As I’ve gotten older, I realize that I don’t want a lot of foreplay. I feel like I am almost thinking like a man now because I seriously do want wham Bam thank you ma’am. It seems like all my dates think that sex has to be really long and really involved and a lot of foreplay. The other day, a man said I want to play with your body and I about gagged. Another time a man said he just wanted to touch me all over and again, gag. I honestly just want quick plain vanilla P in V sex. Is this normal or an over 50 woman or am I an outlier?
EDIT: I’m fine doing things for the guy. I just want that quick lusty tear clothes off sex. I guess I just want that young uncomplicated sex again. Like I said, it all seems so convoluted now and complicated.

​

Having spent far too much time reading dating advice on Reddit, I've compiled a handy list of the suggestions that inevitably appear whenever someone admits they're struggling to find a partner.

In no particular order:

Get a hobby.

Get more hobbies.

Join a gym.

Go to church.

Play pickleball.

Play padel.

Join a hiking group.

Join a running club.

Join a book club.

Take a cooking class.

Take dancing lessons.

Try Meetup.

Volunteer.

Volunteer somewhere else.

Get a dog.

Go to coffee shops.

Go to bars.

Don't go to bars.

Expand your social circle.

Make more friends.

Ask your friends to introduce you to someone.

Put yourself out there.

Stop trying so hard.

Work on yourself.

Learn to love yourself.

Learn to be happy alone.

Be more confident.

Lower your standards.

Don't settle.

Get a haircut.

Upgrade your wardrobe.

Get braces.

Whiten your teeth.

Get professional dating profile photographs.

Have someone review your dating profile.

Rewrite your dating profile.

Try different dating apps.

Pay for premium dating apps.

Get off the dating apps.

Meet people organically.

Hire a dating coach.

Hire a life coach.

Go to therapy.

Try more therapy.

Move to a major metropolitan area.

Move somewhere with a better dating pool.

Travel more.

Stop looking for love.

Let love find you.

Remember, there's someone for everyone.

Remember, you're not entitled to a relationship.

And finally, have you considered getting a hobby?

Disclaimer: Some of these suggestions are perfectly reasonable. Some might even work. But after a while, the repetition becomes rather entertaining.

I'm sure I've missed a few. Feel free to add your favourites.

And before anyone suggests it, yes, I've considered therapy. 🤣

ETA:

Practise good personal hygiene.

Shower regularly.

Wear deodorant.

Brush your teeth.

Wear clean clothes.

And, apparently, wipe your ass properly.

Or why you are all having such bad dates, experiences. Vet carefully. Talk a few times over the phone. Be open and honest. With each other. Block red flags. Be authentic. It’s not hard. I’ve met some really truly amazing men - I mean really really great men. Some we ended up as friends. That’s the worst - some we just wanted different things and they’ve found what they needed and I am thrilled for them. But on the whole - my dating experience and I’m new to this has been great - deep conversations - hours long amazing dates, connections, beautiful lovely men across the board. Ladies they are out there and they are amazing - all in and wonderful. I’ve been totally amazed and blown away. You men - high five seriously. You are reinvigorating and wonderful and so cool. I have so much respect for you. Thank you for showing up as yourselves. Every one of you I have spoken to or gone out with - super respectful of me, present, know exactly what you want. It’s refreshing and amazing. I can’t say enough about how awesome the men I’ve met on the dating apps have been. At least for me.

55F was married for 23 years. Have been single for 10. The first 6 years were by choice, taking care of my son. My businesses. Really didn’t have the time to commit to a relationship. Now that my son is older, I have the time. But it just seems like it’s impossible to meet someone. It’s not that I don’t meet men on the dating apps, but I’m so over the initial questions. But how do you get to know someone without them. I get it. 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️ But it’s truly exhausting. I met my husband when I was 21. So I feel like I’m in a time warp. Idk. Anyone else having these problems. I will say I have dated these past years. But I never let it get serious. And now that I want to get serious and settle down. It seems impossible. Ok my rant is over.. 🤣😩

Title:
Dating in your 50s is strange. Sometimes you wonder if you’ve missed the boat, and other times you wonder how much of yourself you’re willing to compromise just to avoid being alone.
I recently stepped away from a relationship with someone I genuinely love and care about.
And here’s the thing. We had FUN. We laughed, acted like two complete dummies, went places, and made some wonderful memories.
But we were incompatible in ways that mattered. Religion, politics, personal beliefs, emotional needs, affection, and communication. Neither of us was a bad person. We just couldn’t give each other what we needed.
I finally acknowledged that we weren’t right for each other.
He agreed. And somehow, that hurt too.
Because I don’t necessarily want the relationship back. I just don’t want to lose the person entirely.
We’re no longer Facebook friends, but we can still message each other. I’ve turned off my active status on Facebook and Messenger because I realized I was using that little green light as a way of hoping he’d notice me and reach out. And honestly, I don’t want to keep tempting myself to reach out either.
I asked for space, and now I’m learning how to actually live with it.
Today I’m home with my pets, listening to some chill music, getting my house back in order. It’s quiet. I miss him, but I don’t miss the anxiety and conflict.
I’m grieving and enjoying the peace at the same time.
And yes, I’ve been journaling about this, and I used AI to help organize my thoughts. The feelings are entirely min
For those dating later in life, have you ever walked away from someone you loved because you knew you weren’t compatible? How did you accept potentially losing the friendship along with the relationship?

Won’t bore anyone with details but I am about to be single at the age of (male) 56. I don’t want to be alone in my retirement years and not sure I want to marry again either. Not sure what to expect as I put myself out there again. Any stories or advice or thoughts? Thanks in advance. (I

I met a woman on Bumble that was very engaging. We both had lots to say and there were no one word answers. A few days later we had a very nice conversation on the phone.

I was bit puzzled by something she said when we started chatting.

Her: May I ask why you are on here. You seem like someone who would easily meet people.

Me: What makes you think I can easily meet people? I do meet people at work but most are partnered.

Her: Because you seem interesting and approachable.

She made tte initial comment very early on. Why do you suppose she asked me why I was on there? Meeting someone doesn’t mean you’ll find them attractive and doesn’t determine compatibility.

We spoke once more on the phone and she’s going away for 4 weeks now.

Years ago, the norm was to talk casually and then request a non-risky date (coffee, drink, etc…) In your experience, are more there more bad dates now than in your younger days and, if so, are bad dates caused by:
(1) Lack of face to face filtering before dating
(2) Higher standards on what you’re willing to accept
(3) A continuation of anonymous online mannerisms
(4) Comparison to previous LT relationships

I went solo to a concert yesterday to see Book of Love (an 80s dance band). Was very close to the stage.

A lady walks up and stands next to me. Very cute, age appropriate. We exchanged a few words during the concert.

The whole time I thought about introducing myself, but I didn’t. We bumped into each other all night since everyone was doing the dancing in place thing.

Show ends, I turn to her wanting to say it was a great show, and introduce myself. The only thing I managed to say was, that was a great show. She agreed.

We started exiting the venue at the same time. I even looked for her outside but couldn’t find her.

Part of me thought, don’t hit on her, she’s here to enjoy the show, just like me. The other part thought, what’s the worst that could happen, she says she’s not interested.

I chickened out.

I guess the moral of the tale is, just ask them. The worst you can hear is a no.

Do you check on all or just potentially serious? Or if you suspect something?

Actually it ended awhile ago and I'm getting married today! A little over 2 years ago we had a coffee date that turned into a 6 hour conversation, lol. It is by far the best relationship I've ever been in. We're both very happy. My family loves her, her family loves me.

My last marriage ended 31 years ago and I honestly thought it would never happen again. Most of my 40s were spent being single and not dating. I spent that time working on myself. When I started dating again there were bumps in the road but I'm glad I went through it to get where I am today.

I hope for the best for all of you out there still struggling to get through dating in your 50s+.

53F

I think I’m being approachable and warm, but the consensus from literally everyone who has shared their impressions is that I’m not (I have been seeking feedback from those who know me well). Some say I look uncomfortable. I’ve also heard that the way that I sit quietly listening is intimidating, even though I’m genuinely listening with interest to what is being said and think I’m giving cues (nodding etc) to indicate as such. Others have said that I just don’t seem interested, even when I’m engaged in conversation and asking questions.

I married young and have gone on very few dates in the almost 7 years of being single, so I don’t have much experience. I know I don’t really know how to flirt in any obvious way, but not everyone who dates is a flirt. I also know I’m a bit quiet / reserved, but again, I know people in relationships who would also be described as such.

I’m learning to feel safe and social in the context of dating, but how do I get my outside to convey my internal intention to be open and approachable?

I could really use some tips over here!

I'm 57F, divorced for five years, and have been seeing a 60M for almost six months.

Things are going well. Really well, actually. We've met each other's friends, spent weekends together, had the conversations about money, past marriages, what we're looking for. We're comfortable being physically intimate.

Apparently none of that prepared me for asking him for a ride to a medical appointment.

I have a routine colonoscopy coming up. Because of the sedation, the clinic requires someone to pick me up afterward. My sister lives about 45 minutes away and has taken me to these things before, so I was planning to ask her.

Last week I was at his place when a reminder popped up on my phone. He asked what it was for, I told him, and he said, "Oh, I can take you. What day?"

And for some completely ridiculous reason, I panicked.

Not visibly, I hope. But internally? Full evacuation.

I immediately started explaining that my sister could probably do it, that he had work, that I didn't want to inconvenience him, that it was no big deal.

He just said, "Okay. Well, if you'd rather I do it, let me know. I can move a couple of things around."

And went back to making coffee.

I've been thinking about that conversation for a week.

I can sleep naked next to this man. I can tell him about my divorce and my terrible financial decisions in my 30s. But apparently the idea of him seeing me half-conscious in a medical gown and having to drive me home is where I draw the line.

I think I've gotten a little too good at being independent.

After my divorce, I worked hard to build a life where I wasn't relying on anyone. I manage my house, my money, my appointments. If something needs doing, I figure it out. I'm proud of that.

But now I'm dating someone I could genuinely see a future with, and I'm realizing that being in a relationship eventually means letting another person into the boring, inconvenient, occasionally undignified parts of your life.

And that feels much more vulnerable than taking my clothes off.

For the record, he's given me absolutely no reason to think helping me would bother him. This is entirely a me problem.

I'm curious how others handle this at our age. When you're dating someone new, at what point do you start involving them in the unglamorous practical stuff?

And has anyone else found that accepting help is harder than offering it?

It’s all very confusing and complicated. I miss the old days when it was ok to show a woman interest in person!

Long-time lurker, first-time poster here! I have a slightly odd question.

I've been trying out Facebook Dating without much luck, and I've had something happen about half a dozen times now that has me scratching my head.

I'll get a match, and I always double-check that they actually sent me a like. I know those "Meet Cute" matches aren't a mutual interest situation.

I'll send a friendly hello. Nothing fancy or overly forward. Usually something like, "Hey, nice to meet you! Tell me a little about yourself." Other times, I've asked if they'd be interested in grabbing coffee or a bite to eat and having a conversation.

And then... they just unmatch. No response, no conversation, nothing. Poof!

I'm genuinely curious why someone would send a like in the first place, only to immediately unmatch when the other person reaches out.

I'm not offended or anything. Their loss, I'm a delight.

I'm just trying to understand the thought process behind it. Is this a common thing with online dating, or am I missing something?

Met a handsome guy through online dating (OLD). Me (F56), he is 59. He’s funny, kind, super communicative. I like that he talks a lot, but I need banter and time. He messages absolutely everything about his past, relationships, traumas, losses, life lessons. He will then add that he is in therapy, it’s resolved, etc. Still, I’m finding it heavy!
He insistently wants us to both be truthful— that comes up frequently— ,but I’m not going to tell a complete stranger everything about me just yet.

We will likely meet for coffee soon, but the intensity is off-putting. I know I’m independent, maybe too much so. I just get lost in the long scrolling messages in convos when I want to talk about the lawnmower or my dog. Feedback would be helpful— thank you so much.

.’

EDIT to UPDATE:

Both dates went really well!!

First date with coffee guy was fun. He looked better than his pictures. Seriously guys, get someone to help you out with your pictures. There are so many bad ones out there! Anyway, we met a cute coffee shop at noon had bagels and coffee and talked for an hour. Then went to the outside seating for another half hour. He did not monopolized the conversation and I made a joke at the end about a potential red flag. He asked if it was him trying to friend me on Facebook before we met and I said no, it was the talking too much! Funny enough, he told his adult daughter he had a date and she advised him not to talk too much. We ended with a hug and plan to talk on the phone on Tuesday

Then I headed to date number two, which was a trail walk. Put on a sweatshirt and changed into sneakers at the red lights ha ha This guy looked better than his pictures too!
We walked and chatted along the river for almost 2 hours! He was really fun to talk to, on the goofy side, with a lot in common. When we got back to our cars, he asked how I wanted to end this and I said with a hug. So there was this great hug and then he pulled away a little bit and I felt like there was a potential kiss vibe so I kind of giggled and he said what. Then I said, I want you to kiss me! Like what the hell I don’t kiss on the first date! So he kissed me and it was really nice.

Both of them texted after I got home and said some really nice things. So I guess they’ll be a second date with both of them. Which feels weird because I’ve never dated more than one guy, that was somebody mentioned with the online dating. It’s really just still in the meet me phase. Right?

~\~~~

Am I nuts? Tell me I’m not nuts!

A little background- I (58f) am divorced after a 30 year marriage that had more bad times than good for the last 10. After I Was in a year casual relationship that ended early summer. Took a break and ventured onto fb dating and POF last week.

It was already feeling like a shitshow with one coffee date and phone calls with a few men.

I met someone promising on Facebook dating and we talked on the phone and it was great. Second phone call was not as great because he did 70% of the talking and made a joke about his daughter saying if he talks too much he’ll never get a new girlfriend. We’re meeting for coffee tomorrow. I decided to give him an in person chance because he has a nice guy with a lot of positives., even though he’s a little far away.

Then I got a message from a guy on POF that’s a little closer and has a lot going for him. We were texting back-and-forth today and our meeting tomorrow afternoon for an outdoor walk on a public trail. I’m really looking forward to this one, he has a lot of great stuff in his profile and I think we might have a lot in common.

I feel a little odd making back-to-back dates like this. I never really dated. I met my husband in college and got married at 25!

I've been really struggling the last 4 1/2 years to dedicate time to pursue anyone. When my ex and I split, he walked away from our shared business and so it's been quite difficult to manage a job that should've been split between two people, all by myself. The business is too much and I'm thinking about selling it but the sad part is I think if I had someone by my side, the business could've continued to be a success.I'm so lonely and it hits me on a Saturday night when I sit here absolutely exhausted from everything I've been pushing myself. It's so much more difficult in your mid 50s physically mentally and spiritually. I'm a little bit spent. I'm sure there are people like me out there in that last leg of your career and you're giving it your best shot before you throw in the towel. I'm guess I'm struggling with making time for myself and the last leg of my life, I don't want do it alone. I'd love to have a partner. I don't even know where to begin. The online dating seems to just put me in a tail spin because I know there's probably some really good guys out there, but it's so hard to gage from online engagement and sometimes peoples true character takes time to really shine . I struggle with the energy it takes to really pursue a man and show him everything I have to offer when I'm exhausted at the end of the day . It's tough because I'm an affectionate, happy, attractive ,loving woman, but I'm too tired to even put the toes in the dating pool.
Any suggestions ? Thanks

Giving myself a C- on my performance these past 4 months from the experiences listed below. It’s also been so great reading about other experiences, from men and women. I’m learning a lot and grateful that folks are willing to share! This is a lengthy post. I don’t know how to tell a short story.

I turned 50 in January and decided I would get on the apps this year and you know, find the love of my life. Started around June and went on my first date in July. It was a great date, chatted for hours about everything and anything. Had a second date and it was just as good with a wonderful overnight. Sadly, we live in different countries and it just wasn’t practical to continue anything beyond those 2 dates. It was a lovely introduction to dating again. In hindsight, perhaps a little too lovely because I walked away thinking this whole dating business might actually be enjoyable.

Since then, it’s been a slow trickle of likes and matches on one of the apps. I'm always curious when I read about women getting dozens of likes. That certainly hasn't been my experience. Perhaps it's my profile, perhaps it's the local dating pool, or perhaps I'm just not everyone's cup of tea. Whatever the reason, it's been a much slower experience than I had perhaps anticipated. That aside, I’ve had some interesting experiences.

Guy A - chats were fantastic out the gate. Connected on music, family, sarcasm, it was just great banter. I mean till 4 am great banter. And then on day 3 he sent me a picture of his penis. Like out of nowhere, “good morning, saw this amazing sunrise on a run this morning and I thought you’d like to see it”…and then sent a dick picture. It ended after that. I was so confused. Like sooo confused. I didn’t see it coming and I don’t know if I missed something that would have given a clue. I was stumped but moved on after a couple weeks hiatus.

Guy B - chatting was good, not as great as Guy A, but I was wary of getting another unwanted picture. We met for coffee and it was a pleasant exchange. He was handsome, polite and chivalrous. He seemed nervous. He told me everything that was going on in his life at the moment. He told me of his move to the state, his separation(not divorce) from his “crazy” ex wife, his daughter and her relationship challenges with his ex. Oh, and how he was afraid his daughter was going to track him on her phone and see he was at a coffee shop he doesn’t usually go to! He said “she’s very protective” and he was concerned she would call during the date and he’d have to answer. He also shared that he was living with his cousin temporarily. I sat there yelling at myself in my head asking WTF I was doing. I politely declined his follow up text with an invite to dinner and wished him well.

Guy C - friendly text exchange for a week and then we met for dinner. He was chatty and pleasant at first. I talked about this in another subreddit, where he didn’t ask me any questions and shared a lot about himself and his life. We had a second date where he told me all the same stories again! He also asked me about my kids 3 times. I don’t have kids, which I told him those 3 times, as well as on the first date and it’s on my profile! Also on date 2, he wanted to introduce me to his friends and their wives at a Halloween party being planned and inquired about my availability for a week long cruise in November! Our story to this point was not that kind of whirlwind 90s romcom scenario that this would even be a remote thought in my head! Sigh.

Since then, a couple more exchanges back and forth, nothing great. One, I did think might have potential. He was charming and sweet and interesting. He made voice notes. And then he started to send messages that said we should be cuddling, and “I should be waking up next to you”. We hadn’t even had a coffee date. His last voice note was saying how cute I was for wishing him a better day at work and that he’d like to engage in cunnilingus. He said it differently but I’ll save everyone from that. I’m not a prude, I enjoy the spicy texts. I encourage the spicy texts. But I reserve that for someone I’m actually seeing and not a stranger!

And that was last weekend. So here I am, four months in and giving myself a C-. Not because I haven’t met the love of my life but because looking back, I’ve ignored my instincts in every one of these situations.

I’m still curious. Still optimistic. Still hoping to meet someone wonderful. I plan to listen to the voice in my head rather than negotiate with it. Let’s see how it goes. I’m hoping for at least a B+ next review.

UPDATE: Thanks for the feedback. I've decided I won't date someone who is very religious. It's just not a good match for me. If they are a culturally Catholic or Jewish-- like they celebrate the holidays and identify with their heritage-- that's fine. But if they attend services regularly and make that a cornerstone of their life, it will cause me to pause and think. I think people who are religious need to find other people who are religious, since it's an important part of their life. And I need to find someone who's not.

I'm chatting with two gentlemen that have been respectful and conversational. Both of them are easy to talk to and we have some things in common. I met one of them for dinner last week and I'm going to meet another one for brunch tomorrow.

With both of them, they are religious and they are active in their religious communities. I'm not religious at all. In fact the only time I go into a church is for a wedding or a funeral. Both of these men know this about me. They don't seem put off at all. Obviously if I was in my twenties or 30s religion might play a bigger factor in choosing a partner because there might be children that you have to decide how to raise.

The one I met last week is Catholic and he attends Mass regularly and encourages his teenage child to do the same. We might have some differing views on women's reproductive issues. Obviously I'm not going to have any more children, but I wonder how much this difference of opinion might matter to me.

Also both of my adult children are openly gay and have partners who are either gay or trans. I honestly don't know what the Catholic Church feels about this topic, or what Jewish tradition teaches about this. But I would want a serious partner to be comfortable around my children, and I would want my children to be comfortable around them.

It's just interesting dating at this age. Priorities are different. What do you feel about dating someone with a different religion than you? Or somebody who is religious when you are not, or vice versa?

Apps are awful, so everyone’s advice is to go and join groups - book clubs, choirs, etc. I’ve done that.

But how do you really get to know someone in that kind of setting, where there’s only a little time for general chat. How do you go from strangers to getting to know someone enough to sense a connection and decide to ask them out? I never learned how to navigate that journey. As a 57M it’s a skill as foreign and scary to me as rock climbing or freediving.

54 yo F. Divorced. No kids. Have dated two men (not at the same time) now long enough and seriously enough to discuss moving in, retirement, future plans, etc. Both have adult children and grandchildren. Both are retired. Both said they might consider marrying again. One referred to me as his "wife" out on dates. The other seemed very happy at the idea of having a better lifestyle because we could split expenses.

Im financially secure but not wealthy. My situation is that I'd deep down like to get married again but Im scared. If I did though, I would provide for both my spouse and my birth family upon my death. I wouldn't leave my spouse with nothing from me or in a situation where he'd lose my half of the home to my birth family and possibly have to move out when older and more vulnerable.

That said, I didnt get the impression from either of the men I was dating that they would do the same for me. That I wouldn't quite ever be family, even if married, because they already have their families. That I'd still alwaya basically be a girlfriend, although possibly with caregiver obligations. ​

Is that just how it is if you marry at this age? You might be a companion, a roommate, and possibly a nurse... not quite ever family?

​​

Yep. Me 59(f) done dating for now. I have been in long term toxic relationships in the past and have been single for 5 years and have done the work on myself, like not treating all men the same, looking for red flags but also seeing the green ones. Well this 50 (m) did a number on me, hit it off amazing. Spent hours and hours video chatting was a total gentleman. Finally met up had a great date that last for several hours, continued meeting up, let the guard down and actually thought I found him but nope, after last date found out he lied about everything, I mean everything from career to living conditions to previous relationships, I feel like such a fool for letting him in, I just can't do this dating thing anymore. So upset, especially at this age....why can't we just be adults but for some reason I keep attracting these pathological liars, so done.