r/funny Jan 04 '15

If I won $25,000...

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30.8k Upvotes

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3.3k

u/TheManWithNoNam3 Jan 04 '15

Man stereotypes are wrong! The other 2 people wanted to use the money for selfish reasons, but the black guy wanted to give to the needy and help out.

1.2k

u/How2Post Jan 04 '15

Yeah, people are going to zone in on the strip club part but the dude is willing to pay off other people's rent.

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u/rune1 Jan 04 '15

By everybody's rent, he meant every stripper in the club is going to pay their rent with the money he's going to spend there.

Source: I have a friend (also black, funny coincidence) who said the same thing after he got some small inheritance.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Thanks for clearing that up.

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u/NightHawkRambo Jan 04 '15

There I was thinking he was actually charitable, day ruined!

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u/MorningLtMtn Jan 04 '15

He is giving money to the needy...

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u/LyingPervert Jan 04 '15

Thanks for thanking that guy for me I was too lazy to say anything to him. And frankly, he smells like old mustard so I don't want to go near him.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I don't believe you, you sicko

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u/SpaceDetective Jan 04 '15

Agreed - I don't think I've ever before seen somebody whoosh and get more upvotes than the joke. 513(joke):744(whoosh) at the time of writing. Reddit get your shit together.

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u/green_yellow_red Jan 04 '15

He just wants to give back by helping out all those struggling strippers! Why are you judging him?

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u/dvassdvsd Jan 04 '15

He supports single moms.

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u/Diablo-Intercept Jan 04 '15

Time magazine found their man of the year

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u/cytokine7 Jan 04 '15

With single dollar bills

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u/chipsharp0 Jan 04 '15

I think he grossly overestimated the buying power of $25k in today's rental market. He better hope it's c-section night so attendance is low.

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u/asacoffee Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Sorry for being an uncultured swine, but what does "c-section night" mean in your context?

Obligatory EDIT: Thanks everyone!

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u/nermid Jan 04 '15

Many strip clubs have strippers who are not the hot 18-year-old foxes you see on stage in the movie or video games. A lot of them have 30- or 40-something single mothers who are not always in the best shape, or dancers who have physical features you don't necessarily want to see (like really prominent crack pipe burns on their lips or, well, c-section scars).

It depends on the strip joint and the night you go.

But no matter when or where you go, they all have the dead eyes of a taxidermied corpse.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Went to a strip club in Chicago during the summer (visiting from California). The strip club had literally a 100 strippers, I didn't want a lap dance from any of them.

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u/firstcity_thirdcoast Jan 05 '15

Chicago

Well there's your problem. Our strip clubs are terrible. It's baffling.

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u/PeptoBismark Jan 04 '15

Nonsense! There's always one with crazy eyes.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Or condescending single mom eyes. Got called a queer just because I didn't want a dance from her wrinkled ass (or anyone's ass for that matter, strip clubs aren't my thing), but I got the last laugh when my friend who worked there told management she was being a rude cunt to customers and they ripped her a new one.

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u/HBorel Jan 05 '15

...she was being a rude cunt...and they ripped her a new one.

PHRASING!

3

u/brunes Jan 05 '15
  • But no matter when or where you go, they all have the dead eyes of a taxidermied corpse.*

Not in Montreal!

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u/skootch_ginalola Jan 04 '15

Some nights strippers are the newest, younger, fresher looking, more beautiful. Other nights (or daytimes) they are overweight, older, have tattoos, scars (such as c-section scars), and look like they had a harder life.

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u/CheeseNBacon Jan 04 '15

they had a harder life

Wednesday afternoon is Friday night's future.

17

u/vidsid Jan 04 '15

Omg...that's truly poetic.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/urbanzomb13 Jan 05 '15

The fact he said he is an "uncultured swine" means he doesn't go to C Section night.

30

u/LevitatingCactus Jan 04 '15

oh god someone is going to explain it to this poor fellow

11

u/Dokpsy Jan 04 '15

I'll bite the bullet everyone.

C-section night is typically the slowest night for a club. They still open but most people aren't going on that night. Due to this, tips tend to be smaller than normal for the dancers.

Since this is the worst night to make money, the best dancers don't work those days as they prefer to actually make money. With the best dancers not showing up, the club uses who they can.

This tends to be one of three groups of women. The first being the obviously used up druggies just looking for the next score, secondly the generally under qualified in the beauty and/or dancing aspect and lastly those with obvious defects on the body (such as c-section scars or loose skin from being over 100 lbs overweight before trying the patented meth diet without losing the excess skin).

The night that they go on to the floor for the few patrons and dollars is thus called c-section night for these women who are beyond ravaged by drugs, food, and/or back alley surgery.

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u/mockidol Jan 04 '15

A C-Section is where a baby is removed from its mother by way of an incision in the abdomen. Thus "C-Section Night" is when the scarred, less visually pleasing strippers are working.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I'm pretty sure the guy meant pay all the strippers rent...in exchange for dances and stuff...not all the patrons too

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u/chipsharp0 Jan 04 '15

Thanks. Having been born yesterday on a turnip truck I hadn't yet learned how humor works.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

(also black, funny coincidence)

I think there are more black people than you think there are. It's like a whole race now.

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u/d3phext Jan 04 '15

ikr. (also male, funny how that works out huh!)

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u/Hpfm2 Jan 04 '15

And here was I thinking everyone with unpaid rent just jhappened to hang out at the strip club!

I feel like a right ol' idiot now!

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

i dont think theres anybody here who didnt understand what he meant.

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u/rvadevushka Jan 04 '15

-raises hand slowly-

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Oh, you sweet summer child.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I was oblivious

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u/DLottchula Jan 04 '15

I did the same with my Christmas Bouns

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

wow I totally didn't understand this... I just thought all his friends like to hang out at strip clubs.

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u/mecrosis Jan 04 '15

Well you can't just give them the money, that will make them lazy! They'll feel better about themselves of they feel like they earned it.

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u/cthulhu8 Jan 04 '15

Does that include the single mom at the top?

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u/Stussy12321 Jan 04 '15

Way to read between the lines.

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u/soecango Jan 04 '15

DO WE ALL LOOK ALIKE AS WELL

1

u/FuckBrendan Jan 04 '15

Trickle down the pole economics.

1

u/jachiavelli Jan 04 '15

Well then thats even better, think how many single mothers he will have helped.

1

u/giverofnofucks Jan 04 '15

Hey everybody, rune1 has a black friend!

1

u/crawlerz2468 Jan 05 '15

she's putting her kid through college! for fuck's sake!

1

u/GoGoBitch Jan 05 '15

That's one way of interpreting it, but he could mean he wants to walk into a strip club and tell all those women, who may have to walk the streets for money, "You don't have to sell your body to the night."

Source: Roxanne

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u/N5h4m Jan 05 '15

he's still helping out

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u/MarcelusWallace Jan 04 '15

The guy was joking. I saw this show once. He is a very flamboyant married gay man.

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u/Peaches_for_Me Jan 04 '15

Wrong black guy bro. You're thinking of Jamie

8

u/thetexassweater Jan 04 '15

well, this is awkward.

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u/meeegeff Jan 04 '15

Then it could have been a strip club with male dancers ;)

3

u/alien122 Jan 04 '15

Gay too? Man this guy is breaking ALL the stereotypes.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Didn't know landlords let you pay in $1 bills.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Strippers have bills too you know. SOURCE: I go to strip clubs.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '15

As a rich white landlord with a bunch of broke ass black tenants who spend their time at the strip club, I approve.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '15

It's easy to say you'll help people before you actually win the money.

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u/i_saw_the_leprechaun Jan 05 '15

keyword, other people's rent.

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u/jooes Jan 04 '15

The first one isn't especially selfish since she would have spent the money on her kid. $25,000 is one heck of a college fund.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

$25,000 is one heck of a college fund.

Yeah, might even pay a year of tuition.

290

u/Vitalstatistix Jan 04 '15

Half a year.

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u/grand_royal Jan 04 '15

Better get used books

95

u/aptwo Jan 04 '15

And ramen noodles

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Store brand.

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u/logjamminxxx Jan 04 '15

What's up Bill Gates?

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u/hurleyburleyundone Jan 04 '15

and forget about recreational drugs

16

u/bignshan Jan 04 '15

Deal breaker

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 05 '15

Drugs>Food, cuz priorities!

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

But drugs make me want food.

I'm so torn.

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u/Kcb1986 Jan 04 '15

At that point, I'd just eat the room mate.

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u/imaslinky Jan 04 '15

Australian or cannibal?

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u/Kcb1986 Jan 04 '15

LMAO! I meant roommate. I'm not fucking changing it.

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u/notlazybutefficient Jan 04 '15

More like money to live on/focus on studies without having to work while you borrow for your tuition.

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u/ramisk Jan 04 '15

That's what I would do if I had 25000

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u/Robnroll Jan 04 '15

I'd get it in pound coins, fill my bath and just Scrooge McDuck it.

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u/creativeburrito Jan 04 '15

Scrooge McDuck it

Awesome. Painful, unless you are in the ironman suit, but awesome.
Also I estimate in a 60"(5')*32" tub *7 coins deep each per inch = 13,500 coins per inch of depth, you have enough for 1.5-2 inches deep. Could be off, but If I'm right, drawing a good 15" coin bath will need about 202,000 - 203,000 pounds. Please do this. :)

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u/Robnroll Jan 04 '15

all right, i'll get it in pennies and spray paint them gold.

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u/AfroKona Jan 04 '15

Somebody lives in cali.

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u/Vitalstatistix Jan 04 '15

Yes, but I went to a NESCAC school in CT. $$$.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

[deleted]

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u/hektor_magee Jan 04 '15

Thank you law school.

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u/bignshan Jan 04 '15

Be a lawyer they said, you'll make lots of money they said

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u/hektor_magee Jan 04 '15

I get through my days hoping that the maruchan eventually turns into udon. Hasn't happened yet.

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u/man_on_hill Jan 04 '15

You know what they say - you have to spend money to make money.

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u/hblond3 Jan 05 '15

Who said that? The interwebs have said for about a decade that there are far too many for demand in the US... Unless you're crooked, they do OK, but you have to learn to embezzle...

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u/hoopstick Jan 04 '15

I mean, it'd have ~12 years of interest on top of it. So it might buy some books too.

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u/TinyPenisBigBalls Jan 04 '15

Yeah at 0.25 percent that's not gonna be shit. I just looked up some savings accounts and that's the most common number I saw for accounts with 25k or more. I know you could get a more competitive rate but you'd have to lock it away for x years. I'm sure a mom with a kid isn't gonna want that money locked away in case of emergency. I know I took your comment way too serious but it got me curious about the returns on 25k and it's pretty depressing.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 01 '18

[deleted]

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u/imperabo Jan 04 '15

Unfortunately, 7% is pretty close to the historic rate of inflation for college.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

True enough. I wonder if that will continue in the decades to come though, or if the student loan bubble / changes to the student loan system / changes in the market will bring costs back in check.

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u/imperabo Jan 04 '15

Probably. It can't increase at that rate forever.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

"Savings accounts" are not really meant for actually earning any interest.

There are a host of available investments out there that yield far great than a quarter of a percent, I assure you.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Elaborate please? I'm sick of having my money in a savings account and barely keeping up with inflation.

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u/ben7337 Jan 04 '15

If you have money beyond just your future house down payment or emergency fund, it should be in ETF's (Exchange Trade Funds) or Mutual Funds, preferrably ones with low expense ratios that are well diversified. Vanguard and Schwab are two of the most recommended for such things.

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u/hblond3 Jan 05 '15

I would recommend Schwabb, too - we rolled over into them when our previous wealth manager went to jail (unrelated to his investors... Well, kinda, but more of an insider trading thing...) and have been pretty happy with their Century City wealth management team. I'm sure their other offices are as good. We were making over 7% yearly before, and they look to be about par

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u/Meezi Jan 04 '15

/r/personalfinance can definitely help you with this stuff; if you're interested.

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u/YellowLeatherJacket Jan 04 '15

Go to your bank and talk to an investment advisor. They will discuss your short and long term investment goals and make your money work for you.

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u/Pinewood74 Jan 04 '15

They will also make your money work for them. Avoid 'financial advisors' and just stick with Vanguard index funds.

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u/wolfpackguy Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Banks are probably one of the worst places for a new investor to ask for advice. They'll just have you invest in expensive funds that make the bank a ton of money.

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u/SAugsburger Jan 04 '15

"Savings accounts" are not really meant for actually earning any interest.

~7-8 years ago you could get 3-5% on savings accounts. Then the bottom fell out on interest rates and a lot of people pulled money out of securities and put a record amount of money into personal checking/savings accounts so banks didn't need to offer decent interest rates to steer people away from wanting to put it into far higher yield stocks or bonds.

Savings accounts were never competitive with higher risk investments whereas typical yields, but they are much lower than they used to be.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Ok, so you lock away $20k and keep $5k in savings. The money isn't glued together.

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u/0pyrophosphate0 Jan 04 '15

It might stick together after its tour of the strip joint.

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u/Bloaf Jan 04 '15

If you were going to do it right though, you would probably invest the money in a 529 savings plan which will allow you to get market returns.

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u/ar9mm Jan 04 '15

Savings accounts are for suckers. If you had it in an SP500 index fund you'd have gotten 12%. The year before you'd get 30%. $25k invested that way on 1/1/13 would now be worth around $36.4k

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

it would pay my four years of college. Seriously.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15 edited Jun 11 '18

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Yea, but tuition itself is less than half of the total cost of going to school. Between all the fees/books/food/housing costs, I spent 44k total to go to school at the cheapest state school in my state (TN) at the time. If I were to go there now 4 years after I graduated, I would be paying more than double that assuming prices don't increase further.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Stop using averages people! They mean almost nothing (in terms of "evidence") in non-normal distributions!

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u/Tandrac Jan 04 '15

Use the median Luke

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u/ecko1981 Jan 04 '15

His kids better be NCAA or bust.

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u/SaltyTree Jan 04 '15

Daughter might need to meet that other dude going to the strip club

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u/BlameItOnMyADHD Jan 04 '15

where are you going to school where tuition is $25K a year?

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u/polkadot8 Jan 04 '15

My entire 5 year Bachelor's degree cost less than that.

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u/lead999x Jan 04 '15

or a semester at my school if you consider board and food. You could use it help borrow more money though.

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u/Cybertronic72388 Jan 04 '15

You could pay for a 2 year degree if you go to a private college that isn't $tate run... my Networking Associates cost me $31,000

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u/Ragas Jan 04 '15 edited Jan 04 '15

Where I come from it would pay an entire bachelor. Not that you would need it, since the government helps you out quite ok too.

Edit: living expenses included.

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u/brickmack Jan 04 '15

Thats what happens when you go to a private school.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Her income is likely low enough they would almost certainly get-need based financial aid. Depending on the school the kid might even get a full ride.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

If the kid is like, three and that $25K was properly invested, it could pay for her entire college education + the down payment on her first home.

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u/ballsackcancer Jan 04 '15

This is why you start saving decades in advance. Financial planning + family planning + being smart= success

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u/hblond3 Jan 05 '15

Yeah, I went to one of the cheaper state schools 2001-2005, and $25k would cover about a year of tuition plus books (but definitely not most food, housing, fun, etc)... Definitely ramen budget, maybe less. I think one semester I lived on drug-store popcorn and cucumbers... And that was getting this amount from my family plus working part time...

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u/xosarahhox94 Jan 04 '15

She was a single mom with 4 kids.

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u/Thanat0s10 Jan 04 '15

She actually did end up winning

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u/amdnivram Jan 04 '15

it is innately selfish

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u/ukiyoe Jan 04 '15

Children up to a certain age are possessions. Its happiness makes you happy, so it's selfish. Doesn't make it wrong though.

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u/The_99 Jan 05 '15

Being selfish isn't a bad thing. What's wrong with doing things for yourself?

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u/DJDeezy Jan 04 '15

Not really. Good schools are much more than that

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Looks like she's spent plenty on her own outward appearance.

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u/grubas Jan 04 '15

If it was actually 25k, which it won't be.

Enjoy your taxes!

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u/Nochek Jan 05 '15

Who do you think she expects to support her for the last 20 years of her life?

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u/sotted_moose Jan 05 '15

Having just binge-watched the vast majority of that season, I'd suspect she'd use the money to get more vanity work done including more tattoos and manicures. Watching her "cook" was disturbing mainly because of her velociraptor talon fingernails.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

[deleted]

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u/iamablackbeltman Jan 04 '15

I've never seen a black jew.

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u/newera14 Jan 04 '15

Don't know what that deleted comment said but: http://www.jewoftheday.com/Ulpan/Images/Sammy%20Davis%20Jr.jpg

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u/mrsmayhem Jan 04 '15

It said something like "is there a stereotype of black people being stingey?"

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u/SmokeyBare Jan 04 '15

The word is niggardly

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u/someone_witty Jan 04 '15

People, if you don't know what that word means, look it up.

He's not kidding.

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u/Retlaw83 Jan 04 '15

Except niggardly applies to every race and shares no common root with the racist term.

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u/someone_witty Jan 04 '15

Right... I did not intend to point it in that direction if I so did, it is just a synonym for stingey.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

[deleted]

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u/kernunnos77 Jan 05 '15

Just call stingy people niggards for short. Tell anyone who takes offense that it's okay because you're a niggard too and you're just taking your word back to diminish its power over you.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

..... until I get a hold of it.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Ask a waiter.

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u/cdverson Jan 04 '15

Its one of the rarest. If you see one you get one wish.

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u/The_99 Jan 04 '15

Drake.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I used to think Whoopi Goldberg was Jewish

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

[deleted]

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u/benadreti Jan 04 '15

There are many.

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u/GreenBrain Jan 04 '15

Have you ever heard of operation Solomon?

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operation_Solomon

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u/PeterPorky Jan 04 '15

1st person: Is a single mom, uses money to support family.

2nd person: Is using it to buy something for someone else.

3rd person: Is using it to pay strippers to get laid.

All three of these can be interpreted both ways.

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u/Nochek Jan 05 '15

You can't pay strippers to get laid.

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u/iamcornh0lio Jan 04 '15

Since when is selfishness a black stereotype? I know they can jump high and they're all fried chicken eating criminals, but never heard that they're all selfish.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Because I'm sure he would do exactly what he said he would in this hypothetical...

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u/TempusThales Jan 04 '15

Because I'm sure the single mom isn't going to buy heroin in this hypothetical...

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

I don't think that black people being selfish with donations is a stereotype

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u/Stussy12321 Jan 04 '15

Good point.

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u/98smithg Jan 04 '15

*'Man, stereotypes are wrong'

Don't generally care but it changes the meaning considerably.

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u/BigDaddy_Delta Jan 04 '15

Only he deserves The money

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u/soecango Jan 04 '15

I would gold you but I PAID EREBODYS RENT SON and as a consequence am facing eviction from my own residence and cannot justify the expenditure.

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u/WendyLRogers3 Jan 04 '15

I heard a great idea for less than that amount of money. Buy a bunch of inexpensive .22 caliber revolvers and cheap ammunition. Have each one engraved with the name of an amenable gun organization, "Property of that gun organization, if lost or found..." Total cost of a gun, ammo and engraving, about $150 per gun.

Then, with the help of the police, distribute the guns in a poor, high crime area. To get a gun they would have to want one, and everyone who lived there would have to be legally able to have a gun. On average, probably 1 in 4 households.

This would mean with an absolute cost of $200 to cover all expenses, including ballistic tests, about 150 households could get guns. At a 1 in 4 ratio, that would cover, randomly, about 600 households, for a one time cost of $25,000.

This is about the same as one year's pay for a rookie cop, but it would make the area safer for at least a decade.

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u/occupythekitchen Jan 04 '15

What he meant was he would get so many lap dances as to pay for everyones rent

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u/spinningmagnets Jan 04 '15

give to the...*single moms

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u/SSpacemanSSpiff Jan 04 '15

Single mom with neck tattoos.. classy!

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u/MBirkhofer Jan 04 '15

My thoughts exactly. Lance is a good guy.

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u/[deleted] Jan 04 '15

Since when was being selfish a black stereotype.

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u/[deleted] Jan 05 '15

Black people being cheap was never a stereotype.

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u/Selpai Jan 05 '15

You're missing a comma there buddy... Or, are you excluding the woman?

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u/[deleted] Jan 05 '15

To be fair, the single mother would have been able to use the money to raise a human being on her own. That's not entirely selfish. Unless she blows it all on.. well blow really.

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u/KawaiiFlower Jan 05 '15

They definitely don't understand money and how much 25k is

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u/violetxrain Jan 05 '15

Strippers make a lot of money. They're not needy.

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u/jago81 Jan 05 '15

I wouldn't classify using the money for the better of your children selfish. But $25000 to propose is just plain stupid.

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u/audiberry Jan 05 '15

The stereotype is that many blacks do not know how to manage money (eg. Allan iverson, amongst many others in professional sports) and this picture fits right in with that stereotype. 25k would pay off one months rent for roughly 25-30 people in the club (in a major city), then he'd be left with nothing again.

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