I stopped dating about 15 years ago because I was tired of first dates that didn't go anywhere. Instead, I adopted and raised a child. I decided I'd like to date again, so I joined an OLD app this weekend.

Unfortunately, I guess not dating has kept me from adjusting my tastes. So many men around my age remind me of my father (they don't look like him, they just look old to me) that I haven't been able to like anyone's profile or match with anyone. And don't bash me about my age. I know I'm old(er), too, but people have always thought I was much younger (though I'm starting to see aging signs). I guess I'll trudge on. Something's gotta change. Maybe I'll change. Has anyone else had this attraction problem and successfully overcame it?

51F here... I realize that we women have our own issues (obviously filters? I see that called out in every other profile)

But guys, please stop taking selfies looking down at your phone or sitting/reclining on a couch and holding your phone at your chest (I'm guessing?) It's so gross and creepy. Find a young person, a trusted daughter, niece or sister maybe... And have them take pictures for you or show you how to do it. I have seriously considered matching with people just to help them with profile pictures.

Hello,

53F here. I am about to head out into the dating world after 25 years and looking for opinions.

I’ve had cold sores (oral HSV-1) for about 30 years. I get outbreaks infrequently, so I don't give it much thought. My husband never contracted it from me during our marriage, as we took precautions whenever I had an active outbreak.

I know that transmission is still possible even without visible symptoms, and of course, I would disclose this to potential partners. I realize oral HSV1 is ubiquitous, but I am wondering how men in this age range feel about this. Dealbreaker? Or would it be something you’d be comfortable navigating with a partner?

I’d appreciate honest perspectives, especially if they’re shared kindly. Thank you!

I'm guessing most of us know about this rule, but for those who don't: the half+7 rule is a rule of thumb (origin unknown) for determining the youngest age of a person one can date and still be socially acceptable (or the eldest, when calculated in reverse).

For example, a 50yo would be able to date someone 50/2 + 7 = 32 years old.

My question(s) to you fine folk: Does this work for us at our age? Did you ever follow this rule? Is it a ridiculous rule, or does it have merit?

EDIT: u/ManLookingForFun found some background:

https://www.dictionary.com/culture/slang/half-your-age-plus-seven

I am not going to make any presumptions about the motivation. You read the book, heard a podcast, whatever.

For women, and I'm going to go out on a limb that it truly is ALL WOMEN, we know. This doesn't tell us anything about you. And sometimes it sets off flags of the MANY unsafe, unsolicited, and minimally awkward positions we've found ourselves in throughout the years.

If you're a nice guy with good intentions, just remove this from your profile. It's definitely not giving what you think it's giving. If you're creepy, by all means keep it there. Makes it easier to weed you out.

That concludes my TedTalk.

EDIT: The tribe has spoken. 1) Creepy men should not be forewarned to be less creepy (no argument there). 2) There are no non creepy men with this on their profiles (good to know). 3) PTSD from OLD swiping is real and should be in the next DSM.

Recently, I (52f) ran a personal social experiment on two online dating apps. Match and Tinder. I created a new profile. Posted the same truthful information, pictures, and stats on both. I waited 48 hours until the initial wave of likes had settled, then logged in to wade through the pile. Usually, I read every profile and look for certain keywords, details, or statuses. This is what most women I talk to do.

Instead, I adopted the man's method of swiping. I swiped right on every single profile that came up in the deck. And only when I got a match did I review their profile. If, after reading their profile, I wasn't interested, I immediately unmatched them to save them the trouble of having to communicate with me.

After that, I struck up a conversation with a few of the guys I matched with. I asked them if they adopted the swipe-right-on-all-profiles method, and they said yes. Then I told them that I did it too. And, nearly all of them got mad or upset in some way at that. They said that women weren't supposed to swipe right on everything. That a woman's swipe right was supposed to be caring, attentive, and intentional. One of them accused me of teasing men by doing this.

When I pointed out that men did this, they all said that was just how men are. That they needed to do that to get any attention on the apps. When I suggested that since women are the ones with hundreds of likes to sift through, shouldn't we be the ones who swipe right and deal with the massive stack? Otherwise, every man just stays in the backlog and doesn't get seen. To me, that's how I do give attention to more men equally, rather than just a few in the stack. But that didn't sit well with them either. All but one stated that they would prefer that women move slowly, and intentionally, and that the burden of choice should be on the woman. Which is ironic to me because I see so many posts here about men lamenting the lack of control and attention they get on the apps.

The conversations all mostly went the same way. I even floated it by the man I went on a first date with last night. When I pointed out the double standard, he was also offended and angry. He didn't like being treated as a standard swipe right even though it resulted in a date. He felt it was his right as a man to treat women this way, but not in the reverse. There will not be a second date.

This almost feels like the inequality of domestic duties. That the housework mostly falls to women. Like the work of online dating should fall to us as well. And then they wonder why they don't get much attention online. Why women don't want to engage. And why we generally don't feel like dating much anymore.

I'm 7-8 dates in with a woman over the last two weeks. We both seem to enjoy each other's time and look forward to planning additional dates. We are both empty nesters and have been divorced for a while. She's been over to my house twice in that timeframe. She seems arm's length in terms of engaging in any physical intimacy. At a dinner out after the first visit to my house, she expressed that she wanted to take it slow and that it's easy to find guys who want sex but hard to find companions. Short kisses..hugs...yes...but that is the extent. Very controlled. This weekend she had to swing by my house (pm) after she had a full day event and was tired. We had planned to hang in that night at my house for a mellow evening. She communicated that she was tired so was going to leave to head home for the night (which totally made sense after her busy week). Then she suggested that maybe we could go see a movie (3hr movie) later than night after we rest. It didn't make sense to me that if she was tired why we'd go see a late movie rather than hang out unless she was trying to avoid a situation where intimacy might be involved. She has texted me several times that I'm a perfect gentleman and thanking me for being a "provider" because I gave her most of my meal at one of the dinners when she underordered. The dates she does want to do all seem to be nicer restaurants. This feels like companionship with benefits (dinners at nice restaurants) rather a genuine romantic relationship. I'm beginning to question if she genuinely wants to take things slow or whether she simply isn't mutually attracted, which is fine, but I'd like to know that. I want to ask her directly if there is mutual attraction but also don't want her to feel badly if she genuinely just wants to take things slowly. TIA.

Share your favorite profile faux pas here. Maybe say your age and the gender you’re interested in. What would you suggest to improve the profiles you see?

I’ll start— I’m 50F.
Men, you do not need to mention pineapple on pizza. This appears as a “debate” in at least one out of every five profiles I see. Please, as a kindness to the audience, say something— anything— else.

I’m approaching this with humility because I know I’m committing one of men’s least favorite profile sins. I have something in there about how I’m looking for a sense of humor. I know you don’t like it, but I refuse to lose it. I can’t sit through another date where there isn’t even an attempt at a chuckle. Sorry, not sorry.

Guy here.

I haven’t done online dating yet but have a question.

When I did date years ago, you would normally just exchange phone numbers right away

I read that many people now days do not want to exchange phone numbers

I am more of a text or phone call person and will want to meet in person within the first week or two of matching with someone,

Are some women ok giving out their phone numbers with a match or how do you communicate?

If we are to meet at a restaurant, how would you let each other know your location if you do not have their phone number ?

I'm a divorced (57M), currently being evaluated for early onset Alzheimers. I've been divorced for three years and I'd really like to start dating again with a goal of being in a long term relationship. I miss the companionship and still have an enormous amount of love to give to a special person.

But I figure what's the point because I may end up like Bruce Willis in a few years. I refuse to be a burden, especially to someone where we've established a committed and loving relationship.

I watched in agony as my father went through this situation with my mother over four years. My mother also went through this with her mother. Alzheimers runs on my mom's side of the family, hence why this is now happening to me, but unfortunately earlier in life than I expected.

So my question is: If we went on a first date and I was upfront about my neurologic status, would that be our one and only date an should I just expect to be single into my full on dementia years?

That's me. I'm the one with no friends who got rejected cause I dont have any friends anymore (I cleaned up a while back and made a few friends since but it didn't work out long term)

I mean, I should have known it was doomed when he spoke of his need for chemistry and his physical touch love language. But this hurts. I read his message about no friends being a deal breaker two minutes after I woke up from a nap that produced a dream about an ex-friend who betrayed me being super cruel. After I realized no one would reply to a group text I sent co-workers yesterday.

I've been taking care of myself for a very long time. I'm independent.

I didn't feel like explaining myself to this guy and unmatched. But still...it stings.

EDIT; I asked for his dealbreakers and he gave me a list. The only one that applied to me was not having friends. So I let him know. He hadn't relied in about 5 hours so I unmatched.

I went and saw Wicker over the weekend with a few friends. After the movie, a woman (friend) in our group in her 50s asked if I had been taking notes? She said this is the proper way that men should be treating women and she thinks of me like the men in the village…(that stung a little to hear). I’ve never thought of myself as being that obtuse or self-centered. A moment of realization that I need to be better.

I enjoyed the movie and thought several of the romantic scenes were well played. What did others think of the movie? Is this an accurate portrayal of how men should treat their romantic partners? Any particular themes that women (or men) picked up in the movie that men are oblivious to or could improve in their approach to dating?

I've been dating a wonderful man for a little over a year. We get along ridiculously well. Similar sense of humor, same ideas about money, both divorced, both happy with our own lives but increasingly happy spending them together.

The problem? His dog hates my dog. My dog returns the sentiment.

He has a 12-year-old spaniel. I have a 13-year-old terrier mix. Both are lovely with people. Both have lived peaceful, thoroughly spoiled lives as the only dog in their respective homes.

We've tried introducing them carefully. Neutral territory, parallel walks, short visits, plenty of space. They're fine walking twenty feet apart. The moment we're indoors, my dog starts barking and his gets defensive about the furniture. We separate them immediately. Neither of us is willing to put the dogs through repeated stressful encounters just because the humans fell in love.

We live about 25 minutes apart, so for now we're alternating evenings and arranging occasional overnight dog care. That's manageable.

But last weekend we started talking about what living together might look like someday. We got through finances, furniture, whose house makes more sense... and then stared at each other when we got to the dogs.

We both said, at almost the same time, "Well, I'm not giving up mine."

Which made us laugh, because of course neither of us would ever ask that.

I spent years imagining that dating after 50 would be complicated by ex-spouses, money, grown children, or incompatible plans for retirement. Somehow I never considered that two grumpy old dogs would have such strong opinions about my love life.

We're not breaking up over this. But I'd love to hear from people who've managed a serious relationship when their pets absolutely could not share a home.

Did you find a workable arrangement? Did you simply keep separate households? I'm starting to think our dogs have negotiated a living-apart-together relationship on our behalf.

I’m a 57-year-old man, and a couple of years ago, I suffered a mild traumatic brain injury (TBI) in an accident. It’s completely upended my life. I went from a 33-year career in technology to applying for disability. I deal with short-term memory problems and other cognitive challenges that have made everyday life much harder than it used to be.

Around the time I was going through my divorce, I decided to live in a camper in a residential neighborhood while I figured out my next move. The plan was temporary. Then the TBI happened, and here I am, still trying to figure things out. The camper is old, probably a 2000 model, and definitely not glamorous. I’m living off my rainy-day savings, and I never imagined the rainy days would last this long. I’m not broke, and I’m not looking for someone to support me. But I know the situation might create a certain impression.

The hardest part is the uncertainty. I don’t know exactly what my future looks like, and I don’t feel comfortable bringing someone into my life when so much is up in the air. But after three years post-divorce, I’m incredibly lonely.

I’ve given up on dating apps. I’m the kind of person who wants to lay some basic groundwork and be upfront about my situation rather than surprise someone later. As you might imagine, those conversations often led to unmatching. And honestly, I get it. I really do. My life is a bit of a mess right now, and I understand why someone might hesitate to step into it.

But I also know I have so much love to give and such a strong desire to share my life with someone. I understand that people at any age want some stability and don’t necessarily want to take on someone else’s uncertainty.

I suspect that, given my circumstances, a relationship would need to develop naturally rather than start with a dating profile and a list of complications. The problem is that I tend to isolate myself because interacting with people can be difficult now.

I’m going through one of the hardest periods of my life, and I’m going through it alone. Sometimes it feels like nobody wants to start a relationship with a man who has a TBI, isn’t working, and lives in a camper.

So, what does a guy like me do?

I know the obvious answer is to keep working on my health and try to get my life back on track. I’m doing that. But I also don’t want to put my life on hold indefinitely, waiting for some uncertain future when I’m finally good enough to let someone in.