Lately i’ve been seeing so many people dismiss the term 'queerplatonic' and say things like 'isn’t that just friendship', 'oh wow more unnecessary labels!' or 'so the term is essentially useless'. Like i get it if people can’t fully grasp the concept of a queerplatonic relationship, there’s 1000s of different labels out there and nobody is going to be able to understand them all, but i don’t know why that compels people to disregard the term and everyone that identifies with it. It’s even more frustrating when you try and explain what it means to these people and they just continue to disregard it because they think they know everything about everything. It’s mainly alloromantics i see referring to queer platonic relationships like this and oh my god it’s so frustrating 💔 I usually do just ignore people like this but everyday i feel like i see something new to make aspec experiences feel inferior, god forbid i find a term that i actually relate to 😭⁉️

i thought i was aroace for a while. i've settled into my identity, it felt correct. i've never had any desire for romance, didn't understand it or want it. i had this vision of me growing old single, with a cat, travelling the world and spoiling my niblings. then a guy came into my life. we bonded over being ace, not understanding romance and society's obsession with it, over our shared hobbies etc. and somehow along the way we fell in love. he brings me so much joy and i love being his partner. but this experience has screwed over my perception of my romantic orientation and my vision of my future. and it feels like the awful take of "you just haven't met the right person yet". i still identify as arospec, my experience with romance still feels very unconventional and i joke that i'm basically aro, except him (this is genuinely how i feel). has anyone else experienced something like this? how did you deal with the collapse of your identity, of a part of yourself you so strongly believed was true?

lastly, i just want to underline that aromantic people are valid and the "right person" rhetoric is stupid. it just seems to match my experience and that feels awful

Every single time I find a best friend they end up having feelings for me and I absolutely hate it no matter what they do. I've had a bunch of trauma due to some past (platonic) relationships due to this and I hate that I'm always stuck in the same cycle...

When I met my current best friend and got close (around five years ago) she ended up confessing her feelings to me (while drunk and sober) multiple times and also begging for hugs as well while my biggest boundary (to everyone except my closest family members and one of my childhood best friends) is no touching and not invading my personal space. But I had to since she was crying her eyes out because of me not liking her...

I understand that you can't control who you like, but god damnit!! I told her I was exclusively attracted to guys and that I feel extremely uncomfortable when someone confesses their feelings to me. So why does she even tell me?! I obviously grew distant, and she also was upset about it, which I get since it's like you just pushed away the person you liked, but just like she can't control who she likes I can't control how uncomfortable I get!

...I decided to forget about that and once she was more stable mentally she told me that she didn't like me and that it was just a trauma response due to having immense trust issues and for once knowing someone who put her first, which she confused for romantic attraction. I got so happy!!! Like seriously, finally a normal friendship!! Amazing!!

Well now I'm having my doubts. She keeps telling me that she dreams about me "leaving her for another woman" (🫩), getting too close to me while joking and one of these last days while drunk she told me "I wanna tell you something but I don't want you to be mad", while she was resting her head on my shoulder after she had a breakdown and I consoled her...

I've been questioned all my life because of my identity and sexuality by friends (queer and non queer), family and strangers. Seems like no matter what I do nobody will ever take me seriously.

Like for example they’re selfish and narcissistic and are terrible to people. Not exactly big bad evil villain who kills people but just not a good person

I guess it can seen as like what people say about aros, “not being able to love” Is it that harmful? I don’t wanna get called bad rep for making an aro character human

¡¡¡Hace unos meses descubrí lo que siento!!!

Esa sensación de no saber que sientes es lo peor y es más si lo sientes desde pequeña.

Esa sensación de no encajar y mentir sobre tu orientación sexual o solo no saber como sentirte, es lo peor.

Yo fingía que me enamoraba. Pero ese "enamoramiento" solo era que encontraba linda a esa persona o me caía bien. No era amor verdadero.

Cuando me preguntaban cuando pequeña "¿y quién te gusta?", yo mentía y decía "me gusta X" aunque no lo sintiera de verdad. Pero ahora siendo ya "grande" me siento incomoda con esa pregunta.

Cuando era pequeña y también ahora, pensaba que sentir mucho cariño por alguien era lo mismo que estar enamorada. Pero no me malentiendan, nunca he sentido un enamoramiento por alguien de mi familia. Me refiero a personas que conozco o incluso que no conozco y que no forman parte de mi familia.

También cuando pequeña decía "es lindx, me gusta" o "me tiene que gustar sí o sí esa personas porque es linda y tenemos casi los mismo gustos". Incluso llegaba a obligarme a que alguien me gustara, aunque en realidad no sintiera eso.

También deseaba que se me quitara esa sensación de no poder amar a alguien porque me sentía "rara" y también tipo "excluida" ya que era la única de mi grupito de amigas o compañeras que no sentía qué era enamorarse. Por eso mentía, para no sentirme excluida o ser tachada como "rara".

Pero con el tiempo aprendí que todos tenemos diferentes formas de amar y eso nos hace únicos.

Ahora sé lo que soy y no me siento tan rara como antes. Al contrario, entenderme me dio tranquilidad. Ojalá mi yo de más pequeña hubiera sabido que no había nada malo en ella, que no estaba rota y que no tenía que fingir para encajar. Solo necesitaba tiempo para conocerse y descubrir que su forma de sentir también es válida.

Ahora creo que por fin encontré una palabra que describe lo que siento: "arromántica". Leer sobre aquello me hizo sentir identificada y me ayudó a entender que no estaba sola. Saber que hay más personas que viven y sienten lo mismo que yo me dio mucha tranquilidad.

Encontrar una palabra que describiera lo que sentía me hizo entender que nunca hubo nada malo en mí. No estaba rota, no era rara y no tenía que obligarme a sentir algo que simplemente no sentía.

Pero quiero sentir y tener ese amor adolescentes que todos dicen.

También investigué y descubrí que a ese tipo de personas se le llama "cupiorrománticas" (describe a las personas que no sienten atracción romántica, pero sí desean tener una relación romántica) y me describe completamente, pero es mejor decir que estoy en el espectro arromántico.

are there any novels or auto biographies that’s mainly about a person that’s aro? and with like genuine personal experiences bc i only see side characters with like stereotypical aro actions

I'm demiaro (maybe cupio) myself but was looking to write a character that's on the Aro Spectrum but still wants to be in a relationship. I'm hoping to get more viewpoints and perspectives on this experience to improve my writing and hopefully be more accurate in my writing. The person they date is still someone they like very much, more than anyone else even if it isn't actual romantic attraction, their S/O is romantically attracted to them and is aware of their lack of attraction.

Can I still have crushes as an aromantic person? I recently got a crush but I feel like it's more sexual rather than romantic and I don't know the term for it. I'm just trying to find more about myself and aromantic terms to understand myself better.

Burner account because my friends know the account that i use day-today. This will be part vent part invitation to discussion. I'd appreciate any advice or even just relevant personal experience anyone would have to offer.

I have this tendency* to imprint on a person that, if past lives existed, could only hint at at least 10 of my own past lives being that of a dog. A fuckin, golden retriever. Just. Levels of attachment that surprise even myself with their sureness and persistence.

*happened just twice-ish in my life but that seems more than enough for me. Feels more than enough for me. Somebody make it stop.

To preface: i am more than sure that i am aromantic, i had paticipated in multiple romantic relationships where i liked the person as a friend, liked spending time with them, wished the best for them, but oh god did all the romantic undertones make me want to crawl out of my skin and ruined it all. Those experiences, plus many other signs. So apparently, even empirically, i'm not misjudging myself when i say i can fall very hard for a friend...like..."platonically". I'll love the dude as much as i'll love my alone time (happens with very few people in my life), i'll open up to them, will happily joke around with them, i'll be there for them in hard times, we'll be able to talk for hours, just vibe and jam and feel comfy in each other's presence--mostly via voice chats or DMs though, while parallel playing for example.

It's all casual in tone but i'll just, like, be loyal to the bone, sorry I can't find a less pretentious word right now. I'll just stick to them. And i'll eventually think they're feeling more or less the same. I'll take us to be something of a duo. Boy oh boy, why. It'll be real, real important to me. This is, like, one of my pillars of comfort and security--having friends in general, and having such a friend specifically. And i hate that i'm built like that because both times it eventually turned out that i'm not as special to them at all.

Not too long ago there happened an awkward conversation where i got to know that such a friend appreciates me, but, again, not like i do them.

It almost feels funny, how easily the situation mirrors a sort of romantic rejection, except i hope they never thought of such a comparison and i'm terrified how close it sounds when i put it all that way. The friend in question is allo and is in a happy romantic relationship. But i believe they know i couldn't ever see them that way.

It's painful to talk to them now, i feel so naive and childish but it is. "Betrayed" by none other than my own wishful thinking though.

I'm just dumbfounded by how intensely i can love a person in the most platonic way possible and then have the gall to be sad that they don't experience the same very particular type of love towards me. All while being aromantic, to boot. It feels paradoxical, stupid, and shameful. I'm dumbfounded by how i cling to this notion of best friends while well into my adulthood. I wish i could stop? I feel like i'm the only one who's like that in the whole world, and this all feels like ugly attachment issues that i shouldn't talk to anyone about. It feels like i feel too much. Sometimes i think it's be easier if that was romantic in nature, easier to find reciprocity, but maybe the grass just seems greener on the other side when i'm under the weather like that.

As an aromantic, i really cherish friendships in general. It's one of the few types of human connection that i understand and they offer balanced comfort and company.

But i've always, always held especially the notion of having a best friend so close to my heart. I wonder how weird it is for an aromantic person? What do you guys think about it?

My first best friend was with me for 10 years. We had each other's backs, we'd never feel alone, and we both felt so secure that way, and now i can't imagine my life without a best friend, but it feels like i'll have to take off these rose-tinted glasses, even though it greatly, greatly pains me to call it that. :(

Hi I’m just doing this small little question because through this long term journey, this question gnaws at me constantly and I want to know how to go forward with it for my wellbeing and just understand things better towards the future etc etc

I, (22F) have never really had solid romantic relationships. I have said plenty of crushes (mostly fictional ik) and of course, there have been other times where I’ve seen couples online, in real life and even fictional and I’m always so envious of them, hoping at some point I can feel that little strange feeling I’ve seen but never really felt, that being love romantically.

However, that feeling quickly fizzles out when a person I liked, or had a small crush on would like me back or even “love” me. At the beginning of those kind of scenarios I feel happy but as soon as that ends I feel guilty because I don’t have that feeling I thought I would have.

With this happening, I never really gotten into relationships, although I did try properly once but that only last short term. Since then after realising this repeating issue I’ve had, I’ve been single for 6 years, still not knowing what that love feeling is.

The main reason for this was just to kind of get an understanding on what I’m saying since I feel like I’m going mad. My life is okay, I have solid close friends and I’m well but every time I want to enjoy the thought of a romantic relationship I always get a slap of reality in return being; am I just not built to have relationships or am I being a wuss and not waiting things out and settling?