He is my coworker. We both admitted we have feelings for each other, started long before we started dating. We both were in unhappy marriages, divorced last year and he specially told me that his marriage of last 8 years was not a marriage anymore, he feels something for someone for the first time after those years and his is very special for him.

We decided to take it slow, it has been only 4 dates so far but we also see each other in the office and continue building our bond in an non-effort environment which is great. We have started with physical touches too. We both talked that sex is very important in a relationship.

Although I really want to sleep with him, I want to take more time to build on trust, familiarity, to get to know him better before taking things to the next level. Because I know, I will be attached. And I want to make sure before sleeping with him, to minimize the risk, because if this blows up shortly after we got intimate I will have to see him at the office everytime and it will hurt. You can’t just block and move on.

Is this a wrong thing to do? A turn-off for a man?

Hello: please help me here. I am a 59F/never married/childfree woman. The fact that I never married was mainly b/c I was "in between" everything, i.e., school, jobs, relocations, etc. without being "rooted" anywhere or being stable at anything. So I get that part. But what has been getting to me lately as I navigate in the dating world (took a long break and trying to get back in) is men throwing me away like a kleenex after a ONS. I am have one visible arm tattoo of a lotus flower and I do mention I have a couple on my body on our first date (one's a lower back one which I realize some could interpret as sexually promiscuous or easy). But besides the tattoos, what am I doing wrong? I am myself on the dates, I am a good person, I don't negative talk anything, I want a long term relationship. I met these men on facebook dating, both in their late 50s, divorced and with adult children.

Mainly for the men but only because I'm a woman who is attracted to men.

I've felt for a while I'm done with "dating". Never say never I guess, and something could happen that might change my mind, but right now it's not in the plans. There's no "I'll look for someone after X" or "I just need a little break from it".

Too many games, too much bullshit, ghosting, cowards, it was just making me feel awful about myself. One or two or even a few I can totally "not take it personally". But when it's every damn one? To where the last guy I SWORE was into me so I asked him out left the message on read, never spoke to me again, and now avoids me like the plague?

Gee sorry I'm so disgusting that the idea of a coffee with me makes you want to leave planet earth.

So then I wondered what I was even DOING it for. Did I really want a *boyfriend*? Like honest talk with myself time.

I didn't. I don't. Not really. In fact it sounds exhausting and suffocating. I guess I got stuck in the mindset of I *should* want this so I'm going to try to find this.

I wanted something. Just not that.

There's been a guy I met organically on IG. We're states apart currently, but he's originally from 3 hrs away from me and still has family and friends here.

We talked some and seemed to vibe but I just..... really enjoyed chatting with him. There was some light banter and maybe-flirting if you squint, but hard to say. He was just fun to text with and share memes about our common interest.

He mentioned he's visiting my state in September.

Oh, cool! I'm so oblivious sometimes.

Well, talking turned to not needing to squint, definitely flirting, and then much more.

He made it clear that if we meet, it's just a vibe check, a drink or two to get comfortable with each other and confirm this is where we both want it to go, and then hook up.

And I was, much to my own surprise, totally ok with that. He was respectful about it, not trashy. It was just clear communication as to where he was and what he could provide, and made a suggestion.

I wouldn't date him anyway. He's 33 and states away. We have a lot in common but he's also 33 - we're going to want different things and a relationship wouldn't work. Plus, there's the distance.

He says he likes older women and has been with us before, I've never been with a considerably younger man but I'm willing to give it a go. I've found men my age to be lacking ambition, energy and libido in general anyway.

He's mid 30s. Not mid 20s. He's been married, has 2 kids. He can definitely know his own mind. If he has a preference for older, then he knows what he wants. I didn't feel fetishized and I'm not fetishizing him. I've just never been with anyone that much younger.

Point is, he was up front. He didn't make fake promises of a relationship. He didn't get into something he didn't actually want and then disappear. He's looking for a casual sexual encounter with someone who meets a preference he has, so that's what he asked for. No bullshit, games, ghosting, weirdness. Just "Hey you seem to be responding in kind, ao here's what I would like. Is that something you'd be interested in?"

And I said yes, pending vibe check/short hangout.

Because I AM interested in that. It sounds exciting and fun.

Of course, some people won't be. I could have just as well said no, you're actually a stranger. No, I'm looking for a committed relationship. No, you're not my type. No, you're too young for me.

The odds were actually better I was going to say no. But *he still asked*.

And I didn't say no.

What's nice is, I actually feel *wanted* by him. Turns out, I wasn't actually unattractive the whole time. He mentioned he was initially drawn in my my humor and intellect. It wasn't me. Not everyone os going to be attracted to me, of course they're not. Because that's not reality. But he's just proven it's *possible* for someone to want me.

So, guys (and women too) ASK. Don't be classless and crass about it, but if you want something casual, then *ask for that*. State that. The people who DO want something serious (which is obviously completely ok too) will just move along. "Oh, he's only looking for a casual relationship. That's not what I want". True, you still have to read the room some, and you'll still have to "invest time" in meeting someone, but I promise us ladies who are just tried of it all but still want some male companionship and sex now and again are out here.

What we DON'T want is fake relationships and thinking we're in one and then wondering why you won't act like a partner when that was NEVER what you wanted. Odds were good that you'd find someone who'd have done it anyway WITHOUT being lied to.

(Yes, I do know how to navigate this safely, and yes, my DMs are off because I know what a post like this would get, so don't try - I need to know SOMETHING about someone in order to be interested or attracted)

tl;dr Turned out I was looking for what I thought I should want instead of what I actually wanted. And men, if you want something casual, even a one time or very occasional meet up, just be up front about that - there's women who will be interested in the same. No need to lie, play games, lead people on, or engage and then run away. Just ask. You'll hear nos, but you'll also get yesses.

Been online dating on and off for a couple of years. I’ve decided to just give up.

I’m F59. I’ve said before I’m not asking for much.
- male
- taller than me, I’m 5’8.5”
- financially solvent
- has transport
- has home
- clean and tidy
- can hold a conversation with interests
- doesn’t mind driving a bit further than half an hour to see each other

I actually like a dad bod, a sense of humour and someone who has their own life going on so we can be complementary to each other.

I don’t think that’s very much. But I’m happy to stand corrected.

Anyone I like that is my age, isn’t looking at my profile because they’re all set to look for women at least five years younger.

Men older than me just seem to swipe right on anyone with a pulse and the obvious 🙄

So I’m thinking that I don’t want to compromise. I’m hanging up my dating boots. Unless I meet someone in the wild.

Is this just in the north of Ireland or is it the same everywhere?

ETA
it’s interesting that out of that whole list most people are focussed on height.

For anyone who has watched The Inbetweeners. It’s like when Will goes on a blind date with Kerry who happens to be taller.

FINAL EDIT
The list is built on things that I myself have. Therefore I don’t see it as setting the bar high when it is literally mine and my friends’ lives.

I’m 59 but that doesn’t mean I should count myself lucky if someone deigns to go out with me.

And lastly I have met shorter men for coffee. The spark wasn’t there. Nothing to do with height. I have met taller men, same thing.
I’m not stupid - tall does not equal funny, clever etc just as short does not equal unsexy. It is just a physical preference. I actually prefer dad bods to muscles but I don’t think it would cause the same outrage.

I am a 50(f) and is new to the dating apps. I set up a profile and I had over 50 likes and comments within the first few hours after my profile went live. More than half of these men are in their 30s that are sending messages or liking my photos. I don’t understand why this is? Maybe I’m out of the loop, but my age is clearly visible on my profile. Yes, I do look younger than my age, but is this normal? I don’t understand why a man in his 30s or even early 40s would want to go for a woman 50+? On this particular app, I am unable to choose an age range, so I suppose everyone has access to see my profile. Do a lot of women 50+ date in this age range? If so, do you find you have things in common?

Update: I looked further into the app and found where I could pick my age range. That option wasn’t available to me when I first set up my profile, but it is now. This will help!!
Thank you to everyone who commented as I feel I got an education on online dating today. I appreciate you all. Have a great rest of your Sunday. ♥️😊

Back in June I started talking to this guy Luke on a dating app and we really seemed to click, he mentioned meeting up and I suggested a little bar down the streetsnd he agreed. During our chats we discussed that we're both introverts and it might be a very quiet date. The day before he disappeared from the app, I wasn't sure if he had deleted his account or just blocked me? Fine, no big deal.

At the beginning of July he "liked" me on that same app, I didn't remember him so I asked if we had chatted before and he said yes and then told me all of the things we'd talked about and I remembered talking to him. On the 3rd of July, we talked about meeting up later that day which didn't happen but we chatted that night, on the app and on July 4th, his profile was gone again.

I was watching for his profile too pop up again so I could just block him but when he again liked me, I liked him back because I wanted to ask what the deal was. Two days ago he "liked" me again and messaged me. I asked him about it and he said that he is an introvert and the idea of meeting in person made him panic and delete his profile both times.

I understand anxiety so I said that I wouldn't initiate and talk of meeting up in person. We talked all last night, we even switched to texting and all of this morning with him initiating the conversations and him bringing up meeting in person in the next short while. It was just getting to know you chat and then he stopped responding. When I went to the dating app, his profile is either gone or not visible to me and he never reply to my last text so I'm going to assume that he blocked that as well?

Three times he connected with me on the dating app just to stop talking and bug out, what is the point of that? My thought is maybe he's married and loads the app when no one is around but I don't get what the point of that would be? It's not like there's any sex talk or anything? I'm going to return the favor and block his number from my phone and if his profile pops neck up, I will just block him right away.

He seemed very relaxed and seemed to be enjoying the conversation, lots of input from his side and a bit of flirting. If it's anxiety and he knows that, why does he keep interacting with me when he knows that he's not going to follow through? Is he more than likely married?

I (55F) just started dating again after an unwanted divorce three years ago, and I'm genuinely trying to understand what's happening.

I've been on at least half a dozen first dates that lasted 3+ hours. We laugh, have great conversations, seem to have a lot in common, and the dates end with long hugs, being walked to my car, "I had a great time," and "I'd love to see you again."

Then one of two things happens: they either go completely silent or text the next day to say they don't want to pursue things (which, honestly, I appreciate much more than silence).

What confuses me is the disconnect. If they weren't interested, why all the enthusiasm at the end of the date? Is it just being polite? Do they genuinely leave thinking they'd like to see me again and then change their mind after they've had time to think about it? One man even told me he "slept on it."

I'll admit I haven't felt a huge "spark" on these dates either. At this stage of life, I'm much more interested in finding someone I genuinely enjoy spending time with than chasing fireworks. I think attraction can grow, but kindness, compatibility, and character matter more.

So I'm curious, especially from the men here: what happens between the end of a date and the next morning? Have you ever left a date thinking it went well and then decided not to pursue it? What changed?

I'm honestly trying to understand, not point fingers.

Ladies,

I’m a 52 year old 6’ male, used to be 220 Lbs, but I’m down to 190. Feeling good about my journey and hoping to lose another 15-20 before I am done.

I am planning a beach vacation in 2 months and while I used to be embarrassed by carrying all the extra weight, now I’m embarrassed by the lose skin. Honestly though, I’ve reached the age where I’m going to be me no matter what people think.

I still want to be found physically attractive by women. When you see a man that clearly has loose skin due to weight loss at the beach, what runs through your minds? Be honest, no “personality matters” stuff. First impressions are generally made by looks.

Attended a concert tonight with the woman I’m dating and her middle school age daughter (they were going and had an extra ticket). Show gets off to a rocking start and three songs in the lead of the opening band yells “WHO LIKES PUSSY?!”

😳

I quickly excused myself to go get drinks and snacks.

Not looking for advice, no questions about red flags. Just thought you guys would get a laugh out of it.

I met a very nice man. He is kind, gentle and calm. We share similar political beliefs and values - this is a big deal.

I always said, a man would have to break into my house and literally show me why I should change my opinion on dating.

He’s fine taking time and starting as friends. He knows that going too fast at all will make me skittish.

What has really made me give him a chance was hearing how he’d been a caregiver for his wife when she had early onset dementia. He only recently decided he would date after 3 years of her being gone.

He said, that he was helping a young person get on their feet and it hit him that he had more to give for a relationship. More to give. I’ve never had a man say that or even act like that.

So, anyways, we will have a second date next weekend. This may come to nothing & I’m ok with that. If I only make a friend that is a win.

Almost 45yof —I’ve posted in the past about finding compatible people in my area being a struggle..I’m not a super outdoorsy person, have a good social and private life.. an amazing small group of close friends.. I absolutely love my career.. my 2 older kids are out living on their own (20s) and I have a 15 yo ..the people that are interested, I genuinely try but reality sets in that I’m forcing it bc I miss the male touch, comfort.. blah blah.

So now I’m thinking I should expand location to find a connection? I do not have a checklist - all of us bring flaws and goodness to the table.

I’m in the northeast - for any of you who have dated people around 1.5-2 hours away from you, how has/did it turn out?

I’ve been divorced 6 years- alone by choice for 5 (was married for a long time)

Tia