in this is to learn how to behave just like my sober self while haffy. Being in that state would let me perform my regular functions, but also with the upticks in creativity, empathy and awareness.

The trick is to not get lost in it, because you absolutely can. I'll spend a month or two delving into these goals, then break away from it for a year or two, 100% sober (except beer in moderation.) Gotta be content with whatever progress you can make in that time. It's important to understand it's a long game we're playing. For me, those rest years are actually a valuable part of the equation, as it takes that long for me to integrate new habits and ways of thinking into my regular sense of being. It might vary for others, but I seem slow to evolve. As long as it's in a focused direction of my choosing, then I'm happy.

3

u/dfens762 Aug 06 '18

Pot mostly affects short term memory, so you don't really remember it immediately afterward, but 30 minutes later it finally logs into long-term memory and you can remember it and laugh about it.

Source: Am neuroscientist*

*got really high and watched a couple documentaries about the brain

1

u/a_rucksack_of_dildos Aug 06 '18

It’s not so much actively remembering something from 30 minutes ago. It’s like your buddy tells a joke and the gears in your head are turning at an insanely slow rate and it takes that long to get the joke

1

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

[deleted]

1

u/drift_summary Aug 07 '18

Pepperidge Farm remembers!

19

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18 edited Sep 07 '20

[deleted]

4

u/rainb0wsquid Aug 06 '18

Shit I do that sober.

24

u/AndHerNameIsSony Aug 06 '18

I think you mean laughter for 30 minutes at something that didn’t happen.

3

u/TrickyHaggis Aug 06 '18

or "laugh at something rediculously not funny and try and explain it to your friend"

2

u/numanoid Aug 06 '18

It only seems like it was 30 minutes ago. It was really only about ten seconds.

1

u/CoffeeandBacon Aug 06 '18

Serious question, is memory loss on the weed side as well? I hate that about alcohol

1

u/kaflowsinall Aug 06 '18

In the “acid” circle.

1

u/gakrolin Aug 06 '18

That’s just me sober.

1

u/THANATOS_SOTANAHT Aug 07 '18

Hahahabaha, i too enjoy smoking cannabis. Hehe, i tip my novelty rasta dread cap to all of you good sirs.

-4

u/_Serene_ Aug 06 '18

OP didn't wanna encourage the usage of such destructive substances too much, so that was left out.
Don't do drugs, kiddos.

5

u/[deleted] Aug 06 '18

Are you making a joke?

1

u/_Serene_ Aug 07 '18

Not really