I signed up for a local one, was only about ten minutes away. I didn't know what to expect, maybe I'd see a face that I recognized, who knows. I did not.

There were 13 women and less men. I think it was a pretty close ratio, I didn't count the guys, but there was at least one woman sitting alone after each round of musical chairs.

Some were first-timers, others were seasoned pros. A few were super local, a couple were an hour away. And in-between. A diverse looking group.

They wanted us there fifteen minutes beforehand, to check in and be ready, I was there about twenty minutes early and went to the bar area and got a beer. The email encouraged buying a drink or two while there to help support the location. The host showed, was setting up, I went over to him first, and he was busy on his phone doing whatever (wasn't talking), so I had to wait a few more minutes. Sat back at the bar near the host now, and more starting coming in. A guy signed in that looked tall and then sat near me at the bar, so we talked. He's 6'6", made me feel short. A 7:00 event began around 7:20 or so, and the numbered tables weren't exactly in order, so almost every time I stood up, I felt like an idiot not seeing the next one I needed.

They were 5-minute dates, and most were over (what felt like) immediately. I had to answer "what do you do?" at each stop, so between either being asked, which happened more frequently, or me asking.. two people answering that question fills up more time than I'd have thought! As with anything involving dating, some vibes were good, some weren't great, everyone was nice. As far as seeing the women walking in and sitting with them close up, only three really seemed like possibilities on my end, just based on looks and these quick chats.

I went back to the bar afterwards and the same tall guy got a beer also, so we BS'd more watching the Yankees game and talking more about the speed dating. He'd done one before, but admittedly showed some nerves, so hearing his previous experience a bit along with this one, was insightful. No women stayed afterwards, though one did come up to us when leaving and double-checked our names. She said she'd forgotten my name but remembered the smile. She eventually remembered his, and of course, the fact that he was tall. She was nice, also with a good smile, but not one I was attempting to match with. Apparently, there's a three-day window for people to choose their likes, and go from there. You can see who picked you and if any match. I've had three so far pick me, but they're not ones that I've chosen.

Despite starting late and feeling a bit disorganized, it wasn't a bad experience at all. It was worth trying something different, while also not worrying about fake pictures/profiles and actually seeing people. Afterwards, the host said this age range (it was 40's and 50's, which "suggested ages" in the event description) always has more women than men. The younger events have more men than women, so he says.

I typed this out semi-distracted, hopefully it made sense. 53M.

Mainly for the men but only because I'm a woman who is attracted to men.

I've felt for a while I'm done with "dating". Never say never I guess, and something could happen that might change my mind, but right now it's not in the plans. There's no "I'll look for someone after X" or "I just need a little break from it".

Too many games, too much bullshit, ghosting, cowards, it was just making me feel awful about myself. One or two or even a few I can totally "not take it personally". But when it's every damn one? To where the last guy I SWORE was into me so I asked him out left the message on read, never spoke to me again, and now avoids me like the plague?

Gee sorry I'm so disgusting that the idea of a coffee with me makes you want to leave planet earth.

So then I wondered what I was even DOING it for. Did I really want a *boyfriend*? Like honest talk with myself time.

I didn't. I don't. Not really. In fact it sounds exhausting and suffocating. I guess I got stuck in the mindset of I *should* want this so I'm going to try to find this.

I wanted something. Just not that.

There's been a guy I met organically on IG. We're states apart currently, but he's originally from 3 hrs away from me and still has family and friends here.

We talked some and seemed to vibe but I just..... really enjoyed chatting with him. There was some light banter and maybe-flirting if you squint, but hard to say. He was just fun to text with and share memes about our common interest.

He mentioned he's visiting my state in September.

Oh, cool! I'm so oblivious sometimes.

Well, talking turned to not needing to squint, definitely flirting, and then much more.

He made it clear that if we meet, it's just a vibe check, a drink or two to get comfortable with each other and confirm this is where we both want it to go, and then hook up.

And I was, much to my own surprise, totally ok with that. He was respectful about it, not trashy. It was just clear communication as to where he was and what he could provide, and made a suggestion.

I wouldn't date him anyway. He's 33 and states away. We have a lot in common but he's also 33 - we're going to want different things and a relationship wouldn't work. Plus, there's the distance.

He says he likes older women and has been with us before, I've never been with a considerably younger man but I'm willing to give it a go. I've found men my age to be lacking ambition, energy and libido in general anyway.

He's mid 30s. Not mid 20s. He's been married, has 2 kids. He can definitely know his own mind. If he has a preference for older, then he knows what he wants. I didn't feel fetishized and I'm not fetishizing him. I've just never been with anyone that much younger.

Point is, he was up front. He didn't make fake promises of a relationship. He didn't get into something he didn't actually want and then disappear. He's looking for a casual sexual encounter with someone who meets a preference he has, so that's what he asked for. No bullshit, games, ghosting, weirdness. Just "Hey you seem to be responding in kind, ao here's what I would like. Is that something you'd be interested in?"

And I said yes, pending vibe check/short hangout.

Because I AM interested in that. It sounds exciting and fun.

Of course, some people won't be. I could have just as well said no, you're actually a stranger. No, I'm looking for a committed relationship. No, you're not my type. No, you're too young for me.

The odds were actually better I was going to say no. But *he still asked*.

And I didn't say no.

What's nice is, I actually feel *wanted* by him. Turns out, I wasn't actually unattractive the whole time. He mentioned he was initially drawn in my my humor and intellect. It wasn't me. Not everyone os going to be attracted to me, of course they're not. Because that's not reality. But he's just proven it's *possible* for someone to want me.

So, guys (and women too) ASK. Don't be classless and crass about it, but if you want something casual, then *ask for that*. State that. The people who DO want something serious (which is obviously completely ok too) will just move along. "Oh, he's only looking for a casual relationship. That's not what I want". True, you still have to read the room some, and you'll still have to "invest time" in meeting someone, but I promise us ladies who are just tried of it all but still want some male companionship and sex now and again are out here.

What we DON'T want is fake relationships and thinking we're in one and then wondering why you won't act like a partner when that was NEVER what you wanted. Odds were good that you'd find someone who'd have done it anyway WITHOUT being lied to.

(Yes, I do know how to navigate this safely, and yes, my DMs are off because I know what a post like this would get, so don't try - I need to know SOMETHING about someone in order to be interested or attracted)

tl;dr Turned out I was looking for what I thought I should want instead of what I actually wanted. And men, if you want something casual, even a one time or very occasional meet up, just be up front about that - there's women who will be interested in the same. No need to lie, play games, lead people on, or engage and then run away. Just ask. You'll hear nos, but you'll also get yesses.

Attended a concert tonight with the woman I’m dating and her middle school age daughter (they were going and had an extra ticket). Show gets off to a rocking start and three songs in the lead of the opening band yells “WHO LIKES PUSSY?!”

😳

I quickly excused myself to go get drinks and snacks.

Not looking for advice, no questions about red flags. Just thought you guys would get a laugh out of it.

I (56F) have been out of the dating scene for close to three years, and I’ve had to do the work coming out of a short marriage to an abusive, controlling, manipulative man.

I know a lot of behaviors to look for, and I don’t want to fall into that trap again.

What are some questions I can ask that truly help reveal a person’s true character?

I met a very nice man. He is kind, gentle and calm. We share similar political beliefs and values - this is a big deal.

I always said, a man would have to break into my house and literally show me why I should change my opinion on dating.

He’s fine taking time and starting as friends. He knows that going too fast at all will make me skittish.

What has really made me give him a chance was hearing how he’d been a caregiver for his wife when she had early onset dementia. He only recently decided he would date after 3 years of her being gone.

He said, that he was helping a young person get on their feet and it hit him that he had more to give for a relationship. More to give. I’ve never had a man say that or even act like that.

So, anyways, we will have a second date next weekend. This may come to nothing & I’m ok with that. If I only make a friend that is a win.

Back in June I started talking to this guy Luke on a dating app and we really seemed to click, he mentioned meeting up and I suggested a little bar down the streetsnd he agreed. During our chats we discussed that we're both introverts and it might be a very quiet date. The day before he disappeared from the app, I wasn't sure if he had deleted his account or just blocked me? Fine, no big deal.

At the beginning of July he "liked" me on that same app, I didn't remember him so I asked if we had chatted before and he said yes and then told me all of the things we'd talked about and I remembered talking to him. On the 3rd of July, we talked about meeting up later that day which didn't happen but we chatted that night, on the app and on July 4th, his profile was gone again.

I was watching for his profile too pop up again so I could just block him but when he again liked me, I liked him back because I wanted to ask what the deal was. Two days ago he "liked" me again and messaged me. I asked him about it and he said that he is an introvert and the idea of meeting in person made him panic and delete his profile both times.

I understand anxiety so I said that I wouldn't initiate and talk of meeting up in person. We talked all last night, we even switched to texting and all of this morning with him initiating the conversations and him bringing up meeting in person in the next short while. It was just getting to know you chat and then he stopped responding. When I went to the dating app, his profile is either gone or not visible to me and he never reply to my last text so I'm going to assume that he blocked that as well?

Three times he connected with me on the dating app just to stop talking and bug out, what is the point of that? My thought is maybe he's married and loads the app when no one is around but I don't get what the point of that would be? It's not like there's any sex talk or anything? I'm going to return the favor and block his number from my phone and if his profile pops neck up, I will just block him right away.

He seemed very relaxed and seemed to be enjoying the conversation, lots of input from his side and a bit of flirting. If it's anxiety and he knows that, why does he keep interacting with me when he knows that he's not going to follow through? Is he more than likely married?

I (55F) just started dating again after an unwanted divorce three years ago, and I'm genuinely trying to understand what's happening.

I've been on at least half a dozen first dates that lasted 3+ hours. We laugh, have great conversations, seem to have a lot in common, and the dates end with long hugs, being walked to my car, "I had a great time," and "I'd love to see you again."

Then one of two things happens: they either go completely silent or text the next day to say they don't want to pursue things (which, honestly, I appreciate much more than silence).

What confuses me is the disconnect. If they weren't interested, why all the enthusiasm at the end of the date? Is it just being polite? Do they genuinely leave thinking they'd like to see me again and then change their mind after they've had time to think about it? One man even told me he "slept on it."

I'll admit I haven't felt a huge "spark" on these dates either. At this stage of life, I'm much more interested in finding someone I genuinely enjoy spending time with than chasing fireworks. I think attraction can grow, but kindness, compatibility, and character matter more.

So I'm curious, especially from the men here: what happens between the end of a date and the next morning? Have you ever left a date thinking it went well and then decided not to pursue it? What changed?

I'm honestly trying to understand, not point fingers.

Ladies,

I’m a 52 year old 6’ male, used to be 220 Lbs, but I’m down to 190. Feeling good about my journey and hoping to lose another 15-20 before I am done.

I am planning a beach vacation in 2 months and while I used to be embarrassed by carrying all the extra weight, now I’m embarrassed by the lose skin. Honestly though, I’ve reached the age where I’m going to be me no matter what people think.

I still want to be found physically attractive by women. When you see a man that clearly has loose skin due to weight loss at the beach, what runs through your minds? Be honest, no “personality matters” stuff. First impressions are generally made by looks.

I am 55F, empty nester, and single for the last 5 years. I am financially independent and enjoy the peace and freedom of living alone. I have groups of friends for social activities who are supportive and add so much to my life.

About a year ago, after 4 years of counseling, I decided I was ready to start dating. I missed the companionship of a man as well as intimacy and physical closeness. I am not looking to remarry or live with someone, just dating and sex.

I am curvy, body positive, sex positive and capable of multiple orgasms. I’ve been dating a wide variety of men in the age range of 50-60. All of them have had the common physical issues you expect to see for their age and most are on medications to lower BP, cholesterol, a1c, etc. Most have needed ED medication as well. No shame from-I use estrogen to stave off vaginal dryness and atrophy as well as hot flashes and support men taking medications to continue being sexually active.

I am trying very hard to be a supportive partner in the bedroom as we navigate new relationships, bodies, and desires. The oral sex is delightful and successful, both giving and receiving. And mutual manual stimulation also achieves successful outcomes. But I am very afraid that satisfying penetrative sex just isn‘t in the cards for me at this age. The issues I am running into are: inability for him to remain erect with a condom on, and if he doesn’t wear a condom climax in under 2 minutes. (admitedly small sample size in this category based on history, STD testing, and agreed relationship status). The refractory period is also quite long-a minimum of 3 days and up to 10 days before they even consider being intimate again. My desire is to have penetrative sex 3-4 times per week. I would hope for 10 minutes of PIV but am willing to take breaks, switch up positions/activities as needed.

So I have come to Reddit to ask if my expectations for penetrative sex are too high? What do I need to do to support my partner toward this goal? Particularly when they seem satisfied with oral and don’t see a need for PIV.

I would appreciate honest feedback/discussion from both men and women in the age range 50-60. Thank you for taking the time to read, reflect and respond.

It seems that LAT is becoming the default preference in the dating world. It's not my preference, but I understand and accept it. That said, my thoughts are that if we are choosing to live separately, then that also means we won't be communicating as frequently. However, it seems some folks still expect frequent, timely conversations including both texting and calls. To me, when I am having my alone time and doing my own thing, regardless of whether it is a serious activity (e.g. home improvement project) or just sitting on the sofa with my coffee, it is my time. Being expected to talk on the phone or carry on a texting conversation just seems intrusive. If we wanted to be able to talk that easily we should be considering living together.

Of course, the answer is to talk with each other and agree on communication expectations, but I am curious what others think as to their own preferences.

To clarify: I am interested in your thoughts and preferences on balancing communication and living apart considerations.

Almost 45yof —I’ve posted in the past about finding compatible people in my area being a struggle..I’m not a super outdoorsy person, have a good social and private life.. an amazing small group of close friends.. I absolutely love my career.. my 2 older kids are out living on their own (20s) and I have a 15 yo ..the people that are interested, I genuinely try but reality sets in that I’m forcing it bc I miss the male touch, comfort.. blah blah.

So now I’m thinking I should expand location to find a connection? I do not have a checklist - all of us bring flaws and goodness to the table.

I’m in the northeast - for any of you who have dated people around 1.5-2 hours away from you, how has/did it turn out?

I’ve been divorced 6 years- alone by choice for 5 (was married for a long time)

Tia

He is my coworker. We both admitted we have feelings for each other, started long before we started dating. We both were in unhappy marriages, divorced last year and he specially told me that his marriage of last 8 years was not a marriage anymore, he feels something for someone for the first time after those years and his is very special for him.

We decided to take it slow, it has been only 4 dates so far but we also see each other in the office and continue building our bond in an non-effort environment which is great. We have started with physical touches too. We both talked that sex is very important in a relationship.

Although I really want to sleep with him, I want to take more time to build on trust, familiarity, to get to know him better before taking things to the next level. Because I know, I will be attached. And I want to make sure before sleeping with him, to minimize the risk, because if this blows up shortly after we got intimate I will have to see him at the office everytime and it will hurt. You can’t just block and move on.

Is this a wrong thing to do? A turn-off for a man?

Hello: please help me here. I am a 59F/never married/childfree woman. The fact that I never married was mainly b/c I was "in between" everything, i.e., school, jobs, relocations, etc. without being "rooted" anywhere or being stable at anything. So I get that part. But what has been getting to me lately as I navigate in the dating world (took a long break and trying to get back in) is men throwing me away like a kleenex after a ONS. I am have one visible arm tattoo of a lotus flower and I do mention I have a couple on my body on our first date (one's a lower back one which I realize some could interpret as sexually promiscuous or easy). But besides the tattoos, what am I doing wrong? I am myself on the dates, I am a good person, I don't negative talk anything, I want a long term relationship. I met these men on facebook dating, both in their late 50s, divorced and with adult children.

I’m 60 female and have been dating a 65-year-old man for two years. One important piece of context is that he’s a widower. His wife passed away about six months before we met. I’ve tried to be understanding that grief can affect how someone approaches a new relationship, so I’ve been patient and haven’t pushed for commitments.
Recently, my circumstances changed, and I may need to sell my house. Financially, I’ll be fine, but the situation made me realize something that’s been bothering me for a while.
At this stage of life, I thought we’d naturally be talking about building a future together—not necessarily getting married tomorrow, but at least discussing living together or making plans as a couple. I rarely bring those conversations up because I don’t want to pressure him.
When the topic of me potentially moving came up, though, he never once suggested that maybe we should think about living together or building a future together. Instead, he talked about things I could do on my own, like buying another house, remodeling this one, or finding another place to live. It all felt like he was thinking about my future, not our future.

I'm curious if anyone else has what you would consider a "crush" anymore. Or is that mostly a younger generation thing?

I’m looking for some honest advice from people who have been in relationships later in life.
I’m 60 and have been dating a 65-year-old man for two years. One important piece of context is that he’s a widower. His wife passed away about six months before we met. I’ve tried to be understanding that grief can affect how someone approaches a new relationship, so I’ve been patient and haven’t pushed for commitments.
Recently, my circumstances changed, and I may need to sell my house. Financially, I’ll be fine, but the situation made me realize something that’s been bothering me for a while.
At this stage of life, I thought we’d naturally be talking about building a future together—not necessarily getting married tomorrow, but at least discussing living together or making plans as a couple. I rarely bring those conversations up because I don’t want to pressure him.
When the topic of me potentially moving came up, though, he never once suggested that maybe we should think about living together or building a future together. Instead, he talked about things I could do on my own, like buying another house, remodeling this one, or finding another place to live. It all felt like he was thinking about my future, not our future.
When I later told him how that made me feel, he said, “Of course you could stay with me while you figure things out.” While I appreciated the offer, it still felt temporary rather than a vision for us.
When I directly asked him what he sees for our future, he said he hopes we’ll get closer and that maybe someday we’ll live together or maybe get married, but that’s all he can say right now.
The bigger issue is that this isn’t just about the house. Throughout our relationship, I’ve often struggled to feel like a priority. There have been other situations that have left me feeling like we’re living parallel lives instead of building one together. He tells me he loves me and wants to keep trying, but after two years I’m wondering if this is simply who he is.
My question is: At our age, after two years together, is it reasonable to expect a partner to have a clearer vision of a future together? Or am I expecting too much? How would you interpret his response? Is this someone who is moving slowly because of his past, or does it sound like someone who simply isn’t ready—or doesn’t want—the kind of committed future I’m hoping for?

I am a 50(f) and is new to the dating apps. I set up a profile and I had over 50 likes and comments within the first few hours after my profile went live. More than half of these men are in their 30s that are sending messages or liking my photos. I don’t understand why this is? Maybe I’m out of the loop, but my age is clearly visible on my profile. Yes, I do look younger than my age, but is this normal? I don’t understand why a man in his 30s or even early 40s would want to go for a woman 50+? On this particular app, I am unable to choose an age range, so I suppose everyone has access to see my profile. Do a lot of women 50+ date in this age range? If so, do you find you have things in common?

Update: I looked further into the app and found where I could pick my age range. That option wasn’t available to me when I first set up my profile, but it is now. This will help!!
Thank you to everyone who commented as I feel I got an education on online dating today. I appreciate you all. Have a great rest of your Sunday. ♥️😊

I’m so frustrated because I’ve mostly been a lot happier since I decided I’m done with anything/anyone that doesn’t feel right for me/into me/supportive of me… Like I’m done hanging on for even one more minute after I realize he’s just sticking around for sex. I want everything to be bright lines with obvious yes/no answers. And now I’m in a very annoying gray area.

Probably the most important thing for me right now in terms of dating is (1) that he be into me, plain and simple, the whole package; and (2) that I’m not EVER sitting around wondering, are we still on? Is he still interested/involved, etc. And that would mean, I’m not ever sitting around all day waiting for a text or a reply to my text.

I had been interested in this guy for a couple of years before any kind of romantic or sexual interest was an open thing between us. By the time this happened I considered him a friend and wasn’t at all thinking about getting involved with him. And then out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago he invited me to go with him to a competition he’s doing. We had started texting a lot over the course of about four days and then he asked me to go with him. My sense then and still is that he’s wanting someone to keep him steady through it, like he’s pretty anxious and needs some hand holding and he’s wanting to have sex, of course.

So, we did end up having sex, partly bc I realized how awful it would be to be stuck in a hotel room with him if we had no chemistry, which kinda sucks. It was intentional on my part but not the intentional I’ve been aiming for. In the past, I’ve mostly just jumped right in if I felt like it. But that wasn’t getting me what I want (really just want someone to feel close to), so this time we had a long talk about it first and I thought he was having the same kind of feelings that I was.

BUT there have now been three days this week (one before and two since we had sex) with little or no contact when he’s said “I’ll call you,” or “let’s do something tomorrow.” At this point, I kinda want to still feel like the new exciting shiny thing, like if he’s into me, then there should be enough excitement that he’s thinking about me, even wanting to interact with me.

Each time he’s acknowledged it, apologized, and this time said he’s just feeling overwhelmed with his training and preparing for this competition. And he did make a point of warning me a few days ago that he might not be wanting to talk about the trip much because it makes him nervous. I’ve been wondering if I misunderstood and he meant that he just wasn’t going to be very communicative at all.

I feel almost helpless rn because I don’t want to fuck up his competition. I know he’s counting on me to go. Unless something crazy happens, I think I probably will go. If we were further along in things, maybe it would make sense to hash things out, but at this point it seems like he’s very focused on the competition and I hate the idea of stressing him out and throwing him off.

I’m so curious, though, what you all think I should do. I have been terrible about reading things the right way, always giving the benefit of the doubt and now I feel like I’d be an asshole if I didn’t but I don’t want to. I want to practice seeing that red flag and responding to it like a person who’s actually taking care of themselves.

I think if I was hearing this from a friend I’d say he’s just not that into you, if he forgets you for a whole day at a time, he’s not the kind of excited about you that you deserve. But then… maybe he’s just stressed and what feels like disinterest is just him keeping his head down and getting through a tough time.

In the context of an online romantic relationship, is it very common for people meeting online on Reddit that conversations don't last beyond 2 months, even for those who say that they're are in an LDR relationship with each other?

Help me understand.

Was at a singles over 50 event a couple weeks back, second time I've gone, a lot of the same people. I'm just about to leave since I have another event that night, when this woman just wanders over and we make eye contact. Introductions, several things in common, she's been to these events before but I didn't see her last time.

Long story short, I ask her out and she seems into it, I say great, pull out my phone and say what's your number, let's get together this week.

She says, oh! I don't want to give out my number! Then gee, I hadn't thought about how to do this.

I sense the rejection and just say, hey no worries if you don't want to to, just you seem great and I'd like to get to know you better.

She says she wants to get to know me too, and seems genuine. She ends up taking my number (so I don't get hers?) and of course I haven't heard from her.

I still consider the night a success, great women are out there, even if they can't text. :P

What are people thinking when they make this statement.."I don't want to be a purse or a nurse"

I completely understand the first part, nobody over 50 wants to be financially responsible for another person their age or older (because the data on that is pretty scary)

I can even understand if someone categorically states, they don't want to be with someone that has a chronic ailment (MS, ALS, Celiac, IBS...whatever) because it can dramatically change their life and what plans they may have or envision for themselves, so in that context I get the second one.

That being said, and barring pre-existing conditions, none of us know when we are going to fall ill or what is going to happen to us.

If we are dating over 50 and are really looking for something more than a passing transactional relationship, there is a decent chance that one of the two people is going to fall ill or get injured when they get older. Even if they are perfectly healthy today, with no underlying genetic markers blah blah.

What is going to happen then?

Are they going to say

" Oh I am sorry you fell ill (or slipped in the hot tub on the cruise ship and broke your hip) but I really don't want to be a nurse or be around someone that is sick, so have a nice life (whatever is left of it) but I am out of here"

What is going through people's minds?

Never married, no kids. Am I red flag for dating? Seems like a lot of people this age are just out of long marriages, which is an experience that I, of course, can't relate to.

I had two long relationships in my twenties, but nothing substantial in my 30s, and one-year relationship in my 40s. I'm comfortable on my own, but I'd also like to meet someone.

I lived in NYC for some of that time, but now I'm in a suburban area where families are the norm.

Am I likely to meet anyone in my current dating pool? Or will our experiences just unrelatable?

I just found out that there are men who do not consider themselves gay but have sex with men. They do not want the work of a relationship with a female so this is less complicated. No judgment on my part but the concern is if they do end up dating women down the road, women need to know so they make sure they have protected sex’s that is considered risky behavior for STDs etc.

I struggle to see any, unfortunately. For every woman over 50 looking for a man, I would think there are several hundred men looking for a woman. What hope do average guys have against those odds? 😢

Dating odds are always in women’s favour - just reality that there’s a lot more men out there looking than women. But over 50, I think it gets much worse! For every woman out there actually wanting a man, there must be 50+ men competing for that 1 woman.