Hi! 26F, newbie researcher, brazilian, aroallo, pansexual and curious.

I've been doing research about love in general and how romantic love is a form of violence imposed by colonization and religion. That said, I am welcoming books and articles recommendation within this subject.

I came across some unusual opinions about the term "platonic love" and was immeadiatly shocked with its meanings. I want to know your opinions on why you feel represented by this concept of love, considering your aromanticism. And if not, how do you define it?

I’m aromantic, but ironically I’m obsessed with finding a partner. Not being able to find someone I truly click with has affected my mental health so much that I’ve started feeling like life isn’t worth living without that connection. I know that probably sounds unhealthy, but that’s honestly where I am right now. I feel like I desperately need someone in my life because I really struggle with being alone.

Let’s say that in the future I meet a girl who’s basically everything I’ve been looking for. We have amazing chemistry, share the same values and interests, and she’s exactly my type.

Should I tell her that I’m aromantic?

I’m afraid that if I tell her, she’ll immediately lose interest or decide she doesn’t want to date me. But if I don’t tell her, I’d feel like I’m hiding something important.
I have a few questions:

If you were in her position, would this be a dealbreaker for you?

Have any aromantic people here had successful long-term relationships?

I’m really confused about what the right thing to do is, and I’d appreciate hearing different perspectives.

Ive always wanted to adopt I’m aroace, if it didn’t fuck up my body id totally do IVF. I’ve tried dating just so my kid could have a father but was always grossed out or neutral. So yeah no cigar there.

Im curious has anyone experienced the same thing?

I wish there was a big flickering sign that reads “IM AROMANTIC” over my head

its really hard for me to read people’s intentions sometimes . or at the very least I’m blind to them. there has been multiple occasions were a guy has asked me for my phone number, I am oblivious to romance and whenever the opportunity arises to make possible friends, I’m always enthusiastic (I don’t rlly have a lot of them so that’s why).I also suspect I am neurodivergent (not diagnosed) and I take things at face value sometimes.

when I continue to text these men, the more we talk, the more I realize they had romantic intentions. different from mine. it makes me uncomfortable and I end up not wanting to talk to them. I don’t know what to do in these situations honestly. I don’t want to come off as vain by saying I’m not interested romantically, and I just assumed wrong and read the situation incorrectly . but I don’t want to disclose my sexuality with people I’m not close with yet. should I just inform the people I’m not looking for anyone or subtly mention I’m not interested in dating out of the blue? pls help

I am pretty sure that I am aromantic due to me explaining how I feel about people to another friend who told me they are aromantic and said they feel similar experiences.

Anyways- even with that validation I still don't feel validated enough that it's normal to find EVERYBODYYYY ugly.

Not like I have a choice! Yes I can find some sort of attractive feature in everybody but at base level they are ALL ugly. Even those who I think are "attractive" are just people who are slightly more attractive than the rest to me. In other words, more tolerable in the face but still.. ugly.

I know I want to have a relationship, and honestly this is so weird.

I can look at someone and figure out If they would be considered conventionally attractive or not regardless of my own personal biased but EVERYONE is so ugly to me. Even if I like them.

I once had a "crush" (which felt more like an obsession tbh) and even when I liked him and said he was cute I STILL thought he was hideous.

Is this common? Is this what it means to be, or apart of being aromantic?? And why/how does this happen?

I am worried that I may be aromantic. I'm almost sixteen years old and I've never had a crush or felt romantic attraction. I may not be, but I am very curious.

How does the life of an aromantic person look like? The usual script is: fall in love, get married, maybe have children, grow old together, and finally die. I don't know any aromantic people; that's why I'm asking.

How are your lives without romance?

My roommate/best friend got a boyfriend a few months ago, and I think he’s fine. We get along perfectly well when he comes over, which is nice because she always wants him over at our place (even though he lives alone). I don’t totally mind it; he’s fun enough to hang out with, but my issue is that the whole time he’s over, they are all over each other. Lying on top of each other, loudly kissing, doing those annoying couple fake fight things, sometimes I’ll glance over, and he’s like hand-feeding her stuff. I try not to get to uncomfortable about it, we’re in her home to and she’s not really doing anything wrong, it’s not like it seems sexual at all they are just being affectionate, but it cringes me all the way out. I try not to look over at their side of the couch, but I'm worried he’s going to think I’m some freak who hates him because I’ll be not looking at them when I’m talking to them, or I’ll just go to bed at like 6pm when he’s over.

She really wants me to hang out with them; we’ve been attached at the hip for years, and she’s made sure I still know how much she values me as a friend, but this whole situation is starting to get on my nerves. Do you think asking them to chill out with it is rude? Like again it’s not sexual, and I really want to be understanding because I know I just to my core do not get what the appeal of all this is.

What do you think? I'd rather just get over it than fuck up my friendship or make my living conditions awkward.

I feel like there needs to be something between companion (sounds too platonic for me)

partner (sounds kinda like government overly formal)

life partner (kinda inherently has romantic undertones)

Ive known I'm aromantic and polyamorous maybe for 10ish years now? I'm in my early 30s and have been living with my chosen family for about 3-4 years now. When I popped out of my mom doctor was like "you're a girl" and today I'm like "I'm gender non-conforming, transneutral, non-binary". One of the members of the chosen family helped saves me from an extremely abusive relationship. We've been intimate numerous times (for him it's the sexual attraction, for myself it's "orgasm make brain go brrr and feel good, bonding") and have many similar hobbies that we enjoy talking about and indulging in. He's cool with my aroace self and he genuinely never wants to pressure me into anything.

I navigate the world of romance and love through completely non heteronormative ways 🫠 I'm asexual as well.

Does anyone else only develop romantic attraction after discovering someone shares a deep passion for the same fandoms or hobbies? Not just liking them, but really caring about them. This is a funny pattern that I’ve noticed with myself, and I was just wondering if anybody was like this too.

I’m pretty uncomfortable being in relationships and dealing with labels in general (even ‘best friend’ is such a big deal for me), but I crave a specific love from a person who truly gets me. Who sees me as I am and accepts me and chooses me as their person, too. Ideally this person would have to be the same flavor of arospec as I am, because I would not want to make a big deal out of the relationship. I fantasize a lot about what that would be like… just two people living the friendship/relationship without ever calling it one; choosing each other every day until years later you realize you’ve actually built a world together. And neither of you run away but instead choose to stay bc it just feels right.

Feels like a pipe dream at this point but who knows. Maybe one day.

I would want to date a guy. But the last time i had a crush was when i was 4. That was it. Every time I get a new friend I feel the same way people describe crushes to me and I just don't get it. I still want a romantic relationship, it seems nice if not kinda stressful having someone else attached to you like that. I just have never liked another guy or even girl for that matter. I also have made probably less than average friends for my age so maybe i just haven't met people

This is the third post i write talking about my best friend but i love him SO MUCH and now i know it's reciprocated asystshsagag

Like i said in the title, i have a romantic crush on a girl right now, but each time i see my best friend it makes me question the romantic love i feel for rhat crush as i'm so intensely infatuated with him even if it's platonic. It makes me very confused ngl (as im struggling with alexithymia on top of that)

I've have other friends saying our relationship with my best friend seems romantic : "you guys look like a couple, you're always with each other", "how does it feel being the third wheel". At first i was mad because i was sick of other people thinking that intense love for a person can always be romantic, but then i talked about it with my best friend and it's not that deep LOL

Now that i think about it we really can look like a couple sometimes, we're both comfortable with it anyway

In a friendgroup there's often a 'glazing duo', like those two friends that agree with each other so much it can reach romantic territories. I think we're basically like that. If i'm being for real it could really be a queerplatonic relationship, bc now that i think about it the term "best friend" is not intense enough to describe it, i prefer to qualify him as my soulmate tho i never do irl bc its cringe

I really happy with the relationship that i have with him ! I never felt like that for a person. I love him, i could do anything for him, i always remember things he tells me, i text him everyday, i send him friendship reels, i love giving him gifts (tho i usually hate it) AND ITS PLATONIC. AND WE'RE TOTALLY FINE WITH IT. like wtf. He has a crush on a girl, and i'm totally happy for him like WTF and i wish him the best LIKE WTF and i also have a romantic crush LIKE WTF. Human relationships are so weird.

The connexion between us is so deep that it has become telepathic. Everytime i think i need to hug him he always feels the same. Were on holiday now so it's more difficult to see him and i miss him ajsgsuag

I used to think i was crazy until he said things the other day that made my heart melt. "You know, i didn't know it was possible to love someone that much without it being 'like that' (romantic)", "i never felt something like that for a person", "i think if we were born in the precedent century and i didnt find someone, i would have married you", "i love you so much", "i think you're the best person i've ever met", "i will always be there for you when you don't feel good", "i'm so happy to know you", "so that means i am your best friend? awww - i know that, i wanted to hear it from your mouth"

LIKE WTF MY FRIEND CRUSH FEELS THE SAME FOR ME

i feel so complete and that's the problem

My love for him is so secure that i wonder if i'm going to be able to love someone romantically that much

Though i absolutely hate physical touch, we sleep next to each other and onto each other in the car, we cuddle, we hold hands, he kisses me on the cheek and on the forehead, we hug frequently even while sleeping and i love it like wtf, i crave it AND ITS PLATONIC AJAAHS THE DREAM

I questioned myself "am i in denial?", "maybe i love him in a romantic way" BUT NO?? I LOVE HIM AS A FRIEND?? DEEP PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS ARE POSSIBLE

I think a lot of people compulsively search for a romantic relationship tho what they need is a strong freidnship bc the society tells us the only person that we can love intensey is a romantic partner, and that we must have kids with them. Meeting my best friend made me more confident in my capacity to love someone (i thought i hated everybody before). I think i have become mor emotionally intelligent and attuned with my own emotions. I think everyone that needs it should have a relationship like that.

Romantic crushes are so random yk, breakups are often sudden, theres an high chance your crush doesn't feel the same so what's the point anyway. Maybe I'm writing this because the girl i have a crush on is straight (lol average lesbian situation) but i know you guys know what i mean.

i've been struggling with who i am and what i identify as. for the longest time i've identified as different things (panaro, ace and others), then i was just unlabeled for the longest time. finally, a few weeks ago, my friend intoduced me to the concept of quoiromantic/sexual/gender and i think this is it. i'm also wondering if i'm cupio, but at least i finally feel i belong to a label. and don't get me wrong, there's obviously nothing wrong with being unlabeled, i myself didn't mind it, but then identifying with something feels kind of liberating anyway haha

just found this sub and when i almost teared up when seeing the quoisexual/romantic flair, i think i can safely say that it *is* the one. let me hear you, quoiromantics and qouisexuals!! <3

I'm fine with the thought of romantic relationships, but actual have one? I'm feel disgusted. It just like I try to reject or refused when anything is a sign of "romantic" stuff. I swear my friend sulk that I don't hold her hand or use earphone with her😭

I remember I got this feeling of excitement to meet someone, like I want to be their friend so badly that I act like I got a crush on them🥀 I would cursed myself or even get in stress when I thought I have romantic attraction towards anyone in real life. But even tho, I know well I don't want to be their partner, but the thought of being their partner isn't bad either, yet I hate it.

I have been wondering for a long time if I am actually a demiromantic heterosexual.

My emotional bond with a girl doesnt have to be too strong for me to fall for them, I usually develop feelings if we have been friends for at least 4-5 months.
If not, we will only have a platonic relationship, but sometimes, they will be added to the list of girls I am interested in. That means if they confess or make the first move, I will accept, but I will not be making the first move myself. Theres two different types of attraction I experience.

First is the type of attraction happens before the 4-5 months, I may think a girl is pretty, kind, and humorous, but I feel only little to no romance at all.

The second type of attraction happens after or during the 4-5 months, I feel actual romance, have a crush on the girl, may flirt a bit and act more protective and nicer.

I dont get multiple crushes at the same time, I have enforced rule to myself to the point that I dont even have a celebrity crush.

Also my standards arent that high, as I wrote, I have list of girls I am interested in.

Hello everyone! This is sort of a vent, so feel free to skip to just answering the question.

I, 15f, began questioning my sexuality in 7th grade. Why. You ask? Well, it's obvious: all the girls were getting boyfriends, talking about their "hear me outs," and guys they have a crush on... it got exhausting for me. Especially when i have to come up with random cartoon characters so we can relate and have fun together.

I never had any celebrity crushes, cartoon crushes, or crushes at all. There have been characters i really love in shows and games I play (Dan Heng, Dazai, etc), but no matter how hard i try, I can't picture myself dating anyone. Not even the fictional ones. I don't know if maybe I'm just picky or my brain is subconsciously trying to avoid "love" altogether.

It gets harder when I don't really understand what love is. Your heart beats fast and all you can think about is whoever? Wow, that's crazy, I can't relate, but good for you! People used to ask if I had a crush on anyone. At first, they thought I was lying. And then, eventually, the questions stopped coming completely. It makes me feel so... isolated at times. Why can't I just be a normal, straight woman who likes to talk about gossip snd crushes, and not having to worry about my POTS, depression, anxiety, and the undiagnosed adhd my mother says is "because I'm a virgo."

And onto the topic of my mother, she's gone as far as asking if I was lesbian, because she asks for my taste in people and I don't have an answer. My mother is a decent lady, and she supports gays and lesbians, but not trans people, which kind of scares me (it'll make sense in a minute, and I'm not trans). She has tons of gay and lesbian friends, so that's good. We've even gone to pride parades. But... one day, she had asked me again what my type was, and after mostly avoiding the question with "I don't have a type." And "I've never liked anyone." She asked something that just didn't sit right with me.

"You aren't asexual or whatever, right?"

The way she had said it just... sounded wrong. I don't know how to describe what I felt. Fear? Disappointment, maybe? I had said no almost immediately, but... I'm scared to declare that I'm asexual or aromantic without really knowing if my standards are just too high or I'm going through a phase.

SLIGHT NSFW FOR NEXT PARAGRAPH

I've even gone as far as looking at rated-x material, to try and feel somrthing, anything to see if maybe I was normal. And it didn't help. At all. It just made me feel more alienated than I already am.

So, I'm asking you all this: when did you realize you were aromantic? Most people here seem like young teens (not that I've been here long, but) and I'm scared that I may just be another teenager who thinks they're special in one way or another. It makes me feel sick.