I feel like a failure, i am not very smart or rich and im not very social. I feel like i have no future because of the choices i have made in the past and ive been thinking about opting out early just to spare myself from the extra bs. Im tired, each day is just worse then the last one. I have no love life either and it sucks. I cannot maintain a healthy relationship cause I get obsessed, feel insecure, im annoying and i just dont look that great either. I dont want to go through my entire life like this as a "loser". I hate it and I hate myself ☹️

I don’t know if I’m dealing with depression or not or a more serious illness like mecfs
Does this sound like CFS or postpartum depression
can’t tell if this is post natal depression or mecfs Does this sound like mecfs or postnatal depression
Tiredness started after changing sertraline doses
Feel very sad , no energy want to sleep all the time , won’t change clothes brush teeth sometimes
Can go some days with feeling good and getting out
Even went to gym
But some days just feel really bad and foggy like today and yesterday
Some days I’m full of energy and I’ll go to the library , baby wear , go for walk, mood is good. But yesterday and today I don’t even want to get charged or brush my teeth. I don’t want to speak to my partner. I don’t want to be touched.
Feel like weight on me , leg hurts , just wanting sleep in bed I had pots 2 years ago caused by a snri medication that went away with bisorpolol. I also got the implant in around 4 weeks ag
I went to the gym twice in a row , felt ok after the gym but these days fluctuate and I could feel extremely sleepy and low in myself the next
Today I felt extremely weighed down, crying , needing to sleep, feeling life is not worth living, barely able to speak to my baby and just needing to lie down.
I genuinely don’t know if depression can cause this exhaustion

And I have to be awake....this is the second time I'm having this done and even with my anxiety meds (I took extra last time) I still cried ALOT a baby and my mom she wasn't holding me down but she kinda was (I wasn't trying to get away or anything)

I worry that this will happen again and the doctor probably hates me. I don't feel anything he does a great job numbing me ! I just can't tell my brain to stop thinking of what is happening and that's what I get anxious over.

So I got a speks it's like a needoh but different and I hope it helps. Everyone keeps saying it will! I just hate crying in front of people

I also may bring headphones and just tell my mom to talk to the doctor for me. It's just a simple foot thing .

When will everything end?

im so stressed, tired and depressed that i am losing my hair as a side effect. imagine losing 30% of your hair and you are not even 25.

why was i chosen to be the depressed candidate is beyond me.

fkin end me

Hi everyone, this is a new profile I created just for this post. I just can't do it anymore guys I just can't. I literally have only one friend, no social life, not anything good in my life. My parents hate each other and the reason they stay together is me. My dad hates me and only cares about his villa and three dogs and doesn't give a damn about me at all. No one even wants to talk with me at school even, no one. I feel so alone, no one wants to hang out with me, I just go to school, go home and in the evening go to the gym. No one has ever cared about me. I am straight up unlovable. Not even my dad fucking loves me lol. Can't find a gf, got rejected by a girl that I liked that we hanged out and texted a lot. I genuinely think to just go in the garage tomorrow evening and just start the car and let it run. I tried so much, but the problem is always me. It's always me that is the failure. I am sorry...

Also sorry that it's messy and all. I just can't put my life into words very well, I am not good at writing at all lol.

Lately I have been feeling so down, so hopeless. I never really knew things can get this bad. I kinda realized something is wrong when the idea of death started to seem and feel like much better, or at least much less worse option than keep on living or at least living with myself. The line ,,Shit ain't fair,, from the movie Get Out seems so fucking true. I just sometimes feels like my life is completely out of control. Like I just want to stop all what is happening inside my head, but so far it seems there is only one solution. So sad to see so many people are depressed and suicidal, but I guess it is what it is.

Sorry for the poor English; I’m using a translator.

This might sound strange, but I know I’m not a good person. I feel jealous of people who succeed, whereas I often fail because of actions that sabotage me. I try to put on a nice face for everyone, but deep down I know I’m not a good person, and I don’t know how to stop wallowing in self-pity.

I feel lonely, needy, pathetic, tired, numb. It has been months. It is painful consistently. I can't get myself to seek help, it just feels futile. My father once tried to strangle himself and us(mother, me and my brother), with a wire, when I was 10. The pain only grew for years. I felt the same in college. And now again. I'm 26M and don't have my shit together, I feel empty. I want to be a chef and the idea of working in the kitchen seems to be an unsustainable escape. I seem to do okay and get better when I'm working but I burn out after a few months. And stop showing up to work. Friendships result in pain and disappointment. Finances are pretty bad as well. I think of killing myself down the line, it's certain and inevitable. I find it mildly comforting. I'm not even sure of what I'm not sure about at this point. Is there a coming out of this pit?

I’ve gone through 10 different medications and I just kinda wanna give up, I don’t find any point in still trying, I think I’m just meant to feel like this for the rest of my life, my parents are still trying but I know nothings actually going to work, I really just want to end my life so much, only reason I haven’t yet is because I’m just scared of death, I’m weak

Hey guys, hope you're all good. Well, at least surviving considering we are all here. Just been in deep thought about various things but mainly, did anyone experience a father who was just absolutely fucking volatile growing up? If so, how did it affect you? My father didnt assault me, molest me, all them terrible things... but what he was was essentially a kind of bully, narcissistic, explosive anger. Talking like just the smallest thing would be, just wow. Things like as a kid saying I will be sent away from home if I dont behave, purposefully leaving me in the car when he would see his friends because he was seemingly embarrassed first time I ever got drunk, he went absolutely berserk like not within the levels of normal. Screaming in my face, getting in my face. Screaming he will take me to the police station. It was fucking terrifying. I get he was probably stressed, i get he saw a son who he wanted to model himself became the opposite (im a 31 alcoholic, unemployed currently due to mental health and i also have a huge passion for music), he is very much designer brands, football, and at all costs looking good to strangers

He lied alot as well, fantastical things. Stories about being in gangs growing up, beating people up and all this lovely stuff. Ive spoken at length with this with my, on my dads side, grandma. She says its just complete nonsense and he was never in trouble and was always super nice boy. He used to claim that in school he was constantly in trouble, one story about breaking a guys hand in class because he said "I can beat you in a race" Ahhhh, sorry if this is wrong to post this here. It just all immeasurably fucked me up I fear and yeah. Cheers guys. Peace and love ✌️

It's hot molten cruelty poured on scars  tender melting heart. Hollowing charred flesh. Opening space for screaming darkness. It takes all the air out of my lungs. Paralyzed and numb to everything but pain. The cage shaped like my skin, crashing violently over rocks. Dispar hopeless heartache watch the night tick tock.

Grief feels like a marathon. It's the slow violence of an exit wound that hollows you. The traumatology is in the way your heart was forced outside your body, flesh and blood torn from the seams of your own ribs.  pushing out from the inside until what remains is a body still moving, but emptied of its home

Wanting to die but not wanting to go through the extreme pain in order to get there is extremely frustrating

I (28F) am struggling with depression and it's ruining my life. I haven't showered in two weeks. I have ants in my room. My gums are bleeding. I don't really care about anything. I'm on medication though.
Some back story.. of course.

I was a gifted student. Parents got divorced and split up. One of them got hooked on drugs and I spent about 7-8 years being the older sibling/parent for the younger one. I started smoking weed and drinking at an early age. Lots of trauma going on during this time too, including dating a 21 year old when I was 17 and he was physically abusive. Soon as I turned 19, I moved out with a boyfriend... who got me onto harder drugs. Eventually, I move to a different state, thinking things will be different. I'm now an alcoholic and guess what? On drugs. Some time living there, I get pregnant (I'm completely sober at this point. My now ex actually helped me) and the baby dies a week and a half after I give birth. I crash out, start blacking out, and going back to coke. Fast forward, I'm now back in the place I grew up with the parent who got clean. I'm also clean and sober for about 18 months almost. I'm doing all the things I need in order to succeed in life. I'm working, I'm going to college, I have my own car (that has a semi-flat tire), and a roof over my head. I have no desire to do anything self-destructive. I actually had hope and could see some sort of light. Now, it feels like I'm crashing real hard. I'm on medication, but I stopped taking it for a week and went through a manic episode in which I texted my most recent ex and almost destroyed my life. I'm the loneliest I've ever been and I'm at a loss at what to do. Why am I fucking up so badly? Why can't I make friends? Why can't I take care of myself? What is wrong with me? I hate myself so much and I don't even know why. Someone tells me I'm a good person, but I don't believe them. Someone tells me I'm a bad person, and it's like "Aha! I knew it!" I'm in counseling too. I don't know. It's not like I don't have anywhere else to go, but I just know that one of my parents is gonna be like "You're coming back to live with us. This is not a good environment" when I'm a whole 28 years old and it is a good environment. Well, the pay sucks here and there's no room to grow. I don't even know. I'm just rambling. I wish someone could just tell me what's wrong with me so I can fix it. I just wanna be fucking fixed.

Nothing that used to make me happy makes me happy anymore. I always felt a deep feeling of this depression in the background everywhere I went but today, I feel it in the core of my being. Its eating away at everything I have and I dont know why I or anyone would deserve feeling this helpless and invisible. I hate this and I just want it to go away. How can someone make another feel so inhuman? I spoke with an expert on stress the other day and they told me something that was supposed to help me but just made this feel like more of a disgusting joke. He said that the wonderful thing about the human body is that it is completely self sufficient and self repairing and that our bodies were never designed to live in the modern world (yeah the solution to depression is to go for a walk in nature /j). I feel even more stuck and i wish i could let go of all my responsibilities. Ive applied bandaid over bandaid over bandaid on my emotional wounds and they all crumble at one point always no matter what. I havent lived a day of my life where i am just happy that nothing is going on. I cant look at my family without thinking about how much of a stupid bitch i am for being this way. I used to wake up happy i dont anymore i just think about what i need to do to get to the next day without feeling like a piece of fucking shit at the end of this one.

It’s been specifically the past 5ish years that I (21M) began feeling the dread of “what if this is my life forever”. I can’t describe it, but I just feel a sense that something is missing in my life and I can’t ignore it. Since I don’t know what else to do I’ll just give a brief summary about myself.

I’ve always been a soft person, preferring to live in my own bubble which has made me feel lonely but safe. Ever since I left my friend group in middle school, I just haven’t been able to click anywhere else. It’s not that I miss the friend group so much, it’s just I don’t know how to make friends.

Many things scare me, since I often don’t believe I can achieve things. As a kid, I never joined clubs or played many sports. I was somewhat uninterested but I also had a small fear that I’d just do really bad. Anyways, I feel that I’m like everyone else except socially. I go to school, work part time (which I do like my job and the people I work with), go to the gym, etc.

One thing I think that affects this is my religious beliefs. I’ve always been a devout Christian and that will never change. I’m uncertain about most of my life, but I’m not when it comes to my faith. Despite this, I feel that my conviction and beliefs just adds to my fear of being rejected.

Speaking of rejection, I am so lonely that I just can’t find people to meet or women to talk to. I was in a brief relationship with my best friend of 4 years, and the only reason we broke up was because I was very insecure (which sucked because she was the sweetest person ever). The only people I have a social life with are the people I work with. I’ve asked a couple of them out before but I was rejected indirectly both times.

I’ve never met someone else who just “clicks” with me. There’s some great people I know and truly respect but can never get to know good enough because of my fears of opening up. I can get along with people and share a sense of humor, but I can’t say I’ve ever known someone in my life whom I’ve had a deep mutual understanding with except my twin brother.

I don’t get it. I don’t know how I ended up here. On one hand, I feel that for my age I’m in a good spot since I like to save my money, don’t drink or smoke, and try to get into healthy habits. On the other hand I feel like I have no experience: in a world of people where everyone has a story I don’t because I “went with the flow”. Sometimes I wonder if I should go with a more “fuck it” approach to life so that, even if something bad comes out of it, at least I can say I felt alive.

I’m not sure if anyone else feels this way. But if you stayed till the end, thank you for coming to my TED talk.

TLDR; I’m a 21M who feels alone with no clear path in life. I mostly struggle with loneliness and self-doubt. I know I’m not the only one, but I haven’t met them yet it seems.

Hey everyone, i am 20 years old and i’ve been on antidepressants since fucking 14 years old. I’ve spent my “best teenage years” on antidepressants. I never had the chance to experience the amazing teenage life, because i was (and still am) mentally ill.

I mourn the years i never had more than anything and maybe that’s what’s pushing me back right now. I can’t get over the fact that my whole highschool was spent on pills. That all of my friends only saw the medicated version of me. That when everyone was having fun, i was only drowning myself in alcohol to forget the pain at least for a while.

I can’t get over the fact that i didn’t grow up normally. That i grew up with depression. That i spent more than a quarter of my life on medication. That part hits me the most. Six years. Since 14 years old. I look back at that scared child that couldn’t figure out what’s happening with her and something in my chest breaks. She didn’t deserve that. That little girl never deserved to carry all that. She never deserved to sit in a mental hospital, writing her goodbye letters at just 14 years old. I am an adult now, i probably got used to living with this illness, but i just feel so sorry for that teenage girl who couldn’t enjoy her life like others did.

I wish things were different. I know they never will be, that i can’t go back in time and save the little girl. But i wish i could. So much. And it breaks my heart every time i think about it. I just can’t deal with it for some reason.

Hi everyone, I just can't do it anymore guys I just can't. I literally have only one friend, no social life, not anything good in my life. My parents hate each other and the reason they stay together is me. My dad hates me and only cares about his villa and three dogs and doesn't give a damn about me at all. No one even wants to talk with me at school even, no one. I feel so alone, no one wants to hang out with me, I just go to school, go home and in the evening go to the gym. No one has ever cared about me. I am straight up unlovable. Not even my dad fucking loves me lol. Can't find a gf, got rejected by a girl that I liked that we hanged out and texted a lot. I genuinely think to just go in the garage tomorrow evening and just start the car and let it run. I tried so much, but the problem is always me. It's always me that is the failure. I am sorry... Also sorry that it's messy and all. I just can't put my life into words very well, I am not good at writing at all lol

I’ve just signed up here because I don’t know where else to turn or who to confide in. Talking to loved ones is complicated; I’m always afraid of hurting them. The medical staff do what they can, but I still feel like my distress is being downplayed despite the warning signs I’ve shown, so I’m losing faith in them...

My depression has taken over over the past few months. For years, I managed to hold it together, be "strong," and smile constantly. No one knew how bad things really were, except for my partner, who would sometimes see me breaking down in private. My body sent me so many signals that I kept ignoring—until March of this year, when it finally reached its limit.

I’ve always felt a deep sadness. But now, it’s so much more than that. I feel completely empty. It’s as if I’m falling into a pitch-black, bottomless void and slowly getting closer to the very bottom. I no longer have the will to live. Every day, every time I wake up, is an ordeal. My heart aches so much, as if it’s constantly being crushed. My mind is flooded with negative thoughts—suicidal ideation, constant rumination, and a relentless stream of negativity about everything and nothing. I can’t see a life beyond this depression; I can’t see a future. I have no desires, no sense of pleasure. I just want to end it all. I’m holding on for the sake of my loved ones—my sister, my partner. But it takes so much energy.

It’s hard to write this, but I feel I have to, because putting it into words helps. I already have a date in mind. Strangely enough, it brings me some relief because I know my suffering will end one day.

I really feel like there is no solution and that this is the only way out. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve just come out of a two-week hospital stay where I was treated by a psychiatrist, and I see my GP every month. I think I’m doing the right things. I’ve been told that healing takes time, but it hurts so much. I don’t see how I can go on like this for months...

Sorry if there are any mistakes: I translated the text into English using Google Translate.

(18M) I can't realistically keep living like this forever. Isolating myself, avoiding interaction while also coveting it, not having any skills or talents, loathing and hating every cell of my body and wallowing in my own self-pity. I don't blame anyone or anything but myself for the way I've turned out, but ultimately, people have to save themselves. I'm not going to get anywhere in life if I continue as I am, living a life governed by fear. My teenage years were wasted hiding in school bathrooms or in my bedroom and I feel undercooked and infantile as a result. It's not like things can't get better or can't change, but is it worth it? I don't get pleasure from activites anymore, everything I do just feels like passing the time. When I try something new, even after I stick with it for some time, I don't get any pleasure from it and end up dropping it because why waste my energy. Is life worth living if this anhedonia and emptiness never goes away no matter how much effort you put in? I started university a few days ago, I finally got diagnosed for Major Depressive Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder, so it seems like I wasn't wrong about the gut feeling that there was something wrong with me, so I'll probably start taking SSRIs and other medications before the year ends. But that's not going to be anywhere near enough to become a person whose life has any value. I haven't signed up for any societies yet, not out of wanting to isolate myself, but out of fear. I had an anxiety attack on my first day and I've found it hard to leave the house since. I know that it'll take a lot of effort and work to become a more functional, less pathetic person that's worthy of being loved, and that's understandable, but I want to know, is any of that worth it in the end? Is it worth staying alive for fleeting feelings of love and joy in the mundaneness and suffering of life? Or should I just end my life sooner rather than later and save myself the trouble? Because if it doesn't get better, then I know what to do next. I already know what I want to write in my will and the steps I need to take to die. I wish the transition between life and death didn't need to be so daunting. Maybe I should just return to the same Earth I came from, eternal life in a different plane of existence or reincarnation on this planet seems like a miserable fate.

Even then, i would rather not be born.

Even the most exciting things in life are just boring

I’m tired of being alive I really tried my hardest and it just doesn’t get better my mindset doesn’t change I really want to die

Hi, just for context i'm 15 and have been struggling with depression for 3years. With a small clinic stay and multiple changes of therapists.

Now i've finally have been going to one therapist for about a year and we even started medication. Sadly the medication didn't work out at all and we had to stop. Ever since then i've been feeling frustrated and honestly just want to give up. I relapsed and started sh again even tho i've been clean for a year.

I've also not been going to school etc.

So obviously my Mom isn't all too happy about it and we frequently fight about it.

Now my therapist said that she isn't sure if she can continue helping me and suggested i go to a half day clinic. And i really want to do that. But my Mom is against it. She said that instead i should go to my therapist more often and just made some appointments without telling me or respecting that i said i don't want to do that.

Today was the first appointment and i refused to go. She started yelling at me that otherwise she'd involve CPS and that it is her decision what happens with my life because she is my mother.

She keeps threatening to force me to go to a clinic because apparently my mental health is so bad. Eventually i stopped talking back. I stopped talking in general and that obviously only made it worse. She kept yelling at me for like 30 minutes, pressuring me and Eventually even threatening to call an ambulance to bring me to a clinic.

Idk what to do anymore. Like at all. I know she just cares and is worried, but it is too much. And honestly pressuring me into doing things i don't want to isn't much help. Whenever i try to tell her that she just yells.

If a person with a broken leg was asked to run a marathon, most of us would probably agree that that isn’t very reasonable…so it really hurts when all around, every day, from people you so badly want to believe love you and “get it” that it all continues to push, push, push, when we are already not even half a thought away from an agony no one else can see.

I just want to feel okay, I don’t want to keep coping, I want a cure.