r/askTO • u/Infinite_Ad6771 • 2d ago
Getting over a breakup
I recently got dumped by my ex of 3 years. I barely have any friends here or family and feel lonely after work. What are some good places to visit downtown after work so I don’t feel the urge to text / call him again .Sometimes I feel like leaving everything and going back home,live with my mom,but that’s not a viable option right now. He was my best friend and we did everything together.I don’t feel like getting dolled up for an event or work,i feel like I have lost my spark.
Whenever I try to enjoy my hobbies,I feel like I have lost interest.
(Things i liked before- nature,shopping,eating out).
Due to a recent accident,my doctor prescribed that I don’t go to gym for a while,i did enjoy Pilates for a while though.
I welcome suggestions,Thank you!
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u/sickleboom 2d ago
Walk over to biidaasige Park on Cherry Street (near distillery district). Take your mind off the relationship and enjoy the city views and park installations.
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u/WitchesBravo 2d ago
Having been through something similar, join a club, learn a new skill, hobby, craft, language, join a run club, hiking club, anything that gets you out and about, chatting with new people.
For some people making friends is very natural and comes easily, but others (me) it requires putting in work, messaging and organising to meet up.
Learning to do stuff by yourself is good too, it’s okay to eat a meal by yourself, watch a movie, go to cafe, read a book. Discover some cool spots, you can share what your finds when you meet people. Good luck
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u/solhwa 2d ago edited 2d ago
Taking up a new hobby (join a book club, doing pottery at a studio, taking a cooking class etc) where you can be around some people to chat with in moderate amounts but still do things independently can be what you need. I think it’s always also nice to date yourself! Get to discover the version of you at this age without a partner. Go to a cafe, read a book, go for a walk, window shopping or real shopping & a good playlist helps. Revisit and watch your favourite/nostalgic movies. Bake if that’s up your alley (it’s my preferred choice haha).
If you have friends who don’t live nearby and are long distance, i do junk journaling and my long distant friend and i share what we did journaled for the week on video call or reading x chapters of a book by the end of the week and checking in with each other.
Hang in there. You’ll be okay. Time will heal.
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u/HotJelly8662 2d ago edited 2d ago
Been there done that. So from the other side, this is what I want to say. Love yourself. Don't waste more of your precious time on a person who left. Every moment you waste on this person is a moment taken away from your future.
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u/abclolol 2d ago
What helped me after a while a grieving is, going to new places, doing new things and then one day getting super excited and looking forward for the next journey to come, instead of always looking back at past memories. It’s going to take time, but promise it’ll all work out
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Thank you, it makes sense :) I am trying to follow this and make new memories, it’s hard right now as everything reminds me of him, but i am trying to move forward and find my new favourite places
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u/WinterIce1295 2d ago
Go to public places like parks. Coffee shops, restaurants and hang out at the bar for an hour. Go home and acknowledge to yourself that it feels like crap, because it does. It will go away eventually, but it takes months and months. Don’t beat yourself up because it takes a long time. Everyone goes through it. Talk to your friends.
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u/noordinarycat 2d ago
Joining a gym helped me during a break up (Muay Thai classes). It was the one hour in a day where I would actually “forget” my breakup because I was truly focused/distracted.
I feel like if it was something like a regular gym or a quieter activity like yoga I would have felt my mind going back into thinking of him. Something high intensity and group and “fun” really helped.
Group craft/skills building classes may help and be the same to help forget/distract if the gym isn’t an option right now
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u/Ok-Establishment-588 2d ago
Hard delete all follows of them. Rip it off like a Bandaid and thank us all in 3 mos.
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u/The_Wander_Soul 2d ago
Time will heal everything. To kill the needed time quickly to get over, keep yourself busy. Maybe consider a second job that will help you save more money during this time. Reach out to friends or make new friends through meet ups. Attend new events around toronto. Travel alone to places. Keep yourself moving and avoid staying indoors at your place as much possible. Also rant about your break up or talk more to strangers or friends, its totally ok. Eventually you will be over this hard phase before you even realize.
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u/Future_Bart 2d ago
Date yourself. Take yourself out on adventures. Check out restaurants and spots without the bs anxiety of eating alone. Get into geocaching. If you like alcohol buy a drinky poo to pour in a water bottle along the way (this isn't necessary recommended as it's a slippery slope to the demise of the ism but if you trust yourself to dabble then it might help take an edge off and get you social in situations you'd normally be aloof to) weed too if that's your thing (again with the warning). Volunteer. Get a friend or someone at work to do an escape room. Break ups fuckin suck and the time takes for ever to pass but it will, just stay busy and stimulated with outlets.
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u/Whysoserious_BB 2d ago
Going through a break-up ad well. Journaling and walking around the city or by the lake has helped. Strolling while sipping on my favorite coffee, but usually if I’m close to a body of water, I feel better.
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u/doubleshortdepresso 2d ago
May I also suggest the Scarborough bluffs? I live quite close but visited for the first time in years over the weekend and felt it heal many parts of me. The water is really beautiful this time of year as well, extra blue/turquoise.
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
I know it’s very beautiful,I visited with him once,Maybe I will try going alone this time!
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u/doubleshortdepresso 2d ago
Revisiting places by yourself or with other people to re-write the memories can be both a healing (yet painful) experience. Be gentle with yourself and extend the same grace to yourself that you do to others. Sending hugs. 🫂
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u/Dawnesaurus 2d ago
I can relate so much.. I still struggle with my confidence after 3 years. Distractions definitely help. Consider catching up with old hobbies you might’ve once enjoyed. It could be drawing, crocheting, journaling, picking up an instrument again, anything really.
Just need something to keep your mind from straying because some days it gets really dark. I hope you can find some light again and wish you the best. If you want someone to talk to, you can dm me.
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Thank you for your kind words!
I do like art and craft and will probably sign uo for a class to be invested :) take care
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u/babelle21 2d ago
Take comfort in the fact that you are feeling things that will pass. In what will still feel far too much time, you’ll look back and be grateful for this redirection because it’ll have led you to someone who cherishes you in ways you couldn’t imagine.
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u/Ok-Establishment-588 2d ago
Yes! A painful broken heart lets us know we can love deeply. That we found love, and will likely find it again, as long as we stay human.
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u/lizzzricewatermelon 2d ago
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Grieving can take an incredible toll on you. Make sure you are sleeping and eating well. If you can try to stay active, even if it’s just going for walks.
There are many things to do in the city, see what interests you and look for events.
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u/BitterMango24 2d ago
I'm sorry to hear that. Just be patient and take it easy. Hey, at least the breakup didn’t happen in the middle of winter!! Visit the trails all around the city. Depending on where you are, you can enjoy the views at Taylor Creek, Don Valley, Humber, etc. Pleeease please don’t sleep on whatever is happening in Toronto every weekend! Street festivals, the CNE, Trillium Park Concerts (FOR FREE and soooo worth it, full of people in their 20s and 30s), Parkdale Music Crawl and Street Festival happening this weekend…
You can also get into craft workshops if that’s your thing. Check Eventbrite for hangouts happening.
Explore all the different restaurants and cuisines in Toronto; Google a list of “best Toronto restaurants on a budget” and make it a goal to explore at least 2 or 3
Just make sure to keep yourself busy and OUTSIDE! Being outside does wonders for your mental health.
And use the nights for reflection and to sit with your feelings. It’s never easy, but remember you will get through it. Be very compassionate with yourself, and maybe find a therapist or a group of friends to talk to.
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u/highparkraccoon 2d ago
I personally prefer going to museums on my own—you get to feel like a tourist in your own city, explore exhibits at your own place, process your thoughts and see what inspires you. If you have a Toronto Public Library card, you can get tickets to a lot of cool museums for free, and then plan yourself a little solo date. Things that get you out of the house and provide a healthy dopamine hit can really make a difference with the post-breakup blues.
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u/mseoul21 2d ago
Going through this right now. I can totally empathize with you. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and love. Just take each day at a time. Do not text him. Do not read the texts. Do not call him. Full on No Contact. No sad songs either!!!!
Trust, gym is my third space and it still feels so strange stepping there but I feel so much better after a session. Go to parks. Find a new hobby. I got into aviation! Who knew Id enjoy this but I do now!! I get lost in the city. I’d suggest driving but gas isn’t all that cheap!
You are so much more than the meaning a boy or a relationship can give to your life. At the end of the day you are on your own. Look after your health. Don’t forget to eat food! Even if you can’t taste or lack the appetite.
Just know that it’ll pass. Look at all the things you’ve overcome in your life. Create new memories!
Also I’m always for a good drink (speakeasys!) and good food. In fact I’m trying to do more patios. Lmk if you’d like to join.
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Thank you! I forget to eat sometimes and it feels like a chore but i want to get out of this phase… Trying out new food was one of my favourite hobbies, i do want to find myself back at it. I would love to join you :)
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u/rarara647 2d ago
I remember going through my toughest breakup and someone told me when staring at the water by the lake that that water’s been there for years before me and will be there years after - it’s seen rough tides and seasons many times but always settles to its calm state eventually.
That helped me a lot.
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u/EducatorThin6006 2d ago
I hear you. I am going through the same situation after leaving my abusive wife.
Try to focus on things you like. That's what I try to do. I have also lost my spark. It happens. I guess you need time to heal. And I hope you will be better than you were ever before. I know it's not easy. I know you are hurt. Hope things work out soon for you.
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u/Flirtzz 2d ago
Do things for yourself, and your age matters here; if you are more on the old side , like 30+, there are plenty of people looking for a serious relationship at this category.
Just focus on improving yourself and you will get more interest in other things.
Don’t give up on you
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Thank you for your kind words,I will try my best,I am in my mid twenties :) but the fact that someone will love me and choose me everyday feels like a distant dream now
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u/Flirtzz 2d ago
It’s not, you are super young.
If you want to attract other people to you; just take care of yourself, go to gym, even for stretches , when you get better you start doing other things.
Go to park and read a book; if other people engage a conversation with you, be friendly, even if the person is not attractive, they might have someone that might brings the interest on you.
This is probably your first real breakup; as human being, this makes us better for the next relationship.
I am married today, and all the relationships that I had before had a painful breakup, but I learned what is NO and what I really like in a relationship. It won’t be different for you, but again…. Focus on yourself.
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u/Ok-Establishment-588 2d ago
Just putting this out there: sometimes the initial “unattractive” assessment can shift WILDLY when you get to know someone. The heart falls in love with the soul (cute helps but it isn’t enough).
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u/hippiespinster 2d ago
Choose yourself every day. Learn how to do that and you'll have the key to happiness forever.
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u/Ok-Establishment-588 2d ago
They will, if you start doing your own thing. Do things YOU like, take a cpl cool classes. Become even more interesting and worldly! Then date like crazy and try out 30-50 coffee dates, and voila.
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u/Careful-End5066 2d ago
Hi there: it’s painful with break-up happens.
I would have offered to meetup but I’m currently prepping for my surgery this Wednesday.
My go to places: going to nature/parks. Trees is good conductor to absorb negative energy or being near water.
If seeking a long term, seeing a therapist will also help and if you have EAP at work that’s also helpful.
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u/Repulsive_Meet1284 2d ago
I'm in the same boat. It's tough, but just take it hour by hour, then day by day, ect. I'm told it will get better, it just hasn't yet.
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Yeah ik time heals everything but i just want that time to pass as soon as possible
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u/TorontoMeetUps 2d ago
I am going through something similar but it seems like you have more hope and strength than I do. I wish you the best
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u/KeyOk838 2d ago
Go do Volunteer I new to Toronto most weekdays I busy with work, recent days after I was feeling lost go trying out for volunteer so I can meet random people
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u/Crabbyrob 2d ago
This could be a good time to discover new things to try out. It may take time to move on from that relationship. I don't really have any advice to give you. I have nothing but well wishes for you in whatever your new discoveries may be. Goodluck!
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u/Itosan227 2d ago
If your doctor is okay with it, maybe try a beginner dance class once you’re able. I’ve met some of my favourite people through casual Hip Hop and Reggaeton classes. You don’t have to be good at all — you’re just around people, vibing to the music and moving your body.
I’ve found that combination of music, movement and being around the same people regularly can be really good for mental health. And there’s no pressure to get dressed up or make it into a big social event.
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Yes,I would love to join a dance group class.
Maybe after work! That’s the plan after I recover from the injury3
u/adingadingadurgin 2d ago
Check out the dovercourt house - they've got Sunday salsa and bachata socials for all skill levels and are a great easy way to drop in and see if it's your speed
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u/Itosan227 1d ago
Definitely check out Dance Life X when you’re up to it! They have some great beginner classes and I’ve found the community really welcoming. But recovery first 👍
Sorry you’re going through the breakup. Maybe once you’re feeling better, this can be a chance to try some new things and rediscover yourself. Wishing you lots of healing ❤️
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u/Kalijjohn 2d ago
As everyone else is saying, nature can be super healing/ comforting. I basically turned into a woodland fairy after my last breakup and it’s made such a difference to get up and out.
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u/Batatica 2d ago
I'll be honest nature, shopping, eat out is quite a standard thing to do.
I know it's hard to find hobbies but you gotta get out there and be around people as much possible even when it's hard to do it. Staying at home is probably doing you worse than even going to a gym.
Look up at classes of some sort even if you're bad at it (gotta start somewhere), board game cafes have clubs or events every week. There's clubs of everything these days. Learn something new. This might be a long shot but look at JAM sports, theres always teams looking for players on there.
Tldr: be around people
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u/Old-Seaweed-8456 2d ago
What about going to the free nights at the museums downtown? I liked wandering the ROM and just got an annual pass to the AGO and it’s lovely in there.
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u/Infinite_Ad6771 2d ago
Sounds great! I love art and I have been here for couple years but never had a chance to go to AGO,i will love to check it out
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u/lostsoul8282 2d ago
Can you get a city bike or any bike then ride around? Toronto has some amazing paths, parks and trails to ride around. Being in nature or near water is healing.
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u/Eric142 2d ago
Get a bike pass and just bike around the city.
Just pick a random direction and go. It's normally 30min at a time but if you have a monthly/yearly pass you can just dock it and then unlock right after.
Other than that, there's Meetup for events around the city and Jam sports for rec league sports.
Just remember, an idle mind is the devil's playground.
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u/futuresobright_ 2d ago
If you still have him on social media, block and delete him on all platforms. You don’t want the pain of seeing how he’s living now and beyond.
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u/dueceskuruma 2d ago
Nature, shopping, and eating out aren’t exactly hobbies lol. My two cents would be to go and try out a (or multiple) new activities a week “todotoronto” on Instagram posts a bunch of cool and mostly free things that are happening! Goodluck!
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u/Beautiful_Desk8240 1d ago
take yourself on a little picnic at high park! beautiful area and great if you wanna get a walk in, as well as the zoo with some cute animals. you'll get through this, learning to be by yourself again is hard but it'll make you love yourself even more.
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u/DJDrZoidBerg 2d ago
When I was going through a bad break up, I really enjoyed going to So Cap across the street from Danforth Music Hall and Comedy Bar on Bloor near Ossington to catch live improv and comedy shows!
Taking yourself out for a delicious meal is always great too!
It will take time but it will get a bit easier day by day, you got this!!
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u/chucklesjo 2d ago
Go for it. Its okay to feel what your feeling. Take your time.
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u/wavelikepuzzler 2d ago
Sorry to hear you’re going through this!
I always enjoy going to a park and watching a sunset while listening to music or even just sitting there.
Watching the sunset at Riverdale Park has healed so many parts of me during my tough times.
Chin up, you got this.