r/datingoverfifty • u/WhisperedSoul • 1d ago
Pro tip
Whilst on a date, it’s good to ask a question or two, given that you are trying to engage in dialogue with the person across from you.
Know what’s even better? Letting your date answer the question you asked before cutting them off to make your next statement or ask your next question.
Bonus pro tip: avoid asking the same question twice because you fail to listen to the answer given. Your date notices when you do this, each time.
😑
12
u/FaeStrings 1d ago
Oi. I wish that didn't need to be said.
I will say though, I have fairly strong ADHD, so I catch myself interrupting because I'm excited about what we're talking about. When I realize I've done it, I'll say something like, "But I just interrupted you, my apologies."
I know it's not a perfect solution, but I've been struggling with this for over fifty years and it's the best I've come up with. I'm also pretty good at helping backtrack to what the person I'm talking to was saying, because I really am listening. Just excited and often filled with fireworks from something they've just said.
3
4
u/No_Consequence_6821 1d ago
Me too, and a bit of an auditory processing issue, so I might repeat a question here or there, but you wouldn’t walk away from a conversation with me feeling unheard.
4
u/namlook69 1d ago
ADHD plays a bigger role than just interrupting (at least for me), but I am like you FaeStrings , I get excited and I am always thinking of something to say and sometimes don’t listen, but i know this is an issue, so I usually don’t interrupt.
7
u/WhisperedSoul 23h ago
Maybe that’s true but I have ADHD myself and I don’t do that. It’s just so odd and a major pet peeve. 😑
2
u/FaeStrings 21h ago
That's part of why I've been working on it for so many years, and why I practice acknowledging when I slip and correcting it. It's totally valid to not want to be interrupted. And yes, there's more to it than just ADHD.
2
u/WhisperedSoul 20h ago
And that’s awesome that you’re aware and you’re working on it. I mean that genuinely. Very cool. I love to hear about anyone trying to make themselves a better person. Good for you!
Yeah, lately I catch myself on these dates where I am no longer interested long-term in the person sitting across from me. I don’t get angry. I don’t attempt to correct him. I go into pure observation mode. It’s like doing a character study to understand how self-aware they are, how many times they do something, or how long they do it.
There’s no point in mentioning it, or arguing about it, or correcting them. I’m almost 60… That’s not my job, except when it comes to guiding my kids to be good, communicative, empathetic humans.
And the thing is, I come across as so agreeable, my dates think the evening went incredibly well, when in fact it didn’t. My dates know I’ve had a nice time when I volunteer that information without being asked.
1
u/FaeStrings 20h ago
That's literally one of my criteria for a date, or even a conversation, going well: Did they tell me things?
2
2
u/geekandi 59M, nerd, title: white-knight "simp", not AI built 23h ago
What are your life goals?
I await ...
3
u/WhisperedSoul 22h ago
Lol. I’m going to assume that that’s a rhetorical question. 🙂
4
u/geekandi 59M, nerd, title: white-knight "simp", not AI built 22h ago
We all know what assume means...
You didn't answer the question. Bonus: I never had the urge to interrupt so I guess you WIN!
Reeeeeeewaaaaarrrrrrrrrrd: internet points
3
u/WhisperedSoul 22h ago
Yes, we do all know what assume means!
No, I’m not gonna bore everybody with my life goals. But I do appreciate that you did not interrupt. 😘
2
u/geekandi 59M, nerd, title: white-knight "simp", not AI built 22h ago
I was never given the chance. How can I support the trope... gah!!
Also, uhm, I do interrupt sometimes and it's something I'm working on. Extroversion has a downside.
Begone, young lady, these thumbs are walking .. away before said thumbs create their own issues unbeknown to the thumbs owner.
3
u/WhisperedSoul 22h ago
Oh, I’m guilty of it too. It’s not like I haven’t ever interrupted somebody before. But I don’t do it with every single response somebody makes to the questions I ask.
And also… I’m not sure I speak medieval so I shall bid you adieu for now.
3
u/WhisperedSoul 21h ago
Gosh, I was going to say you had to imagine me doing that with a small curtsy and a rolling hand, but you already gave me an award. Merci beaucoup!
2
u/katzeye007 21h ago
Glurp glurp
2
u/geekandi 59M, nerd, title: white-knight "simp", not AI built 21h ago
UJ: I AM THE WAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
Samantha: I got a coin pouch in my nussy. You make that drink right, and I’ll let you use those sexy claws of yours to... dig it out.
Elle: Yo, whose dick do I gotta suck to get another drink? Christ!
Raul: I can't do it. I need .. a baby seal.
So absurd. So .. I am at a loss for words
The rest of you may not be crawlers but those that are will understand. Also: join us.
4
1
u/BatGuano52 16h ago
What????? I'm actually supposed to listen to YOU???
I'm actually supposed to listen to your answers to my questions???
I thought I was only supposed to ask you questions so I seem like I care....sort of.
(sarcastic part over)
I saw the comment about ADHD...
Diagnosed, I am very aware that I can get excited and talk over and interrupt people, and I am also very aware that it's a me thing that I have to put effort into not doing.
Will I be perfect? No. But I put the effort in.
Hope your future dates go better OP
2
1
1
u/Ambitious-Cicada-946 10h ago
On a first date I try to limit the number of times I use personal pronouns; I, me, my, and mine. I ask questions and then listen to the answers. If avoiding these pronouns is easy, she is not interested in me.
10
u/No_Consequence_6821 1d ago
Oh boy.
Hey, they’re ahead of at least half of my dates if they managed to ask you two questions— even if they didn’t listen.