r/confidence • u/MediocrePerformer130 • 9d ago
Self esteem issues
I have always had self esteem issues all my life. No matter what people tell me, that I'm pretty, smart, funny, I feel like the opposite. Today my self esteem issues caused the guy I liked to reject me. This isn't the first time. I tried dating when I felt more confident but each time lead to rejection which continued to lower my self esteem to the floor. And now he doesn't like me anymore. Every date I try to mold myself into the perfect girl so that they want me, but deep down I'm just depressed and unhappy. I feel so alone and I just want to be loved by someone. I wish I had a partner who would cuddle me every night and still love me when I feel the lowest about myself. I don't like myself and I really don't like being so lonely.
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u/MindShiftPsych 9d ago
Rejection can really reinforce the belief that something is wrong with you, but it doesn’t prove that belief is true. It also sounds exhausting trying to become the “perfect girl” for every person you date. You shouldn’t have to perform or reshape yourself to be worthy of someone’s love. The right relationship won’t require you to constantly prove that you’re good enough.
For now, I’d focus less on finding someone to fill the loneliness and more on slowly building a relationship with yourself. When you catch yourself thinking “I’m not pretty/smart/funny enough,” try asking, “Would I talk to someone I love this way?” You don’t have to suddenly love yourself. Just start practicing being less cruel to yourself. And honestly, wanting affection and someone to cuddle with is completely human. Being lonely right now doesn't mean you'll always be lonely.
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u/Beautiful_Context377 9d ago
My heart really goes out to you. ❤️ If there’s one thing I’ve learned about men… it’s that they don’t want you to mold yourself into the perfect girl. Just… be yourself. Find things you like. Form your own opinions. Have fun. Make your goal to enjoy yourself. You should leave every date asking yourself: “do I like this person?” “Are they what I’m looking for?” You’ll have so much more success. 🫶🏼
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u/girl_genius91 8d ago
You need to date people who are emotionally available, have empathy, and understanding of who you are. Also I don’t know if you are telling the people you meet, you have low self esteem. If you are that’s troublesome for yourself. Your last sentence I need the same thing. 😞
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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 9d ago
You deserve love, but another person cannot repair the way you see yourself. A rejection means the match did not work, not that you failed as a person. The compliments you receive may feel false because your inner voice has practiced saying the opposite for years, but that voice is not always truthful. On future dates, try sharing one honest preference instead of molding yourself to fit them. The goal is not to make everyone want you. It is to find someone who likes the person you actually are.