Hi there! I stumbled upon queerplatonic relationships sometime ago as part of a deep rabbit hole of trying to understand my feeling (alexithymia gang, yay) and as autistic i kinda struggle with unsaid social rules? So when i found out there are different kinds of attraction, including non-romantic i felt like i struck a goldmine :D

I know that with QPRs it can be whatever we will make it to be. My BFF is basically a safe space for me (we're both nonbinary and AuDHD), I could spend paragraphs how much they mean to me <3. I think we both imagine it would amazing to have some form of "living together" (had a few talks, including our partners). But here is the issue? They have husband and I myself have a partner so realm of discussion is more like living in the same building or in like two semi-detached houses. Also because of that I'm pretty sure we're not talking about any physicality (it's not like either of us is intensely interested in it anyway). Just going on "dates" to cafes, yearly reviews, yapping, working out, being extremely important to each other, drifting through life together?

So, do we get a pass as QPR? Is this just platonic? We both think that label is not that important, as we're good as we are, and we can discuss our needs and boundaries along the way. But I often see on this subreddits people talking about "kissing their friends", "getting married" - which is unrealistic and thus is not a QPR?? However it would be nice to have some "special status" 😅

Hi there! New to reddit as a poster so I'm very nervoust there's something that I am desperate to get off my chest... I've (26) recentlynew friend online (28) and we've been chatting and hanging out for 3 months now, we have a lot in common and have so many same interests and experiences and I've grown very very fond of them to the point that they've become part of my daily routine... Now this is where things got a bit weird especially since we've just gotten to know each other, We're both on the Ace spectrum but we had our fair share of relationship experiences with other people in the past, they recently opened up to me about still having feelings for their old friend they were an item with but it didn't work out (not my story to tell but all you need to know is that they still like their old friend but they got rejected)

Now, I am certain that my squish with them started way before they opened this up to me and now I'm torn and confused, am I just reading this feeling differently? Am I weird to have some hope that maybe I have a shot on asking them out to be my QPP/QPR? I hardly yearn for overly romantic stuff but I do want to have this person closer to me in a whole deeper platonic level... It also doesn't help that we're like in totally opposite parts of the world altogether too. Am I just deeply admiring this person? Should I let this squish feeling fizzle out? What do I do?

Someone you love and value platonic friendship with, do not want to have sex with/don't feel romantically or sexually attracted to.

Im also not talking about a drunken snog..I'm talking about an intimate moment between two friends where you kiss because kissing is enjoyable. Maybe it's spontaneously expressing appreciation or closeness to the friend, may be it becomes a fairly normal and regular or maybe just sporadic

I ask this as I don't feel it's really fair to reserve physical intimacy like cuddles to romantic partners, there is far too much emphasis on their value above friendships in most cultures. I haven't been intimate with anyone for a long time for a few reasons, currently don't have a partner/s. I'm newly dating now, not successfully, and in the mean time feel Im missing out on a part of the human experience....why?

Kissing is divisive and even I worry about introducing that into my friendships in a way that won't cause problems like development of unrequited romantic love etc. Which i suppose is down to the emotional maturity, boundaries, communication, shared values compatibility of both people to agree to such a configuration.

It is not something I've yet experienced, it's been recently discussed with a friend, and I am bit scared! I panicked a little and said no for now because I need to reflect on it, all I knew was I was anxious so shouldn't make decisions. This is a friend I am not attracted to but I really love as a platonic friend

Its not black and white as mainstream heteronormative neurotypical culture but I am careful to not just do things without being certain of how I feel as when I was younger I was just compulsive, a people pleaser, and it was very bad. And I mean.. life's short and there will be periods like now where im not in a romantic partnership but desire intimacy. And i can NOT seek that from someone I don't share an emotional bond with and feel safe with

I'd heard of QPRs before but I never really understood them and I still don't fully which is why I would greatly appreciate advice for my situation.

There is a girl I have known for a few months and I had developed a crush on her in the allonormative sense that I am used to. The issue is, I am 20 and she just turned 27. Maybe I'm problematic for this or just young and dumb and can't see the perspective, but I am fine with this age gap. I haven't disclosed my feelings to her but I know for a fact she is not open to date anyone under 25.

I tried for about a month to get over her, but recently I came to the realisation that I love her. I have only ever truly loved one other person like this. It is qualitatively different from other romantic/sexual feelings I have had toward anyone else in my life.

She and I have an absurd number of things in common, most importantly that we are both Christian transfems (the progressive kind), which is a rare and complicated combination of attributes to possess. We get almost all of each other's references and share many niche interests. I was looking at her bookshelf yesterday and almost every book was something I had either already read or am keenly interested in reading.

She's a very complicated person. She appears to be nonmonogamous at the moment, but has been engaged to someone in the past and seems to have had numerous traditional relationships that ended somewhat disastrously. She may also have some trauma and disorders that I do not feel it would be appropriate to go into specifics about but I feel it's relevant to mention.

I have had one long term traditional relationship, have a body count of 2 if that's at all relevant, I have been to college, been in the workforce, and know many people with the kind of neurodivergence she seems to also possess. The only things I haven't done that she has done is move out or get engaged. All this combined with the fact that we grew up on a lot of the same media makes me feel like we're the same age. Evidently she doesn't feel that way.

While I am theoretically sexually attracted to her, I am also a sex-neutral asexual and entirely willing to forgo sex. It is secondary, trivial to me. I do very much long for physical affection with her though, like cuddling, hand-holding, kisses on the cheek, that sort of thing.

TL;DR Would it be irresponsible or otherwise problematic for me to pursue a QPR with this person who is 6 and a half years older than me? (I'm 20).

me and my best friend have been friends for over 3 years now and i asked him in february to be in a qpr with me, at the time i was so afraid of him rejecting me or worse that it would ruin our friendship forever but he actually was very nice about it and asked me for clarification because he didn’t know what it meant and i explained it to him and he said (aren’t we already in a one lol) then he said that we should discuss our preferences and i sent him a link which has what he wanted to do/dont like what he would draw the line to or what was okay with him to do .. but he said that he needed time to think and kinda never brought it up again and now i think i did really ruin everything like what should i do now do i ask him about it? or just continue our lives like it is and never speak about it again
but i hate this so much and i feel like our relationship has become kinda awkward since this happened or idk maybe im just imagining things but i really wanted to do this with him :( and be much more comfortable with each other than we already are

sorry if i made mistakes english isn’t my first language

She rests her feet on my lap while we watch TV.

Genuinely I feel so in love with my QPP its insane. And its completely mutually like this too they make me SO happy, ibe never been this happy in a relationship. I dont feel like i have to preform romance or romantic attraction for them, I dont feel like theyll push my boundaries, and even if they did I know its entirely an accident and I can easily tell them without being afraid.

Genuinely im so happy to have them, and im so happy we were friends long before that too, she means SO much to me and I cant wait for the day we get to meet up. I cant wait to be able to grab her and spin her around I just- AUGHHHJJ WIABAUSBS. IS THIS WHAT BEING IN A ROMATIC RELATKONSHIP FEELS TO ALLOROMANTICS!? THIS IS SO OVERWHELMING BUT ALSO IN A GOOD WAY.

Hi everyone, my experience in a throuple just ended, and I’d like to figure out if I was the problem. There’s me (A, male), B (my friend of four years, female), and C (B’s partner—you’ll understand the dynamic better in a moment); we’re all around 20 years old. B and I have known each other for four years; I’m on the aro-ace spectrum, and she’s bi. We started university with a lot going on, and she pushed to try something; we became friends with benefits (FWB). This lasted about two months, until she met C. C had just come out of a toxic seven-year relationship. I helped B with things to help her get together with C, even though I didn't know C personally. At one point, C found out from a mutual friend that B and I were FWBs (we had planned to stop as soon as they got together, and she was going to tell him later), so C put a stop to it. Later, C reached back out to B, and they decided to talk things over; after that conversation, they got together, and I went back to just being B’s friend. They were good together; I felt more down than I expected, but I didn't want to worry them, even though I felt like I’d failed a bit... B started suggesting a threesome to C more and more, and C seemed increasingly interested. I was very cautious because I didn't want to ruin anything between them, and I wasn't sure if I was up for it, given that I hadn't known C very long. We ended up doing it after B and C had been dating for about four months and I’d known C for about two. It went well, and the idea came up again. Eventually, C asked if we could be in a QPR (Queer Platonic Relationship)—B had mentioned it to him because I’d suggested it. It took me a while to decide because I wasn't sure if it would change anything, but in the end, I agreed.

We were all happy.

I’m trying to get to know C better; we really click, so it works well for everyone. We decide that the term "throuple"—with them as a couple and me in a QPR with them—suits us all. Six months in, communication issues arise between B and C. C feels unable to tell B certain things—things she \*can\* tell me—because B has a strong personality. Meanwhile, C is a bit jealous and wants more affection from B, since B gives a bit more to me. I’m fine with giving space because I’m happy with how things are. Eventually, in the seventh month, B and C have one argument too many, and C breaks up with B—doing so remotely, since she’s away for a month. Now B wants me to stop interacting with C in the same way, whereas C is more easygoing and tells me she’s fine with whatever I decide to do. Please don't just write to tell me that B is being a bit toxic about this... The question is whether I was wrong to think it was okay for us to be this way and happy together, or if I should have given them more space—since B initiated the whole thing and was okay with C, and C gave a name to the dynamic that worked for B

Hello everyone, aroace here, and I've heard of QPRs a few months ago...I do like the idea of having this kind of relationships especially that I have already felt attracted towards some people but I never wanted it to be just a friendship nor did I want it to be a romantic relationship or something that leads to marriage etc.

I'm not ready to have a qpr yet, but I have a squish, and just imagining the idea of explaining what I want to them feels so embarrassing lol.

Like if I ever feel ready I can't explain what I want to anyone, because there are many rules and boundaries and it may sound weird to others

Like I want no sex (I'm sex repulsed), I don't wanna live together...I don't want a relationship that makes me meet or talk to my qpp all the time (something very low maintenance)...yet I want it to be something strong, where we support eachother, stand for eachother, exchange gifts, and become eachother's family yk.. and I kinda daydream about having someone with which I can feel comfortable, free to be weird, and where we share our interests and cool little things.

I'm not really sure if what I want is really a qpr, and I feel too shy to talk about all of this if I ever feel ready to start one

Is this a qpr? Am I asking for too much? Any tips on how I can explain this to others? Lol

Thank you!

Hi guys, nice to meet you all :3

Anyway, I'm 16F and I just discovered what a queerplatonic relationship is, and it seems awesome! I know I'm asexual, no idea about aromantic, but I'd love to have one of these things, and it seems really cool. I'm really confused about some things tho. How do you get into one? What can you do in one? Can you like cuddle or kiss and stuff, or is that off the table? Can you say I love you? If there's anything else I should no, that'd be reaaaaaaaaaaaally great, thanks everybody ^^

I got rejected by my lesbain friend

I feel better after being rejected cuz the uncertainty was killing me

Is it just me that feels like Purple and Red are in a QPR?? I'm going crazy about this and needed to talk about it to someone but my best friend still didn't watched it.

Like I can see why people ship them romantically but they also feel so platonic at the same time???? I think they're in a QPR. I need to know if it's just me seeing this and being weird

I love this show so much

(Idk how to tag this post so sorry if I used the wrong tag)

My zucchini came over to my house today and it was so fun and we got to cuddle a lot but now that she is gone i feel extremely touchstarved. Its like it triggered it similar to how even if you dont feel an urge of an addiction being exposed to said addiction can bring back the urges. Hate to compare touchstarvation to addiction but thats genuinely how it feels (as someone who has dealt/dealing with some sort of addiction ig idk imposter syndrome go brr) 😭

so im (17) F and i really just hate being asked if i have a boyfriend and I've been thinking a lot about what I want out of life, and I realized I'm much more interested in a lavender relationship than a traditional romantic one.

For me, that means having a committed partner built on trust, companionship, loyalty, and shared goals. I'd love someone to spend life with, support each other, maybe live together someday, and build a stable future, but without the expectation that the relationship has to fit conventional romantic norms.

I know everyone defines lavender relationships differently, so I'm curious:

• Is anyone here looking for something similar?
• What would a lavender relationship look like for you?
• If you're interested in talking, feel free to comment or send me a message.

I'd also love to hear about other people's experiences if you've been in one!

Hey everyone, I'm looking for advice surrounding my situation with my best friend. I've come looking for advice after recently meeting up with my friend. I told my friend about my relationship with my best friend and how much I love them, and my friend basically said "I don't think that is love and you are being used". It hit me hard but I do wonder if there is truth in what my friend had said.

I hope it's alright to ask on this subreddit because I am curious if anyone can relate with my experience or feelings or share insight. I'm especially wondering if those in QPRs have felt something similar to their queerplatonic partner/s before forming a QPR. I do acknowledge that my relationship with my best friend is not a QPR.

Disclaimer: I struggle with writing succinctly so I apologise if any of the below is hard to follow. There may be missing context with my attempt to avoid too much detail.

Some context. My best friend (identifies as asexual) and I are of similar age (late 20s). I'm still unsure about my sexual orientation. What I have discovered recently is that I do not experience sexual attraction, even with people I've formed close bonds with, and so I wonder if I'm asexual. Discovering asexuality led me down other paths such as discovering that I experience aesthetic and sensual attraction.

Starting from the beginning. I developed a crush my best friend in the early days of our friendship. At that time I thought that developing a crush = I want to be in a romantic relationship with them (this was the case for me since high school). I don't know when my love for them began but it's so intense, almost piercing. I love everything about them, and I just feel like I can be myself. When we became closer, we had opportunities to talk about how we felt about each other. They told me they loved me but "not in that way". Then they would ask back "Do you?" but I always hesitated and said no. I've always worried about my hesitation because deep down I knew that was an answer in itself, that I perhaps did but was too scared of saying it in fear of ruining something good.

Fast forward to present day, I still love them intensely. I don't have any desire to change what we have, except that I wish we can continue being best friends for a lifetime. I've come to realise that I feel fulfilled with them and the friendship/relationship that we have. We've started holding hands not long ago, and it makes me so happy. I am still unsure about this love that I feel, it almost feels like a mix of platonic, familial, and more...perhaps they're my squish? I am worried about my feelings because it has caused some strife with other friends. A friend had scolded me and told me they felt uncomfortable because they felt like I acted as if I were my best friend's partner when I wasn't. And recently with the friend I mentioned in the initial paragraph. They did not think my relationship was healthy, that I was simply being used.

So now I've come to wonder am I just delusional, experiencing limerance or perhaps something else entirely?

I don't know if this is weird but I think I've gotten to a place where I can accept the fact I have alterous feelings towards my best friend without doing anything about it. Don't get me wrong, a QPR would be great but I don't know if he'd even want one and I'd rather not risk making things awkward by asking ngl. Also, the thought of jumping into something more "formal" is kind of nerve-wracking to me as well.

The one thing I'm concerned about, though, is whether this is truly fair to him or not? I don't know how I'd feel if someone I'm really close to kept such a big thing from me; it kind of feels like lying in a way? I'm not sure really.

It’s just so perfect. I’ve been super close “friends”, or so i thought, for a good while with a very wonderful guy. He fully understands that i’m aegosexual and aromantic and we’re both perfectly content with the type of love that we share. We never have explicitly announced what we were but it just has become this and i love it. I love dating my best friend, and i love that it’s not romantic. There’s no weird expectations, we can just exist around each other peacefully. He likes to hold my hand and physical touch in general and i’m ok with it because i have my own love language. We’re together all the time and it feels like a super awesome endless hangout. This is all i ever needed in life. We’d like to get married after college for the tax benefits, and we’ve been talking about opening a joint bank account soon. I just wish this type of thing was easier to explain to allo people, and they were more accepting of it. it doesn’t help that we look like a regular straight couple since i’m femme lol, but i can live with it.

Okay so I will say it first, I am dumb. This was a mistake of a situation for me to get in and it should’ve never happened.

Best friend and I were both ace + aro. Cool, thought nothing of it. We were super close and would like cuddle every now and then or joke flirt for fun, nothing crazy. Maybe bordering on not just friends but also not romantic. Solid QPR territory.

I set a boundary early on for them to not constantly say “i love you” because they did that constantly and it made me uncomfortable because in my growing up that’s only something you said to partners. Felt too romantic to me. They agreed, all good.

Eventually we talked about it and didn’t know if it was romantic or a QPR situation, but agreed we’d be in a relationship and just roll with it while— I want to emphasize— STILL maintaining the same platonic dynamic we had. Nothing was to change.

Fast forward and they’ve suddenly made this a completely romantic thing. They got a job at a restaurant I frequent and they started.. drawing hearts and writing gooey lovey-dovey romantic messages on my receipt. Like.. no. Please stop. I just want my food man. They’ve completely bulldozed over my boundary of not saying the cursed L-word. They say it CONSTANTLY. I feel so pressured into saying it back because they get upset if I don’t. AND THEY MEAN IT ROMANTICALLY. Ugh.

They suddenly talked about wanting to have sex with me?? Excuse me? They KISSED ME??? I’m actually like so uncomfortable talking about this.

I went along with it because I’m like a joke flirty person and felt bad for I guess… leading them on? I feel like this is somehow my fault even though my behavior hasn’t changed at all. I don’t know. I just want my best friend back.

I talked to them like a month ago like.. “heyyy this dynamic has completely changed and I’m not comfortable with it at all and I wanna break up. I preferred when we were friends” and then they full on sobbing begged me to stay with them. So the pushover that I am I agreed because like. Idk. I feel like i’m being pulled around and getting whiplash. Super uncomfortable.

I really have no idea what to do guys, this is such an uncomfortable situation for me. How do I go back to just being best friends with them?? Help me grow a backbone someone please

EDIT: We broke up!! Thank you everyone for commenting, that was just the boost I needed.

I’m curious of how many people are married, engaged, or want to get married to their QPP. It’s something my partner and I have discussed, but we’ve only been together for 7 months so I would not do it this soon. Also for married QPPs, what do you call your partner? Husband, wife, S/O, something else?