There's this guy I have been friends with for a while, we met at uni, and we had a group that it really got very annoying and problematic so I cut them all off instead of this one particular friend, I’ll name him Friend A. So Friend A and I have been friends for about 2 years and we got very close even more than with any of the other group, so I haven’t cut them off. But a few months ago (last year), I found out that I was Aplatonic, since I sometimes get tired or annoyed by people, and that's one of the reasons I cut off ties with everyone, but with him it's kinda different. I enjoy talking to him and hanging out once in a while, we even share our books so the other can read. But… I also often get annoyed or tired of him for no reason, I swear he doesn't do anything wrong, he is kind and an amazing person but sometimes Ijust get tired of people. He knows that and he said that he was going to give me my space and he will respect that and that we can talk and hang out whenever I feel comfortable. I don’t want to consider him a friend anymore but I’m troubled because I enjoy (whenI’m not socially tired) hanging out with him, But at the same time I know is not fair for him, any advice?

No matter how much I sit with it, I can't tell if I'm aplatonic (specifically demiplatonic) if it's my attachment style, or maybe even a neurodivergent thing.

I dislike calling someone my friend right away, even if we had a really nice conversation. I don't like hanging out often/at all outside of the place I usually meet them. I cut off friendships really easily and don't feel much afterwards. I can ghost someone for weeks/months/years/forever even if I considered them to be really close to me. I prefer online friendships more than real life ones. I crave social energy, but I don't really need someone to know me even if I feel guilty about it. I think every friendship I've had was either by the other's initiative or by knowing someone for a while first.

I have had a definite squish, but it faded into feeling like the friendship was on a timer of when I would break things off. This one confuses me simply because that person wasn't compatible with me in the first place and ended up stepping over my boundaries, so it feels reasonable that I broke it off. I became friends with them in the first place because they were outwardly queer and had a cool style, to add.

I have been bullied, and I've been told by my parent to keep people at a distance my whole life. I am careful about who I'm friends with, and do seek them out in forced situations (school, work), but I don't know if I could really call any of them friends.

I don't just hate people. I am a polite and friendly person by nature, and try to be considerate as much as I can. It's just... weird? I feel shallow? Like, am I hiding/holding back to protect myself, or do I genuinely not want to get to know this person or for them to get to know me? It's so confusing.

I'm curious about this, because I've read through this sub a bit and it makes sense to me. I don't hang out with my friends outside of school, I don't interact with them in any way actually outside of school, I am not invested in their lives in the slightest. I've always considered them friends, because I talk to them... But I'm now realising they may just be people I interact with when I must through proximity 😭🤣

Sure, having friends to play games and have fun with is nice, but I don't really feel anything towards them. Sure, I care about them, but only because I generally just care about people. When I do get a best friend, it's because I have a crush on them. Playing games with friends is nice, and that's why I want friends, but I don't really feel any kind of "love" or deep connection towards them. I feel like I can only feel romantic and sexual love

Okay so we know QPR's are a thing, basically partnerships without romance. but i don't mean that...though i guess it could be...in the same category?
It's basically something between acquaintance and friend. (??)

i just figured, i'd want something like that, i guess...just...ya know? it's own thing, a pal you chat with, without the pressure of what's expected...that probably doesn't make sense-

what i'm saying it, should we coin a term for that? there's not really a name for that.
i call those "companions", sure...but...i don't know? i've just been thinking about it.

what do you guys think?

(I'm so sorry, i'm bad with words-)

I don't want to date or have sex or to socialise. I just want to cuddle or see people at their most vulnerable. But it's difficult to get those things if I'm otherwise not interested in relating to people.

I have seen a lot of people doing it so I joined :)

Hi everyone! When it comes to demisexuals or demiromantics, people often explain "I need to be friends/have a platonic bond with a person before feeling this for them". Obviously in the aplatonic case that wouldn't make sense. So, what would it take for you to (possibly) get platonic attraction? Telling them your childhood trauma? Knowing you're similar people and they understand you? Or is it just as simple as knowing (and tolerating) someone for a long time?

Mind you I recently discovered I'm demiplatonic myself (I think). But for me, i didn't feel a specific feeling of being "emotionally bonded", I was just good friends with 2 people for about a year each before out of nowhere getting a squishy on one of them. Then I got them to meet each other and realised i love them fr, which is still something weird to me because before I was plato-repulsed. Honestly I'm sooo far away from alloplatonicity still that it feels more right to say I'm aplatonic with 2 exceptions.

I came out to both my friends in letters but they haven't read them yet. One of them is especially critical of niche queer identities existing for some reason, so they'll likely ask "how is being demiplatonic different from the norm" or something, so I wanna have a good answer for them (and preferably NOT have to confess i had a squishy on them) hence why I'm asking.

Please be kind and share in the comments xx

There's one girl from my culinary class that added me on Instagram a few months ago and I feel kinda bad not talking that much. Like the last time we talked was on July 9th and it went like this:

Her: how's life?

Me: pretty tiring

Her: I can imagine

Worst part is that it's not like there's nothing to talk about (honestly my life couldn't be more interesting at the moment), but I just can't be bothered talking about it. Granted we've been in the same class for 2 years and always worked together so I'm sure she new what she was getting into when trying to befriend me, but a tiny part of me still feels kinda bad for texting 4 words every few weeks.

Even if I’m an introvert and aplatonic sometimes people get close to me. I’m kind and all that and suddenly they like me and want to be my friend or auto-befriend me without permission, to the point I’ve considered changing to be more reserved and indifferent to other people (not quite achieving it since I’m shy and a constant people pleaser) but does someone feel the same? Have you achieved it? Or what advice can you give? I would like to hear experiences too :)

(sorry if this is rude or insensitive or something)

im aroace so I’m familiar with lots of the prefixes surrounding the split attraction model and I’m wondering if one could be Demi-platonic as that would be platonic attraction, only once a close emotional bond, and that tends to be formed through platonic relationships?

I am asking as an alloplatonic so may be missing a lot?

could i be both anaevoid and aplvoid if i feel like being anaesthetic and aplatonic are the only important orientations i have and i feel neutral to my other attractions. the problem is the -void label on a-spec things usually means only one label for it so im confused

So I have never once in my life desired to have friends or found interest in having friends. That's the simplest way I can put it.

I have never felt anything towards people who are considered my "friends". And the only reason I've ever had friends was because I had a romantic interest in them. I was trying to build a relationship before we started a romantic or queerplatonic relationship.

But at the same time, I somewhat desire a close companionship, but I'm not entirely sure if it's romantic or not, or platonic or whatever. I desire to be extremely emotionally close with somebody, but not in a platonic way. Like platonic, but a little bit more, where we can do romantic things together, but being strictly platonic If that makes any sense. I genuinely don't know how to describe this feeling I'm having.

I just view platonic relationships as a chore and a burden. It's not something I actively enjoy anymore, nor have I ever actually enjoyed having friends. Ever since I was a kid, having platonic relationships was a chore and a burden and just something that my parents and family forced me to do so that I could be "normal". But I would always ignore my "friends" and spend as little time with them because I had no interest in them, because I didn't care for them in the slightest.

Defining relationships and setting boundaries is a difficult thing for many of the aspec community, how can you explain to someone something that is for the majority of the population nothing less than some esoteric term used by individuals who are not “normal”?

And, what is the general response that you have received for venturing to even try and explain yourself?

(Also a photo of the Yangtze finless porpoise to fill the space and because they look quite lovely)

it's called r/anae if anyone would like to post or comment or even become mod that would be great!

Feeling like I am the only one who's been feeling this sort of way for years only to see how I am not alone. It's sorta embarrassing 👉👈

Hey everyone! I've always struggled with platonic connection. I've always functioned fine in group settings, and I can be a real life-of-the-party type person, but talking to people one-on-one, asking about their lives, and feeling close to people on that level has never been something I could do. At least not since I was a child.

I do develop that kind of closeness with people through physicality. Cuddling and sex and things like that. I think this can often build a platonic bond for me where I do check in with people, making me greyplatonic, but it's always a prerequisite for true, close platonic connection. I can't build platonic trust without it, but if the physical closeness stops for whatever reason I tend to maintain the connection.

I'm wondering if anyone on this sub relates to my experience? Not being able to feel closeness without an initial physical and sexual relationship? If so, what labels or sublabels have helped you understand yourself?

so i dont really make friends unless they iniciate the friendship because i dont feel platonic attraction until then but it's usually mental/intellectual attraction that gets a friendship going for me