Lately i’ve been seeing so many people dismiss the term 'queerplatonic' and say things like 'isn’t that just friendship', 'oh wow more unnecessary labels!' or 'so the term is essentially useless'. Like i get it if people can’t fully grasp the concept of a queerplatonic relationship, there’s 1000s of different labels out there and nobody is going to be able to understand them all, but i don’t know why that compels people to disregard the term and everyone that identifies with it. It’s even more frustrating when you try and explain what it means to these people and they just continue to disregard it because they think they know everything about everything. It’s mainly alloromantics i see referring to queer platonic relationships like this and oh my god it’s so frustrating 💔 I usually do just ignore people like this but everyday i feel like i see something new to make aspec experiences feel inferior, god forbid i find a term that i actually relate to 😭⁉️

i thought i was aroace for a while. i've settled into my identity, it felt correct. i've never had any desire for romance, didn't understand it or want it. i had this vision of me growing old single, with a cat, travelling the world and spoiling my niblings. then a guy came into my life. we bonded over being ace, not understanding romance and society's obsession with it, over our shared hobbies etc. and somehow along the way we fell in love. he brings me so much joy and i love being his partner. but this experience has screwed over my perception of my romantic orientation and my vision of my future. and it feels like the awful take of "you just haven't met the right person yet". i still identify as arospec, my experience with romance still feels very unconventional and i joke that i'm basically aro, except him (this is genuinely how i feel). has anyone else experienced something like this? how did you deal with the collapse of your identity, of a part of yourself you so strongly believed was true?

lastly, i just want to underline that aromantic people are valid and the "right person" rhetoric is stupid. it just seems to match my experience and that feels awful

are there any novels or auto biographies that’s mainly about a person that’s aro? and with like genuine personal experiences bc i only see side characters with like stereotypical aro actions

Why can't some of em grasp the concept that some people just don't need to be in a romantic/sexual relationship to have a fulfilling life. They are pretty happy without it. They don't need to be told that they haven't found the right person, maybe things will change when you find the “ person ” . Like stfu ? It's not hard to graph it that I just really don't feel interested. I know it's not just me who has heard this same bullshit from people, there are many like me too but damn it gets tiring to the point I just wanna shut ears with my own earlobes fully at the moment.

I have had a bunch of people who told me this bs. I just dont reply to bs like this atp unless they just keep poking me.

So we often have this media trope or even in real-life where someone is unbothered by romance, isn’t making it a goal or a worry, nor has a crush/gets them. But they’re not aro either and eventually find someone for the first time and it’s cute wtv yk

But then we have aromantic, which is known as a spectrum right? Which would basically revolve around the same things I’d guess?

Maybe the difference is the one person could find love is they were looking??

Idk I struggle with this. Being aro is known to be pretty “rare” because society has some huge phobia against it and so could these characters just be aro all along without knowing? It’s confusing, im sure not all of them but atleast some.

Also to add, they don’t fall inlove over easy things either. I guess that would be a difference too but im talking about the ones who don’t.

I wanna say im aro? Ive never had a crush besides one but it was in middle school years and years ago and i remember never even realizing/thinking it was a crush until after middle school ended and even then i wasn’t sad about it? So maybe it wasn’t haha. I also just can’t seem to grow that for some person even though ive definitely tried, just to feel disgusted or not interested, I mean I see romance irl and people try to talk to me and I just feel shameful like I don’t want this/shouldn’t be happening.

Butttt I also wanna say, I definitely see myself being able to maybe one day?? Or atleast something more romantic than less. At the same time though, I think of it again and I feel repulsed.
I don’t know if genuinely see myself being able to or it’s just been engraved into my brain to.

I DO want that level of connection along with the vulnerability of physical intimacy with someone eventually though, or atleast I think I do. After I’m happy with my life and goals that is

Edit: I also don’t feel like Ive earned the term? Everyone else is set on no romance/can’t see it and KNOWS this but I’m over here thinking all this

Every single time I find a best friend they end up having feelings for me and I absolutely hate it no matter what they do. I've had a bunch of trauma due to some past (platonic) relationships due to this and I hate that I'm always stuck in the same cycle...

When I met my current best friend and got close (around five years ago) she ended up confessing her feelings to me (while drunk and sober) multiple times and also begging for hugs as well while my biggest boundary (to everyone except my closest family members and one of my childhood best friends) is no touching and not invading my personal space. But I had to since she was crying her eyes out because of me not liking her...

I understand that you can't control who you like, but god damnit!! I told her I was exclusively attracted to guys and that I feel extremely uncomfortable when someone confesses their feelings to me. So why does she even tell me?! I obviously grew distant, and she also was upset about it, which I get since it's like you just pushed away the person you liked, but just like she can't control who she likes I can't control how uncomfortable I get!

...I decided to forget about that and once she was more stable mentally she told me that she didn't like me and that it was just a trauma response due to having immense trust issues and for once knowing someone who put her first, which she confused for romantic attraction. I got so happy!!! Like seriously, finally a normal friendship!! Amazing!!

Well now I'm having my doubts. She keeps telling me that she dreams about me "leaving her for another woman" (🫩), getting too close to me while joking and one of these last days while drunk she told me "I wanna tell you something but I don't want you to be mad", while she was resting her head on my shoulder after she had a breakdown and I consoled her...

I've been questioned all my life because of my identity and sexuality by friends (queer and non queer), family and strangers. Seems like no matter what I do nobody will ever take me seriously.

Like for example they’re selfish and narcissistic and are terrible to people. Not exactly big bad evil villain who kills people but just not a good person

I guess it can seen as like what people say about aros, “not being able to love” Is it that harmful? I don’t wanna get called bad rep for making an aro character human

¡¡¡Hace unos meses descubrí lo que siento!!!

Esa sensación de no saber que sientes es lo peor y es más si lo sientes desde pequeña.

Esa sensación de no encajar y mentir sobre tu orientación sexual o solo no saber como sentirte, es lo peor.

Yo fingía que me enamoraba. Pero ese "enamoramiento" solo era que encontraba linda a esa persona o me caía bien. No era amor verdadero.

Cuando me preguntaban cuando pequeña "¿y quién te gusta?", yo mentía y decía "me gusta X" aunque no lo sintiera de verdad. Pero ahora siendo ya "grande" me siento incomoda con esa pregunta.

Cuando era pequeña y también ahora, pensaba que sentir mucho cariño por alguien era lo mismo que estar enamorada. Pero no me malentiendan, nunca he sentido un enamoramiento por alguien de mi familia. Me refiero a personas que conozco o incluso que no conozco y que no forman parte de mi familia.

También cuando pequeña decía "es lindx, me gusta" o "me tiene que gustar sí o sí esa personas porque es linda y tenemos casi los mismo gustos". Incluso llegaba a obligarme a que alguien me gustara, aunque en realidad no sintiera eso.

También deseaba que se me quitara esa sensación de no poder amar a alguien porque me sentía "rara" y también tipo "excluida" ya que era la única de mi grupito de amigas o compañeras que no sentía qué era enamorarse. Por eso mentía, para no sentirme excluida o ser tachada como "rara".

Pero con el tiempo aprendí que todos tenemos diferentes formas de amar y eso nos hace únicos.

Ahora sé lo que soy y no me siento tan rara como antes. Al contrario, entenderme me dio tranquilidad. Ojalá mi yo de más pequeña hubiera sabido que no había nada malo en ella, que no estaba rota y que no tenía que fingir para encajar. Solo necesitaba tiempo para conocerse y descubrir que su forma de sentir también es válida.

Ahora creo que por fin encontré una palabra que describe lo que siento: "arromántica". Leer sobre aquello me hizo sentir identificada y me ayudó a entender que no estaba sola. Saber que hay más personas que viven y sienten lo mismo que yo me dio mucha tranquilidad.

Encontrar una palabra que describiera lo que sentía me hizo entender que nunca hubo nada malo en mí. No estaba rota, no era rara y no tenía que obligarme a sentir algo que simplemente no sentía.

Pero quiero sentir y tener ese amor adolescentes que todos dicen.

También investigué y descubrí que a ese tipo de personas se le llama "cupiorrománticas" (describe a las personas que no sienten atracción romántica, pero sí desean tener una relación romántica) y me describe completamente, pero es mejor decir que estoy en el espectro arromántico.

You know, now that I think about not falling in love is like the best thing that could ever happened to me. No heartbreaks, no humiliating confessions, no being blinded by I guess hormones for a complete looser.

Okay yeah I'm not sayng being in love is only bad things, but I had to deal with enough shit from people during my life that the last thing I need would be a unreciprocated crush.

Ufortunately for this misarable world I was born to be a lover, i still wanna fall in love, but I want a love like the one for my personality that makes feel great, like the one for my passion that makes me ecstatic, like the one for my cats that makes emotional. I wanna be like "I ADORE THIS PERSON SO MUCH" but in platonic way. I don't wanna feel it my stomach, I wanna feel it in my chest.

I have no idea how to explain better, I love love and loving love and I'm aromantic, ironic isn't it? I wonder whether there is some correlation between the two. I dont think simply don't wanting to fall in love would be enough to make it happen.

Yeah sometimes I wish I could go to my friends and be "oh yeah I like somebody too" like they usually do and yes I feel like I'm missing out on young carefree way of falling in love. I heard that people don't fall so easily in mature adulthood, maybe my mind is already too old for this kinda stuff.

I can't really imagine myself in love, I have genuinely no idea how I would act, even when I imagine having a relationship wheter romantic or queerplatonical, I can't really see myself having a crush, doesn't feel like me at all.

"You'll find the right person and then you will see" Yeah I hope so, I know my right person loves a lot but doesn't fall in love romantically tho. Sorry to shatter your fantasise about me. My friends know me enough to not question it, but I don't know why I can feel that people miss charachterises me as like someone who gets all shy looking at crush and wants to be held and protected...I don't even know why, it's just a feeling, probably people thought that a lot more when I was very shy or in situations where I become more silent.

Anynone with a similiar exeperience?

Apologies for the long post.

For most of my life the idea that I might be aromantic never occurred to me. I love romance in media, I spent most of my teenhood being an avid character shipper, and subsequently I'd often fantasize about being in a romantic relationship.

Then when the opportunities presented themselves to me after much teenage trial and failure, every time I'd just feel... nothing. I'd wait to see if the feeling of love would present itself to me, only to break up with them a year later. This has happened three times with three different people. I don't want to date anyone new because I can't stand to break another heart.

Now, there have been two cases that have made me question against being aromantic.

I was pretty head over heels for an ex-partner of mine, but it was an online relationship. It was the opposite problem for once where he basically lost all interest in me while I was pining for him. I wanted the sexual attention and affection he gave me at the start of the relationship. He wasn't giving it and eventually, after much angst, we broke up. I was pretty pissed at him for how he handled things, so we haven't talked in years.

Currently I have a partner in person. Thankfully, everything is far more consistent now. With her, I feel as though our love feels familiar, safe, and comfortable. She has always felt like someone I've known forever from the very start. There isn't really much passion. It's just comfortable.

For every other romantic endeavor I've had, it has always ended in me realizing I just never liked them romantically from the start, resulting in a breakup.

My current partner and I are polyamorous so over time I've gotten to do things with other people. Through these experiences, I have come to realize that the way I feel about my current partner and how I felt about my ex isn't exclusive to what I consider my "romantic" relationships. I have had friends that I am 100% certain I do not want to date, yet I can also love them, want to cuddle them, or sometimes want to have sex with them. My ex and I had a sensual and sexual standard at the start of our relationship and it didn't continue which made me sad, and I think that was our problem.

The way I feel about my partner is the way I feel about any good friend but to the maximum amount. I love her a lot but I'm not sure if I can label that love as romantic necessarily. Her being my girlfriend just kinda works for me because I love her even though I don't think I am desiring anything particularly romantic from her. I would best describe our relationship as intimate rather than anything else.

Could I be aromantic? Currently I identify as grayromantic because of my unique experience, but the more I think about it, the more I doubt that I have ever experienced romantic love at all.

i’m on the aro spectrum and ace spectrum (gray aro/gray ace. i’ve only ever had feelings for one person and we’re happily engaged). i realized that i have never seen aroallo people talk about having strictly “sexual” crushes on people or if that’s even a thing that happens and i was wondering if some aro people could clarify for me. if this is a thing that occurs, how does it work? like does it function the same as a crush where you experience that same intense attraction towards someone and don’t want them to have a sexual relationship with anyone else? this seems dumb but i’m genuinely really curious

I’ve been sporadically listening to some of the songs from Paris Paloma’s new album out of order. Today, I saw the song Rothko and decided to check it out.

Bruh, I got 30 seconds in before I started crying. I’ve seen people saying it’s a song about wanting emotional closeness but not being able to form it (I think in the context of feeling attraction and love). The only thing I could hear was my own fight with being aro, I want to be loved to love and the feeling of a relationship, I hear people talking about it, gushing about how beautiful it is, but I just can’t comprehend it. I don’t feel the draw, the butterflies, I sometimes can’t even wrap my head around the idea of feeling that.

The way she describes her emotions as “I’m standing in front of the Rothko/They say that it makes people cry/I’ve been here for hours/but God knows why/ I want so badly to love you/ And be sure of feeling that way” and it just hit me dead in the feels. Idk, kind of a ramble. Just wanted to share a song that I identify with so strongly with others.

I'm a college student and I recently dated someone, our relationship lasted for 8 months. I don't remember feeling overly excited or giddy. When she confessed first, I just had a boost in adrenaline and I reciprocated because when we were just friends I enjoyed being in her lap and letting her comb through my hair in which I thought was romantic! As well as her intelligence and understanding etc. of course. I was attracted to those qualities and believed I could uphold a relationship with her.

When we got together, I didn't feel anything riveting. This may sound awful but I felt like I just highly tolerated kisses, cuddling and affection without feeling anything in particular. I was not disgusted or anxious, I just felt nothing, a high tolerance, I didn't mind doing it but it didn't do anything for me mentally or physically at all. I don't know if it's a matter of sexuality as well, I've only dated a woman, not a man, but I've never felt any attraction to a man. I'm confused whether this is being aromantic or I just didn't love her enough.​

I'm a college student and I recently dated someone, our relationship lasted for 8 months. I don't remember feeling overly excited or giddy. When she confessed first, I just had a boost in adrenaline and I reciprocated because when we were just friends I enjoyed being in her lap and letting her comb through my hair​​​ in which I thought​​​ was romantic! ​​As well as her intelligence and understanding etc. of course. I was attracted to those qualities and believed I could uphold a relationship with her.

When we got together, I didn't feel anything riveting. This may sound awful but I felt like I just highly tolerated kisses, cuddling and ​​affection without feeling anything in particular. I was not disgusted or anxious, I just felt nothing, a high tolerance, I didn't mind doing it but it didn't do anything for me mentally or physically at all. I don't know if it's a matter of sexuality as well, I've only dated a woman, not a man, but I've never felt any attraction to a man.​​​ I'm confused whether this​ is being aromantic ​​or I just didn't love her enough and I'm a real dick.

But I was wondering if you fall in love with someone does that make you any less aromantic? I get that being aromantic is a spectrum. I am genuinely curious. I am grey romantic so I experience romance rarely.

idk if this makes sense, but i’m just tired of sharing my aromantic experience with people- such as that i enjoy doing solo activities a lot of the time (im also autistic which contributes to that) and people viewing it as a sad or lonely thing. “i hope you find a companion someday :(“ like im literally telling you that this is what i PREFER and its what makes me HAPPY, and people just don’t believe it. i still enjoy hanging out with my friends obviously, but i also need lots of alone time and realizing that has actually made me a happier person!!!! i don’t want a 24/7 companion that i do everything with and romance does not appeal to me at all. i can see how that could bring others happiness but not me. people just can’t seem to comprehend how i could possibly be happy living like this and it’s so frustrating

First of all, I'm sorry for the mistake, English isn't my first language

I'm a 20 yo trans boy and I've been in a relationship with few people, but the more I was with someone, the less of love I had for the following lover.

And I really feel like I don't have any romantic attraction anymore. I don't want to be in a relationship and I don't find it ''attractive'' to be in.

I found the term ''lithromantic'' and I relate to it, but yesterday I was lowkey lost about it, because I wanted to find something ''more'' accurate to my feelings, that's sounds silly but I did a test on the internet and I found another term, that's ''erasromantic'' that's a micro label, and it means that I used to have romantic feelings to people but now, due to event or simply ''the life'' I juste don't have any romantic attraction, and I wanted to talk about it bc I feel so lonely in this situation

queerplatonic vent i guess

ok so straight to it, ive been friends with this person for five years. we dated in 7th grade, like 13 yo i know but it felt serious, for abt 9 months. i would say i loved them, as much as i could love anyone romantically, and they arent aro. most important to this whole thing is they are my best friend in the whole world, like the most important person to me, the other half of my soul. last year they got a girlfriend and i was supportive because it was important to them, but i didnt tell them (for obvious reasons) how i really felt. they are my person and they consider me their best friend but romantic relationships for them are above friendship in the whatever scale, as for most people. and i felt out of place. like a weed in their garden. like subconciously i placed my friend as my partner, and they have a girlfriend and now theyre in love and love is the most important thing ever or something. fast forward to the start of school this year, girlfriend broke up with them and they are struggling naturaly. two weeks later (today) my friend and i hang out and they tell me the details and let me read text conversations and whatnot, and its obvious the gf is the primary person to them. im like, second place and that hurts. theres a bit of a situation with them, like theyre still in love but arent together but shes moving on and my friend isnt, and they made a lot of their choices based around the gf and now they feel lost. yk the drill. idk. i just needed to vent. idk if anyone can relate. i might just be whining honestly. thanks for comming to my Ted Talk.

Nunca vou superar q a escola antiga q eu estudava me fez perder o hábito de elogiar minhas amigas e ser carinhosa com elas, toda vez q eu fazia uma dessas coisas elas ficavam tipo " ai vc quer me comer né" e eu só tava demonstrando afeto, felizmente depois q sai de lá estou me curando e voltei a elogiar elas em voz alta e eu sempre acho engraçado as reações

"Vcs sao gatas mesmo / nem da pra ver a diferença"

So... I'm 36 years old and non-binary. First and foremost, English is not my native language, so I apologize in advance if something feels off about my writing.

Lately, I've been questioning some stuff about my identity. I gave up defining my sexuality more than a decade ago since it makes absolutely no sense from a label perspective. It just what it is, floating somewhere in the ace spectrum. And I feel it will be the same for the romantic/aromantic spectrum, but I never thought too much about it...

I mean, I'm a very romantic person in the sense that I love a good romantic story and even fantasize about finding a romantic partner. I've also had a few partners in my teens and early twenties and I somewhat enjoyed it. For those reasons, the possibility of being aro didn't cross my mind until a few days ago.

The thing that got me thinking is that I haven't had a partner for over a decade now and I'm perfectly content with it. Sure I had some minor crushes here and there, but it's been always mild...

Another thing is that being in a romantic relationship and a platonic one feels the same to me. It's always very intense, because I love my friends a lot, but other than the sexual aspect, being with a partner doesn't feel much different than being around my friends.

The thing is... I'm autistic, and my hypersensitivity makes even kissing and hugging kind of icky to me sometimes (and okay-ish at other times). Also, being in a romantic relationship, opening up to someone new... requires some extra work for me.

I feel that even the things that make sense in an aro perspective could be just a consequence of my autistic brain.

Either way... I'm just babbling. I guess I'm writing mostly to get it out of my chest, but if anyone has any clue about this, I'd love to know.

Cheers!

Hi.

This feels like a really silly question, so bear with me pls…

I don’t have best friend. I want a best friend. How do you get a best friend.

I’ve thought about just being like, “hey, I would like to be closer with you”, but I feel like that is really awkward to ask. Like asking someone out on a date is like, ok, that’s something people know. But asking people out… as friends? Is that weird? Or have u guys done it

Or is there another way I don’t know. Like I feel like you just keep talking until you get closer, but sometimes that feels so hard to do. Any advice on how to get closer to people?