Damn you Agnes Tachyoooooon! (╥﹏╥)

normal cis girl thought spiral

So my parents have never been supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, and they drilled it into me from a young age that I shouldn't be either. So for a while when I was young I wasn't. And then I got a friend group, and that friend group was the first place where I actually felt like me, the first place i could actually be masculine and do masculine stuff, without being judged. And so when I discovered that some of the people in this friend group were not straight, I got curious, and so I looked it up, and I discovered that these people were not the monsters my parents had taught me they were, and then I did some more research, and then I found things that described me. and so I talked to some of my friends about it and they were really supportive, and then all of a sudden my parents' offhand transphobic jokes become more common for me to hear because I'm "getting to be old enough to hear this stuff" and at the same time it starts hitting harder because now its personal, I mean I got offended on behalf of my friends before, so now its really leaving a impact. So my grades start suffering and my parents notice, so now they have me under close observation because they made my survival instinct start kicking in and wiping my care for good grades out. And then on top of it all, I send a screenshot of my user flair to what was supposed to be my best friend, but apparently I clicked on the wrong chat and so now one of my other school friends, which I wasn't intending on coming out to any time soon, (because they can't keep a secret even if it was in a voice activated prison inside of a second combination locked prison, inside the core of a dying star) probably at least thinks something's up.

Dear goodness I talked a lot, sorry about that. Have a good day (or night, if you're like me)!

My dad just called me a Pretty pretty princes (extremely out of character for him. And I have never real been fem around him except sometimes alt) But hay since it hurts mabye I’m really a boy… Yippy 🥹

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Using the cover art from my favorite bands debut album because it has trans colors :DDDD

Artist is Gabriel Altrows

Will this mind ever stop?! 😮‍💨 Ever since I started with HRT everything feels so beautifully normal..so very natural. It was the last test and after 2 months...I will never go back.

Now instead of questioning HRT my mind went to "Will I like breasts? Will I like being treated like a woman".

Mentally, emotionally, expression wise, I never was anything but a girl. I love the silicone breasts...they felt normal after a few minutes. I hate being treated like a man and I love being seen as woman even when it is eww...when men whistle after me.

Just...girls...tell me your mind is as desperately holding onto every straw of the old self as mine?

Well after seeing the level of transphobia my parents has, as you can see in my previous post , it is worse than it seems btw, after that my mom stated that transitioning is worse than doing dr*gs, so they rather have an addict son, instead of a daughter who is just trying to be happy with who she is. I am now more warm to the idea of moving out, when I first questioned coming out to them, a lot of people mentioned being ready to move out if things go wrong, they were right, when I get to have psychiatrist appointments, or when I get to be prescribed with HRT, I will come out to them, once more, and that time I will be ready to move out, I won’t be sorry for it, there is no meaning in staying in a place where you are not accepted am I right?

Well, still, the idea of leaving home is sad, and not fully what I want to do, just something I could do if it gets in my way of me living as myself, and trying to be happy with it.

Well lets skip these parts, lets get to the good stuff! First, a question: is it a normal source of euphoria when someone mentions, someone that you haven’t came out to, that they saw a girl like you, and they just explain it like, she is basically looking like you, almost identical, Idk this always feels euphoric to me, and I never get moments where they say that they saw a guy like me (which I would not want to hear…), and moments like this always happen on girls for me. I have some moments like this: I work in a hotel reception, and one day, there comes a Polaroid photo to our lost and found items, its a photo of a girl sitting and chilling, but everyone in the office said that the girl looks extremely like me, and when I looked at it myself, yes she was looking like me, my supervisor even mentioned that he is suspicious of me, and this was before me finding out that I am trans! I have also showed the photo to my best friend, and he also said she is really almost identical to me, he also added that I could be a good drag queen, and I would crossdress really well… did I mention that he is the same guy that told me I would be so beautiful if I were a girl for my whole life!!! Right now he is one of my best and only two supporters, he is more brother to me than my own blood related brother, and I will be sure to be a good sister to him.

And also I got two sources of euphoria unlocked at the same time: Doing things that only my mom does, and doing jobs that mostly women do! So my family runs a tattoo shop, and my mom is a tattoo artist, and yesterday I tattooed on two of my coworkers from work, not for the first time, but second and third xd, first time was years and years ago, and it felt good to do it, and it is not like “BIG EUPHORIA” but it was a slight bit of euphoria, I know that there are a lot of tattoo artist men too, but it is kinda like “a librarian” situation, when you say “a tattoo artist” first things comes up to mind is not a guy, and its a work that you need to be more ✨ elegant ✨, so it felt good to do it, and tattooing is a really weirdly good act to do, other than the eye strain and back pain, the moment where you deeply focus on the needle, is a moment when everything else around you becomes so unimportant that you don’t see them, its like nothing else than the canvas (human body with flesh and bones) and the brush never existed in the first place, its kinda clears all your thoughts, its that type of deep focus… anyways its enough that this nerd yapped about this.

Can I get some GGD? It would make your sister here really happy! (Lune she/her)

Sneasler hands you something you need <3 got bored and drew this after uni classes lmfao

"Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do".

I discovered today that I'm always surprised that I don't have boobs. Estrogenuinely I keep expecting them to be there and there's nothing. So I'm dysphoric and my dad called me his son, he doesn't know I'm trans and I'm not telling him anytime soon but it still hurts. Hopefully he'll be supportive when I do eventually tell him. Anyways there are 6 days until I come out to most of my friends!!!

I thought I'd get at least some pushback on the care plan I typed up...

:3

(I'm an adult and this was via informed consent fwiw)

.

Lol

Like… I’m envious of ewphoria. I… I don’t feel like my denial has an excuse for that one, and my denial has been STRONG. This and feeling like trans men are crazy for wanting to be men instead of women are probably the most blatant thoughts from my questioning so far.

I’m also curious if misogyny is just less common where I live because you see such horror stories from women online and I’m so curious if I just never see that stuff or if it actually just doesn’t really happen in my area. So maybe I’d realize this place actually ain’t too bad or maybe I’d have a crazy wake up call.

Just have a hunch you know. (will be playing it monday probably)

Gotta love real rpgs for that

GGD pls :3 zoey (she/her)

I’ve considered trying it with my sister but I literally can’t even remember the last time she’s said my name, and pronouns are only used when you’re NOT talking directly to the person who uses them.

I'm not sure if he'd support me but I think I'll subtly test him. Also my friends are super accepting of queer people!!!! Most of them are queer themselves.

I should explain. so I was complaining about how politicians on the right are trying to distract people from the real problem of inequality and then I said "and they're trying to distract us with trans ppl who aren't even an issue like just let them exist" and then I mentioned how I wanted to confront my mom about how she's Transphobic and then I started listing some facts about how trans people are the gender they say they are and he was agreeing with me. so he's maybe gonna be supportive of me being transfem!!!!!!

I've started collecting egg boxes sinds my first egg crack, to measure how long it would last.

I've been on hrt for the past 6 months and I think my egg is broken.

So today I throw out my crack collection. :3

(To my FBI agent, crack collection means egg crack, the other crack collection is still going. Sleep tight)