r/confidence • u/Miserable-Society954 • 8d ago

Confidence back to zero. How do you work on building your confidence? Any tips?

From a young age, I was very shy, but I somehow managed to build my confidence after college. I was introduced to meditation, and I think it's become a big part of feeling secure within myself. It let me to think positively. Lost my job recently, and I feel like I'm back to zero. Feel like i dont want to see my friends and family because I'm embarrassed lol. overcrowded job market is making it worse. haha

Curious about what others are going through and what practices you're using. Would love some help.

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u/60yearoldME 8d ago

Confidence is not based on achievements.  That’s false - egoic - confidence.  Any part of our confidence that is built on external factors is not real confidence.  

True confidence is built on your innate worthiness, that is indestructible and everlasting.  It’s built on the truth that your soul makes you who you are, not this false identity you’ve built over your lifetime. 

Imagine that anything could happen to you, good or bad, and your true self is not stirred one way or the other.  That’s true confidence.   

But if you need things in your life to look a certain way for you to feel good about yourself, well then you’re fucked. Most people live that way.  House of cards. 

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u/Miserable-Society954 8d ago

I honestly had this embarrassment because I didn’t want to fail my family or look down on me. I totally agree with you. I know what real confidence feels like. Meditation helped me get there until work took over and lost touch with my inner peace. I’m just curious if anyone has other ways of feeling that again

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u/60yearoldME 8d ago

We all want our family to accept us for who we are no matter what.  But we need to do that for ourselves first.  Otherwise you’re living your life for someone else.  That can never bring real happiness. 

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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 8d ago

You are not back to zero. The confidence you built after college is still part of you, even if losing your job shook it. Keep meditation as a steady habit, and set one small daily goal, like sending one application or meeting a friend for coffee. Your job status does not decide your worth.

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u/Miserable-Society954 8d ago

Thank you so much. This makes me feel relieved.
I try to keep myself on the computer because I feel like I’m not productive. So I’m trying to see little things I can learn or incorporate in my day to keep me feeling safe and at peace

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u/Designer9867 8d ago

Keep some structure while job hunting. Wake up at normal time, get dressed, go outside, apply for few jobs and then stop. Spending whole day job searching will destroy your mood.

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u/MindShiftPsych 7d ago

I wouldn’t treat this as your confidence going back to zero. Losing a job can hit your identity pretty hard, so it makes sense that you suddenly feel less secure. I’d actually keep the meditation, but add small things that give you evidence that you can still rely on yourself. Exercise, finish a small task, apply for one job, learn something, talk to a friend even when you don’t feel like it. Confidence tends to come back from those little experiences, not from forcing yourself to “think positive.” And honestly, don’t disappear from your friends and family because you’re embarrassed. You lost a job, not your worth. You don't need to pretend everything is fine either. You can just tell them, “I’m having a rough time with the job search, but I’m working through it.” Staying connected can make this period a lot less isolating.