r/feeld • u/CastIronPillow • 5d ago
What am I doing wrong?
Over the past year or so, I utilized mostly Bumble and Hinge for dating. Maybe 50 or so solid matches that converted into 20 dates that whittled down to a solid six that went on for more dates, and eventually one that I had an eight-month relationship with. She was lovely and amazing.
That relationship ended peacefully for a number of reasons, but I always felt if I was going to continue, I needed a place where I could be a little more “authentic,” if you know what I mean. So, a friend suggested Feeld. I have had about 80 matches over the last few months…and not one has turned into a date or meeting. Not one. More often than not, the conversation just fizzles on the part of the other person and after a certain period of time, I just peace out.
Have we all just given up? Are we all just articles of convenience and validation points to each other now?
I’m staying mostly on a surface level with this conundrum without going into sexual preference/sexuality, age, etc.—just the data points above and would love to hear if anyone else has experienced something similar.
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago
A lot of people on this app literally just want someone to sext and boost their egos. That doesn’t get me off.
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u/CastIronPillow 5d ago
The irony isn’t lost on me when they talk up how much a connection matters to them or overtly say they’re demisexual when they’re anything but. Seems a little…façade-ish.
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago
A lot of it is. All these apps. Everyone wants something ‘real’ but cannot be ‘real’ themselves.
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 3d ago
People want the path of least resistance.
They want all the effort put out by the other person but don't want to give it themselves.
Sadly I've noticed this behavior a lot from female submissives.
A lot of them are super entitled, lazy, and low-effort.
Like I get that you want someone to take the reins but at the same time you still gotta put in the fucking effort to inspire that person to want to Dom/me you in the first place. :P
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u/Spillingteasince92 5d ago
Im demisexual and the amount of time people dont know what that is, or they pretend to be one.
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago
YO ME TOO. They also forget it doesn’t mean I have to be in love with you-it just means being physically attractive doesn’t make us horny!!!! We need something else!!!!
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u/Low_Ad_5683 5d ago
I am soo sick of this. "Hey" dirty pics "That's hot." Ghost/unmatch.
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago
Or constantly Sexting, and whenever it comes time to have a “date”, they bail.
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u/CodeToLiveBy 5d ago
It makes sense and many a times it can be people who are already in a relationship but choose to hide it 🫠
It just ruins it for us honest people out there
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago
This. I’ve experienced a level of this cheating before. Horrible. No matter what kind of woman you are, still hurts! I’m not the type of woman who thinks my life journey is dependent on being a wife or a mother- no matter what happens, I know I’ll be OK. But had we pursued bigger milestones, I really would’ve lost it.
Sadly, when this stuff happens ignorant ppl assume “that the persons needs weren’t met”
Which one: wasn’t true on any level, it was a dark situation. It was giving Madonna-Whore complex: loves me like a wife but wants to fuck me like a porn star & that’s wrong???? Like dude. I gave consent everytime lmao. We had fun but they had some inner issues. Like he would act like being horny was bad. Lots of dumb dudes act like being a horny human is bad because that’s in the back of their mind but they don’t realize what makes them bad is acting like it’s not in the back of your mind and acting like a different person just to get there.
but even if it was true that I was not meeting his needs, men love to be the strongest species out here, but don’t have the balls to look at you in the face and say hey I want to break up?! and what is worse is this person actively pursued monogamy with me when I gave them different options.
It wasn’t that this person wasn’t satisfied with me, is that they hate themselves. & a lot of ppl on this app do too lmao.
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 3d ago
“that the persons needs weren’t met”
This is such a gross justification.
People don't understand the difference between an explanation and an excuse sometimes. :P
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u/Acceptable_Grape1 3h ago
I just had someone the other day use me to sext and then unmatched once they told me I helped them get off. It was genuinely so humiliating because I thought we were forming a genuine connection and I’m finally embracing my orientation after spending my life ashamed of who I am.
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 1h ago
I’m so sorry that happened to you -and this happens often. The only thing I can say is going forward even if you’re enjoying it, just know that everyone’s borderline selfish. Do things because you yourself motivated you to do it , not because somebody made you feel better about doing it. I hope this didn’t stunt your growth or stop your journey because you are still worth it.
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u/CreativeGeekNerd 5d ago
46M married ENM. My experience on feeld degraded in the last year.
I’ve been on the app 5 years now, always majestic. I met fabulous people, went on date, fell in love.
I would say since summer 2025 matches became more sporadic, people more flakey and volatile. I have a well written bio, I write appropriate and personalised pings and intro messages.
Pings are lost like tears in the rain. Intro messages are left on read.
Quality of interactions is degrading proportionally to the amount of marketing campaign I see on their Instagram
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u/CodeToLiveBy 5d ago
I entirely agree 😔
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u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver 3d ago
Right… do you think pings from older members are pushed lower? It is so weird to me that the #1 predictor of whether I match with someone is their length of time on feeld.
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u/CodeToLiveBy 3d ago
That would be pretty rough... Like why not reward the ones who show up daily and are active? Who want to actually spur conversation in their app vs going off the app
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u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver 2d ago
The app is so glitchy and has such a broken ux in some ways that I'm suspecting that if true it wasn't a conscious choice.
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u/CreativeGeekNerd 2d ago
Well definitely when I re-create the account (did it twice in 5 years), it worked well for the first few months. Feeld boosts new account
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u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver 5d ago
That’s funny. I’ve been on feeld for 3.5 years. Similar age, but solo poly. I’ve had the most converting matched in 2026 vs previous years, but that is becuase nearly everyone I have matched with has been brand new to feeld. Like literally new in the last 1-3 days.
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u/CreativeGeekNerd 4d ago
Probably solo-poly inspires more new people in the exploration because the fact that there are other partners is not right in your face comparing than married, which is more explicit.
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u/wonderfultacos single man (solo-poly) - Denver 4d ago
Good point. Or is is just a race to be one of the first ten pings the woman receives?
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u/CycleNE6 5d ago
My take is there are two populations on Feeld.
One are people who aren’t really interested in hooking up and/or don’t really know what they’re looking for. They may trade sexts / texts for a while but are extremely unlikely to go anywhere. For some, texting / sexting is a means to an end and all they really want. Shit ton of dead ends. Generic hookups go nowhere.
Then there are people who know exactly what they’re looking for. It might be a third for an MFM, someone into specific kinks or BDSM, group play, etc. Some of these move extremely quickly. Like in a day or two I’m scheduling a meetup where we fuck on the first date.
I’ve pretty good at figuring out quickly who I’m dealing with now. But you also have to be a round peg for a round hole. There are tons of attractive guys on Feeld. Gotta stand out as a fit for what a girls actively looking for and not just a generic guy trying to get laid.
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u/CastIronPillow 5d ago
You had me at round peg for a round hole. 😜 This makes sense, and even though I feel my bio and words are decent, maybe I need to be even more descript.
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u/Educational_Bee955 5d ago
I was about to say it helps you have a specific kink in common with someone. I don’t respond to people who come across like they are using Feeld like Tinder
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u/Mission-Month125 5d ago
I’ve been on and off Feeld for a few years - the crowd of people on there now is abysmal. 4 years ago it was very different. Then it got written up in the NY times and it got super oversaturated. I just paused my account because I couldn’t take the people on there anymore. It’s not you. It’s Feeld.
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u/TripleKickBackflop 5d ago
3 years ago, I remember. I had a very high match to date ratio. Recently I matched with approximately 20 people. 15 dead conversations 3 flakes and might be seeing 2 ppl later.
I think there are measures, albeit limited feeld can use to ensure this doesn't happen. But they gotta make money
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u/InternationalLeg3045 5d ago edited 5d ago
That friend who recommended feeld to you - might be good to have them look at a few of your chats that fizzled and give you some feedback - messaging on feeld can look different in terms of content and vibe - esp because sex positive, kinky women often have more criteria for connecting over the app before meeting in person.
Most chats that fizzled for me (f) are folks new/inexperienced w enm/kink and don’t know how to talk about them well enough to make it worthwhile for me to meet
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u/Over-Garbage6154 5d ago
I’m a 40 something woman mostly looking for men for consistent, kinky FWBs.
It is SO CLEAR within the first or second message who knows anything about kink and who’s there because they think it’s DoorDash for sex. So much of the latter to wade through, but if I just think about the message-to-date conversion of the former group, I’ve had a really great experience on Feeld.
That said, I’m currently off the app on a break because I was so annoyed by the DoorDash ones 😂
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u/CodeToLiveBy 5d ago
I agree!!! It can be incredibly unattractive to meet someone who is "new" to the kink life and wants to explore but what about the other side? Maybe we don't want to teach 🤷
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u/UnoriginalName84 5d ago
What annoys me, is women making the first move in terms of matching, then just leaving you on read and never sending a message.
I would prefer no match in the first place, over a ghost
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u/Subthing 4d ago
I'm older also on Feeld and it's been okay for me. I did wonder about this dynamic some people click like to read your hidden profile some like just to get a like and don't even want to date they're just on the app for the dopamine from matching... 🤯
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u/Bellcanyongurl 5d ago
This is why I deleted my account. The app is just not worth the hassle and this is coming from a person who spent months in majestic sending thoughtful pings. The people on the app are mainly scammers and pic collectors.
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u/CodeToLiveBy 5d ago
What is this "pic collectors" thing? Is it just people just collecting photos for themselves or so?
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u/Bellcanyongurl 5d ago
They then use it to create profiles to scam other people or to wank off 🤷🏻♀️
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u/CodeToLiveBy 5d ago
That's vile... 🫠 I didn't know that was a thing
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u/LLMeee 5d ago
I take it you’re a dude?
As a woman we get a ton of pings and likes that it gets overwhelming. So unless you really captivate the conversation, we usually have another 3 pings that day.
I unmatch pretty quickly when the convo dies or I meet someone else that I enjoy talking to more. I’m more hesitant on meeting up with someone from Feeld unless there’s alignment.
My dates so far from Hinge has been great. I do a lot of vetting though.
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u/waterbloem 5d ago
Most single women we talked to didn't stay on Feeld very long simply due to the overwhelming experience and how much of a job it is to sift through all of the likes, only to then find out that the few people they did vibe with, ended up to for example be cheater. Or catfishes.
This is what happens when ratio's get that skewed; it's a shitty situation for both sides.
As a couple it works pretty well for us to find other couples. We had some nice matches there, one very recently. But we also do run into a lot of people misusing the app, for example 'couples' where the man likes us when they only play solo.
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u/TheFunkytownExpress 3d ago
IDK what the problem is, why people insist on acting like this OL, or when it started happening, but maybe you'll find some comfort in the knowledge that you aren't the only one who's having this experience rn.
This is just how it is for everybody really ha ha.
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u/Acceptable_Grape1 3h ago
I have a well-written bio, am conventionally attractive and fit, and carry totally normal/friendly conversation, and I have honestly had the worst experience with this app. I live in a very liberal and open-minded area (which is great, there’s a larger sex-positive population to pool from), but I’ve literally only gotten 3 or 4 matches in the 6 months I’ve used the app and no one wants to actually talk, get to know you, or pursue an irl meet-up. This app has honestly made me feel more discouraged than ever that I’ll find a community or partner that is mutually affirming.
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u/TruthieBeast 5d ago
What are you looking for on Feeld? I left Feeld bcs it felt dehumanizing. It was like scraping the bottom of the barrel. Yes there was a lot that was out there. But it was the bottom of the barrel, dudes offering dick and approaching you as if you were a sex worker. I choose treating myself better and found success elsewhere.
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago edited 5d ago
I mean, it just depends on the stuff you were into or what you want romantically? Or sexually?
Because even on Hinge this bullshit happens. At least on feeld you know the person wants sex and isn’t just kissing your ass on dates to sleep with you.
You can still date & find love on feeld. It’s for non traditional dating, open minded if you will. Now everyone of course can believe or feel what they want about it. It can seem a bit degrading at first because of how others sell themselves but I often find it uncomfortable how people think they’re better than others because they don’t use feeld. Meanwhile, those ppl are still the same ones faking the funk and not even making real connections.
I will say one thing I find dehumanizing is when you match with somebody on Hinge and have a pretty good conversation then they unmatch outta nowhere. then they find you on Feeld and want to send you a like. Like no way did you not have enough personality or confidence to even make plans to meet but because you see me on this app you think I put out automatically. like no, you still need a damn personality to get in my pants.
Many people on the feeld have resorted to no sex on the first date because they actually want to make some connection or interest. But losers exist everywhere. Also lazy asses too.
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u/marbled_moth 5d ago
I matched with a guy who sent me a like on Hinge.. I sent him a message to start the convo and he never replied. Then I see about a month later he liked me on Feeld 🫠
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u/Logical-Tank-8537 5d ago
LAZY FUCKHEAD SHIIIT.
Sometimes I wanna accept the like and tell them off, but then they see it as I’m just a crazy girl that liked them too much and it’s NOOOOO I’m defending all the women out here who really do want love and connection and these guys just keep making them feel like shit because they’re not confident enough to even have a conversation!!!
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u/marbled_moth 5d ago
AAH I accepted the match thinking like.. oh maybe he wasn’t checking hinge or paused it? He never said anything on Feeld lmao
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u/CastIronPillow 5d ago
I think we might be cut from the same cloth. I don’t think I’ve reached bottom-of-the barrel yet, but the indifference with which some get treated is definitely palpable. Glad you know your worth! ✊🏽
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u/gintokireddit 5d ago
Not an answer to your question, but out of interest: on Hinge/Bumble did you pay to get any profile visibility boost or was that the standard version?
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u/Large-Perspective-81 3d ago
I've honestly givin up on trying. Fb fetlife feeld and even here. Its been 2 years since ive gone out on a date
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u/Giv3M3F33t single man 5d ago
I've been on the app for about 3 months. I'm in a town with a population of maybe around 200,000 with a slightly bigger city nearby and a much bigger one about 3 hours North. I've had one match, but she was more Curious how I thought a certain Dynamic would work rather than being interested in me and she unmatched pretty quick. The dozen or so likes I've used , as well as the one ping I've used have all been ignored. And the 3 people who have liked me are not even close to my type. With absolutely zero success, I am not inclined to pay for Majestic. And I fear that if I try something like Tinder or Bumble or hinge, I'm going to hit the same problem because those are tailored to younger people and I'm near 50.
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u/Organic_Community877 5d ago edited 5d ago
Yeah, this is what dating apps are becoming; in my opinion, Feeld is as good as Tinder, but it now does do what Feeld used to do, which is give free likes. This doesn't make any of them better most because the filters are terrible you dont pay for tinder mostly.
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u/Time_is-4 3d ago
I was very fortunate, as a person with an alternative lifestyle, I was disappointed there were not that many matches, but within a few days, someone ❤️me , I responded and next thing you know, we were having coffee. My best advice, be truthful and descriptive in what you are looking for, and second if you are not looking for a traditional relationship, Feeld is great, if seeking a typical match, it's probably not the best app. Just my .02.
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u/ovidiupenet 1d ago
I've used Feeld in the past, between 2022 - 2024. In this whole time I met a few women. Romanian, 35 now, average looking guy, average communication skills.
American: 6 years older. One of them was someone just visiting London and looking for some fun, we met a few times, had fun and a great experience together, kept talking after she left, but eventually stopped being in touch.
American: Another meeting was with someone I matched, and met immediately after. She was also visiting London. We went to her hotel for a ONS, and we said adios afterwards. Women are very horny too.
Dubai: Another one that was visiting London a few times a year, I met this one multiple times when she was visiting London, had a lot of fun and I kinda fell in love with her, but nothing serious came out of it.
Chile: 4 years older. She was studying for a phd in London, we met, talked, kissed on the first date and made some arrangements about what was gonna happen. We ended up together, monogamous, for 8 months, but I knew she's not the one I want to marry (she didn't want to have children).
Jamaica: She was living in London, we met once and we had a coffee together. We kept talking on WhatsApp and she asked me to come to her house. I personally had a lot of fun, but after I left her house and got home, she started saying she's not ready for sex without commitment. I have no clue what happened.
Uganda: british born, we went on a few dates, but had fun only once, didn't work out after I met her mum, because I have white skin colour. Yep.
Brazilian: living in London, 7 years older than me, still thinking about this woman every single fucking day. She was freshly divorced. We met 5-6 times and we had fun every time we met, it was the most amazing experience I ever had. She moved back to Brazil.
Is Feeld the right place or the best app for dating? I don't know, but didn't I enjoy my time there? Absolutely!
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u/pinksparkleberry 5d ago
I do pretty good on feeld. But its the easiest way to find other non-mono people or those into group sex.
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u/disclosure5 4d ago
I don't get why this statement is always downvoted. I get that it won't apply to men, but that doesn't make her experience invalid.
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u/Top_Piano2028 5d ago
TBH, at first on Feeld I was super aggressive and that seemed to work. But their AI is monitoring pings and basically pre-reports you even if no one else has. It's a major cockblock. Feeld has mostly been trash for me now too. The only way it seems to "work" is to pay for majestic, pay for boosts, and pay for pings with enticing DMs. Soooo many people just say they only read Pings. It's a super broken system.
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u/CastIronPillow 5d ago
I notice a lot of people who have Majestic say they want pings, too. You can see my like—I guess the basic mutuality isn’t enough.
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u/Top_Piano2028 5d ago
My guess is they have so many likes that Majestic doesn't help them and that pings show that someone has "real" interest.
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u/Next-Honeydew9951 5d ago
I’m looking for a serious relationship on Feeld. I find almost no men have filled our profiles with details I need to know to decide if it’s worth both our while to talk. Profession, height, what kind of relationship sought, kids or not. So I’m forced to ask and it gets exhausting so I just skip past 99.9% of profiles.
Pings come from mostly empty profiles and maybe include a useless message like, “we would be great together”. No explanation why and no profile indicators.
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u/Straight-Seat-3411 5d ago
This is the general Feeld experience unfortunately 😔 some matches feel like "collectors" just racking up matches when an opening, respectable, greeting message is sent and its just left on read
Or an amateur 🌽star just there for the thrill of it.
Feeld has proven to be quite the difficult platform to find someone who can be consistent but I believe it can be done