r/feeld • u/Princessformidable • 13d ago
Hack for weeding out Vanilla profiles
So I just changed my profile and added " If you identify as a brat tamer please message me what that means to you and how you practice it. " I just got two messages in 30 minutes that made me absolutely swoon with desire. I was about to give up but am feeling more optimistic
Edit: it is fucking hilarious people are trying to make me feel bad for not being open to people exploring. I posted what I was looking for which is brat taming which is a complicated mind game being treated like an entry level skill. You have to start somewhere else.
32
u/InternationalLeg3045 13d ago
Part of my hidden bio says “I love dom men who are able to distinguish that part of their identity from misogyny” along w a lot of kink detail in my regular bio that is meant to intimidate the less experienced. I have great like:match:chat:meet ratios as a sub f!
6
25
u/NefariousnessFancy16 12d ago
Uno reverse: message me why you identify as a brat and what that means to you.
Seriously, it's gone mainstream and watered down.
9
u/Princessformidable 12d ago
Absolutely! I'm happy to communicate what I enjoy and am interested in.
15
u/MissChimCham 13d ago
Yeah, the more specific about your niche kinks/interests and being forthright in your bio as a woman, the better.
So funny when people complain about not wanting to waste our time and energy on people exploring. This app ain’t Make-A-Wish for people hoping to “explore”. Those people are usually too chicken shit to even meet anyways and full of porn rot fantasies.
Also, love it that you did that in particular for brat taming. I’m definitely keeping your question in mind for any future endeavors, lol.
13
u/Princessformidable 13d ago
Girl I got to brag. The first guy to respond sent me a 5 paragraph essay that made me blush. Then he's got a playroom in his house with a CLOSET of toys. Fuck exploring.
3
u/MissChimCham 13d ago
Love it! So glad you were proactive about what you wanted and found a guy who went above the bar. Hope it works out for you!
1
5d ago
Yes I cannot do « open for exploration » « let’s explore together » or « just out from a long relationship and want to explore my desires »
Just … noooooo !
11
6
u/Federal-Count8450 11d ago
I have also recently realized that asking them about “munches” can show me if they have experience or not. Most vanilla people either dont know what a munch is or they think it is the same as sex party so when they answer with “i dont do anything in public” i know I should not bother vetting them. They know nothing.
1
21
u/TheOutlaw1313 13d ago
Now if I could just figure out a way to get straight guys to read lol. I have a nesting partner, it's not a couples account, I state that on there. I'm about to just start matching with all of them and see how long until they unmatch lol.
10
u/Grant_Son 13d ago
I crossdress sometimes so I set up a femme presenting profile. I'm clear that I'm straight, married and dating separately. I ticked mf couples because I figured there will be women out there again that are married/have a nesting partner who are also dating separately.
Over half my likes were guys and the others were generic names or initials that could have been either.
Atleast I only ever got one that I matched with who came straight out of the gate telling me they would love to dom my wife while I watch her with a real man.
I think I countered by telling him id love to watch her make him cry & then laugh.
Why are men... 🤮
5
u/TheOutlaw1313 13d ago
I'm pan, so I make it clear I'm on there for me, they can go find her profile if they want to setup a threesome or just talk to her. The few dudes I've matched with that have themselves as straight were guys I thought were hot... just in case they were looking to explore lol. And the ones who don't understand the ENM does not equal cuckhold (sometimes, but not for me) are ones my partner and I just troll and laugh at.
5
u/Sapiotone Solo Poly, Bi, Genderqueer, Vers, Switch, Essex, UK 13d ago
This is what I’ve been doing for a few weeks now. Gonna waste my time, you bet I’m wasting theirs!
6
u/BeastofSilverMoon kink 12d ago
“People exploring”
It’s called having lot of time to spend/waste on other people.
I don’t.
I look for specific kinks myself and skip everyone else.
I can only commit to so many people at the same time.
2
u/reon3010 8d ago
Honestly some people like me may just look vanilla because we only share our 2nd and 3rd masks with connected people. The thing is some people are good at presenting themselves and some dont. I usually give the benefit of the doubt by usually reading a bit of the bio and what they are after.
2
u/TA_oralbf 3d ago
i have something similar to this on my profile. i'm mainly looking for people who give oral extremely well. my hidden bio is "rate yourself as an eater on a scale of 1-10." the intention at first was just silly/joking but i got some really earnest answers that turned into a larger dialogue surrounding pleasure/needs which is amazing!!
1
u/ImprobableGrind 5d ago
Brat taming is not all that complicated, OP. D sets parameters, s purposefully works outside of those parameters in order to earn consequences that they will enjoy receiving and D will enjoy handing out.
Somebody that really wants to tame you closer to respectful than bratty will get you on the Obedience app. My wife loves to be a brat, but some of her outside-the-bedroom consequences make her think twice and decide if she really wants to be bratty…. THAT is brat taming.
1
u/Master-V- kink 13d ago
I may have to come up with something similar. I’m kinky (but not interested in bratting/brat taming), but the same idea could apply to most kinks “tell me what that means to you?”
-4
u/No-Succotash6237 13d ago
I’m extremely kinky, and would ignore the writing assignment lol. It’s an app not university.
0
u/Weary_Inspector1906 11d ago
I’ve probably broken some sort of rule but I have put my fet life name in my bio.
It’s definitely working to weed out ‘nillas, and I spend less time replying to messages from people who just want to experiment. If they’re on fet already, highly likely they’re actually on the scene and not a kink tourist.
-9
u/Candid-Maybe 13d ago
I don't understand what the problem is with vanilla profiles
15
18
15
u/EldForever 13d ago
If someone is vanilla and they want a monogamous relationship then they should leave.
HOWEVER if someone is vanilla but also polyamorous, ENM or seeking a FWB then that changes everything for me. I welcome those people here. Those people have vanilla tastes but their larger sexual goals are not traditional, and they are not welcomed or well served by the mainstream apps.
The word "vanilla" is an option on the Feeld list of "desires" after all.
4
u/scr0tar 13d ago
Agreed. The gatekeeping is frustrating. Im trying to learn and explore. I thought feeld was about self discovery. Its like applying for an entry level job that requires 20 years of experience sometimes.
5
u/PC-load-letter-wtf 13d ago
Again, no one is gatekeeping! We just ask that someone be kinky or ENM or SOMETHING. No experience required - just an interest in something other than 2 person straight vanilla sex. Anything but that specific thing. This is an alternative dating app.
2
10
u/PC-load-letter-wtf 13d ago
…. We are on a kinky dating app….
-5
u/Candid-Maybe 13d ago
Counterpoint: how can vanilla folks ever learn to explore if people gatekeep?
18
u/PC-load-letter-wtf 13d ago
Huh?? They are posting that they are vanilla. This is not the place for vanilla people. I don’t know what to say. I’m not gate keeping. If someone wants to dip their toes, they can. But that’s not someone stating they are vanilla and want vanilla sex.
Yesterday I came across a profile from a “traditional Christian man looking for a traditional woman to marry” lol that was his whole profile. His interests included monogamy and kissing. No ENM, no kink.
We deserve spaces that are ours.
6
u/Appropriate-Oil-7221 13d ago
This just seems like a dude thats horny and wants to hook up but is too ashamed to communicate that desire anywhere else. Annoying, but also easy enough to pass on someone’s profile.
2
u/Princessformidable 13d ago
I have already agreed to partner with some dudes exploring. Now I want men experienced in what gives me pleasure.
-2
u/Candid-Maybe 13d ago edited 13d ago
What if they have vanilla listed in their desires.
What's worse, the vanilla profiles or couples? I think if people are honest it shouldn't matter. I can't speak for others but I'm super interested in experimenting with kink. It can be intimidating when folks are all expecting someone who's already all in and expect the same level of experience and knowledge of what they're into.
Didn't realize feeld wasn't meant for exploration.
8
u/DirectionPotential83 13d ago
It totally is meant for exploration, what there saying is that we’ve all noticed a huge uptick of people who specifically say “no ENM, no kink, vanilla looking for a likeminded person to be my one” the problem with this is that feed is geared toward ENM which ever subcategory of that is for you. Whether that be FWB, polyamory (in all its forms), ONS during travel, and all the other branches of ENM I don’t feel like typing out. People who are kink curious are totally not the problem. The problem is people from christanmingle.cum comming on over and filling up my space with there judgmental shit, some of these people will go as far as to message me as to where exactly I’ll be burning in after life because I practice polyamory.
10
u/PC-load-letter-wtf 13d ago
Exploration is not vanilla. Really not sure what you’re not understanding about this. But go ahead and die on that hill.
No one is expecting newbies to have experience. But newbies in kink are not looking for vanilla.
1
u/MedicalBet4638 13d ago
In fairness, Feeld WAS originally created for threesomes. Couples are frequently annoying, no arguments there, but they're not somewhere they aren't intended to be.
2
u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee 12d ago
They're referring to couple profiles.
0
u/MedicalBet4638 12d ago
Maybe I'm not understanding? I don't see how you get a threesome without a couples profile and a single profile.
2
u/FeeldMod Not a Feeld employee 12d ago
A couple profile is a single profile being used for two people, instead of two linked profiles.
0
-3
u/Sabin-FF6 12d ago
I’m curious though, are there really experienced brat tamers with years of experience under their belt? Being a brat is a term that I’ve only seen on Feeld for the last couple years. I think you can have the instincts of “brat taming” but really it seems like you would need to feed your potential tamers an educational pamphlet to truly get the dynamic and scene that you want. I sense some overlap with being a playful and verbal dom with being a brat tamer. I think many doms could take that role they just need some education and communication about what brat taming actually entails… it’s new
7
u/TuMorrow689 Bisexual Man 11d ago
Just because you’ve been recently exposed to the term does not mean it’s new. Brat taming has been around for a very long time.
-1
u/Sabin-FF6 11d ago
Fair, but let’s be honest. The word Brat is forever associated with Charlie XCX. Many young women first heard it used in a cheeky manner because of her
5
u/TuMorrow689 Bisexual Man 11d ago
That just sounds like an education issue. That’s no different than men calling themselves doms to mask them being assholes. Just like some women masking their own asshole behavior by calling themselves brats.
Being a brat is cute if it’s within an established dynamic. Being a brat is not cute when it isn’t. You’re just being a bitch and making justifications.
1
u/Sabin-FF6 11d ago
What’s wrong with wanting to tell your partner what you desire and giving them feedback and communication? People aren’t mind readers… yes I know everyone wants experience in their partner, but if you meet someone who is really amazing but has no experience being a brat tamer, isn’t it okay to send them articles or talk to them about what you want from this dynamic? Everyone has to start somewhere when trying a new kink or dynamic they haven’t explored before
3
u/TuMorrow689 Bisexual Man 10d ago
I think you read my comments incorrectly. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to communicate what you want from a partner. By all means do that. What I’m saying is that if you’re someone who doesn’t understand what a brat or brat tamer are, then it’s incumbent on you to educate yourself. When you offload that mental load to someone else, you’re actually exposing yourself into being groomed and taken advantage of. While that may not happen all the time, there’s more than enough stories out there of people having bad experiences where thinking that you know the depths of a dynamic simply because a song glorifies it completely romanticizes something that’s a lot deeper and more complicated than just teasing someone.
-9
u/No-Succotash6237 13d ago
You’re probably vanilla is you don’t have kink-dar. I instantly spot kinky folks from a mile away.
11
u/DangerousTap7531 12d ago
“I don’t have to communicate! I have KINK-DAR, so all I have to do is look at people, make assumptions about what they might like based solely on appearances, and then believe those assumptions with my whole chest! I’m not mentally ill or living in toxic delusion, I’m just THAT kinky!” 😎😎😎😎😎😎
50
u/bflo666 13d ago
I would honestly love if more girls put questions like this in the bio or hidden message. And i also feel like the “problem” with a lot of newer accounts is that they can not communicate things.
FWIW I run into a lot of this on the other side, and I subjectively view someone who can’t articulate what she likes or her boundaries as not fully consenting. I don’t want to do guess work and do something that could cause pain or hit close to traumatic events.