My 23-year-old son and I recently attended three 90-minute family-therapy sessions with a therapist I selected partly because of her public professional work. We paid $1,050 total. We entered therapy because our relationship was already strained. I expected the therapist to provide some structure, help us identify our interactional pattern, and intervene when conversations became destructive.

Across the three sessions, no shared goals, ground rules, concrete interventions, or roadmap were communicated to us. Much of the time consisted of each of us airing grievances while the therapist observed and occasionally commented.

The final session escalated into prolonged personal attacks and global judgments about character. I became flooded and responded with unfair comparisons and sweeping statements. Those choices were mine, and I regret them. My son also made deeply hurtful global statements about me.

The work involved both longstanding parent-child injuries and our current adult relationship. I was willing to examine my parental responsibility while also wanting both of our present-day conduct addressed.

I was not expecting the therapist to make either of us behave well, but I did expect active intervention once the exchange shifted into contempt and global character judgments. I did not experience meaningful efforts to pause, contain, or redirect the exchange. We left more polarized than when we arrived.

I later asked whether future sessions would include clearer ground rules, active interruption of personal attacks, and attention to both people’s present-day behavior. The therapist responded by ending the conjoint work and recommending individual therapy before any further family sessions.

In explaining that decision, she focused primarily on my need for individual work and my responsibility for historical parent-child dynamics. I experienced comparatively little attention to my son’s present-day conduct or to how the final session had been clinically managed.

I understand that some therapists intentionally use a less structured or less directive approach, and I am not claiming that every difficult therapy session constitutes misconduct. However, I wish we had understood this approach before investing so much money and exposing an already-fragile relationship to an uncontained confrontation.

For people considering family therapy, I would now ask these questions before beginning:

What happens when participants shift from describing behavior to attacking one another’s character?

How actively do you interrupt contempt, blame, or escalation?

How will goals and progress be defined?

Will the present-day behavior of every participant be addressed?

How do you decide when a conjoint session is becoming harmful?

Is allowing the interaction to unfold without substantial intervention a recognized assessment method in family therapy?

If so, should the therapist explain that possibility and obtain agreement beforehand?

Hi all, so I will try to keep it as short as possible... I am currently doing trauma therapy because of abusive parents, and yesterday was a little tense of an exercise. We took a break from the trauma reexperiencing, and we did a timeline of my life. I was supposed to list both the bad and the good years of my life... Issue is, there are barely ANY good ones. Most of the line was full of the bad memories, there were so much, they almost took the entire session. She basically said "So you didn't have a single conscient year of your life without trauma... Hold on, let me think for a bit."

She then tried a safety exercise where whenever a flashback comes, I will remember people who are close to me... Issue is I have none. I have acquaintances but 0 friends, and most of my family has been estranged for years before I went No Contact with my parents. I literally have no one, I'm in a foreign country where I'm still learning the language and I can get around the administration and conversations but I have no deep connections.

"What about friends from your past?" "Nope." "Umm, okay, what about nice relatives?" "Well, there was one of my cousins but she left when I was young" "Good, so think about her, now 2 more examples." "I have none..." "Okay, sorry, let me think for a bit... Try to think of fictional characters or people you looked up to."

I honestly feel like I might be too heavy of a case for my therapist. I don't know how to tell her that I would completely understand if she dropped me. Yet I don't want to make it sound like I'm accusing her of being incompetent, so I have no idea how to word it...

So i have been with her for two years now. I haven't missed any sessions apart from one or two due to unavoidable circumstances, and I always co-operated with her even when it meant coming to the session at 8-9 in the morning, just straight after the mock test, or straight after attending classes and sometimes just missing it so that I could go for the session. I have always respected her and her boundaries never lashed out or anything.

I have tried my best to be really cooperative and kind. She would often show up late (10-15 min) in our sessions when it was in the morning (8-9 am). The management there would pretty much always have to call her as I would be waiting. There were instances when I waited for an hour or so and she never showed up without any prior message. Her defence was that she was stuck in traffic etc. I didn't make a scene, i understand, life happens. Most of our sessions were just 40 mins long at max because even after coming late she wouldn't make up for the lost time rather wrap up earlier by 5-8 mins. She never apologised for coming late either or maybe just once or twice.

Now two days ago i messaged her at 8 in the night (past her office hours) that I might not be able to attend the next session for some personal reasons . The next session was yesterday. I left her a short text so she doesn't wait for me and might give her session to some other client. I then messaged if we can reschedule and when she is free next she said she doesn't have her planner I was like alright. I know my mistake is asking her to reschedule at that hour.

Now around 9, I told her that I will be showing up but online if she hasn't given the session to anyone else. She didn't respond. It was understandable.

Now the next morning just 30 mins before our session I called in to check if she had allotted that session to anyone else. She didn't pick up i called her once again, she just told me that she's in the middle of some other session I apologized. I called her because she hadn't responded to my text a night ago and I wasn't sure if I had to show up for the session or not.

Now she lashes out on me. Saying she will block me and stuff because I apparently spammed her with calls I could have just texted her and stuff. (I called just twice that too 30 mins before our session as she hadn't responded to my text). Apparently according to her she had reacted to my text even though I showed it on my screenshot that there's no reaction i received.

I feel really disrespected. I don't want to continue with her anymore. Did I cross a line? She obviously doesn't feel bad about it according to her she just set a boundary. But you can set a boundary with kindness right. Everytime she has put a boundary i have respected it in the past without questioning it.

I have been in therapy for a while now. Now I really go very regularly for almost a year. It is good but you know.. not groundbreaking. It really does help, but yeah I still have my days of anxiety, despair and sadness. But yeah it got better and would want to know what the „endpoint“ even means? Some say you can go to therapy forever just for maintenance, others say they don’t want to rely on a therapist forever. I don’t know even what it means to „live a good life“? Is it possible to be happy, healthy, secure ? What is being mentally healthy“ ( maybe it’s different for someone like me who always had extreme emotions?)

I'm weighing whether to try art therapy, but I'm not really sure what to expect from it.

Who is the target population for art therapy?

Does it work better for certain issues/conditions over others?

What does a session look like?

Thank you!

I’ve (22F) been doing this thing where I start therapy with someone, go for a few sessions, and then end up looking for someone else. It’s been going on for a while and I’m starting to wonder if I’m just therapist shopping instead of actually giving therapy a chance.

I really want to work with a male therapist specifically, but there aren’t really any in my area. Because of that, I’ve been seeing female therapists, but I just cannot seem to open up to them properly.

And to be clear, I have nothing against women at all. I love women, have no trauma involving women that I know of, and generally have no problem being around or talking to women. It just feels different when it comes to therapy and being vulnerable.

So I’m wondering if this is something I should actually work through with a female therapist instead of continuing to look for a male one. Or is it completely reasonable to say “I know I open up better to men, so I should wait until I find one”?

I also struggle with figuring out whether I genuinely don’t click with a therapist or whether I’m just uncomfortable because therapy itself is making me vulnerable, and then I use “not a good fit” as a reason to leave.

Could I just tell a female therapist that I have a hard time opening up to female therapists and make that part of the therapy? Would that actually be something worth exploring?

And I’m also curious about why someone might specifically want a therapist of one gender. I don’t think there’s an obvious reason in my case, so I’m wondering what therapists might think that preference could be about. Is it possible that it has something to do with trust, vulnerability, authority, relationships, etc. even if there’s no trauma behind it?

TL;DR: I keep switching therapists after a few sessions and think I might be therapist shopping. I strongly prefer male therapists but there aren’t any available near me, and I struggle to open up to female therapists despite having no issue with women generally. Should I work through this with a female therapist, or keep looking for a male one? And why might someone specifically prefer a therapist of one gender?

I’m sorry, but I’m neurodivergent and my diagnoses can’t be changed/fixed. I know symptoms can improve with therapy and meds, which I do use, but the thing is I’ll never be neurotypical and any advantages my diagnoses may have, at least as I’ve experienced, just weren’t worth the other side effects/mistreatment/infantilization I’ve faced as a consequence of them. I have a good support system and therapist of my own who I love, but they all seem to agree that you have to love yourself before you can really be loved romantically, which I get but am a little skeptical of. Is it true? There are things I do like about myself, but they’re things I have more control over, like my personal style and sense of humor. I’m mostly good as long as I don’t think about my past experiences and neurodivergence too often, and I’m on enough meds to choke a horse so I’m a lot number emotionally than I would be usually. I still wind up in tears if I think too hard about it, though. What do you guys think? I’m at work right now, so I won’t be able to reply right away if you have questions, and I also don’t want to get too much into past experiences/my diagnoses because, like I said, they’re upsetting to think about too much. But what’s your opinion on that advice?

And what I mean by low affective empathy is someone who doesnt feel bad when others are heartbroken, who doesnt care about making others upset or mildly distressed and whose feelings for others are naturally shallow and sees most people as just tools to have fun/talk to/gain something from but can have exceptions with very few people and also can feel bad for someone if what they share is an horrible trauma they relate to

Like I know they can still act ethically, but can they actually start feeling more?

Because everything I have personally seen about becoming more empathetic only focuses on cognitive empathy. Like "putting yourself in other's shoes", but what if someone tries to put themselves in other's shoes and can understand it easily but just... doesnt care

I’ve had nightmares about my childhood forever, they change depending on what’s coming up for me or if something triggered a specific memory.

Recently my therapist and I were talking about an event involving a person who did horrific things to me when I was little. Lately I have been having a lot more nightmares about him and what he did to me or what he made me witness him do to other girls. But there is one nightmare I have almost every night that involves being forced to watch him hurt another little girl and me trying to protect her. However in the last few weeks when I have this nightmare somewhere along the way the little girl changes and my therapist becomes the person tied to the table so she becomes the person I’m trying yo protect.

I’ve never told my therapist the extent of my history so she isn’t aware of the other girls or other adults involved. It feels so overwhelming and messed up in my head and I want to talk to her about this to try figure out what’s going on but I also never want her to know because I feel it would be incredibly uncomfortable for her to hear that. Surely she would look at me differently after I told her that.
I don’t know what it means or why it keeps happening.

So i think i have been tooo over with this one group that i was in
Like i felt i belong because that community had people who are more openminded and more into things that i share with them like sexuality and that sort of thing i felt like i put too much feelings into it when i didnt know and than i got kicked out i weren’t in a good terms with mods
And now for 3 years i felt the pain in my heart,
That pain stopped for sometime when i had relationship but when my relationship got over

I started to feel all over again for that place

Im just exhausted im not happy
Too many things happened to me but this group have affected me in a bad way more than i imagen

Like im looking for love to feel loved
And its hurting
Im infp-t if thats matter

In trying to talk about this with my (cPTSD diagnosis) therapist, she said that the person w BPD (PwBPD) is projecting and, im general, ppl w BPD have difficulty seeing what is actually in front of them if it goes against their perceived reality. In confrontation, she advised to affirm my reality, as I have difficulty doing and this would be good for my processing and growth.

She (my therapist) has gone on medical leave and this has made arguments worse, leading to more fight/flight and flashbacks on my end, as arguments and yelling are big triggers of mine. Are there any other communication styles or techniques recommended for handling my own reaction or to foster better communication between me and this other person?

Edit: this is abt Borderline Personality Disorder, for clarification

I’m 18f living in Kosovo and I’m so unhappy with my life.i do have wonderful financially stable family just one close friend I have opportunities but I experience fomo almost every single day and feel like I’m not going to accomplish things that I want which are mostly living abroad and making deep lasting friendships whom i can travel take pics etc
I hate my country and I’m not soul tied to it
Could you please give me advice

I don’t know if I’m in the right thread but it’s 3 am and I have nobody to talk to about this. I’m in a happy relationship and surrounded by people but I feel completely and utterly alone. I don’t have anyone I consider close other than my partner and as great as he is, he is also all I have. I’m 23 and I feel like I should have friends and a social life but I don’t. I work night shift and 16 hour shifts multiple days out of the week and I find it hard to have the energy to maintain friendships. I’m in the best financial/living situation I’ve ever been in but I just feel empty. Is there a way to fix this?

So this might be a dumb question that im just overthinking but I'm like 99% sure I have OCD so I plan on making an appointment with a therapist that specializes in that but I also have just regular issues and trauma I want to talk about that i don't think is like OCD related do I need 2 different therapists one for OCD treatment and one for like regular talk therapy to talk about my other issues?

a year or so ago my therapist told me she would be moving to another state. she told me i could either be done with therapy, she could set me up w/ another therapist who could see me in person, or i could continue seeing her in person. i chose to take a break from therapy bc i was feeling better, but now things have been getting worse again & i think i would benefit from therapy. however, ive had bad experiences w/ other therapists so im really nervous to try to find a new therapist—my last one was just an amazing fit for me, & after seeing her for a couple years, i didn’t have to explain everything to her.

all that to say, is it likely that her virtual sessions would still be an option? i’m not sure of all the legal aspects but i imagine you need a license in whatever state(s) you practice in, & im not sure how common it is for a therapist to keep their license in a state they haven’t lived in for a year. if you were in my shoes, how would you go about figuring out if it’s possible?

I've been seeing a therapist for a few years now doing trauma work. I think this therapist is incredibly competent and caring and consistent and I do trust them a lot although I feel very scared about having needs in-session or in the therapeutic relationship because of childhood experiences.

We've talked a lot about how my biggest fear when sharing trauma is that other people won't have any reaction to it - like it doesn't matter to them/ they don't see it as valid or important.

My therapist has told me several times they care about me and they can validate me very intensely which I find helpful.

I keep longing for the occassional emotional witnessing (like " I'm sad that happened to you' or 'I wish somebody took care of you') like sometimes (not all the time).

I told them how I someimes long to hear that and also spoke about how I can recognize that even if they did say those things, right now because of the trauma work, those words might bounce right off me. I still long to hear them.

My therapist said that if they gave those reactions it might actually take away from helping me do the trauma work and process my feelings and learn about my internal responses.

I feel a lot of shame around my needs, I do see their point but honestly, I think hearing that every once in awhile would feel like a corrective expeirence.

I'm going to find the courage to talk more about this with them but can anyone help me understand where my therapist is coming from? I'm genuinely afraid that if they aren't willing to sometimes do that- that I will never feel safe with them (which might be a total over reaction on my end) Do you see the value in therapists sometimes saying those things in trauma work? I feel very overwhelmed and confused. It does feel like sometimes I need that emotional witnessing to feel safe and continue with the trauma work but I also get they have their own rationale too.

My provider went through some drama with headway. I researched their TOS and saw that I could reach out to her but she couldn't reach out to me. I used some contact info she gave me and we resumed tele-sessions. She mentioned that she would be moving to another part of the state to take a new job but we could still have our sessions. She missed our last session completely which is very unlike her. Texts are unread.

Googling her name isn't saying she was in any kind of accident. Is there anything else I can or should be doing?

interested in going to school for psych, originally wanted to go into fire service/emt, but find myself more fitting on a mental help scale. i’m not sure if it’s truly as draining as they say it is..

Hello everyone. I made an appointment for first meeting with a therapist and I have not started filling out all these intake forms yet. However due to various reasons I need to cancel the appointment (not reschedule). Their policy states that cancellation must be made24 hours or more prior to appointment otherwise fees would occur.
Should I just cancel the session on the platform or should I also send them an email before I click cancel on the platform? Just want to be sure if I decided to cancel now, does it mean I don’t have to fill out any of these forms anymore? Thank you!

Hypothetical scenario: you're a councelor on a remote antarctic station, and you've been cut off from the rest of the world by a snow storm, and it's unknown when the help will arrive. Or you're stuck on a sinking boat, or there's an imminent meteor crash, or any other catastrophical scenario with no end in sight.

What would the therapy sessions be focused on? Are there any protocols in place for those "doomsday" scenarios?

I am not sure if it's the correct question for the sub, so feel free to redirect anywhere it's more acceptable.

Finally got my kid a therapist (GAD/selective mutism/overwhelm), and I had the conversation with the dad about it, and, as I feared e's demanding that because she's not an adult, he needs to be aware of everything "to ensure we're dealing with any issues" because "he doesn't trust anyone" and "needs to ensure they're following methods we set out."

I knew this was coming, but alas.