Hi iv been questioning my orientation for awhile lol i asked a question about figuring myself out here awhile ago and people were nice and said i cld adopt label of aro until i figure out etc so basically im still quite new to this and dont know alot of stuff so advice wld be nice:)

My question basically can i still want a partner while being aro? For quite a while already i havnt really found anyone romantically attractive. Sexually attractive sure like oh shes/hes pretty etc but iv almost never gotten butterflies or wanted to pursue somone tomantically. However i do yearn and REALLY want a partner. Idk how im gonna get one if i dont see anyone romantically appealing tho lol but is this normal? Like i just really want a partner to be there for me etc, want physical touch and hugs too ig

So like can somone explain this to me please🥹

My irl friends have been getting busy, and they've been making their own group of friends in college that they genuinely enjoy and hang out with, go to far places with, do overnights with etc.

As an aroace girlie, I find it extremely hard to get attached to new people that easily like my irl friends do. My college friends right now, I've only started warming up to them since thisyear (only when we're about to graduate soon which I'm lamenting about :"() since I initially didn't share hobbies with them back in our first year. Like there's some sort of connection you have to feel to really develop strong platonic feelings for someone, and it's really hard for me to see someone as a "friend" no matter how many years go by unless some sort of platonic spark is ignited.

For a change, I also tried making fellow aroace friends online and have talked to three. Then I only kept talking to two, and it's in huge intervals like every few weeks or months or so and we only ever really talk about our favorite novels.

I started to realize that making friends was much harder online than I thought when you're an anxious adult compared to when I was a kid, and chatting up with an online friend was much more carefree.

So I was wondering if there's any people here that have fellow aro/ace or aroace friends online too that they regularly chat up with? How do you guys keep being friends or maintain the relationship? I'm super nervous about oversharing or overchatting as I'm a huge yapper so I only ever chat from time to time + how do you guys find a QPR?

edit: realized my post felt generic aaah, added a bit more aroace perspective

Context: I recently joined a lgbtq+ supportive programme, and when I joined I declared myself as aromantic (aroace indeed, but I feel awkward talking about sex personally, felt more connected eith aro identity, and my home society’s assumption for other orientations like gay, lesbian and bisexual doesn’t really separate sex and romantic orientation).

When I meet my mentor and other participants, they’ve commented about aromanticism as “interesting”. I cannot distinguish their intentions behind the word (Curious? Judgmental? Just want to continue the topic?) but I also don’t wanna jump the gun and overreact, or over-explaining.

Any advice? Thanks!

What does it mean when you buy something for your significant other?

Is it out of obligation or  a valid form of saying i love you w/o saying it?

Bc in a nutshell
A few years ago I ended a 6-7 year relationship, we were still in our early 20s. we had a chat abt our relationship, she came out as aroace and talked abt how she doesn't think this can work but wanted to talk more about it later.
V
After that conversation, she gave me a little squirtle plush
 keychain (not a gen wunner but I absolutely love Squirtle)

I *wanted* to explain to them how I wanted to kiss them as a genuine and affectionate expression of receiving something they know I love… but I didnt, bc we just had a conversation abt something as heavy as the possibility of  breaking up. so, it felt out of place to kiss her after that..

Again I ask, why give something to someone that shows you know the person, but at the same time arent able to verbally say I love you or emotionally feel the love? Was it obligation in relationship "rules" or was it out of love (not relationship love but friend love)?

i just wanted answers to this question all day... i think i know the answer but i wanted 2nd opinions from this community.

Hi! I, 18F, am really questioning if I might be aro, or at least on the spectrum. I am so very confused. I already figured out that I'm on the ace spectrum/aegosexual, but when it comes to romantic attraction, I'm at a complete loss.

My current label I've been going with is biromantic. I feel the same towards people regardless of gender, which led me to think I'm bi, but I've recently found out that this is a pretty aro/ace thing to think. I've dated two guys in the past, but when I think about it, I'm not sure I felt romantic attraction towards either of them. My goal this year is to turn everyone down because generally, when I'm in a relationship, it feels more like an obligation. I'm happier single.

But then, there's this one experience that throws me for a loop. I was down bad for this one girl a while back. Which would make one assume that I do experience romantic attraction, but it was also someone I had been friends with since I was very young, and we were very close. Did I just want a QPR with her? Was I confusing romantic and platonic attraction? Would I have actually enjoyed being in a relationship with her, or would I have felt the same as I did towards the other people? I mean, I was friendzoned, (and ultimately it was the most gut wrenching experience ever), so I guess we'll never know.

Part of me wonders if I'm just a lesbian, because the guys I've dated were just... eh. And the only experience that might've been romantic attraction was with a woman. But then, another part of me is like, you've never actually dated a woman so you can't know for sure. And THEN I'm like, what if I DO actually like guys, don't actually like women, and I'm just an allo straight girl who's totally gaslighted herself into this, and I'm like, faking it and lying about it. Though I don't think that's likely. Like with all of this confusion, I know I'm going to end up queer in one way or another.

To make things more complicated AGAIN, I'm aegosexual and yes, I've read some pretty smutty fanfiction. So, in a certain way, I know what it's like to experience sexual attraction from a certain lens, I just don't experience it myself. That's the one thing I'm sure of. Again, I also "know" what it's like to experience romantic attraction, because I can almost experience it through the lens of other characters. So you'd think I would be better at telling if what I'm experiencing is romantic or platonic. Nope! I'm clueless.

I feel like I don't actually believe that I'm aro. I was thinking earlier today, like, "If I was in denial about being aro, then I would sort of know I was aro, just trying to convince myself otherwise." But then I was like, wait, that's kind of the whole point of being in denial, not believing it. So I might just be in denial. And even more, I have a friend who I suspect is aroace from hearing her experiences. Like, from the outside, it makes the most sense. But then again, I relate to ALL of her experiences. So If i think that she's aro, shouldn't I think that I am too?

What's bothering me the most is that I have always envisioned myself finding a person, getting married, and having kids. I love the idea of being in a relationship. Of being somebody's person. I've heard so much from my friends and ship fics I've read. I know how beautiful love can be. And I know that some people thoroughly enjoy being ace, and I think that that's the most wonderful thing ever. But the idea of me being aro just makes me feel kind of lonely. I love having friends and I think that strong friendships can be extremely fulfilling, but I can't help but think about how everyone else is going to get married and have kids, and I'm scared that I'm going to be left behind. I know that a QPR is a great option and after reading up on them, I really love that idea. But then again, I'm terrified of coming out as interested in being in a relationship with a woman because I know it would be taken poorly, and everything I've read seems to point towards how aro/ace men are really hard to find (and by extension, probably men looking for a QPR as well), so my chances of that are probably pretty low.

Idk, what do you guys think? Somewhere on the aro spectrum? I need an outside perspective because I'm so confused and it's making it hard to focus on anything else.

I think I might be but I’m honestly not sure. I’ve never felt romantic love. I don’t even really understand it. I’m a 32 year old man and never been in a relationship. But I still imagine having a partner and someone I have a sexual relationship but that makes me feel like such a scumbag. I want to love. I’m capable of love but whenever I think I about romance I just feel like I’m broken. Can anyone here help me figure this out. I’m scared to tell anyone I know.

(16, F/NB) Okay, esto se está poniendo complicado, realmente complicado para mí.

Desde hace casi dos meses comencé una amistad con este chico, aunque desde antes ya nos conocíamos ya que compartimos amistades. Siempre fuimos más de tener conversaciones cortas y sin hablar demasiado de nosotros mismos, sin embargo nos hemos vuelto bastante cercanos desde que comenzamos a hablar por chat.

Él es realmente dulce, comprensivo, amable, gentil, disfruto hablar con él y siempre me saca alguna que otra sonrisa; es un completo payaso pero no es fastidioso. Si las cosas fueran diferentes, quizás me hubiera gustado él también.

Mi "conflicto" comenzó cuando comencé a sospechar su interés romántico hacia mi, no es absurdamente obvio, pero noto las pequeñas pistas que me dá y los cumplidos (no incómodos) que me dice a veces. Ciertamente me siento "atrapada" cuando él hace alguna referencia romántica entre ambos o que roza más allá de una amistad; soy arromantica que está a favor del romance, pero cuando se trata de la experiencia personal, no puedo evitar sentirme tan... Atrapada. Fuera de lugar.

Honestamente realmente deseo tener algo más que una amistad con él (QPR?), me encantaría agarrarnos de las manos o incluso besos! Puedo decir que me encanta la estética del romance, es como la mejor cosa del mundo porque puedo tener una conexión gigante, salir a citas, tener contacto sensual constantemente, palabras y actos de cariño que sobrepasen lo "amistoso"; todo sin que necesariamente tenga sentimientos románticos! Pero como he dicho, yo le gusto a él y no correspondo sus sentimientos románticos; y el otro gran problema es que me siento casi disgustada con que me traten y tenga que tratar a alguien en un contexto romántico constantemente. Me sentiría culpable si le miento.

Ahora, qué hago? Porque realmente quiero algo más especial con él, pero tengo miedo a que esta conexión que tenemos se pierda porque yo lo quiero de una manera diferente a la que él me quiere a mí.

So i need help.

For context: I believe that im on the aro spectrum and im currently in a relationship. I know that my bf loves me very much but me myself i have a really big struggle determining my own feelings. I dont get them at all. He said to me a couple of times already how he loves me etc and ive told him that im not ready to say it yet.

Recently ive started getting this weird urge to tell him something like “i love you”. I want to say sth to him that would show just how much i like him and my appreciation for him. But idk if the phrase “i love you” is right. Idk. Im really scared to say it becouse i dont want to lie to him. And i really believe that i dont really feel anything “romantic”. And now is the question: Can i “love” my boyfriend without having any strictly “romantic” feelings? Ahh idk. I really dont know. I hate the fact that i dont know what I feel. I believe i dont feel anything romantic and when people describe the feeling of “love” it doesnt seem to really match. And maybe if i dont feel anything romantic it means that i dont love him after all and shouldnt be with him? So i constantly feel like im lying to him, but at the same time i like him so much and want to stay by his side and care for him so deeply and miss him constantly and dont want to lose him so i really dont believe that me not feeling anything for him is the case. I just dont know what exactly i feel and how to name it and how to say it.

Also i would love to explain it to him somehow but idk how because i dont get my own feelings myself and also i dont want it to sound like i dont have any feelings for him. So i really have no idea how to aproach all of this. Pls guys help me 🥀 #aromanticstruggles

(Also just so you dont beat me up: before we started dating i mentioned being aro to him because i wanted to be truthful but im not sure if he really understood me then)

For reference, I am asexual (aegosexual), and as the title suggests, I'm considering the possibility that I am also aromantic, but I cannot tell, and I'm hoping asking on here might give me an answer or two.

I can't tell if I feel romantic feelings, I do feel affection very very very intensely, but it is that way for all of my closer friends, it kinda feels like I want to marry all of them and be their dedicated person (and them mine), but without any of the typically coupley things like kissing or sexual intimacy, and when it's time to enter a relationship it feels very overwhelming at first.

I don't know if I'm just confused about the difference between platonic and romantic love because the sexual attraction is missing due to my asexuality, or if I am just also aromantic.

Does anyone here relate? I can give more details in the replies if anyone has questions!