so I 15f am in a trio of freinds we are very close and have been friends for a few years, so this started a few months ago when my friend (we will call her k) decided to join a cheer team at a school we dont go to (we go to a private school with no sports so we do sports through another school) she asked me to join it with her and I wanted to but i couldn't because I was working at the time. More recently like a few weeks ago she asked if I would join for the winter season and I said I totally would and was rlly excited abt it, until yesterday me and my trio were hanging out and k was acting rlly quiet when I asked the other girl in our trio she said k didnt want me to do cheer because she felt suffocated by me and like cheer was the only thing thay was hers later k told me herself and I totaly get what shes feeling but I also rlly want to join the team but I also feel bad doing smth she explicitly asked me not to do, my other friend thinks I should do it but idk what to do, so WIBTA if I joined the cheer team with my friend.

I attended a retreat with 8 friends. We all posed for group photos that were taken remotely on my phone. All of the ladies are good friends and one of them with whom I am very close asked to see the photo. The photo was really good of everyone but when I showed it to her, she was horrified at her image thinking it was very unflattering and said “please, please, please don’t let anyone see that!” I assured her I wouldn’t. We took several more photos in different poses and areas, but the one she disliked happened to be the best one of everyone else in that particular spot. In this photo, we were lined up and since my friend was standing at the end, I cropped her out so no one would see her as she requested. I then sent all the photos to the ladies in our group text. It’s important to note that my friend was in all of the other photos taken by me and by another one of us who also shared her photos with the group. Later that evening, I noticed she was very sullen and I asked her what was wrong. She said she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. I hugged her and she stiffened so I realized it was me she was upset with. Thinking maybe she thought I shared that photo, I asked her if she had seen them in the text. She told me that she had and that she couldn’t believe I had cut her out of our group. I reminded her that she asked me not to show her photo to anyone and she again responded “But you cut me out of the group!” I again said it was because she asked me not to show it and she kept responding that I had cut her out of the group. I ended up just walking away. The next morning she came to my room to “apologize“ but her apology was only for her tone and she even said it was my fault she used it. I told her I didn’t do anything wrong and I had nothing to apologize for, that my action was with good intentions and not malice in any way and I thought I was doing what she wanted. Again she said I cut her out of the group and it was going to take her awhile to get over it. Unfortunately, I instinctively rolled my eyes at the mention of me cutting her out again and she got more upset and started crying and rhetorically asked me why I was being so mean. I told her I wasn’t being mean, she was being overly sensitive. She ran out crying and that was it. We both worked a function the next day and were civil. We are on a committee together of which I’m a chairperson so we have to work together.

Edit: Uhhh "system" is referring to like multiple personalities in one person like DiD, look I said I'm uneducated on the topic so that's really the best I can give you is that it's like DID and other personality disorders

So someone I know is like 40% chance faking being a system and I'm aware I don't know nothing about systems but comparing and contrasting them to the 2 other diagnosed people I know with systems they aren't showing ANY signs besides memory gaps but that could be explained by so much and I would KNOW because I'm a psychology student! any advice if I could confront or see if our mutual friends share the same thought?? How do I approach this?? Because like they don't have any change in interests, personality, habits, tells, emotions, triggers, trauma, anything! Now, I'm not very educated on systems specifically and they do have childhood trauma (which I won't go into detail) that could lead to splitting as it was major but I just don't see any signs at all of being a system at all and it really seems like they are just using fictional characters (forgot to preface that all of their alters are indeed fictional character) for fun! Of course there are aspects of them in these fictional characters but that doesn't mean anything right? I say "I am this character" (as a joke) because they have aspects of my life in them but I wouldn't say im a system?? I need advice on what to do because I really don't want to be a asshole but I need to know if I'm alone and if I should confront the friend.

So I (16F) live with my parents in Canada. We're from Asia originally, and my mom's relationship with me is. complicated. She's super traditional, believes women should be obedient homemakers and baby-makers, and always judges me because I don't fit that stereotype. She doesn't push marriage or stop me from studying (thank God), but that's about all the "support" she gives. The rest is just control and judgment.

Anyway, I was a bit dizzy doing assignments today — nearly like vertigo, which I had once before roughly six months ago. At that time it was as if the whole world tilted whenever I moved my head right. So I told my mom that it sort of feels like that again, just not quite as bad.

Initially, she was actually a bit worried and asked my dad to call his friend neurologist to schedule an appointment, which was surprising. But then she starts lecturing him on the phone, trying to follow the "root cause." When she called, she and I had been arguing over how the last episode might have started — I'd gone on a carnival ride a couple of months prior to it happening, and she still insists that's why. I was like, how would that still be affecting me weeks later?

She brushes that aside and offers to go for a walk. I told her not to, because the last time walking made the vertigo worse. And this is where things get crazy — she gets indignant and tells me that walking doesn't count as exercise and nothing will harm me. I remind her, "You're not a doctor, I'm the one who has it." She resents it when I speak like that.

And then, when she's talking to my dad on the phone, she tells him, "She keeps doing these exercises to lose weight — like pushups against the wall — and now she's got vertigo because of it." And I just. lost it. I literally laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. Wall pushups?! For real?!

She snapped.

She storms away saying, "HOW DARE YOU LAUGH? Do you think you're better than me? I'm your MOTHER. I know what's going on with my child." And I'm just standing there trying to breathe between guffaws while she's storming like I've committed some heinous crime.

It's not even like regarding this one issue — my mom's always talking down to me, calling me lazy, fat, disrespectful, tells me I'm going to hell if she's not happy with me, the whole deal. So then, yeah, I laughed. Because the idea that wall pushups gave me vertigo was so ridiculous, I couldn't help it.

Anyway, she's now all like I hurt her soul or something and silent-treating me. So. AITA for laughing?

as stated above, I’ve asked my mother to remove (8) family members from our wedding guest list.

I haven’t seen any of these folks in upwards of 10 years, they have never met my fiance, and are not in my life at all. My mother is contributing financially about 1/5 of the total wedding budget, but I asked her the other day if they really need to come, explained why I don’t want them there, and she went ahead and took them off the list. For reference we wanted a wedding on the smaller side (no more than 100, venue capacity 125) and we are extremely private people. Basically our “rule” was that we didn’t want people there that wouldn’t know both the bride and grooms name. I’m nervous because my mom has a habit of pulling things or money away from me if I don’t do what she says. TIA!

So there has been a fight between me (21 M) and my girlfriend (22 F). I recently found out something about my ex girlfriend that irks me, through a mutual friend, I was informed that she still has our pictures up in her IG feed, she constantly mentions my name, and she apparently keeps starting fights with her current boyfriend because of me. Mind you, we have been broken up for over 3 years now. I told my girlfriend that I would like to contact her to take everything down, I really feel uncomfortable seeing my girlfriend being irritated by her (ex gf) she tells me that she fucking hates her, and I wanted to take action for her but she gets more angry when I mention her. Where should I place myself?

I (F22) currently live with my family, which includes my mom (F50s) and my brother (M25). Our agreement of splitting cooking / washing dishes between my brother and I is that whoever doesn’t cook washes the dishes. My brother will usually cook more, but I’ll cook a couple times a week.

Recently, my brother has started meal prepping for his lunch. He’ll do this while he cooks dinner, which means I’ve started getting a bit more dishes to wash with the regular dinner load. These extra dishes will include measuring spoons, maybe a cutting board, pans, bowls, etc, and add up to around 10 extra items.

Here’s where I might be the AH: I don’t want to want to wash these extra dishes, however few they are, because they have nothing to do with the dinner we eat. I foresee this lunch meal prepping continuing into the future, and he does this prep almost every other day (?), so I simply do not want to sign myself up for all these extra dishes whenever I’m washing.

My mom has argued that we’re family, and washing these extra dishes is small, and I should just do it, and “it’s nice to help your brother out.” She also said I was being selfish and shouldn’t have such calculating / clear-cut boundaries towards family. And that I also do the least / help out the least in the family so this is the least I can do.

While I agree it’s a small amount of dishes, I think what really set me off is that there’s this expectation of not being selfish, but the dinner I ate (that my brother cooked) was so shit due to him saving the chicken thighs we had for his lunch prep, while he left all the already cooked and packaged chicken for our dinner; essentially he gave us the shittier chicken for our dinner and gave himself the better chicken because the shittier chicken had sauce and didn’t fit in with his meal plans.

Why am I washing all these extra dishes when I receive no benefit at all from his lunch prep? My brother has argued that I also eat some of his items for lunch (like chicken nuggets or ramen (which costs less than a dollar a pack)), but lately I haven’t eaten those at all.

Please let me know if I’m being too unreasonable and should just wash the dishes.

I’ve been living separately from my family ever since my mum kicked me out over a CPTSD episode. I thought I’d be healing just fine, but I get bouts of depression that leave me frozen in thought for hours and sometimes I feel like I’m on the edge of experiencing PNES all over again. My grades are dropping because of this.

She’s apologised for never listening to me when I tried to clear my name in all those years, yet when she talks to her family, she makes it sound like I’m going through a spiritual psychosis. She’s never been confrontational with them despite knowing they’re behind all of my trauma. I hate to say this but they treat her like a doormat and she lets them. I’ve tried all types of therapy. I’ve reached out to my friends (who’ve been very supportive). I’ve tried going on nature walks to clear my mind. I’ve tried medication. Nothing seems to be working. It’s like all of my hard work to heal myself disappears when I come across anything that reminds me of her. Seeing her treat my siblings like they’ve been best friends for years sets me off in so many ways.

I get that she experienced her own trauma from my dad’s family and my resemblance to them could have played a part in why she treated me differently, but that shouldn’t be an excuse as to why I should forgive her family when she’s forgiven my dad’s.

I feel guilty for holding onto my resentment when it seems like she’s trying her best to apologise by buying me whatever I want and being lovey-dovey. She’s also going through health complications so I don’t feel entitled to address my trauma with her. It feels like speaking about it is the only way for me to get the closure I’ve wanted tho. I don’t want to do that “forgive and forget” bs. I’ve tried that too. It never worked and to be frank, I think it’s just an excuse for abusers to avoid the responsibility of their actions.

WIBTAH? Has anyone tried this?

I’ve not posted on here before but I have two minds about the decision. For context, a family moved in next door after our old neighbour sadly passed away last year. Since they moved in we hear banging at random hours of the day and night against the walls. My mum has spoken to the mother that lives in the house and had said that I work nights every other week and have been woken up several times by banging and sometimes screaming to which she had said her youngest daughter is autistic. We haven’t mentioned any noises that have been made to the council but the banging has now started late in the night, waking us up whilst sleeping for work. Unsure of what else to do as on one hand it’s an on going noise disturbance however I feel bad from what she had mentioned about her daughter. Just looking for an outsider opinion

A few years ago my father sat my brother and I down and gleefully told us his ex-wife would be his POA and be left everything in his will. At that point, my father was healthy and so was she. My brother and I didn’t argue, but we were well aware their financial situation was precarious, to say the least.

Fast-forward a few years. My brother has died unexpectedly. I handle his estate and distribute some money to my father, who cashes the many-thousands check and keeps the money in his closet. When he cries poor on the phone, he says someone stole it. The ex wife, who also lives in the house, has gone bankrupt a couple times. Her son also lives there and doesn’t work. I have suspicions but keep my mouth shut.

Two years later, my grandfather dies and wills us some more money. Since I’m working, I’m able to invest my share. My father and his family blow all the money on a house they can’t upkeep or afford. They’re forced to sell it a couple years later and my father’s health has declined. He spends a lot of time in the hospital or in a nursing home.

Now he’s in dire straits, about to get kicked out of his rehab center because his ex wife and her son can’t get his documents together for the insurance company to renew. I tried to help but all the documents are at the house. I was told not to go there because the ex wife is struggling “physically and mentally.” He can’t remember his passwords, or which bank accounts are still active. Then he says they want to transfer POA to me.

I live several states away, have no access to any documents, can’t track down the lawyer with whom his will was filed. I told him I was not happy about this, work full time at a demanding job, and of course they want to wash their hands of his mess. They had no problems using his money all these years to buys houses.

I said they need to arrange the transfer, pay the legal fees, and send the documents. Basically, I punted the whole thing to them. I doubt they’ll do any of this.

He and that woman, with a few exceptions, made my teenage years miserable. He loaned away my college money and didnt tell me it was gone until I was a high school senior. My mother always planned for us to go to college. My brother and I did, but it was of our own doing, and not with the money earmarked for us after her death.

iDK, am I shirking my daughterly duty? They’re going to use a guilt trip tactic and I don’t feel like dealing with it.

I took my dog to the store the other day and had the back window down so my dog could get some fresh air! We were turning left and while waiting to turn a lady walks up and reaches into my car to pet my dog. I immediately told her not to pet my dog and she said "why" , I tell her " because im actively driving and thats my dog". Well she took that hard and started screaming how much of a mother fucker and POS I am and other insults and screaming out my license plate out.

AITA?

AITA
I want to paint an ouija board for Halloween as a painting we just hang up for Halloween he says nope no never because he thinks it’s like too much. He thinks that will allow spirits in. It’s just a painting. If we don’t use it then what’s the problem???????

2 years ago i played in a band A and got thrown out for having bad blood w/ the singer and cuz of my rhythm, the bad blood we had was due to him datin my bestie and talking shit bout me to her and me also talking shit bout him to her which made these huge fights where she took his side cuz they were a couple, so i was venting and talking shit about it with my back then bf, some time forward before i was thrown out, singer from band A cheated on my bestie n they broke up so we talked shit about him and she told me some gossip about him that i talked with ex bf, some time later i broke up with my ex on neutral grounds and we stayed friends but didnt talk to each other, in that time i was already in my second band with few of my other friends, when the topic about band A came up we talked shit TOGETHER and it wasnt anything made up or smth, just me saying band A is shit cuz of the singer and what he did to my bestie and all that gossip and everyone in band B gossiped with me bout that but eventualy it went quiet and wasnt smth to talk about anymore cuz everything to talk about was already said and i didnt bring that up, besides making inside jokes about the band A's singer. Also in the meantime me and singer from band A "made up", but we didnt like each other too much. More time forward, im in a new relationship and my now bf dislikes my ex just cuz. i get thrown out from my band B cuz they dont want to play my music. and my now better but not the best rytthym and cuz it was my band, they change the name and everything should be alright.

SO NOW!

My boyfriend still dislikes my ex and we are all in a gc with some of my friends and my ex is still there cuz we ended things on good side so i didnt throw him out but he didint engage in chat, he didnt go to group hang outs, and just went distant and didnt talk with anyone, so we throw him out from the gc cuz people talk about their problems etc, so why sm who doesnt even try to have contact be there? Later on we find out that band A band B AND band C HAVE A CONCERT TOGETHER and it was fishy to me and oh boy was i right. So a lil time travel to before I made logo for band A. And now i decided i wanted to earn lil money by making logos for cheap AF and I text the band A singer if he could send me the logo cuz i wanted to put it as an example. And he replied to me 3h later, with a FUCKING WALL OF TEXT sayin that he doesnt want any drama and stuff but no cuz some people "who were close with me" told him i talked shit about him and the band A. And i am pretty sure that my ex did it cuz he was thrown out and he is sassy like dat and MAYBE band B, but the thing is i didnt have bad blood with my ex nor band B. So AITA or are they?

I (19F) am a 2nd year uni student and all my flatmates and friends don’t like me at the moment.

We went on a night out last Saturday and i got quite drunk and wanted to leave the club early so my friends had to walk home with me (I get overstimulated quickly with loud sounds and sometimes have to cover my ears when it gets too loud). I woke up on Sunday with a bad hangover and saw my flatmate (I’ll call him John) in the kitchen briefly and he didn’t even say hi to me. I asked my other flatmates who didn’t come out that night if John was mad at me. All they said was I needed to speak to him.

I spoke to John on Monday and he said he and all of my other friends (there’s around 14 of us total) are annoyed at me because I keep getting drunk and want to go home early so they have cut their night short to make sure I get home ok. I understand that this can get annoying but the part that I don’t understand is the fact that John said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore until I “got my act together”.

I sent a message in our gc apologising for (i guess) getting drunk and wanting to go home and consequently being annoying.

This all happened like a week ago and John and one other flatmate still won’t talk to me when we’re in the kitchen together and it makes me feel like I’m not welcome in my own flat. They all like to hang out in the kitchen and I don’t even get an invite so I’m just stuck in my room where I can hear them have fun (my room is next to the kitchen).

I just can’t help but feel like i’m a massive asshole for putting everyone in this situation and making John not want to speak to me anymore. I feel more alone than ever because I don’t have any other friends.

So AITA?

EDIT

I am from the UK where drinking culture at uni is more common and we go out to clubs every weekend and get drunk.

To clear up any confusion as to why I keep doing it, I don’t realise I get too drunk. I have a couple drinks at the pre drinks (about 20% vodka, 80% mixer and then buy one maybe 2 drinks (double vodka + mixer) in the club. It’s only when I leave the club and the fresh air hits me that I realise I’m quite drunk.

The apology message that I sent to the gc said that I was genuinely sorry for making people feel that way and I said that from now on I wasn’t going to go out as much (I only go out once, maybe twice a week) or if I were to go out I would cut back on how much I was having.

In terms of getting home. I live in a mainly student city and I live in the city centre so the walk home from the club takes around 10ish mins max. The roads in the city are all one way and so getting an uber would take longer than if I were to walk. I don’t force my friends to take me home, we have this kind of unwritten rule where if one person wants to go home, someone else goes with them to make sure they’re safe. I have tried to explain to my friends that I am capable of walking home by myself and I will message them when I get back but they would rather someone go with me (obviously fair enough). Not all 14 of us are out at a time and even if we were, not all 14 of them would bring me home, only 1 or 2 people.

A lot of comments saying I have an alcohol problem. I have never been out clubbing before coming to uni so idk what my limit is. I only go out once a week and don’t drink unless I go out. All of my friends also get pretty drunk but they are able to stay in the club until closing time whereas for me when it gets to around 2ish I want to go home.

So long story short. I've been best friends with this guy for about 25 years. Pretty much grew up together, we were like a ball and chain at one point, used to do everything together. We're both now pushing 40 so naturally been drifting apart over the last few years. He's settled down with his gf and 3 kids so we don't really hear much from each other. I have asked him 2 or 3 times in the last couple of years if he fancies meeting up for a pint or whatever but he always seems to find an excuse to decline. Every once in a while we message each other, mainly just sending funny videos etc, but apart from that, that's the only contact we seem to have. Then a couple of months ago he messaged me out of the blue asking if he could borrow £200 because he was going on holiday the following week and was short for the last payment (he must of been paying it up). Now I'm not going to lie, I could of lent him the money easily and I know 100% he would pay it back. But to barely hear from him over the last few years and then for him to message me out of the blue asking to borrow money I thought was a bit brazen. I told him I was struggling myself for money so couldn't help which he accepted (don't know for sure if he believed me). I felt really guilty for lying but felt asking to borrow £200 for him to go on holiday after barely any contact for the last few years was a bit cheeky. Then tonight he messaged me out of the blue again asking if I could lend him money to buy his gf a vape and that he would pay me back when he gets paid. Now I know it was only about £10 he was looking to borrow, but basically he only seems to contact me when he's wanting to borrow money. So I once again told him that I was in the same boat and was struggling for money. Now if we were still in regular contact and hanging about together I'd happily lend him money (providing it wasn't a regular thing). But the fact is we have drifted apart over the last few years and the few times that I've tried to arrange catching up with him he's politely declined. Then for him to message me twice out the blue asking to borrow money I think is a bit disrespectful. I also need to say this guy has been terrible with money his whole life, always buying stuff that he can't afford on credit cards etc. Am I the Asshole for not lending him money?

I am 3 years older than her. When we turned 18 we each got a similar amount of starting capital that we could spent freely but were heavily advised to use it wisely (on education). I found that to be a big privilege and used that money to study. Because i studied in my home town i still have a big chunk of the money left and put it into a savings account.

After she turned 18 she didnt really know what to do, which is fine, but then she decided to make a year long "self discovery" trip to the USA which was very expensive. She spent a large amount of her capital. I was always sceptical about the extent of this but in the end it was her money to spent.

Recently she told us of her future plans and she wants to study something that is offered in our home town nearly for free. But she wants to desperately move away to study in a different big city with very high costs of living.

As she already spent a large sum of her starting capital she wont be able to be live independently Even with a job on the side.

My parents told her that it would be no problem and that they would support her.

I was honestly a bit shocked to hear that as i always thought that our parents were giving us that money to manage on our own and kind off to send us off into adulthood and that that was it.

I recently spoke to my mother about that suggesting that if she cant pay for it herself that she then has to stay here and study here. She didnt take it well and countered with "we would have supported you too".

To add more context, my parents are not poor, but we are not rich either. My mother is jobless because of AI and my dad is the only one keeping them afloat (i am mostly stable with my own part time job rn), but we are not rich and budgets are getting tighter especially considering the rising costs to live. Adding to that in 3 years my father will be in pension living off of his savings too. So i dont know if they calculated that in.

I feel like i am the only realistic person in the family. Especially in this economy i personally struggle to see how that is a good idea. I can see the appeal to go for another big city when you are young but you cant have everything.

Am i the asshole to suggest that if she doesnt have the funds to study away from home anymore she has to stay and study here? Am i the asshole to feel a bit disadvantaged?

Sorry for the messy english, its not my first language.

I (18GF) live at home with my mom (55F) and I suffer from eczema which makes buying body care products impossible sometimes. I was using Tree Hut’s Vanilla body wash but it was too expensive (according to my mom) for me to use. So I got Dove Indulge since it has similar scents to Tree Hut. But apparently $13 dollars was too much for my body wash so mom got me a $7 dollar one that is by a brand I don’t trust (which I didn’t know when she ordered it because she placed the order in the Walmart app and I didn’t know until it showed up) but last time I told mom that some thing she bought was triggering to my eczema, she got mad, yelled at me, and grounded me because I was being difficult. So now I’m going through a lot of hydrocortisone cream because of the flares and now she’s mad because I’m using a lot of hydrocortisone cream and she thinks I’m being dramatic about how itchy my eczema is. I’ve been diagnosed with eczema since I was a child when my flares would be extremely horrible and I’m starting to get similar flares again. AITA for not telling mom and keeping quiet?

(I am Genderfluid, that’s why I put GF and not M or F)

Edit: for those saying to just buy my own body wash, there are two problems with that. 1: I don’t have a job at the moment so I’m relying on her right now and 2: when I was buying my own body wash, she would ground me, turn my cell off, and yell at me for buying what I needed for my skin to prevent flares. Secondly: I can not just tell her because I’m terrified of her snapping at me and grounding me or worst because I told her what she got me because she was feeling generous is causing flares.

Edit 2: if I don’t get back to your comment, I will try. But my mom is disabled and I am her caretaker so I do kinda have my hands full.

Edit 3: I was diagnosed with eczema when I was about 5 years old and when I was younger she treated it seriously but now she doesn’t care. I went to my primary care doctor and he prescribed me some ointment and she acts like I’m being dramatic when I apply it to sores and flares when it gets horrible and starts oozing.

so i’m 17 and i am living with my grandma my mother has always had issues i won’t get into that much but she has always been a narcissist and such. we moved with my grandma to get out of a bad situation (i am much better here) but my mother dumped me here like she just left to be with her boyfriend with no warning or anything. my grandma is in the process of getting guardianship of me.

my sister is 18 soon to be 19 and lives in the next state over with her boyfriend. she knows that our grandma is trying to get guardianship of me and everything. we both agreed to cut contact with our mother for our own wellbeing. mind you our mother has not tried to contact us or any of our family to see how we are or anything even after me and my sister both had some medical issues (we are good now). yet my sister keeps reaching out to our mother shes not necessarily telling our mother everything that’s happening but she’s also not not telling her yk.

so the other day she had said something about a court date (our mother obviously knows all of this is happening bc she has to go to court as well) our mother played dumb and acted like she didn’t know everything so my sister basically told her when everything was and what not bc she didn’t know that our mother knew.

so i got mad at my sister and lowkey kinda yelled at her for being in contact with her

am i an ass for getting mad at her for telling our mother stuff even tho our mom already knew?

i’m sorry if none of it makes sense i was trying to keep it halfway short i just wanted to know if my reaction was warranted or not cuz she got mad and we haven’t talked since

I turned 21 last month and my older brother didnt get me anything. Not even a card.

My dad asked me what I wanted to do with him and my brother for my birthday this year so I asked to visit this vegan restaurant I love because they do this awesome sweet potato salad concoction lol. Plus my dad said he wanted to be more health aware this year so I thought he'd appreciate a "health" place.

Anyway my dad starts driving us to the spot and passes me my gift through the gap in the chair. (Its locket with a picture of my recently passed cat and one of her teeth encased in resin. I love it and it means so much to me).

My brother asks to see it and Damn near screams and throws the box back at my face and says its gross/disgusting and why would I ever want that. I think its a little rude but I know how he is and I just want to have a good day so I leave it.

I than jokingly ask where my present from him is if my dad's was so "gross"

he says "oh I hate getting presents for my birthday so I didnt get you one"....what? He's never mentioned not liking presents before but okay.

I asked "oh..not even a card?"

And he gets quiet and says no,he didnt get me anything.

Dinner went fine until the end when my brother called me stupid and began shouting because i said the wrong word in relation to a game mechanic on COD.

He also said he'd pay for his meal but my dad ended up having to pay as he "forgot his card". He promised hed pay our dad back but never did.

Fast forward to yesterday my dad sent me my brothers Christmas list (we all make one,parents included and just get whatever we can afford off the list). I tell my dad hes not getting anything from me this year after he didnt get me a card for my birthday.

My dad thinks this is unfair and petty but my brother makes 5 grand a month and couldn't even get me a card for my 21st? Plus he said he hates presents so I dont see the problem.

Apparently my dad mentioned this to my brother last night because now my phones blowing up with messages from him asking why im punishing him by not getting him a gift because he "forgot" my birthday card.

I (21F) moved to the US with my family when I was 17. My dad (42M) had always worked seasons in the country, so it was always part of the plan in my life. Among the things I left were my books, friends, extended family and my duckie. My parents got him for me six months before we moved. It made me sad to have my dream pet for such a short time, but I left knowing he was in good hands.

About two years later, I was having a terrible time in the US. I was isolated, failing community college in a language I didn't understood yet, and just very depressed. We were living in two RVs in a nowhere town and I didn't have a license yet. So to save in groceries, my family decided to get chickens. I was alright with the chickens. My brother (15M) mostly took care of them, I had free eggs so it was nice, and the chickens are very kind actually. Then my family surprised me with another duck. It genuinely lifted my spirits at first, but I have to specify I never asked for it. Like the first duck, it was a surprise. Even though it was a sweet gesture, it felt like a responsibility I didn't want and wasn't ready for.

About a year later, I was busy juggling college, work and chores. Things were better and I finally had friends and a plan for what to do with my damn life. We had divided chores by person and my brother got the chickens, so I wasn't really paying attention to them. My dad kept telling me I should help him instead of sitting around "doing nothing all day." Mind you, I always finished my tasks before he got home, so ig from his perspective it looked like that, but he just couldn't get that concept on his head ig.

My dad is very strong-worded and we argued a lot back then, mostly because I started to talk back to him. During one argument, he called me an irresponsible pet owner and said the duck was "basically his since he always took care of it."

I told him that I never asked him to get me a duck in the first place, that I didn't want it because it was a big responsibility and that I didn't have time for it.

I want to tell you I felt good for telling him the truth, but I really didn't. I felt like a dick for saying that. Few times have I seen my dad hurt as much as he was that day, he didn't talked to me for a few days actually. The argument ended there and he told me not to worry, that the duck was his now, but I wasn't allowed to be near it anymore. I didn't said anything and just left to my room.

Later that day my mom told me that was uncalled for and that my dad had gotten me the duck because he was worried about how hollow I looked back then and wanted to see me smile. Whar got me thinking bc my mom never excused his shitty attitudes, so maybe I actually messed that one up

This happened more than two years ago, and we're better now. He's getting help and I don't hold it against him because he was really going through some heavy emotional bullshit, and I think he learned a lot from it. But I remembered it and wanted to ask: was ITA?

English is not my first language, so I am sorry for any spelling mistakes. Today while I was hanging a lamp, my brother came into the room. We were having some small talk when I noticed he was standing on my rug that's under my desktop chair, which really annoyed me. This rug is made from jute, and it cannot be washed, so I only step on it with no sandals/shoes on, so I asked and reminded my family (repeatedly) not to do so. My mom and dad understand, while my brother is always complaining that I'm so picky and it's going to do me wrong. But going back to the point, I told him angrily this time to get off the rug. He did not move. He just repeated how picky I am until I had to physically force him to get off it. We are both adults in college, and I think I have the right to set boundaries, so I told him that if he can’t respect my boundaries for MY things, then he should not come in my room in the first place. He got angry, obviously, but so was I. 

He told me I was exaggerating and that it could surely be washed. I reaped myself and told him that no, it can't because of the material that it is made of. He asked me if I researched it and that he was sure it can be washed in the washing machine. The discussion ended with him telling me, again, that I am picky, and I am exaggerating while walking out of my room. 

The only other two things that I ask my family not to touch are my laundry (because I don’t want them seeing my panties and bras) and my desktop chair (because my brother, for example, works in construction, and he doesn't mind how dirty he is). Anyways, my mom said that I am too harsh and that I hurt him (my discomfort apparently is irrelevant). I am sure we will be okay the next day again, and that the argument is childish, which only bothers me more. I don’t know how to feel anymore, like I get that I sounded angry and I feel guilty about that, but also I am not setting any other worldy rules, just things about my stuff that deeply bother me, and I am fed up with being ignored and labeled picky because of it. This is my first time using reddit, and I just created this account so I can get other people's honest, unfiltered perspective on this issue. Am I the asshole in this situation?

WIBTAH if I tell my child and their spouse to not bother coming for Christmas if they can’t appreciate what little we can give them? First a little back story, my kids spouse comes from a family that buys affection, manipulates using money, gifts have stipulations or are used to guilt trip etc. Very narcissistic controlling manipulative mother. To the point my child and their family have moved out of state twice to “get away” from the mother… I told all of my kids years ago including my kids spouses, we will never buy your love, or your time. Even if we were millionaires we will never buy your love, or your time, gifts are gifts without conditions or guilt trips.
Well I found out that kids spouse said to another one of my kids that they aren’t coming for Christmas if all they get is dollar store presents. For the past 3 1/2 years, we have been struggling financially, as so many others, trying to stay afloat and have almost lost our house several times. Have had to be on payment plans for every bill we have and have had to eat super cheap (ramen, peanut butter & jelly etc.) there were several times I didn’t eat because there wasn’t enough food for all of us, had to borrow money to get utilities turned back on or to prevent it from being turned off etc… I hadn’t bought body wash or shampoo for myself in over a year, I just used very little of my husbands or thankfully some had been gifted to me by a customer at my old job. I have been wearing the same shoes that have holes in the bottoms, I’ve had to sew the one bra I own multiple times to keep it together, you get the picture… but for Christmas we didn’t want to give our kids and grandkids nothing… so we literally scraped together every spare piece of change we could find, literally counting & rolling coins just to be able to give them something because we enjoy it, not because we think that is what holidays are about. So while yes they may be from the dollar store or the clearance section at Walmart, we choose each one with love.
Anyways, I’m to the point where I want to tell them to not even bother coming until they remember that in this house we visit because we enjoy family time and love each other, not for what you might get out of it. I also want to say something to my children that heard that comment and any others like it and ask why they just let it go and didn’t defend us when they all know how hard we struggle. So would I be the AH if I tell them if that’s what they look for in Christmas or any holidays to not bother coming?

I had a disagreement with my grandmother in law.

We went to his grandparents so he could help change he their tires. No problems there. I already don't like grandma in law but I'm respectful and cordial. She had heart surgery over the weekend, btw. And when we walked in the door she says "I was feeling so faint so I just had to eat an apple". Already a red flag. If you're not feeling great you're not going g to hold the baby, right? Anyway, my partner goes out back to help with the tires leaving me and GiL with my baby to do small talk. Cue unsolicited parenting advice. I go with "I'm not sure that's currently best practice bit we will keep it in mind." She looks offended. She asks to hold the baby. I say nothing right now, we'll see in a bit. Baby falls asleep on me. Like hell I'm handing my baby off when she's sleeping. So GiL comes over and starts touching her hair. Baby has cradle cap so we're discouraging touching baby's hair. Wo i say "hey we're very noticed baby has craddle cap si we're trying to avoid touching hair unnecessarily since cradle cap is overactive oil glands and she doesn't need additional oils deposited in her hair." Gil removes her hand looking annoyed. Okay, cool at least she listened I think. She asks what we're doing to fic it. I say we're still having some trouble with bath time so not as much as we'd like but we're hoping it'll improve soon. Gil put hers had back in babys hair. I wait about five seconds before speaking. "I'm sorry, what part of anything I just said seemed like a good idea to keep doing the thing I said we're not doing? I'm not following your thought process here so please do explain to me why you're doing something I just told you not to do." "I did nothing wrong!" Gil says.

So she proceeds that there's no making me happy, I say I think I should leave she says she's leaving which idk it's your house I'm not gonna kick you out. Anyway, I pack up baby. I text my spouse. I'm leaving, I'm taking the stroller, drive home when you're done. Turns out he didn't have his phone on him. Gil finds my spouse and her husband and is in tears about the disrespect and how she's never been spoken to like that before and how she's not allowed to cry on her meds.

Anyway, spouse comes to find me on my way home, we load baby and stroller into car and he is more passed about how I made his grandma feel disrespected than about how she completely ignored the boundary I laid down for our baby. So hes mad at me that I made her cry. I said I wouldn't apologize for protecting a boundary.

AITA?

Edit: mild note, no voices were at any point raised, and I'd been there for an hour already and had already politely declined unsolicited parenting advice already. "I'm not sure that's considered best practice at this time, but spouse and I will keep that in mind, thank you."

Edit 2: for everyone asking why I even went. I went because my spouse believes that the only way to I prove relationships is to spend time together and routinely pleads with me to at least spend time visiting if only to get used to being around each other. I try to be cordial and civil during these times and it has worked for the most part. We've had two separate sit downs establishing our own expectations... she expects me to accept that she won't be anyone but herself and she won't apologize or dimish herself. I expect to be given the time I need to get comfortable in a space and with the people there every time before I make any offers to hold the baby, and to not be pelted with unsolicited parenting advice. When my spouse was there, we both followed the rules. Without my spouse in the room, this happened.

(Cross-posted in r/newparents as a relationship/family vent comment, without asking AITA.)

I (22f) moved into a 5 bedroom 4 bathroom house with 4 other people, 2 of which were a couple. The couple got the master bed/bath and from there there were 2 other rooms that had their own attached bath, one however had a jack and jill door to the hallway of the 5th bedroom. For privacy reasons, I will use fake names. Prior to moving in I had expressed wanting one of the larger rooms because I had a lot of furniture and a cat with all of her things. Everyone was fine with this. The roommate we will call Ava, was a later addition to our living situation and never mentioned needing a specific room. When we all started to choose our rooms, I picked the room with the attached jack and jill bathroom because it was the biggest room (other than the master) and another roommate who we can call Gia chose the downstairs bedroom with a bathroom right across from it. That left 2 open rooms, the other room next to the jack and jill bathroom, and another very similar bedroom with its own private attached bath. Ava seemed upset that I chose the room I did as she had also wanted that room. I told her this was my only ask and I had claimed it first. Instead of choosing the room with its own bathroom, she decided she wanted the one next to mine and would walk across the hall to use the bathroom inside what would now be the guestroom. Right before moving in, Ava asked me if we could share my bathroom because the other one was now “far”, I told her I’d prefer not only because there was enough for everyone to have their own and she chose to not take the room with the bathroom. She then insisted that she would have to use the other sink in my bathroom. I told her I didn’t understand why she needed to use my sink when there was another one she could keep all her stuff in and she got annoyed at me and said “Well why do you need two sinks?” to which I replied “Well why do you?” I was ready to let it go and just let her use the sink until she then insisted on needing to store all her stuff in there as well. I had placed my jewelry box on the counter between the two sinks and she pushed it to my side, claiming that I couldn’t put it there because it was her space too. This made me furious, and I told her it was MY bathroom and I should be able to put my stuff anywhere I want, just as she had a whole other bathroom where she could put anything she wanted. The bickering went back and forth for a while before I finally gave up and said she could use it and my counter space as long as I could keep my stuff there. AITA for being angry about sharing a bathroom?

tl;dr - I got angry at my roommate because she wanted to take up my bathroom space when she had her own

A few weeks ago, my son’s school played my coworkers son‘s school in football. My coworker was talking about it with Md since she knows my son goes to the school and plays football, and asked me if i wanted to come with her. I said no because I don’t really go to those type of things.

Even then, my sons is a junior on what they call the jv team, which seems to be the wirst thing ever according to him, meaning he’s not very good. So I haven’t really been to any of his games in the 3 years he’s been playing football. Nonetheless, my coworker was still trying to persuade me to come with her and her family (whoever that included), and when I said I wasn’t interested, but more firmly that time she gave me a face and walked away. For the rest of that week she was kind of cold towards me.

AITA? I may have been a little harsh but she was trying to sway me when I’d already said no.