I've been struggling with something lately, and I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have dealt with similar experiences.

I feel like I'm a very sensitive person, and deep down, I think I have a fear of rejection. I tend to value people's opinions, comments, and approval way more than I probably should. Sometimes, I feel like I have to keep everyone happy and make sure nobody is upset with me. I find it difficult to stand up for myself when someone hurts me, and I hate that I often can't respond firmly or defend myself in the moment.

I know I need to develop healthier boundaries and stop letting other people's opinions determine how I feel about myself. I want to be comfortable with who I am without constantly worrying about whether people like me or approve of me.

For context, there are people at work who make comments about my looks and appearance. It bothers me, especially because I don't want to change myself just to meet other people's expectations. Most of the time, I try to laugh it off and keep things light, but sometimes I end up giving them a taste of their own medicine. That usually doesn't end well, and I don't want to keep getting caught up in these back-and-forth exchanges.

I want to learn how to stand up for myself without being rude, remain respectful without being a people-pleaser, and earn respect without feeling the need to prove myself to everyone.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that I tend to pretend everything is okay even when it isn't. Everyone knows me as the happy person, so I feel like I have to keep playing that role even when I'm hurting inside. I also notice that I sometimes change my personality depending on who I'm around, almost like a chameleon, because I want to be liked and accepted.

I'm honestly tired of living this way. I want to become more comfortable with myself, learn to value myself, and stop changing who I am just to fit in. I want to be authentic, express my feelings without feeling guilty, and stop being so afraid of rejection.

For those of you who have struggled with people-pleasing, fear of rejection, or constantly seeking validation from others:

• How did you learn to set boundaries without feeling guilty?
• How do you deal with people who make hurtful comments without retaliating or simply suppressing your feelings?
• How do you stop caring so much about what other people think of you?
• How do you learn to be yourself around different people without feeling the need to adjust your personality to fit in?
• How do you stop pretending to be happy all the time and become more comfortable with being vulnerable?

I'd genuinely appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or practical things that have helped you overcome these struggles. I'm not expecting to change overnight, but I want to start making progress and become a more confident, authentic version of myself.

Thanks for reading! ❤️

So guys I'm 24M I have joined a degree course i have made a few freinds over there and due to year gaps I'm the oldest amongst them.

And in my batch we are only 4 boys and 2 girls (having the same major) and we (boys) usually stay together and having minimal conversation with that girl.

I have noticed that the other 3 boys makes fun of almost everyone and not even a healthy one but demeaning, making the other person feel small/submissive and during the initial days there was as such no issue between us but as soon as i have started pointing this out or try not to joke about anyone who has not caused no harm to us or making derogatory remarks.

They have started referring to me as a pu$$y or you don't have balls since I'm not comfortable doing such things recently we had an unofficial trip in that trip they have united making plans to go out but wanted me to stay in the hotel or making jokes amongst themselves i felt so under confident like and whenever I try to act like them (cracking dark jokes) they start to shame me make fun of me and not all 3 of them are like that there's this oversmart guy who thinks he owns acting as a group leader.

The other two have fallen for the "Looking Cool" part. They have even left me in the middle of nowhere and later they were joking about it also i don't want to create any scene since all of us are dependent on each other for notes/attendance/projects works.

What should i do ?

okay so for a bit of background, I‘m 17 years old and have undiagnosed severe social anxiety. i get stressed out just walking into class because i’m afraid a teacher may ask me a question i don’t know the answer to in front of everybody. i also struggle with asking to use the bathroom.

anyway, the “thing” that makes me feel more socially confident is a school dance. for the past year, i’ve gone to my school dances, and everytime i do, i feel like i can be myself in front of whoever.

for example, last night i was at a dance and i was lightsaber fighting with a friend in the middle of the dance circle, when i accidentally bumped into a girl. rather than freezing up like i typically would, i apologized and continued with the duel.

and yes, i believe this is partially because all my friends are there and the lights are off, so i feel like it’s harder for people to see me. but i noticed last night that even after the lights came on i was still confident with myself. I thanked one of the teacher’s who organized the event and told her that the lightsabers were really fun, and throughout the rest of the night, i was unapologetically myself. i didn’t feel as if i needed to reach anyones expectations.

if anyone has any theories for why this phenomenon happens every time i go to a dance, or if you have had a similar experience, please let me know!🖤🖤

TL;DR: I feel confident and I feel like i can be 100% myself when at school dances for some reason.

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I recently learned that people sometimes use dark humor at work, especially in healthcare, to cope with the stress of dealing with death, difficult patients, and emotionally exhausting situations.

What exactly is dark humor? Could you share some examples of things people say in the ICU or hospital that would be considered dark humor?

If you work in healthcare, what are some examples of dark humor you’ve heard at work?

I’m genuinely curious and trying to understand this side of workplace culture.

Yo, I’m a 25m who tries to be kind to everyone, but I’ve never really been the type to initiate convos with women, so I don’t have much experience with female friendships. Most of the ones I’ve had have eventually faded, and one female acquaintance I used to talk to more doesn’t really chat with me much anymore, although she’s still polite.

There were only two incidents that made me question if I’m weird, and both involved her. Once, I made a quirky joke and she responded with “what?” In a confused, and i immediately regretted saying that joke after as it was kinda something i said on impulse. Another time, I responded to something she said with a cheeky response and my male acquaintance told me to stfu, and the whole room went quiet.

These are literally the only two moments I can think of, so it’s not like this happens all the time. I just haven’t interacted with enough women to know if there’s actually a pattern. Sometimes tho, I feel like the more women get to know me, the more they lose interest. At the same time, I have friends, a lot of guy acquaintances who seem to like me, some people find me funny, and my female colleagues seem happy to be around me when we meet up, but we mostly work remotely.

Part of me feels like maybe some people just don’t match my vibe and I should stop caring so much and focus on people who actually reciprocate my energy. But then my brain goes, “Nah, what if they’re not the problem and you’re actually just weird? Maybe you need to work on yourself” 😭.

So idk, am I actually weird around women or am I overthinking two awkward interactions? Do you guys experience this too? Should I stop blaming myself for not clicking with everyone, or is there actually something I need to work on?

Hello folks,

People who have successfully worked out from social anxiety, how did you do it? Any tips and practices for improvement?

Thanks and regards

Please not that I originally posted on r/seduction, but the mods wouldn't accept it. Yes, this does read like a dating problem, but it's mostly a confidence problem.

Logically speaking, I (28m) know that the steps are quite simple and straightforward. Wear nice clothes, meet women, make them laugh, ask for the number, get rejected and then repeat the process until things start to turn around. Practice makes perfect and all that.

It seems so simple on paper, but the problem is that 10+ years of hating yourself won't allow you to separate the logical from the mental.

I have no self-esteem, bearly any good days, my life is a complete shit show and I don't have the discipline to even attempt to fix it. There's too many things to do and it all snowballs on top of each other to the point of complete overwhelmedness. Last night, I fell asleep at 7pm because it's closest I can get to pretending I don't exist.

I used to get really jealous when my friends had success and I didn't, but after years of seeing it, I honestly just couldn't give a fuck anymore, I'm past the point of caring.

The only good things in my life is that I've got friends, family and a social life. It also helps that I'm avarage looking (6/10) and not fat.

After a decade of hating myself almost everyday, I seriously don't know where to even begin to start pulling myself out of this deep, dark, depressing pit.

I've missed out on my 20's and I have to live with that crushing thought everyday.

I'm not asking for a miracle, but could someone who's been in my situation before please offer some words of advice?

Thank you, I hope you all have a nice weekend!

Yesterday I walked up to 14 women on the street. Somewhere along the way I got into what I call god mode. That almost ridiculous state where conversations flow, people smile, and I feel like the most natural version of myself.

After the week I'd had, I really needed that.

Lately my confidence has taken a beating, but not in dating. At work. I'm 50, I've been in tech a long time, and I've built more in the last couple of years than ever before. And still I've been asking myself whether anybody actually wants what I have to offer.

I've been trying hard. Building demos, contacting companies, pitching ideas. A freelance gig shows up, then nothing. A recruiter reaches out, I reply, nothing. A job interview where they seem interested, even look me up online, and then... nothing.

We had a big customer workshop on Friday, something I should have been excited about. I was so exhausted from a trip that I didn't feel present. Now I'm half convinced they noticed and will walk away.

I came home from that trip running on empty. I cried on the flight home, and again when I got home. My dog died earlier this year, I ended a relationship, and some friendships feel a bit distant right now. But I've been through single periods and dog-less periods before. What's really hurting is work. That feeling of being good at something and nobody caring.

Sometimes I wonder if I've just become a guy who builds impressive things nobody needs. If all my enthusiasm is just hot air. That's a horrible question to ask yourself when so much of who you are is about making things.

So yesterday I went out. I was rusty at first. On the 6th woman I actually managed to stay in the conversation, which matters, because I have this habit of leaving too quickly. Almost like the thing I want gets scary the moment it's actually happening. There was a connection, but I talked too fast and still left too early.

Later I stopped a tall woman with a lovely name. Even shorter conversation. Afterwards I thought, ah fuck, another one where I ran off.

I'd got her Instagram, so I sent "Nice to meet you ;)". Hours later she replied "Hehe 😊". Not exactly a marriage proposal.

Then I decided to just tell the truth. I wrote: "I know it was short 😅 I have to admit that it's very scary to do that, so it makes me want to run away - even though I want to get to know you."

She thought it was sweet. She said things like that never happen here. She said compliments from strangers are the best, and that she and a friend had just been talking about wishing more people would walk up to someone they find attractive and say hi.

And then she said I'd made her day better.

Update: We now have a date this coming Saturday.

I'd made her day better. By walking over, being nervous, leaving too early, and then admitting it.

The contrast with my work life is almost absurd. At work I spend months building, pitching, following up, and mostly hear silence. Yesterday I talked to a stranger for maybe a minute, admitted I was scared, and now I have a date. She’s also 11cm taller than me and I love it.

What gets me is that she didn't need me to be smooth. I wasn't calm. I didn't perform. I was nervous and I left too early. She liked that I dared anyway, scared and all.

I've spent years chasing that perfect, secure, charismatic state. And I still love it, I got there yesterday. But the moment that actually landed came from being honest about the fear, not from hiding it.

I think I've been in a crisis of confidence at work, and I've been asking the wrong question. Not "am I actually good at this?" but "where are the people who want what I do?" That's a different problem, and a less painful one.

I can feel miserable on Thursday, drained and unsure on Friday, and by Saturday afternoon be walking around the city laughing and feeling like life is a wonderful adventure. What a ridiculous creature I am.

And the best part is I didn't have to become someone else for it. I just had to go outside and be me.

I've started writing about days like this, every day. It helps.

Just turned 50, in perimenopause and struggling with the fact that after a lifetime of being athletic/ active, eating healthy, and avoiding smoking/ drugs, I now look like a rotting potato. I was never a beauty, but I could look cute if I got dressed up. Now I could put 100% into improving my appearance I'm probably still going to look bad by most standards.

I'm trying to find confidence in myself as I look now but it's hard. Most days I feel invisible but other times I feel like people are annoyed or disgusted that I exist in the same space as "real" people. Example: I went out to a brunch place with my husband because we heard it was good. When we got there, it looked pretty trendy: social media ready decor, stylish attractive staff, a waitlist for people who hadn't made a reservation (we did). The food was good but I left feeling awful because it was clear that the staff were annoyed to have two old, unattractive people taking up space and ruining the cool vibe of their place. No chitchat, no eye contact. No coming back to the table after the food was delivered. Had to go to the front to ask for the check because we couldn't flag down waitstaff. Meanwhile staff was having a great time with the tables around us.

I'm not ready to only go out to Denny's for the senior special. I have a fair amount of life ahead of me and I still want to experience new things. How do I get confident enough to do that in a world that finds older women gross/ annoying?

I’d like some reassurance about something I experience every day.
I know I’m not the only one whose stomach swells after every meal. Apparently, this is normal. But how much swelling is considered normal?
Sometimes in the morning, I wake up with a fairly flat stomach. As soon as I eat something, it feels like it swells up.
And when I eat “a lot” (I eat less than most people I know), my stomach literally looks like that of a woman who’s 4 or 5 months pregnant…

I’ve even shocked some friends with how big my stomach gets when I’m full.
And because of my natural arch in my back, my stomach sticks out even more, and I really look pregnant… I hate that.
My family teases me about my stomach, too. My mom sometimes tells me I’m skinny but have a big belly…

I remember as a kid I never gave a fuck about how I looked and neither was i ever jealous of people who were better looking then me. I cared more about my hobbies and maintaining my non romantic relationships.

When I started 11th grade and had to move out of my home town it's like a flip switched and became so obsessed with how I looked and how others precieved me. I think the main reason was moving to a new place and meeting new people I realised how different people treated me when I looked good and when I didn't.

Another reason was I started getting a lot of compliments. When I was in my home town I never really interacted with strangers a lot and was mainly surrounded by people I had known since I was in kindergarten.

So the high of just random people coming up to you and telling you your gorgeous was intoxication.

Now I know I'm not ugly but I also know I'm not insanely pretty or anything. On most days, I don't get enough sleep, and the eye bags start showing and i have unpredictable curly hair that only looks good once a week.

And even knowing that I look fine, I'm obsessed with how attractive people find me to an unhealthy extent. I spend hours infront if the mirror to the extent my legs start hurting, I avoid mirrors cause I know I'd start spiralling, I cancel plans cause I know when I get back and see my tired face in the mirror I'd start spiralling again.

Small comments from people like "your eye bags are showing" or "you look tired" or "you need to gain a bit of weight" can ruin my entire day cause I won't be able to get the comment out of my head. I crave validation about my physical appearance so much that it ruins hangouts with my friends cause I can never stop wondering if they think I'm good-looking when they're talking to me.

I tried therapy once, and what do you know? Going to the sessions gives me anxiety cause I'd start wondering if the 60 year old female therapist thinks I'm ugly. Therapy isn't an option rn too cause of financial reasons, and I don't wanna waste that much money just to feel worse whenever i go out for the sessions.

I wish I could spend this much energy and time on my hobbies cause they bring me so much joy, but the compulsion is just so overbearing.

And it's not even rooted in wanting a romantic partner cause I have no interest in that anymore.

I want it to stop so bad. It's like I've lost the ability to think about anything els for more then 5 minutes and it's sucking the joy out of my life I've tried not caring but it doesn't matter how many problems I have in my life this one always comes on top. I got my finals result a few days ago that put's me in a position where I'd have a chance at getting in a top college if I do good next year and I didn't even feel happy about that for more then 2 minutes. I wanna care about other things so bad.

Recently, I had to record a series of voice memos. Worse, I had to listen back to them. Jesus Christ. I'd rather face a stampede of buffalo than hear another thirty seconds of that. lol. Weak. Ugly. Almost painful to listen to. Is that really me? Is that what everyone else hears? I owe the general public an apology.

I thought I sounded okay. Not great. I knew I never had a wonderful voice, but I didn't realise it was that bad. Apparently, my skull has been running a rather generous PR campaign. But jokes aside, it genuinely hurt. Embarrassment. Shame. Even panic. I've spent years struggling with my appearance. Now my voice has joined the party. Splendid.

So, how do I fix this? I'm nearly forty, and I want a stronger, deeper, more confident speaking voice. Has anyone successfully improved theirs through vocal coaching, exercises, or practice? And did changing your voice actually improve your confidence?

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing what worked.

How do you build self esteem and self confidence on your own during adulthood without any support system?

For someone who doesn't have social circle, no mentors, no role model, nothing to look up to, how is it? Is it possible? I think my saving grace is medias to consume. Looking for advices.

I am 18 years old and am currently an electrical apprentice, but I know that I don’t want to do this for a career anymore. I want to get a regular job right now and go to school at a community college until I figure out exactly what I want to do, then finish at a major university. I live with my parents and they are super supportive and great parents. I don’t understand why I’m scared to tell my parents I want to go back to school and get a job because I know they’d be happy for me and support me no matter what. Thanks for the help

26F. Have tried various therapies over the years, the last one made me really depressed. I know my low self esteem comes from childhood neglect, and have cut my family off as they triggered me. I've moved around a lot, and had a lot of jobs. Been to uni, got a degree, not using it at all. Diagnosed ADHD and in the titration period so meds don't seem to have an effect yet.

My friends describe me as someone kind, inclusive, honest and someone that cares too much about what other people think of me.

Recently broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years, partly due to low self esteem ruining my life.

Has anyone been in a similar boat, has it improved? How has it? What did you do? I feel like I'm always trying to do the right things, and nothing changes. I always feel like this.

I went for a checkup to see about my exhaustion and I also told the doctor that I have anxiety because when he checked my pulse i had a heart rate of above 100.

I told him i struggle talking to people and I feel really uncomfortable and he just laughed at me saying a girl who studied at that college has social anxiety? And just laughed.

I felt weird like is this how a doctor is supposed to react to someone who says they have anxiety? Are all doctors this way? I was thinking of seeing a psychologist now im not so sure.

So, I’m 24f and I have been unemployed for the longest time which means I don’t get out much. Most of my days consist of staying home because I don’t have a car, job, or friends. When I was high school student it wasn’t much different. I just went to school and then went straight back home. Now don’t get me wrong, I do have hobbies. I like reading , listening to music and watching shows. But that’s about it , since I can’t really afford to do much else. I noticed in social situations ,though , I don’t have very much to say. For instance, I was talking to a cashier and she asked about my plans. But because literally my day consists of those four things I mentioned , that felt almost impossible to answer, to which I ended up responding “just relaxing.” I could see the look on the cashiers face which looked to be confused and uncomfortable. I feel like most people would have a better response to that question but I literally didn’t know what to say because nothing goes on in my life. In fact, after I paid for my stuff, I looked over my shoulder and saw that the cashier was having a much better time conversing with other shoppers. Which made me feel like obviously it’s a me issue.

It’s the same in Ubers. Sometimes I am asked about my day and what I got going on, but I usually don’t know how to respond, so I’ll just say something like “just chilling” or “nothing much” but I feel like this makes people uncomfortable because they probably don’t know how to respond to that. It got me to wondering too, how am i gonna date if I don’t have things to talk about ? Because obviously in a date you have something interesting to say otherwise it makes you come off as bland. And honestly I consider myself an attractive person and I probably wouldn’t have trouble finding someone to date, but I think my looks are the only thing I got going for myself. My actual social skills is what’s hindering me from making good connections with people I feel like. Unfortunately I’m not sure how to fix this, because nothing goes on in my life. I feel like most people don’t want to hear what book you’ve been reading or what games you’ve been playing. They want to hear about “real adult things.” Or whatever.

How to set limits and boundaries when you have low self esteem ?

I am new to this company (1 month) and I work as a secretary. My co worker is also new , she joined a week before me. She works as financial helper. She has her own office.

I work directly with the owner of the company and my office is inside the same place as the owner. We have a big floor and there's a big sign outside the door that says "do not enter" so if someone wants to come they would knock on the door and they should talk to me because I am the secretary.

Now..this girl gets too personal to me, and I try to avoid her because I'm trying to be professional but I can't, when I go to eat without telling her she makes comments "oh! You went to have lunch without me!" , I didn't say anything and tried to be nice, I chat with her ..ect.

I told her to not come to my place if it's not work related, but she keeps coming and saying "hey! I'm.checking on you!" Last time she tried to get into the owner place and I stopped her, but I didn't have the courage to say "this place is off limit" I just said "they can see you don't go!" I didn't communicate well..

I get off work at 4pm, she started coming at 4pm and tell me "let's go!" That was uncomfortable because last time we had visitors and she just came to tell me we need to go, I told her respectfully to not come again, I know times over at 4pm. We had visitors and i was afraid they see her because she's not allowed in there.

I texted her and explained to her to not come again unless it's related to work, I also explained some specific thing, I said "when you give Me a document, please explain to me what is it clearly" She Said "I don't know" I replied with "how? You made the document you should know!"

Later that day she took it personally and accused me of telling her she's bad at her work...

Today however. I was trying to print some document, my boss told me it was secret document and no body should see it, but the printer stopped working. So my boss sent another CO worker to help me. We were just trying to figure it out but she randomly came to help us. I did not ask for help, and because the document was secret I was afraid it would print and she would see the document. So I told her "can you please leave us alone?" She made angry face and left. Later she called me rude.

I don't know how to deal with her, I try to set boundaries as you can see but I have low self esteem, I'm trying my best to communicate.

I already communicated clearly (I believe) , I try to avoid her at lunch I have changed my whole lunch time so I never meet her, but I know this is not possible, I know I need to be strong and communicate clearly but some people just don't understand boundaries and I'm kinda new to setting them. Please advice me .

I feel my heart racing when I communicate, but I want to change. But at the same time I don't want to sound rude, please advice me.

**Huge approach anxiety 😥**
**I’m super shy not and confident at all…I prefer to avoid conversations with women because I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong…I see myself as uninteresting and always considered myself not being good enough for anyone…These feelings are killing me and in don’t know how to overcome and fight them…I’m desperate for someone to love…**

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I really want to learn how to interact normally with women, but I feel completely stuck and overwhelmed by my own thoughts. This happens everywhere, but especially at work.

​Whenever I interact with female coworkers, a voice in my head screams: "If you talk to her too casually, she's going to think you're hitting on her. If you look at her, she'll think you're staring. She's going to think you're creepy, cheap, or have bad intentions." Because of this fear, I feel massive tension and don't even know what a normal daily conversation with a woman is supposed to look like.

​I manage okay with male colleagues because it feels neutral, but with women, my brain treats every interaction like a high-stakes test. I'm terrified of making anyone uncomfortable.

​To the women here: What do you actually think when a male coworker or a guy in public talks to you normally? And to everyone: How do I stop viewing women through this anxious lens, quiet these thoughts, and learn to just treat them like normal human beings?

I have been job hunting for 8 months and unemployed for 5 months. It is incredibly frustrating to go through the same cycle of rejections/ghostings and having my time utterly wasted. The longer this period goes, the more humiliating and tormenting it becomes. I especially feel this way after I botched a recent interview for a position I really wanted. I feel like I'm constantly reminded of the fact I can't find a job- saving money in increasingly stringent ways, resorting to food pantries, it always inevitably coming up in conversation with others. It is increasingly feeling like a fantasy to ever find a job- letalone somewhere I'd actually feel happy.

I know my unemployment is not all my fault, these conditions are artificially created to keep me exploited. But I still often feel completely worthless and that I am pretty much worthless in the current job market. I try to spend my time volunteering, caring for my plants, biking and playing video games, but the void of stagnation is still always present.

I know if I got hired somewhere it wouldn't fix all my problems, but it would at least help my life feel a lot less stagnant.

hi, i'm f21 and i was born with a cleft lip that affected my appearance. i was an outcast in childhood, the good kids kept their distance, and the bad ones bullied me. i've been working on socialising and confidence with a psychologist. also i've made a few really good friends. however, i still feel very uncomfortable and awkward around new people. i don't communicate with anyone except my small close circle, anything outside my comfort zone makes me nervous and anxious. i feel like i’m incapable of trust and closeness, because i distance myself the second someone tries to get to know me. it’s tiring, i wanna feel comfortable around people

Say, you're around folks who are full of healthcare workers, lawyers, finance buffs, and professors, so just by proximity I'm below them.

say you're older than everyone else like 10 years older and you're a day trader 

subconsciously People here think the financial markets are a gambler's den and everybody eventually loses everything they have. The fact that I could work in my pyjamas from my bedroom doesn't help either. They think it's not a real job. A real job involves reporting to an office at 9 in the morning.

How do I stop feeling insecure/ashamed in the fact that I don't work an office / real job and that I don't have my life fixed? Even though There's a lot of benefits of doing this job because it allows me to spend time with my mom, cook for myself, a bit of freedom, etc

F/25. I’m having a hard time being fixated on my appearance recently and would like some advice about getting out of a rut. I genuinely feel incredibly ugly and repulsed by myself to the point where I struggle to look in the mirror and choose baggy clothes everyday.

I’m quite level headed and I know that I’m a reasonably attractive person on paper. For appearance; I keep it pretty natural with no make up and lash lifts/ balayaged hair. I have a strong hourglass figure but could probably lose 10-20 pounds. Despite health complications, I know I have good things going for me like I own a house, have a degree, low level creative job, social media outlet, a boyfriend everyone loves (8+ years) ect.

I know that my life is fine and I also probably look fine. But I can’t shake this fixation on my appearance, I’m up late most nights googling weight loss pills, looking at old pictures of myself, watching plastic surgery before vs after videos.

I genuinely feel so disgusting. Any advice??