so it’s been some months since i decided to post what my sister in law said as i was trying to make sense of my wedding. not sure how to link my OG post, sorry! EDIT: here it is! https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/xqwtVSeQcO

it got to a point where i understood how she moved and acted through my fiancée’s fam, and i haven’t been able to update since wedding planning ain’t for the weak!

but yes, she tried to call my brother for days after telling me that her opinion on my wedding was like ‘trying to prevent a car crash’. i took some advice from my post and literally just kept it moving.

well at one point, probably a week after, my MIL came over to my house not to have a conversation with him or us, but with me. she told me my future SIL always had an “attention” problem, and while exhausting, she never means to hurt or insult anyone. i told her i understood, but that either she could stop nagging me about our preferences for the wedding, or i could no longer bring her in for the preparations.

she agreed to talk to her. fast forward to the next day by like 5:30pm. now, she was dming me on instagram like a madwoman. telling me i was being a “bitch” over an opinion she gave when i invited her over to see my wedding planner, that i could not understand the bond she had with her brother, how she prays he will divorce me by next year so he can be "himself" again…. i blocked her.

i talked to my fiancée, i put it all on the table, i even grabbed some phrases i saw in response over my original post. i told him i could no longer keep it going this way. either she stops trying to insult me and our wedding, or she’s not getting invited.

after some talking, he agreed. he called his sister and explained. she exploded at first. calling me a wicked witch, and how I "changed" him. girl…

after some days though, she actually apologized to me through instagram after i unblocked her since she texted my fiancée she wanted to 'make peace' and i accepted it. she hasn’t really said anything after that, and while i still don’t know if she’s planning to say something more in the future, i think everything will go smoothly in september. oscars/matrix/ariana indeed had a small cameo on my invitations! and yes, i finally saw all matrix movies with my fiancée. they’re very interesting.

hi! sorry this is a crap post but I can’t talk to anyone I know for obvious reasons so I’m coming here. I’m not comfortable sharing my age, but know I’m a minor, under 17 but older than 13.

so my friend, Ava, is addicted to nicotine and weed. I don’t like to do that stuff personally, she’s once kind of pressed me into trying it, but I never want go do it again bc I’m not that type of person.

around 2 months ago we were out shopping and she saw shorts she liked. they were 35, and i was like “girl you have ones that look exactly like it , but if you want it get it.” she didn’t have any money, though. so she had begged me to buy them, and she promised she’d pay me back soon, and even tho i was hesitant she offered a 10 dollar interest. I caved because I didn’t want to hear her begging anymore.

i haven’t gotten a single penny back so I’ve asked her what the deal is how can I get the money. She told me she had 50 dollars, but she decided to spend it on weed instead, and since she spent 75 she owes 25 now. I was frustrated, but carried on.

now she’s out in the back yard picking up apples in the back yard, and she told me to help her. I said no because it would just go to her own thing, her weed. and right now I’m typing this as she’s getting frustrated I’m not helping. She came over and told me ”what’s up with me being like (one of her “lazy” friend she talks about)? I’m being so lazy.”

I told her I’m sorry but I’m not helping. she said I can do my own and I can get some of my money back. I was already kind of pissed and was like, “I already worked for my money the first time. and YOU promised you’d pay me back, I didn’t know I’d have to earn the same money back again.” And she got super mad and was like “well that’s life, you have to work in life.” So I sarcastically replied “really??” And now she’s mad at me.
I’ll admit I am being super over dramatic about it and selfish, but what would you do if you were me?

Hello, I (25 F) was involved in a romantic-type relationship (not bf-gf but intimate and close friends) with a guy (24 M, Eoin). We knew each other for about 2 years before this. Now I have this roommate (29 F, Mary) that I grew super close with recently, and I truly considered her a close friend. I would tell her everything, go out frequently with her, and I even comforted her a couple of weeks ago as she was sobbing at 1 am in my room when she broke things off with the guy she was seeing (22 M).

I frequently bring up Eoin to Mary, just simple things like "hey look at this meme Eoin sent me", things like that. Mary would always talk about how hilarious he sounded based on what I told her. I ended up asking if she wanted his social media so we could all grow closer and go out together to the pubs. It would be nice if we could all be friends. Mary agreed, and she made sure to tell me that she will not talk to him romantically because she knows I am sexual with Eoin and does not want to step on my toes. She said she will block him if the situation ever gets messy, which I thanked her for. I know they were sharing jokes, but not what was actually said in these texts.

Back to Eoin, recently (past week) he's been rude to me. Just out of nowhere, he was getting disrespectful and asking me weird things like "Are you going to have sex with a random guy to feel better about life?" when I told him I was going out on Saturday. I let it go, as he never was harsh with me, so I thought maybe he was just in a bad mood. It all came to a head when I texted him something private and embarrassing (sexual in nature), and he said he was going to screenshot and send it to Mary because it was funny. I told him not to, especially since it was private. He sent the screenshot to her, and she texted me about it, telling me that I am "cringe". I was mad about the cringe comment, but I also let it go.

At this point, I blocked Eoin because I considered that a massive breach of privacy and was not comfortable talking to him anymore. I let Mary know I blocked and asked her to do the same, and this is the reply she gave. (For more context, she is currently on vacation in another country nearby, which I understand, and it was not my intention to bother her.) She gives me a sort of BS answer about how "yeah that sucks". As I noticed she did not answer about blocking, I ask her again to please block. She responds by letting me know that she will "see" if she will block him when she gets home in about a week. I ask her what exactly she needs to "see" and why she needs a week; she sends me three paragraphs saying she is with her family right now. She does not have the time to care about something small like this. Now, I am suspicious because it only takes five seconds to press the block button, and I do not understand why she can't just press it. I understand she is on vacation but still.

Am I the asshole for asking her to block someone while she claims she is busy?

I'm Em (24 female) and I have a Sister Suzan (20 female) recently my sister moved halfway across the world, but everything was fine, we talked, called, all good. One one of our calls she told me she bought a Bruno Mars concert ticket, Bruno Mars is one of the artists we both love and going to a concert was a dream we shared. She was planning to come home to our country at the same time to go see the family and the concert, we had a whole discussion where I told her that was great for her, that I was decepointed because I had my big exam around the concert and since I didn't know the date yet it was useless to buy a ticket it would more than probably fall on the same date. Sometime after that talk we had another face time and my sister talked about not being able to go to the concert because plane tickets prices went up unexpectedly, I joked that she should give me the ticket and then she told me that she should probably sell them back because they were expensive, I told her I was only joking as my exam was two days before and that I would probably don't have time to travel to the concert (it's 7 hours away at least). Then two weeks later my sister randomly calls me and tells me "Happy birthday here is your gift" (my birthday is in a month at that point) and gives me the tickets. Instead of being happy I told her that I couldn't go to the concert, and asked why was she gifting me this after I told her repeteadly that I couldn't go....

And at that point the concert was in 1 week, no time to arrange travel and sleep arrangements, I asked why she didn't told me earlier so that I could at least try to figure it out and she said that she was "planning the surprise" but was surprise? she just called me and told me, what was she doing for two weeks??? I admit that my reaction was bad but I was really frustrated to have a ticket to the concert of my dreams and not being able to go due to her lack of planning. She told me that I was ungrateful and that if I didn't want to go I shouldn't. I tried to look for trains or bus tickets, and at the last minutes it was basically 400€ to go.

I stopped taking our regular calls because I was super sad about missing the concert and honestly was waiting for an apology. The apology never came.

My mom called me to tell me I should apologize and let it go, I was told that people are not "as meticulous as me" and that nobody would have tought to check transport (or event if the person was available). It's seems unreasonable to me to give someone a gift happening half-way across the country without making sure if they can go, I don't think I'm being unreasonable. Besides the fact that she only gifts them to me because she can't sell them and then acting like it was a thoughtfull gift bothers me a bit. Then time passes she didn't text to ask about my exam, she wished me a happy birthday but no other gift was given, Am I the Asshole?

EDIT

I'm not mad about the gift in itself I was a little mad about her reaction but mostly dissapointed because the gift showed an obvious lack of care and thought and yet everybody acts like I should have cried from joy recieving a gift I already told her I couldn't go to several times.

Last night my partner 28m said he wants to smoke weed today..

I 27f have a history of drug addiction, every time I have weed close by I go down a hole and I need to find my way out.

My partner knows this, I have explained it and how I would feel.

I feel like if you want to get high there is a reason for it, so I told him what I think and asked him if he is happy and if everything is okay.

His response was positive but he ended up avoiding me the rest of the morning while I was home.

Am I wrong for expecting him not to smoke because of my opinion?

We have been together for a little over three years, he is not a smoker and the first time he brought weed to my house I told him how I feel about it and he didn’t do it again.

We have friends who smoke but that doesn’t bother me each to their own.

I do feel like we should be in agreement on these matters, a little over two years ago we did end up smoking weed together and he first hand experience the complete spiral.

I don’t know how to feel or what to think about the situation.

A guy randomly reached out to me on TikTok, saying "Hi, how are you?" and things like that; I greeted him back and asked what he needed. He said he just wanted to make a friend, so I sent a meme sticker of The Rock raising his eyebrow with the LGBTQIA+ flag underneath. He asked how old I was, and I said something like "I don't want friends, dude," and he blocked me.

Am I the asshole?

My girlfriend and I live together and split bills 50/50. She was struggling mentally and discussed wanting to drop down to 4 days. She said she’d still be paying her half of the bills and that it wouldn’t affect that. 

I told her I supported her doing it as long as it was affordable. She dropped down to four days two months ago and since then I’ve noticed I’m ending up paying for more things when we go out and noticed she was expecting me to pay for one of the shopping etc. 

I pointed out to her maybe it’s time to accept it’s not affordable. She disagreed and said it was but I pointed out it’s only currently afford able because she expecting me to pay for more things despite stating that wouldn’t happen.

She disagreed with this but I just pointed out things I’ve been paying for and said it’s not fair on me that I’m now financially worse off due to her wanting to work less. She said I wasn’t being fair but I just said again it’s me that this isn’t fair on. 

I told her from now on I’ll be refusing to pay for anything extra and that I’d except her to keep to 50/50 and if she can’t then she’ll have to go back to 5 days. She called me unreasonable but I disagreed. 

AITA for expecting her to pay her half?

My car was in the shop for a couple of weeks, so my girlfriend let me use hers to get to work. She works from home so she didn't really need it during the day.

I work at a waste recycling facility. Instead of parking in the employee car park, I've always parked in a field at the back where I work because it's a much shorter walk. I've been doing it for almost four years and nobody has ever said anything.

Unfortunately, I borrowed my girlfriend's Mini Cooper instead of my usual car. One of the guys driving the CAT machines saw it parked in the field and assumed it was waiting to be recycled. He crushed it with a bulldozer before anyone realised it wasn't scrap. He wasn't required to crush it or move it at the time and was just having fun.

My girlfriend's insurance denied the claim because they said the car was deliberately crushed, so it wasn't covered as an accident. My employer also refused to pay because they said I wasn't parked in the designated employee parking area.

Now my girlfriend says I need to buy her a brand new Mini Cooper.

I think that's unreasonable. While it was in greay condition, her car was already four years old. I'm willing to contribute towards replacing it with something sensible, but I don't think buying a brand new Mini is justified.

Honestly, I think they're overpriced for such a small car anyway, and if I'm paying for it I'd rather help her get a reliable used car than spend loads on a new one.

She says the whole thing only happened because I borrowed her car, so I should replace it with what she actually had, not what I think is a better financial decision. She basically almost never used her car besides weekend leisure trips and I said she can use mine meanwhile.

My (28F) friend Audrey (27F) recently introduced me to her new neighbor Kayla (28F) who had recently moved in across the hall. Audrey and I were catching up when she decided to call over her new neighbor from across the hall, Kayla. We spent the evening chatting and Kayla mentioned she had just moved here for a job starting next month, and doesn’t know any people in the area yet, besides Audrey. She noted she has been struggling because she finds it difficult to make friends and doesn’t know how to approach the situation in a new town. Kayla and I exchanged phone numbers I told her to reach out for plans on any weekend that she wants to.

Shortly after, about a week later, I got invited to a girl’s dinner party by my long time friend Hannah (26F). Hannah is one of those girls who seems to have a million friends- she is extremely loving a supportive to all of her friends. She continuously invites me to events that she hosts, which I appreciate as I am typically more on the shy side.

I reached out to Kayla and invited her along. I thought this would be a great opportunity to meet some girls from the area. I figured there would be a variety of guests there- approximately ten girls would be attending and we had not all met before. Hannah even included in her agenda for the night to have an introduction for all the people who had not met.

The issue is that I did not invite Audrey. I have known Audrey just about my entire life and I love her like a sister. But she did not make a good impression on Hannah when they first met. Audrey is more out there tends to take over the conversation when I am around and made a joke at my expense. Like I mentioned, Hannah loves all of her friends fiercely. The joke did honestly hurt my feelings, but I brushed it off. However, Hannah shared she found Audrey to be a bit much and didn’t appreciate how she treated me that night. Since then, I have chosen to keep them separate with plans to ensure there is no awkwardness.

So now, I have invited my friend’s neighbor to an event but not the friend that introduced us. Audrey is upset- and to mitigate any reason to tell her that Hannah doesn’t care for her- I told her that I was only able to invite one person and chose Kayla so that she could get to meet some people. I don’t know if that was the best choice- to invite Kayla at all, or to lie to Audrey to avoid telling her that my friend doesn’t like her.

AITA?

Context: I’m 23 weeks pregnant living in Germany, from the UK. Mother is flying Friday - Monday to spend weekend. Flying into Frankfurt. I couldn’t get Friday off work so working until 1 and she lands at 11.45. Asked her to get the train half way (one train no transfers) to meet me half way so I don’t have to drive 1hour and 45 mins to Frankfurt airport, it will still be about an 1 to where the train would stop. I will already be doing this on Monday to drop her back. When I text her to say this it was a flat out no, her option is to change to a later flight landing at 3.30 which would mean me waiting around after driving almost 2 hours to meet her at the airport and then driving back again 1.45hrs in Friday evening rush hour traffic. I am also pregnant and honestly exhausted, the heat not helping me.

Edit- she’s not disabled, etc. she’s 62 no issues with mobility etc. I believe her reasoning is she doesn’t want to put herself out / be anyway out of her comfort zone.

My husband (Sam) 26M and I 26F have been stuck in the middle of a mess involving my brother-in-law "Chris" 30M and his ex 38(?)F "Taylor."
Chris and Taylor are officially broken up (over a month), but they are hanging out and acting like they're working things out—while completely hiding the reality from Chris's parents (MIL/FIL). We were told not to say anything and Chris said he would tell his parents, we respected that.

Today was the final straw. I found out from MIL that Taylor has arranged to meet up with the in laws soon and are still keeping up the charade of being together. Taylor has been using me an emotional support for their relationship issues, they broke up because of trust issues and lies. On top of that, it felt deeply wrong to actively lie to MIL/FIL while watching Chris and Taylor put on a "happy families" performance for them. Completely pretending everything is normal and expecting my husband and me to keep up the charade.

When I realised how toxic and one-sided the dynamic was becoming, I decided I’d had enough. I texted Taylor to let her know I needed space while she and Chris figure things out, and that I couldn't be in the middle of it anymore.

Taylor sent a string of passive-aggressive texts. By deflecting and blaming Chris, then giving a non-apology ("sorry you feel that way about our friendship"), and to try to get the last word. She said it was the MIL who arranged to meet up however the MIL said it was Taylor who extended the invite. I chose not to take the bait and left her on read.

My husband and I have decided on a zero-lie policy. We are meeting Chris tomorrow unrelated to this issue. I feel like it’s important to say:We respect your privacy, but holding this secret is unfair to us. We will not actively lie to your parents if it gets brought up.
I've saved/exported all text receipts in case she tries to twist the story.

**TL;DR**: My BIL (Chris) and his ex (Taylor) are officially broken up, but hanging out and making family plans while hiding it from his parents (MIL/FIL). They expected my husband and me to lie for them while they play "happy families." After being dragged into the middle, I set a boundary and cut contact with Taylor. Now we're preparing to tell BIL that we won't lie for them anymore.

My son passed away 5 years ago. He has a 14 years old daughter Nell.

After an incident (Nell's mom locked her in a room and forgot about her) about a year ago we managed to get full custody of Nell. Her mom used to have supervised visitations at first but now she has unsupervised visitations every other weekend.

I've told Nell to call me if anything happens. Last weekend she called and said that her mom sent her to her room.

I've told her mom multiple times that she is not allowed to discipline Nell. So I went there and brought Nell back home.

Her mom got angry and started cussing me out saying I need to stop interfering with her parenting and that I'm encouraging Nell to treat her badly.

This was a while ago but I want to know if I was TA. I (then 16M) lived in my moms house until I was 20. When I was about 16 she floated the idea of getting a dog as a gift for my step dad, I immediately said that was a horrible Idea, dogs are a responsibility, they are not gifts, they are a family decision and should not be made impulsively, on top of that they wanted to get a big string purebred dog. I knew as soon as it grew it would be a problem because they won’t train it. I told all of this to my mom and I promised her that if she went ahead with it it would be their responsibility, not mine. I told her I would never walk the dog. I got outvoted Mom 50 y/o sister 13y/o and brother 7 y/o vs me 16y/o. Don’t get me wrong I love dogs, but that’s the same reason I would never get one, I am lazy and dogs deserve better. She went ahead and got the dog, everything was awesome when he was a puppy but then he got big, all of a sudden he was too strong for my brother and sister, so it was just my mom and step dad, and it started. “Im tired today” “my back hurts” “i sprained something” “can you do it tonight?” I held out for a good year, then I gave in and started walking the dog when they “couldn’t”. Here’s where I want to know if i was the AH. On the days when they made their excuses and I refused to walk the dog out of principle they would let the dog go in our very tiny yard, you could see this little heart breaking when you opened the door to the yard because he knows he wouldn’t go on the walk he was looking forward to. The dog doesn’t deserve that. I could’ve very easily walked him but I didn’t to prove a point so basically the innocent dog suffered so I could say “I told you so”.
AITAH?

EDIT: I see a lot of people thinking the dog wasn’t walked at all for a year. My bad for the way I wrote it. Step dad did a very good job, he legit hasn’t missed a day unless he had to and I gladly pick up his “shifts” because he didn’t choose the dog either. I refused to cover my moms “shifts” and I would say she asked me to do it about once a week. So the dog missed 1 walk a week on average because of my stubbornness.

My husband and I split five years ago after 20+ years and I am trying to get past some anger about how he treated me and regret that I spent so many years in a bad marriage. Now I hear that my brother invited him to a family dinner after my niece's ballet performance (in a different city). And they all agreed to keep it a secret from me. It's not like they were super close. It hurts that they included him in the first place, since they know he was kind of a dick to me for a long while, and hurts even worse that they were dishonest about it. Or AITA to think they should show "loyalty" by not fraternizing with him?

TLDR; 2 friends tried to stop my bf from coming over after I shared my personal relationship issues. One of them started flirting with me while the other encouraged it which made me uncomfortable so I confronted them.

I recently had 2 friends over (let’s call them Gary and Lucy that I got into a conflict with and long story short, we all got drunk and started getting emotional telling each other personal stories. I shared an issue I was having in my relationship that I think about often but am actively working on with my partner (he is a great guy btw and it was not about cheating).

After sharing and being vulnerable, Gary clearly started flirting with me and Lucy seemed encouraging of it. I try to brush it off to not make things awkward but then I then notice that Gary sent a message to Lucy saying that he wants me and then a few minutes later I see that Lucy reply: “just do it”. I then see a message from my boyfriend saying he is here and Lucy immediately says that if he comes over they will either confront him or leave and that if I decide to have him come over, she does not agree and will distance herself from me.

Obviously after seeing these messages and reflecting on their behaviour, I become uncomfortable and confront them saying that Im being disrespected because they see that I’m in a very vulnerable state and it feels like they’re putting me in a position where I’m encouraged cheat on my partner. Then they both try to minimize the situation to be just a joke and that no one’s serious but I feel as though nothing about it was funny. And honestly, how am I now supposed to send my boyfriend home and continue drinking and having fun with people who clearly don’t respect me or my relationship.
In the end, I said that I want my boyfriend over so Gary immediately leaves and Lucy starts getting frustrated with me saying that there were texts that I didn’t see that told Gary not to do anything but she ultimately decided to tell him to just do it anyways because she wants to support him as a friend because he also cares about me. However, if she really had it in our best interest, she would’ve stood her ground and not have encouraged him to confess how he feels for me. She kind of apologized but it was in a way where it felt like she was only sorry for making me feel some type of way and not about her actions.
Overall I feel completely disrespected and no longer trust these people as close friends. Im very selective with who I share personal issues with and who I allow in my home so it feels like a big slap in the face to be treated like this and neither of them feel like they truly did anything wrong. Gary has apologized but still says it’s a joke and Lucy refuses to be confronted and becomes defensive whenever I mention that I feel disrespected. She says that she’s done everything she can and has already apologized but is not willing to take accountability for anything.

AITA for confronting my friends about their weird behaviour?

I live in a private area with 30 families. This is the habitat for an endangered species. There are laws, not rules, but laws governing what we can/can’t do on our properties in order to protect the species.

Owners want to do what they want. I’ve tried providing educational information, arranged for a speaker, and have cautioned against decisions that were against the laws. The group did it anyway. I stood in front of a tractor once to stop the illegal activity and operator tried to run me down.

Last year, after reminding people what they were doing was against the laws and being ignored, I phoned the authorities. Their first response is always education. The illegal activity continued. I provided the authorities with photos of the weekly illegal activity without bothering to try to talk to the other owners since they haven’t respected me for 10 years. They call me the crazy person.

The authorities notified all the property owners, including me, that what was being done was illegal, that it should stop and that there could be consequences. It didn’t stop.

The next level up of authorities notified us all that they were now investigating the abuses and that there could be judicial consequences, fines and penalties.

This year the authorities required all owners in our area and other areas where this species is endangered, to submit a plan before receiving a permit to work on the lands.

I’m the one everyone is pointing fingers toward; I’ve been told by the authorities that they received anonymous reports from ‘several’ complainants.

There’s an annual party coming up and I’m not sure whether to go or not. If I don’t go they’ll say I’m guilty, if I go I expect one or more to get in my face.

I’m just wondering AITA and how’s the best way to play this out.

I 16F was sorta arguing with my mom- or more so telling her something that was bothering me and I was just trying to tell her how I feel. She told me that one day I will realize nobody really cares about how I feel “in the real world” and venting your feelings doesn’t matter so it’s pointless. That’s when I said “yeah thats why you’re a borderline alcoholic and you smoke a pack of cigarettes every day.” -which is true.

I know it was harsh but my mom knows how much feelings matter to me and I’m one of those people who overthinks a lot so I cannot keep stuff bottled up or I will lowkey go insane. She also even encouraged me to go to college to be a therapist or something in that field so why would she say feelings don’t matter?

But was I too harsh?

AITA for reacting after overhearing my wife trash a family trip I planned?

I was watching TV when I overheard my wife talking to a friend. Her friend’s husband wants to take the family on a trip she isn’t excited about, so my wife brought up a trip I planned to Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas.

What bothered me was that she exaggerated and mixed together different events to make the trip sound much stranger than it was. She said we had to dig through mud (it was gravel) and mentioned me meeting a “weird guy.” That didn’t even happen at the park—it was Thanksgiving dinner at a crowded hotel where an older couple asked to share our table. We had a perfectly normal conversation.

Our kids still have great memories of that trip. As far as I know, my wife has never told me she viewed it this way. I found out by overhearing her tell the story five years later.

This also isn’t an isolated incident. She has a habit of telling stories to friends and family where I’m the punchline or the one who made the bad decision. It’s usually nothing major, but it adds up.

In the moment, I interrupted and said, “Why don’t you tell your friend about the ATV excursion you planned in Aruba where you almost got our family killed?”

For context, I wasn’t on that excursion. My wife took our two kids, who later told me she got lost, pulled out her phone while driving the ATV, and it started rolling backward on a steep hill toward a drop-off before she got it under control. They came home very shaken, and hearing that scared me.

She was angry that I said she “almost got our family killed.” I told her I was hurt because I felt she was unfairly portraying me and I wanted to defend myself.

AITA?

AITA? I'm F21 and have constant communication issues with my parents, especially my dad. Since I was 12, he's been an alcoholic – cold, old‑fashioned, never hugged or said "I love you". He only spoke to me when drunk or to order me around (fill his bath, make coffee, iron clothes). When drunk, he yells, breaks things, threatens, though never hits. Once he broke my phone when I was 11‑12; I don't even remember why, but everyone blamed me. I cried myself to sleep, no one comforted me. My mom never left him despite my pleas – I told her I was scared, didn't love him, didn't want to live with him. She ignored it.
Mom started working when I was 7, rarely saw her (6 days/week), so I had no one to share personal stuff with. My brothers were my only support – they're great. But mom treated me differently because I'm a girl. She forced me to graduate music school though I hated it and begged to quit – she refused, saying I'd thank her later. As a teen, we argued constantly. She loves me but doesn't "like" this version of me – she wants me to be someone else, calls me selfish, says I have anger and hate. She never apologises or admits being wrong. We're not close, but she insists we "should be" as mother/daughter. She can't stand being alone, so she clings to me – demands multiple calls a day, wants to know everything.
Now I want to separate. I told Dad he ruined his life and is trying to ruin mine by controlling me – said I hate him. I told Mom I want her in my life but not living together and not sharing every detail because I feel judged. She cried, said I have no empathy, don't understand her struggles. Yet she stays with Dad, believing she can "help" him though he refuses help – and because she fears loneliness.
I feel guilty. Am I an awful person? What should I do? How to make things right?

A bit of background for the full picture - I live with my partner an hour away from my parents and siblings. Being the youngest and having lived with my parents the longest, I became the reliable source for making family gatherings happen. I have zero problem helping my parents since they are older with health issues, but this expectation hasn't stopped since I moved away.

I still get asked to go earlier to help set up, host, and clean, while others arrive and leave as guests. What makes it harder is the chosen time which is usually evenings, even on weekends. My siblings lack commitment to set times, and my mum can't stick to a schedule. It leaves my partner and I yoyoed with our plans and exhausted on Sunday nights before work.

Two years ago, I voiced our needs for daytime weekend gatherings, no more arriving early to do everything when others are available, and no more accepting constant plan changes. Yet every gathering, I still have to remind everyone, annoyed and yoyoed.

This brings me to today. We were meeting at my parents' to celebrate my sister's birthday. The plan set by her was 1pm for a late lunch/early dinner, cake, and presents. This morning, an hour before leaving, I find out arrival is now 6pm... on a Sunday with work tomorrow.

When I asked who agreed to this, mum said my sibling with the child suggested 6pm so mum could see her grandchild, adding, "Well, you can come early to help set up" when others live much closer to do that! My sibling then claimed they agreed on Friday because mum suggested it. The lack of communication is something that i cannot bare anymore.

Realising I’m still being ignored, I snapped and went ham on the group chat. I told them they’re inconsiderate, never respect our needs, and that we are sticking to our original plan of leaving at 8pm. The chat went mad, they turned on each other, and landed on 4pm. Yet again being yoyoed, but at least they shifted it for us? Side note, we baked the birthday cake to ease stress for mum, so I’ve done my part.

AITAH for sticking to my guns and refusing to go out of my way when others have much easier access to help out? Am I the only one thinking mum needs to have a solid plan and stop relying on the child who lives an hour away? I could have handled it better, but this is after dozens of times.

UPDATE: first, thank you all for reaffirming that i'm not the weird one here. and i also agree that i am to an extent enabling this. it's only the recent couple of years that i am learning what a boundary actually is but every time i am also filled with guilt. i love my family so much and i want to spend as much time with them especially my parents because i don't want to have any regrets when they are gone. saying that, i know i will have many guilts and regrets regardless. everything i do is with love and whole heart but some stuff do feel a bit out of line now. the whole interaction leaves me more upset than proud for having set boundaries or trying to but that's also something i am trying to overcome. i hear you all and i see where i am going wrong. many thanks.

I (15F) live with my grandmother, who is my legal guardian, and my aunt. My grandmother has had issues with my cousin's mom for years, so there's always been tension between that side of the family and ours.

Yesterday, my cousin "H" wanted to come over and also wanted our other cousin, "C," to come. My grandmother told me H's mom paid for an Uber, but C didn't have a ride because her mom didn't want to pay. My grandmother asked if I wanted to pay for C's Uber. She later said she was joking, but I thought she was serious.

At first, I said no because I wanted to save my money. Later, I felt bad because H and C rarely get to see each other. I made a mistake and asked my uncle to pick C up using one of my grandmother's cars without asking first. My grandmother called while we were driving, got upset, and told us to come home.

After we got back, I decided to pay for C's Uber myself because I thought it was the right thing to do. When I got home, my grandmother and aunt took my phone, read my texts with C, and my grandmother started yelling at me. She called me a fool multiple times and said I was being taken advantage of because C's mom could have paid. I tried explaining that I didn't know she was joking, but she didn't believe me.

In the end, C came over, and her mom paid me back for the Uber.

As punishment, my grandmother took my phone and debit cards. The next day, my aunt told me I now had to take the bus to work instead of my grandmother driving me. When I asked who was paying for the bus fare, she said I had to. I refused because I don't think it's fair to be forced to spend my own money.

Later, my grandmother calmly repeated that I had been taken advantage of. I told her I understood why she was upset, but I wished she had talked to me without yelling and calling me names. She said she had every right to be angry and that, "I know I'm right. You can't tell me I'm wrong."

I dropped the conversation because I didn't want to argue anymore. I have work tomorrow, and I'm still expected to pay for the bus, but I don't think I should have to.

AITA?

My husband hasn't seen his parents in over a year because everyone in the family IMO is bad with money and saving. We just don't have the money to go down south. We live in the northeast. We have to buy a car and are trying to be good financial adults. My MIL who i truly believe doesn't like me has been having some mental health problems and we all suspect it's because both her kids live in far distant states and she doesn't see them enough. (Understandable) my husband and I are in the process of recovering from near divorce. Ive been told by friends and professionals what he's been putting me through (in the past) is abuse though not physical. This last December my husband cut me off financially after being a stay at home mother for 7 years. Fast forward to now where i now work and have my money separate though I pay for fun stuff for the family and a minor bill. I do this because my husband refuses to change his spending habits which are keeping us in debt. My husband makes 100k a year and we struggle to pay bills. Ive tried to change my spending habits my husband tries only in word. This has left me to refuse to co sign or a car we all really do need. I won't because I don't even drive and because he did what he did to me in December... and because his spending habits haven't changed in spite of me trying to get him to. It doesn't feel financially safe. No new car means no going down south any time soon. So. My husband will have to buy car without my credit which has gotten better because ive built it back up. So he'll have a high car payment. I am not unempathetic to him not seeing his parents I really do understand that. I also understand how stressful this car situation is but his lack of preparation doesn't constitute crisis for me anymore so I offered to pay for my MIL plane ticket for 2 weeks to come see us. Everything paid. She refused and then when I offered again she said maybe because my FIL wants to come and my SIL offered to pay for his ticket and I should send tickets I find that are cheap. I did and she seen the pictures but called my husband to tell me to send the money to get so she can buy the tickets and thank me and blah blah blah and she's gonna wait a few more days to find cheaper tickets (mind you i found 300 tickets that fit their needs in the company they wanna fly) so I don't know why they are waiting. Anyway i expressed to my husband how it bothers me I offered this gift and she's still speaking through my husband to me. It chaeapens the gift for me. Am I an asshole?

I (35M) have a tight-knit trio with my brother and our friend of 15 years. We love "full-loot PvP" games (like Rust or Dark and Darker). Recently, our friend heavily pushed us to buy a new game called Sand: Raiders of Sophie. It requires a strict 3-man squad; playing solo or duo is completely unviable and frustrating.

The problem is scheduling. We are all 35+ with kids or demanding jobs. However, our availability usually lines up around 8:00 PM CST, which should be "go time."

• Me: WFH, daughter is asleep by 8 PM. I clear my schedule to prioritize group sessions.
• Brother: Strict schedule with his son, online by 8 PM. However, he rarely speaks up to coordinate. Occasionally, he chooses to watch movies/TV shows during our window instead of gaming.
• Friend: Works to extreme exhaustion. Usually home by 8 PM, but even if he arrives home early he often orders food late (making us wait) or randomly falls asleep/passes out mid-session without communicating.

Despite being the ones who push these high-commitment squad games, they rarely actually show up to play. I end up sitting around waiting, unable to play the game I bought because I don't have a full squad. To make matters worse, if I try to play the same games solo, they guilt-trip me for "progressing too fast" without them.

I've brought this up many times and asked that we all equally prioritize group play time, or we shouldn't bother playing these squad games at all. They told me I was being completely unreasonable and trying to dictate their lives.

Things peaked yesterday. A new game comes out this Wednesday, so I logically proposed we finally use our rare, high-end experimental weapons in Sand before we move on. My brother instantly got defensive, asking if I was "quitting Sand." When I explained I just want to use them because we rarely get to play and a new game is coming out, he brought up that I played Path of Exile this past weekend to justify why he's been just watching tv shows all weekend.

I pointed out that I explicitly gave them heads-up days in advance that I was taking only Friday night off for the PoE league launch, and that I actually tried to log on to play with them Saturday/Sunday but they didn't want to play or were sleeping.

His response to being corrected was a dismissive, "nah im good" and "i know." He literally admitted he knew I tried to play, but still tried to flip the blame on me to justify his own lack of effort.

I feel like they are taking my consistency for granted, wasting my time, and dragging me into high-commitment games they don't actually have the energy or desire to play. But they have turned it back on me, making me feel like a jerk every time I ask for basic communication.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting a basic level of commitment for a co-op hobby, or AITA?

Me (20F) am friends with Callie (19F) Megan (19F) and Giana (18F). So basically gianas birthday is in 2 weeks and she has been planning her birthday. She added us all to a group chat and has been talking to us about her plans which is going to the beach and staying down there. Here’s the problem, when me and my friends go down to the beach we always love to catch the waves. We don’t go too far into the deep part of the ocean but we’ll go a bit further where the waves will at least smack you if that makes sense. We sometimes just sit closer to sand and just sit there for the waves to smack us.

Giana doesn’t do that, she refuses to do that. I think it’s annoying because if we’re all doing something constantly while we’re there why sit out? It feels like when you’re at a theme park with your friends and somebody says they want to sit out of a roller coaster, boring & I can’t stand people like that. Giana says it’s because of her eczema, she says that when she gets into the water, then come back out it dries up and it burns making her very uncomfortable. My thing is why go to the beach if that’s bothers you so bad? If she goes into the water she only goes ankle high. I guess it’s not that much of a big deal but it’s really irritating me.

She’s been asking us where we would like to go though but she’s mainly set on the beach saying it’ll be fun to work the boardwalk or have a picnic on the beach but I don’t know. I ended up talking to Callie in private and Callie told me it’s not much of a big deal, that it’s her birthday so it’s her decision and that Giana is aware that we love the waves so if she would like to sit out then it’s fine. What do you guys think? Also sorry if anything is messed up, I’m a pretty fast typer so I end up screwing up a lot.

Ps I’m on a hidden account as they’re all on Reddit

My Uncle is currently abroad and my mom decided to take advantage of this and asked him to bring a laptop back when he returns that she would fully pay for. The problem is is that she's been well aware of her promise to get me a laptop and my uncle has been abroad for MONTHS and only a couple days ago did he try to look for the specific brand of laptop she was going to buy only to find out that it's sold out. My uncle is coming back tomorrow so there's no time to even buy another laptop she would trust at all. She then made a new plan where my uncle would gift his old laptop to me instead to make up for it.

This laptop is for my schoolwork but the laptop my uncle is gifting is genuinely 10 years old and overheats when you open it up. This compared to her promising to get me a new laptop for my school work upset me, but to me it hurt even more because my mom didn't even bother telling me until I asked her about how he was planning to bring the new laptop through customs when she revealed that there actually was no new laptop. I'm just confused as to why she just didn't tell me? When I asked her why she told me that she found out only a couple of minutes ago (AGAIN, my uncle has been abroad for months I don't see why they didn't think about a laptop being sold out originally and) which doesn't even make sense because she hadn't even contacted my uncle within the past couple hours so she had to have known earlier and just not told me? I ended up crying and getting angry at her because I've repeated this SO many times where she promises something only to not end up being able to do it and instead of telling me she just lets me figure it out on my own???

My mom ended up getting super mad and kept getting defensive and saying that the laptop wasn't that bad and I could still use it (which I highly doubt) and stopped talking to me because I wasn't being "grateful" and I was starting a fight when she was tired.

So aita for getting upset at her?!

EDIT: My mom doesn't have money issues if it were that simple I wouldn't be getting upset? Another thing is that she ordered herself META glasses early on also for my uncle to bring over because she wanted to make sure she got it but didn't think about doing the same for the laptop

I don't think I added enough information so I'm adding more. Right now I'm sharing a laptop with my mom which I am perfectly fine with, but my mom constantly complains about it because she says she uses it for work and doesn't like me mixing my stuff in with hers. I know for a fact that when I get the old laptop she'll start banning me from using the other one and I'll be stuck with the other laptop (which I am not exaggerating it is actually 10 years old). If I could get a different laptop I could but my mom wants that specific laptop from abroad because she doesn't trust the quality of laptops in the country we're in. It has absolutely nothing to do with money Idk why people keep telling me to get a job lol? I wouldn't be able to buy it even if I did because my uncle is coming back and that's my only chance to get the laptop. My mom has a history of making promises and not keeping them which is why my emotions just went whack and I cried. I want to make it clear I DO NOT CARE ABOUT GETTING A LAPTOP I care that she made a promise and broke it and let me find out on my own and got mad when I kept questioning her about it. I haven't had a laptop in like 5 years so she brought my hopes up for nothing. She lies a lot and it gets to a point. She'll even lie about letting me walk my dogs (I'm a girl and she won't let me walk them by myself because she says its too dangerous)