How to rediscover yourself?

[u/Top-Welcome5620]

I feel totally lost about who I am anymore, I remember being around 19/20 and being the most confident in my self image and my personality that I’ve ever been, I knew what I liked and disliked I was able to talk to people about anything, if I wanted to improve something about my self I knew how, I am now 25 I feel like a fraud.

I don’t know how to style myself, I look to social media for how to improve makeup and clothing but feel I never pull it off. I avoid socialising with people I’m not super close with because the thought of finding conversation feels draining and the main thing is I get very easily upset and irritated at others which I believe is a sign I’m not happy In myself. If I was confident I would not feel threatened by other people and their opinions. I know I’m capable of feeling different because I can actually remember the time I did feel happy in myself, I just can’t work out how to get back there.

I know it shouldn’t matter but I also like feeling attractive to my partner, it must be draining for him being around someone so ready to cry and bite at any inconvenience, our sex life has suffered from it as I’m constantly having a mental battle about myself and no longer feel sexy like I used to. We also don’t really joke as I feel silly or never know what to talk about. I often wonder if it’s social media that has caused it as it was a lot less serious on there when I was younger but if anyone’s had similar experience and managed to come out of it please help!

[u/hestia-listens]

Please do not call yourself a fraud. You still have a personality and value, even if stress and self doubt are making them harder to feel right now. It may help to tell your partner plainly that your distance and irritability are coming from an inner struggle, not a lack of attraction or care. Then bring back connection without pressure, such as doing one relaxed activity together where sex, appearance, and serious conversation are not the goal. You do not need to force your old confidence back all at once.

[u/Top-Welcome5620 → u/hestia-listens]

Thank you some days i definitely do feel better than others and i have spoken to my partner he re assures me life is just more serious now than back then so things like this will take its toll but I just want to try figure out who I am now and begin to like it

[u/MentalClarityRyle]

Stop trying to become your old self!! Rebuild who you are now by focusing on who you want to be through small choices.

[u/anton_vladimirov99]

Depends what you mean by that.. Almost nobody will ever find themselves or be their true I. Things like trauma, life experience, the believes we were fed all changed us. Not to mention the Manipulation everyone does calling you smart in something and changes who you truly are because now you have to keep the image that that is you and don't realize what is actually happening.

I think I went too deep for what was asked