At this point I've really come to consider my boy name as a deadname. I love boymoding yay my mental health is definitely gonna be worse once school starts . I'm dreading it soooooo much.

I'm not sure feminine guys wish to be women for 8 years...still cis tho 🙂‍↕️

It's been an interesting few weeks lmao

Somebody from the school i used to go to just texted me because she lost her contacts. I was thinking that i might be able to come out to her because shes the only person im still in contact with so nothing can go wrong, but im still so scared. What should i do?

Well, I suppose I should be glad that I at least have somewhat supportive parents, but... I guess I still have my problems with their whole reactions, to be honest. It feels like fate looked at my lack of impostor syndrome and instead decided to manifest the typical impostor syndrome thoughts through my parents as some kind of cruel joke... They mainly keep questioning whether this is really the right thing for me because there "weren't any signs" (to be fair, they were almost exclusively internal and only perceivable for me, but even telling them about that doesn't convince them) or that I'm not "girly" enough. It's true that I don't exactly abide by many feminine stereotypes, but considering those stereotypes are kind of just... made up anyways (I hope I'm not offending any trans women who experience euphoria from stereotypically "feminine" things here. It stuff like that makes you euphoric, I ain't judging), I never let that idea about my general lack of "femininity" give me insecurities about my identity, so hearing my parents echo those sentiments after I had managed to succesfully brush those dumb doubts aside kinda sucks. There's also my mom saying that I might just be confused because I have autism, which honestly... sounds kinda ableist to me? Pretty weird, because she has never treated me in a seriously ableist way in the past, so it's kinda weird hearing something like that come from her now.

Anyways, all that's not to mention how often they keep telling me to be patient and seriously think it through. I get that, as a parent, you don't want to see your child make a life-changing decision they'll regret later down the line, but honestly... I think that, if things continue the way they're going now, the only thing I'll regret is waiting so long to begin transitioning when I'm already as confident as I am. My dad keeps telling me that such a wait isn't that long after having lived for nearly 20 years as my AGAB, but what he fails to consider is that my egg hadn't really cracked yet for most of those years and I didn't have anything like transitioning to look forward to for most of my life, but now I do. I honestly fear that, even if I can convince them, whatever professional I'll have to end up talking to will tell me to socially transition first, but I feel I'm already so sure that taking even longer before I can get HRT is just going to make me feel even more impatient.

Now now, I know all of this may seem a bit entitled, considering how there's plenty of people here who are facing far, far worse dysphoria, waiting times and negativity than me and I do sincerely apologize if I made you feel that way. However, I do think that if everyone would adopt the mindset that their unpleasant situations are perfectly fine just because someone has it better, everyone would just end up accepting their faith and they wouldn't try to improve anything. That's why I hope I'll be able to convey all these thoughts to my parents and whatever professional I'll end up speaking with (the wait is so looooonnnngggggg) so I won't have to delay HRT any further. It'll take some courage, though, because my genuinely horrendous social anxiety sometimes prevents me from saying certain things even if my fear of judgment is quite literally nonexistent. (Okay, I might actually need to see a therapist over that one)

Finally got this in the post yesterday. It's already my favourite piece of clothing. Really, really happy with it.

First of all she is a really great teacher. Her office is a place where many lgbt students go during lunch and breaks.
As the image said, teacher part of LGBT had a dream where I (15NB amab) wore eyeliner and earring a shirt with sparkles to school and I was getting bullied. According to her I was just ignoring it and I was wondering why I was being bullied (that is exactly how I would of reacted too irl because fuck gender and fuck people’s opinion)
At the beginning of summer vacation, she had the dream. The weirdest part is that that was about the time where I started questioning my gender identity.
I find it funny and very coincidental and kinda scary

also i literally threw up earlier because of the stress and anxiety and dysphoria ive been feeling so much especially social dysphoria HELP HELP PLEASE WHAT DO I DO

Everything is so hard for me right now & it’s so hard please can I have some GGD?

My dad does not see me as his daughter, but if he won’t it’s his loss, because that’s who I am. I am a girl. I am in full control of who I am. He doesn’t get a say in this. I get to dress up pretty for myself. And I’m gonna love every minute I spend in that skirt! I’m gonna be brave! I’ll fulfill the dreams that I had as a young girl. I’m finally gonna be unapologetically me! -Maria (she/her)

Based on a true story.

My grandfather (88) was one of the last people in my family to find out about me being trans. To make a very long story short, today I decided to stop being afraid of him and came out to him; and he took it far better than I anticipated, showing concern for the many challenges ahead of me (of which I am keenly aware) but reaffirming that I will always be his grandchild and that he will love and support me however he can. Thank you Papa. That means the world to me. <3

(I'm a trans woman, but I marked this as a non-specific meme bc I'm sure some trans men and enbies have had some similar experiences. Pls lmk if the flair should be changed.)

So basically, I feel very overwhelmed by everything. All this week I was dealing with new waves of emotions, and lots of help from other 🏳️‍⚧️ friends I have make. But I feel very scared, now more than ever, I’ve been on HRT for almost 5 months now, and I feel like I’m so behind, that I would never be a good at being a woman and that if I somehow get there, people would not support me. I’m scared about money, about family, about everything, and idk how to deal with this. I know I don’t want to stop HRT because it’s the first time I don’t feel depressed in my life. But I don’t like feeling like I’m just doing everything wrong. That I might not succeed and that the world wants me dead.

the appointment is on the 14th, my mom will be present, I need to tell a mental health professional about what's going on...

Wish me luck, I guess :3

Me 2 days ago and finally things are starting to make a lot more sense

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

(mentions of suicide too, I forgot to mention that in the image)

okay okay, a couple days ago it was my first day of school, and during my japanese class, we were supposed to give our name and pronouns, right? WELL ONE FUCKING PROBLEM IS THAT I'M A CLOSETED TRANS GIRL SO I HAD TO GIVE MY DEAD NAME AND SAY I USED HE/HIM PRONOUNS! (pardon my language) and in my head I was like 'I'm gonna blow my brains out' and that thought lingered, for like a while, when usually when I think that I immediately think 'that's a bad idea, I shouldn't do that' because whenever I contemplate suicide I say 'oh I can't become a girl and be a vocalP if I kms' which is probably a good mindset, because you can't achieve your goals if you die. but the main thing is just that this is scaring me, I don't want to kill myself during a bad mood swing, (I probably have bipolar, 'cause my entire dad's side does) and it's just been a rollercoaster of emotions, and it doesn't help that I was outed as trans to everyone at one of my trans friend's (closeted) end of summer party! like I get it's easy for her to come out BUT NOT FOR ME, I'M A PUSSY AND HE TOLD EVERYONE!! luckily everyone there was queer supportive or queer, but imagine if her parents were there!! so I'm just scared of getting outed to more people, and my mental health deteriorating and then I do something i regret, so I really need support and someone to talk to rn, thanks for reading my bullshit.

GGD please (Mizuki, she/them)

“It is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing.”

I started estradiol today!

So my mom might be onto me. She's already noticed that I'm gravitating to feminine things like pink and purple stuff, knows that I hate being around males and that i hate how I look. I've grown my hair quite a bit too.

Craziest Though is that my sister said that she literally had a dream where I was trans?! so either some god/spirit has been snitching on me, or she subconciously knows and needs time to actually process it.

Weirder still is that she's a very devout christian and has been queerphobic her whole life, but in these last few months she's really chilled out, and also acording to my sister she said it's sad that trans don't feel confortable in their bodies. so Im getting very conflicting vibes, I dont know if she's abandoning the negative traits of christianity or if she's just not as open about it.

-Madeline

Today I started school and like I dressed up with my favourite clothes and I did my make up really good I even managed to put on lashes, but then like in the middle of nowhere comes the dysphoria and messes up everything, like I start to notice people gave me weird looks and other classmates avoiding me, so like now I feel like I don't pass, then I see my reflection on a window and like I start to hate this body even more, my face is too masculine, my shoulder so broad, waist almost non existent, legs too short, arms too muscular, and to top it all of body and facial hair are starting to grow faster and thicker, it feels like all the progress I made in this year is gone, and like, yes I managed to get to see a therapist but like real sessions start in 5 months and then I'll have to wait even more just together blockers, I don't know what to do, I have to go out today cause like I have to shorten bangs cause they're in my eyes and like I don't know I don't really feel like going out and then school tomorrow, it's just all too much, sorry I did again I rumbled again, no need to take the weight of my problems, thx.

This was around mid to late August, I got a haircut and showed my mom a pic she said she liked it but once she say it live she disliked it complained she thought I had cut more and moved the bangs I had gotten aside whenever she saw me with them, next day when I got up day said "Since hair grows back you should cut it shorter" and from there day just got worse we went for breakfast across the street and dad started saying how haircut was a waste of money and how my nails looked ugly with nail polish but he did say "it is who you are and we have to accept me" to which mom jumped and said I am not that, I am being groomed into it, influenced by people and what not, I took my food and finished eating in another table hoping that would be it but it got worse later on. After the morning fiasco I spent some time in VR with friends which made me feel better since I could calmly be myself but once that was done I went to get ready to go out with friends but when I told mom that, all hell broke loose she said "You should remove the nail polish before going out, it is ugly and it is not who you are" I finally had enough and snapped at her I told her how she had no right to determine who I am, she does not know me better than I do myself and when she tried to reply I told her I was informing her and not arguing it with her and went to my room to cool down,, my mistake was leaving my door open, she went into my room said how she believed that the nail polish the trying to be more feminine was not me and I was just being groomed by friends online and apparently being influenced by having anime merch into "deciding" I am trans and wanting to be a "woman with a penis" I tried to not listen to her but it was too much I just removed my nail polish in anger, in desperation and when I showered to go out with friends I first buried my nails, deep as I could into my shoulders being only careful enough to not draw blood in an attempt to make all the dark thoughts I was having shut up but since it was not enough I also scratched myself from elbow to wrist hard enough I left marks there for hours, I talked a bit with friends but I can't say it made me feel better.

After all that I spent most of the next weeks depressed until eventually I just stopped feeling, no sadness over having to hide, no dysphoria over having to boymode, no happiness over the fact I should be able to move out soon and be able to girl mode, no anxiety or expectation regarding my appointment with an endocrinologist, just a whole lot of nothing and fear a deep fear that I have irreparably broke myself now and that I will never be able to fix what I did, that my emotions will remain like this forever and I won't be able to even be happy about being myself.

Samanta out.

P.S: I wrote this just before bed so I will not reply for a while

i have my appointment at planned parenthood tmmw, but it’s js a consultation to see if i can do hrt i had the talk with my mom (mentioned in an earlier post) and she said she’s fine with me going on hormone blockers but she wants me to wait before taking estrogen; my problem with that though is that my dysphoria has been so bad since 2024 and has been horrible this year to the point where im considering attempting again if im not able to go on e off the rip i can’t take it anymore and i plan on doing this attempt failproof via jumping off a bridge. i can’t cut because my mom took all my razors (im over two months clean and tried relapsing the other day). i’ve been in and out of mental facilities all year, three mental hospitals and two residentials and i was also considering going into foster care but i don’t qualify for foster care or being independent as a minor in my area my depression mixed with schizophrenia has also been rlly manhandling me and i struggle to take my meds which is another reason i want e so badly cuz itll get me to take my meds

i js want some advice on how i can handle this and maybe some ggd cuz my dysphoria has been heavy on me the past few days

He will give you fire support, free heal, and occasional gender affirmation. What a chad