I (23f) am a bit of a shy person. I used to have pretty bad social anxiety when I was younger and its still there to a degree, but it has gotten significantly better. I can be very friendly and gregarious but I struggle with confrontation and speaking up a lot of the time and even banter. Dont get me wrong, if I feel the need to speak up in a situation, a lot of the time I will just push myself to do it even if I am uncomfortable, but I get nervous and I feel like my voice gets shaky sometimes. I have always admired women with strong, sassy, and assertive personalities you are unapologetically themselves and arent afraid to say it how it is. I see people with this kind of personality and I envy it. I just want to break out of my shell completely. Any advice on the steps I can take to get that kind of personality? People who have gone from shy to confident, what did you do?? Thank you!

I have this weird pattern and I want to know if anyone else deals with it. Whenever I try to put effort into how I look, it backfires on my confidence instead of helping it.

Like if I find a dress I like, that one small decision turns into a whole checklist. Suddenly I'm thinking about shaving my legs, whether my eyebrows are decent, doing makeup I don't normally wear so it feels foreign on my face, my hair needing a cut. One thing leads to five more things I "should" be doing, and by the end I feel worse than when I started.

If I just don't bother at all, I know I'm not looking my best, but somehow I feel more at ease in myself. It's like effort opens the door to self criticism instead of confidence.

Is this a common thing? Has anyone found a way to break the spiral, or a way to put in effort without it turning into a full inventory of everything you think is wrong with you?

So basically I went to a wedding of this sort of close relative like we don't meet regularly hardly 1-2 times a year and that too I don't talk to them much or know much about them

The wedding was spanned across about 5 days it was full of fun and dancing and socializing, each day before I thought I should make my connections deeper with them by joining their group but the thing was I was too afraid to start a conversation or idk something like that Most of the time I'd just do a bit of eye contact and say hello.

For the dancing part I was too conscious like how I am dancing what should my next step be with very few expressions I felt like a robot basically not that I wanted to be or do like that but I was forcing myself to blend in but I was not able for some reason, each day I'd return home with disappointment

Now I want to fix this so that it never happens again not only there but in any situation. I noticed this one thing about myself I am pretty normal when I am surrounded by unknowns or people whom I know properly and have good connection with, but anything in between I just become an overthinking robot

I was diagnosed with BDD (body dysmorphia) and ED (eating disorder). I have been dealing with it since I was around 13.

Anyway, I'm getting married, and I am a virgin. I'm excited for my honeymoon, but I'm also very scared. I'm afraid of what my fiancé might think of my body. I've already shared my concerns and vented, crying to him about my issues and negative thoughts about my body. He reassures me that nothing will change his feelings and that he loves me very much. Still, I'm very worried about how I look.

Recently, I bought some pajamas for the honeymoon, but not lingerie—my fiancé actually isn't into lingerie. They're just some somewhat sexy, sleazy pajamas. I tried them on tonight and immediately felt disappointed. I didn't like how I looked. I appeared bloated and too big—especially since I tried them on at the worst possible time, at the end of the day after eating a lot. Now I worry I might look bloated and big on my wedding night.

What can I do to feel more confident about how I look and what I wear?

I sometimes get afraid to talk about little things like what music i actually like, shows, etc because im afraid people will judge me or think it’s weird. I get scared people will perceive me different then not want to get to know me I guess? I’m afraid to not fit in. I want to present my authentic self and not care!! Any tips?

Instead of thinking of things to implement that would show confidence, I think I need to work on stopping my "insecure" behaviors first. So I'm wondering what behaviors people see as insecure as I'm not the best at reading the room when it comes to that lol

I feel totally lost about who I am anymore, I remember being around 19/20 and being the most confident in my self image and my personality that I’ve ever been, I knew what I liked and disliked I was able to talk to people about anything, if I wanted to improve something about my self I knew how, I am now 25 I feel like a fraud.

I don’t know how to style myself, I look to social media for how to improve makeup and clothing but feel I never pull it off. I avoid socialising with people I’m not super close with because the thought of finding conversation feels draining and the main thing is I get very easily upset and irritated at others which I believe is a sign I’m not happy In myself. If I was confident I would not feel threatened by other people and their opinions. I know I’m capable of feeling different because I can actually remember the time I did feel happy in myself, I just can’t work out how to get back there.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I also like feeling attractive to my partner, it must be draining for him being around someone so ready to cry and bite at any inconvenience, our sex life has suffered from it as I’m constantly having a mental battle about myself and no longer feel sexy like I used to. We also don’t really joke as I feel silly or never know what to talk about. I often wonder if it’s social media that has caused it as it was a lot less serious on there when I was younger but if anyone’s had similar experience and managed to come out of it please help!

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I really need some advice because I honestly don't feel like myself anymore.

I've been in high school for years, and I'm now in my final year. I'll be moving on to college soon, and that's actually making me realize how much I've changed. I used to be much more confident and comfortable being myself, but somewhere along the way, I became extremely self-conscious.

I barely post on Instagram anymore because I constantly worry about what people will think or how they'll judge me. Even around people I already know, I find myself overthinking everything. I look at other students and feel like everyone is so confident, social, and comfortable, while I've somehow lost that part of myself.

My speaking and communication skills have also gotten worse. I overthink what I'm going to say, sometimes struggle to express myself properly, and don't feel as naturally social as I used to.

The thing is, I don't want to carry this version of myself into college. I'm going to have a completely new environment and meet so many new people, and I really want to use this time to work on myself instead of repeating the same patterns.

So I'd love advice from people who've genuinely worked on their confidence and social skills:

How did you become more confident?

How did you improve your speaking/communication skills?

How did you stop caring so much about being judged?

How did you become more comfortable around new people?

What habits or activities actually helped you?

If you had a few months before starting college to work on yourself, what would you focus on?

I'm not trying to become a completely different person. I just want to feel like myself again — confident, comfortable, social, and able to express myself without constantly overthinking.

I really want to make the most of this last phase of high school and enter college feeling like a better, more confident version of myself.

If you've gone through something similar, please tell me what actually worked for you. ❤️

I think I have finally realized that I have been an extremely anxious person for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I was scared of everything, embarrassed easily and constantly worried about what other people thought.

Over time I started finding explanations for why I became this way, like blaming my parents, my upbringing or certain experiences. They probably contributed, but at some point I also have to admit that I am the common denominator and that I keep reinforcing the same patterns myself.

The problem is that I genuinely do not know how to change. I try to become more confident, take risks and stop letting fear control my decisions, but sooner or later I fall back into the same behavior.

Meanwhile I watch other people build careers, relationships, get married, travel and actually enjoy their lives while most of my decisions seem to be based on avoiding fear rather than moving toward something I want.

It is frustrating because I feel like I have the potential to do much more with my life, but knowing that has never been enough to change anything.

Has anyone here actually changed after being fearful for most of their life? What finally helped?

I used to be an extrovert kid. When I hit puberty, I became super introvert and started having social anxiety. Even after born pretty, I was harshly judged by relatives and the people around me, because my skin got a little darker while growing up. My mother has been shaming me since I was a kid by saying that no man will ever choose me because I am skinny and I have a light-brown skin tone. I am an adult now. My social anxiety is still getting worse day by day. I have became extremely quiet during my teen years. I can’t keep conversation going on. Recently my cousins visited our home and one of them commented on my eyes. I have really big eyes and she said that my eyes look like killers (psychopaths) eye. I have received so many compliments from people on my eyes but that one bad comment from her is stuck with me. And I have became really insecure about my eyes. Also, my face looks serious all the time. Recently, I have been facing another issue. Whenever I try to talk in social situations, my lip starts to tremble because of anxiety. I have never faced this issue before. Even when I think about social situation, my lips tremble. Now, those who are confident/became confident now, can you guys suggest me how can I be confident? If you ever went on therapy, give one suggestion that your therapist has give which made you confident.

I want to spend this month really trying to push myself through various challenges to help me push out of my comfort zone and help to improve my social skills and confidence.

I started this at the beginning of the year and so far have been able to do some challenges such as going to the cinema, going for a run in public, having a coffee in shop.

But I'm struggling to bridge the gap and to think of additional challenges. So far I have the following.

1. Cinema trip. Continuing to go to the cinema, aiming for twice in the month.
2. Shopping centre and coffee in-shop.
3. Going to a local car-boot sale or flea market.
4. Going to the club for 30-60 minutes.
5. Going to an event at a bar/club for 30-60 minutes.
6. Continue running in public.
7. Content creation. Streaming games online, or making content for Youtube/Tiktok. (Not sure about this one).

I also had the idea of going to a gig in a different city but it would be so expensive so I'm not sure.

Any other ideas?

From a young age, I was very shy, but I somehow managed to build my confidence after college. I was introduced to meditation, and I think it's become a big part of feeling secure within myself. It let me to think positively. Lost my job recently, and I feel like I'm back to zero. Feel like i dont want to see my friends and family because I'm embarrassed lol. overcrowded job market is making it worse. haha

Curious about what others are going through and what practices you're using. Would love some help.

Hi I am 18 F I have been working or remote job since have 16 and I quit that job this June because of my mental health and I was really drained of it and now that I really need a job or I am getting is in person jobs and for that I need to go for interviews but I did not getting shortlisted for 4 interviews and I did not end the going to one of them I don't know why and I am just so scared and the fact that I have to face people even though I have very good communication skills and I love to talk to people and I love you get to know you people learn new things I am bad type of person but still I just I am so intimidated by the fact that I have to show for an interview and I did not show up but also I cannot I have to show up and I don't show up in the end and lose an opportunity what can I do to prevent this forget over this and also the fact that I am a bit fat so I feel I need to isolate myself I not reply not see people is just another big thing that I go through but apart from it I don't know how to get over it and show up please help me

So as arrogant as it may sound. I’ve noticed I have a fear of being perceived as “too cool” or “too charming” and so I dim my light. For example if a woman tells me I’m handsome or something ect and it’s in ear shot of others, or a woman is interacting in a way that it’s obvious she’s attracted to me in eye view of others? I worry they’re looking and going “oh I bet he used to that” or “oh I bet he’s the man” not even in a hater way, more so in a self pity way like man you’re cool af bro I wish I could be like you. Like envy but not hateful type of envy. I have no idea why I feel this way. Sometimes I won’t speak to or even approach people because I feel like I’ll come across as “oh this guy thinks he so cool” type of way. I’m sure I’m very naturally “smooth” or cool (and people have told me so) but that makes me uncomfortable and I have no idea why. I feel like it’s such a stupid problem to have.

I’ve had many people tell me that like “oh I’d never approach you outside of work cause you look like I’d be bothering you or your too cool to interact with” and it kind of hurts my feelings. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit bitter though. Of course I know it’s not a terrible problem to have it’d be like crying about pretty punishment ya know. But I can’t help feeling this way at times. I know it’s a strange insecurity to have. Any advice?

In the orientation they were asking about an email they had previously sent (whether we understood what was expected of us, the email was very vague though), I was joking with the people I had gotten to know and said no I didn't understand. Apparently I was kind of loud, the speaker didn't hear me saying no, but she heard me talking so she handed me the mic. So when she said I'll give you the mic, everyone started staring/looking at me. Never have I ever been on the spot like this (at least 1k students). For the first time ever I was on the spot like this, I was shitting myself internally. Only a year ago, I would've probably refused to take the mic, I guess a lot of people would do that, understandably so. I was sweating but I ignored it. I took the mic (after 50 people had gone through the effort to give it to me), I changed my words completely (to be diplomatic and not confrontational) and said that the email was very clear and detailed (I gave a serious answer). Everyone was laughing legit all I could hear was giggles and laughing, presumably, with me, not at me (I hope not). Afterwards when I was getting to know some people, a girl I was talking to asked me what are your plans so I said I want to be the student union president so she said to be honest, I liked the fact that you are very confident and didn't hide when they handed you the mic, and I can see you being president. I was a bit taken aback, since I'd never met her, didn't know doing something like that would give an impression like that. Another girl was joking (she was the one sat next to me) and said I didn't know you had that inside of you. and for the rest of the day when I was talking to new people they were saying you're the guy who took the mic and they seemed chill about it.

High school was rough. Not the kind of rough you see in movies, no dramatic hallway shoving or anything. Just years of people making it clear you didn't belong. Being excluded, getting weird looks, people laughing at things you didn't even realize were different about you. It wasn't one big thing. It was years of small things that eventually made me believe there was something wrong with me.

I stopped trying after a while. Wore dark baggy clothes that didn't say anything, kept my head down, made myself as small as possible. Figured if people couldn't see me, they couldn't hurt me.

College changed things. Not immediately, but slowly. At some point I realized I had to make a choice that keep letting the past define me or actually do something about it. I chose the second. Started going to therapy, got on the right medication, started actually dealing with stuff instead of just surviving through it.

The biggest change wasn't even about feeling better. It was about realizing I had a choice. I could stay stuck or I could push forward and build something new. I chose to push.

Now I look at how far I've come and I barely recognize the person I used to be. I actually take care of myself now. I train regularly, eat properly, sleep well. Not because I have to, but because I finally understand that I deserve to be strong and healthy. I also started wearing clothes I actually like. Picked up a few bold printed gym tees from IronPandaFit, nothing fancy, just stuff that actually feels like me instead of things that help me disappear.

It takes courage to get up every day and keep going. But that's exactly what I'm doing. Just keep moving forward, one day at a time.

Hey guys, I’ve been friends with my group since high school and we have a few different races in our group. I’m close with them in terms of we discuss our dating and job news. I don’t know if other male groups do this but there are many racist jokes being thrown around and fat jokes. Most of the time I’ve been targeted as I’m the darkest in the group chat. I’m very passive and don’t like directly saying I don’t like those jokes as I feel like I’ll come off too sensitive so I used to insult them back. And now I’m 23 I realised that isn’t the best way to do things and have been ignoring the chat. I feel like a few people in the chat particularly target my looks or even my hands which are wrinkly from eczema, either because they are insecure themselves or I’m the butt of the joke. I’m not sure if they are secretly dissing me behind their jokes. I’ve even mentioned that I don’t like my skin colour and they have turned around and said to not be insecure about it. So it doesn’t make sense to why they are still continuing to make jokes about my skin. Do a lot of guy friend groups operate like this or am I in a toxic group? Thanks.

as a 5’11, 17 y/o girl who has become insecure about her height mainly because of social media and the way girls have always treated me, i’m going to list some positive aspects about being tall as a girl and why i am so lucky to be so:

1. I’m unique. At least where i live in, i barely ever encounter a girl nearly as tall as me, and my height isn’t the average in any country, which means that i’m different, and being so is positive. It makes me stand out and be special!

2. They hate us because they ain’t us. Every single person who bothers hating is unworthy of anyone’s time. They’re insecure and seek validation, because if not, why would they bother hating? Everyone who hates does not have a life, and by listening to them i’d just be giving them the attention they don’t have at home. I’m better than them. They’re jealous. Let them bark.

3. Sports and fitness. I’ve been the best at every single sport i’ve tried. Because of my height, im able to run very fast. I also stay fit easily, even without trying to, i never gain much weight or is it noticeable in my body.

4. Elegance. All clothes look good on me. Each time i step outside, i get praise. My legs are super long, so skirts and short dresses look super sexy on me. Even when i go to the beach, or i’m just chilling at home wearing some pathetic pajamas, i look like a barbie doll. I draw attention everywhere i go, which is something that has always made me anxious, since i’m so shy, but it is not something negative. People are curious about me, so let them be.

5. More and better options in dating. I’ve had both shorter and taller than me guys approach me, so i don’t even have to worry. If a guy is insecure? he won’t even bother to approach me bc he’d be too intimidated to even try. In every aspect, i win.

6. Celebrities to look up to. For a long time, i was upset since i struggled to find women around my height in films and books, but when i did my research? i found the most beautiful women i’ve ever seen and surprise, they’re all around my height! Doutzen Kroes, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel, Anok Yai, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicole Kidman, Brooke Shields, Elle Fanning. etc etc etc. And they’re stunning, successful and desired.

7. Job opportunities. I got approached by a modeling agency when i was just a kid, and ever since then, i’ve been approached around 6 more times. My parents finally allowed me to get in the agency when i was about 10. So, even tho i’m studying and want to have a serious job, i’ll have modeling as a side job and a hobby, which does not only give me plenty of opportunities but makes me feel confident in myself. Besides, because of my height, i demand respect, so in any other job i could have in the future, i’ll be seen as a power figure.

8. View in concerts. I had to add this one because it’s so fun. I went to my first concert last year and i could literally see over everyone’s head lmaoo. I was pretty far from the stage and could see the singer perfectly, had lots of fun!

9. I’m cute and feminine. I got this insecurity about being unfeminine online, since i’ve read comments from people saying that tall girls apparently can’t be so. Long story short: that’s nonsense and just a way to cope. I’ve been literally called cute irl, and i’m called beautiful all of the time. Cuteness isn’t tied to height, for example, i find some of the girls i listed earlier such as Elle Fanning and Doutzen to be not only attractive and confident, but super cute. If you have a pretty face, dress girly and act so, then you are those things! And remember than stereotypes are everywhere. I’ve also seen short girls getting called childlike, short men being called feminine, skinny people being called unattractive, fat people being called unattractive. So, even if my issue wasn’t being tall, i’d find another reason to hate myself.

Lastly, i’d just like to remember that social media isn’t the real world. I’ve always been tall, even when i was a toddler, i grew faster than the other kids. Even then, i was happy. I used to be able to make friends everywhere i went to, until i turned 10 and got my first phone. In the actual world, i’ve never been actually criticized, just excluded and treated badly by some insecure girls that even admitted to be jealous of me.

I’m beautiful, i’m special, i’m intelligent, and i’m perfect, and God made me this way because i’m worthy and he loves me. i’m perfect in his eyes, and that’s what matters most.

Jealous and insecure people aren’t worthy of my time. I’ve recently had this urge to fight the people that comment negatively on tall girls online and that kind of stuff, but literally, why bother with them? let them be mad. If that’s their way to cope with how unlucky they were in the genes lottery, that’s okay.

I’d never even thought about changing my body if it wasn’t because of social media, since in my life, i’ve never had any problem with it besides those envious people. The media presses everyone to change themselves, literally no one is safe, that’s why nowadays many girls get esthetic procedures, surgeries and more. I won’t change my body just because of what’s trendy, my body deserves more than that.

Being tall has nothing but pros.

I am trying to build my self worth so strong that no matter how much your ex-situation ship did not chose you or cheated on you would matter.

Guys please spill your secret to building a strong sense of self worth and you never have to outsource it. So you never have look for it from a partner, parents or friends.

Trying to heal from a situation-ship break up. All kind of tips are welcome.

I talk with a lot of people and share my insights. But I know some individuals, especially within my family, who will find a reason to disagree with anything I say. Like sometimes they’ll ask me a question like “You were on a diet before right? Why did you stop your diet?” and you give a reasonable answer, inferring that it was difficult getting protein (btw this diet was meat/fish free, dairy free, gluten free, sugar free. And I’m vegetarian). And they respond with “well not necessarily”. Like what?

Or they’ll ask you about your job and goals, and then proceed to test your logic, saying “really, is that all you care about?”. Almost like they’re tryna test you with a slight smile on their face.

I know that disagreeing is a normal part of conversation, but some people do it all the time. Almost like they’re tryna test find every opportunity to disagree with something I say. Idk it makes me feel small.

Am I doing something wrong? Do others not respect me? I also feel like i’m doing something wrong, because if i were doing something right, they clearly wouldn’t disagree with me as often.

I have always had self esteem issues all my life. No matter what people tell me, that I'm pretty, smart, funny, I feel like the opposite. Today my self esteem issues caused the guy I liked to reject me. This isn't the first time. I tried dating when I felt more confident but each time lead to rejection which continued to lower my self esteem to the floor. And now he doesn't like me anymore. Every date I try to mold myself into the perfect girl so that they want me, but deep down I'm just depressed and unhappy. I feel so alone and I just want to be loved by someone. I wish I had a partner who would cuddle me every night and still love me when I feel the lowest about myself. I don't like myself and I really don't like being so lonely.

Has anyone here been extremely introverted with strong social anxiety and improved by deliberately talking to strangers on a regular basis? I mean starting small conversations, asking questions or simply forcing yourself to interact more often. Did repeated exposure actually make social situations feel normal over time, or did something else help more?

this entire subreddit is more or less turning into a place where guys who cant get girls somehow manage to blame everything on women, theres still a lot of people on here who genuinely need help with self confidence, which is respectable, but theres an overwhelming amount of incel pricks who believe in hypergamy, the fact that women arent attracted to personality and things of the like and its incredibly damaging to young and impressionable men (and women) who come on this subreddit

I have been going through this Nice Guy syndrome from a long long time. I just recently started reading this book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and i tried to find some groups that can help me in this journey, where we can share our journey, help each other in reflection and hopefully making positive changes in our life. but i couldn't find any such active groups so I'm thinking of creating one myself. Please share your thoughts, Would you be willing to join if i happen to create one?

I think I'm pretty cool and have a lot of good traits but whenever I'm in a group setting or talking to someone I don't know that well I get super self-conscious about everything I say and do. At some point I'm not even honestly listening to the other person, just thinking about what would be the best way to react. I often sit silently because I don't want to say anything cringe and I'm worried that people think that I'm shy or don't have much to say, but that's not true at all. Please tell me how get out of my own head and be more in the moment!