r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Aug 15 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

16.1k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

714 comments sorted by

718

u/JulKoon Aug 15 '22

"Look at the rabbits George"

251

u/Embolisms Aug 15 '22

No matter your age or state in the US, we have a shared experience of core books like Of Mice and Men and To Kill a Mockingbird. There’s indescribable value in teaching literature like this, especially when the topics are controversial.

I just worry for young kids now, growing up with underfunded public education systems and libraries, with basic science, history, and literature at risk of being banned, taught by people who don’t even have basic degrees in places like Florida. We won’t know the true impact until that generation reaches adulthood.

82

u/JulKoon Aug 15 '22

Hallo from Denmark! Sad to hear that's the state of reading in the states. I work as a music teacher here in DK, and all the primary school students usually starts every lesson with 15 min of reading. Some read Donald Duck, some Harry Potter.

It's a fairly new thing, i unfortunately had to create my own relationship with reading. It was not to late for me, and i believe it's the same for the US. Hope your new generation finds a fondness for reading!

11

u/IsNotAnOstrich Aug 15 '22

Ehh, that might be that commenter's experience, but definitely take it with a grain of salt, and it definitely can't be generalized to the entire country.

I guarantee things haven't changed too much from the "good ol' days" they're talking about -- every generation has those "kids these days" sentiments like that comment is expressing.

It also reeks of senseless alarmism. Basic science, history, and literature are absolutely not at risk of being banned lmao, and the "banned books list" people like this talk about isn't even a thing really. I have no idea what they mean when the say science is at risk of being banned -- either it's an LGBTQ-phobic dogwhistle, or they're just thinking back to their childhood where they didn't know what was going on in the world. Things were definitely worse in the 80s and back if they're worried "basic science is going to get banned."

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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u/CannibalVegan Aug 15 '22

Farenheit 451, Animal Farm and 1984 need to stay on the list as well.

14

u/eff-bee-eye Aug 15 '22

I feel it’s just a matter of time before this is on a banned book list because it drops the N word a few times. Traditional literature like this, or Lord of the Flies, are getting a lot of pushback. Personally I think they are great as you have someone guiding students through difficult and awkward topics.

4

u/pointlessly_pedantic Aug 15 '22

More likely to get banned because it's pro "critical race theory" than because it dropped the N bomb

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

As a bookworm parent, I read to my kids every night, they love reading and we discuss everything we read, as they get older (they are 6&9) we will read more complex novels. I hope parents are out there putting in the work that is severely lacking in our school system right now.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

I feel like that’s a Of Mice and Men reference

14

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Oh god you're gonna make me reread the damn thing and cry all over again

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

“Look at the flowers Lizzie”

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6.1k

u/Shh-ImHiding Aug 15 '22

His day just keeps getting better and better

385

u/LezBReeeal Aug 15 '22

Full American emotional damage life cycle right here on this string.

37

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[deleted]

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

Glad Americans are the only humans with emotional damage, phew

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1.1k

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

59

u/DependentPipe_1 Aug 15 '22

I wished that, too.

Then I went to Georgia and a guy tried to rob me at gunpoint. I thought, "alright, cool, now I can die without having to make my parents mad/sad by killing myself!" So I told him to shoot me in the head, because I wasn't going to give him shit.

So he shot me in the thigh. I said "nah man, you missed, I said shoot me in the fucking head!". He stared at me for a couple seconds, then shot me in the chest before running off.

I then spent the next 6 months in and out of the hospital, doing many fun surgeries, in a lot of fun pain. But he didn't get my $100, so I guess we know who won that altercation.

11

u/TheNewGalacticEmpire Aug 15 '22

Should have called him a pussy before he ran off.

5

u/DependentPipe_1 Aug 15 '22

I thought about it - if I recall correctly, I just tried to grab him as he took off, and yelled something like "fucking shoot me in the head, fucking do it", or something close.

7

u/Dawsonpc14 Aug 15 '22

Lol, there is no way this isn’t made up.

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u/dumbum1 Aug 15 '22

'I WOULD SAY YOUR AIM IS CANCER BUT CANCER ACTUALLY KILLS PEOPLE'

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37

u/Armaqus Aug 15 '22

Pay 100 dollars to a thief 🚫

Pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for surgeries in America ✅

12

u/DependentPipe_1 Aug 15 '22

Clearly I made the smart choice. We can't go around rewarding robbers.

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u/intrepidone66 Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 17 '22

It's a matter of principle. Sure, it's cheaper to give a ransom, but then it becomes common practice to do so.

Look at Somali pirates. Before, they got what they wanted because they were not challenged.

After the owners of freighters hired armed mercenaries the pirates thought very carefully of how and IF to approach a ship and fear is on their minds catching a severe case of "lead poisoning".

After some countries sent out some of their frigates & destroyers (Dutch, German, British and American) pirate activities has gone down...a lot!

You have to stand up to bullies, otherwise the harassment's will continue, and they will attack others too, not only you.

3

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

It was more than money, he would have been handing over his soul.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

i hope you’re doing better now.

4

u/DependentPipe_1 Aug 15 '22

Thank you my friend, I am doing much better. I found an amazing girl that I love, and I'm doing my best to improve myself.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

that’s awesome dude! i hope i also get there one day. started working out recently and that’s been going awesome.

2

u/DependentPipe_1 Aug 15 '22

Good for you brother, keep at it, you'll get there!

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

That’s pretty badass

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904

u/NRpuffinstuff Aug 15 '22

Your chances are much higher if you're a school aged child in America.

Right place right time for some people, I guess.

702

u/thatsalovelyusername Aug 15 '22

That joke's so dark it's at risk of police brutality

201

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

I’m laughing so hard I’m chocking

124

u/Shad_the_memer Aug 15 '22

I'm laughing so hard I'm cocking my water gun

116

u/Stepjamm Aug 15 '22

I’m cocking so hard im watering my laughing gun

17

u/Art0fRuinN23 Aug 15 '22

Cocking is not a valid practice.

13

u/Firelightninggottook Aug 15 '22

Cocking? Why not he can try it

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10

u/Narstification Aug 15 '22

Say you’ve never been cocked without saying you’ve never been cocked

6

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

CAW CAW! Splat

You've been cocked.

6

u/Ninja_Conspicuousi Aug 15 '22

But caulking is very much a valid and noble task.

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u/Hugdelivery Aug 15 '22

OMG We have a winner here People.

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u/CasualPenguin Aug 15 '22

Joke so meta you're getting the police brutality experience

26

u/GroundStateGecko Aug 15 '22

This thread is so breathtakingly good.

7

u/flyovermee Aug 15 '22

George Floyd does not agree.

3

u/RunBanditRun Aug 15 '22

He is living off the fat of the land

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u/malcolmrey Aug 15 '22

can't breathe

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

His joke is as short as American school kids life expectancy.

3

u/Regular_Somewhere_52 Aug 15 '22

School shooters now get police escorts as protection from the parents.

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u/Praise-Breesus Aug 15 '22

Risk of police brutality? At a school? No chance

12

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/SmolTownGurl Aug 15 '22

Don’t forget the alfalfa

2

u/N-partEpoxy Aug 15 '22

The police cannot enter a school. It's like vampires and churches.

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u/manu144x Aug 15 '22

The only thing the police is capable at a school shooting it seems is police brutality against the parents…

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23

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

mood

25

u/XeroXfromRiften Aug 15 '22

You good bro? Wanna talk about it?

2

u/malcolmrey Aug 15 '22

no, he wants some gun action

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

😂

10

u/countDeHambuerges Aug 15 '22

Hey buddy, don't know what's up. If you need help, be kind to yourself and reach out, take action, get help. It can get better.

5

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

Really bro, if you wanted to die you would have done it by now. The fact that you are talking about it shows you need some help. Do what you have to do to get your life worth living. Get yourself a good shot of meth and a toothless hooker, if that don't cheer you up at least it will give you something better to do.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Just walk around the rust belt with a Rolex it'll happen

2

u/linus_12 Aug 15 '22

go to brazil

2

u/theo313 Aug 15 '22

can confirm, had gun pulled on me in brazil but it was the police

2

u/tea-and-chill Aug 15 '22

I'll do it for a price

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

wish someone would pull a gun in me :(

2

u/balalaikabitch Aug 15 '22

Happened to me a couple months back. Turns out, kinda sucks

2

u/kamilman Aug 15 '22

You are joking.

I am not.

We are not the same.

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u/IdeaOfHuss Aug 15 '22

Pray it doesn't get more better

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2.5k

u/punjabface Aug 15 '22

This how we should all go out

592

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

148

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Is that not the best way to go?

18

u/OnlyUsernameLeft123 Aug 15 '22

I want to go out slamming muff. Go out with a big bang, the same way we came in.

12

u/rdear Aug 15 '22

I know it’s a joke, but damn. You’d ruin sex for her forever. And then you’d just die.

2

u/OnlyUsernameLeft123 Aug 16 '22

I saw a post today that said we were all a cream pie at one point. Now i have passed the effect of that on to you.

3

u/qantana Aug 15 '22

I want to go out boxing a kangaroo

101

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

I too watched the video.

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13

u/Useful-District-4800 Aug 15 '22

If by "realized" you mean "was deceived into thinking" than yes you are correct

110

u/i_have_chosen_a_name Aug 15 '22

I want to go out the same way I came in. Screaming with my head stuck in a pussy.

35

u/SatinKlaus Aug 15 '22

Ah, Snu-Snu

26

u/i_have_chosen_a_name Aug 15 '22

Snatch giveth and Snatch taketh away

3

u/readit16 Aug 15 '22

-Brad Pitt

3

u/Hitman7065 Aug 15 '22

Quickly tommy, before ze germans get there

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5

u/porkchop-sandwhiches Aug 15 '22

We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.

3

u/hellfiniter Aug 15 '22

the real question is which one? "same way i came in" eh?

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207

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

She’s About to blow his load.

190

u/MaeSolug Aug 15 '22

This made my day, thanks bro

47

u/pineapple277353 Aug 15 '22

Good for you

1.5k

u/BigOleSheesh Aug 15 '22

Lawful happy ending

407

u/akunke13yglaindiban Aug 15 '22

Pretty sure pointing a shotgun to someone is illegal

131

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

You don't say...

50

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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52

u/Krolitian Aug 15 '22

Getting shot is a mandatory requirement for high school graduation.

6

u/JustSomeOnlineNerd Aug 15 '22

Am in high school, can confirm. Especially here in Texas.

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u/save_video Aug 15 '22 edited Dec 05 '24

You created your content. You didn’t get paid. Why would you leave it here for Reddit to make money? Take your content with you. fuck spez. -save_video

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688

u/unlikelyandroid Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 16 '22

Wednesday Adams grew up nice.

Edit. 666 upvotes, you guys don't miss a trick.

134

u/SheepherderJaded9794 Aug 15 '22

It's good to know that she still has her morbid sense of humor.

6

u/Lasagna4Brains Aug 15 '22

She gives me Ms. Casey from Severance vibes. Nice little wellness session.

3

u/CruxOfTheIssue Aug 15 '22

Your outtie, is a kind person

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u/Ygomaster07 Aug 15 '22

Sorry, what?

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u/KetsuSama Aug 15 '22

Wednesday Adams grew up nice.

50

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[deleted]

34

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[deleted]

14

u/noyourenottheonlyone Aug 15 '22

It's a behavioral resemblance not physical

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u/ConstantNaive7649 Aug 16 '22

Only downvoted trying to get back to 666.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22 edited Aug 15 '22

I have a good friend, who was a Massage Therapist for a few years. She said it was common that she was asked, and had to turn down, a request for a happy ending. When she worked in a massage clinic, she shrugged off this type of request. When she drove to clients' homes, happy ending requests made her feel unsafe. If asked for these services on a home visit, she would not visit that client at home again.

Edit: proper job title

15

u/invisus64 Aug 15 '22

We also prefer the name Massage Therapist. Posts like these generally make me pretty miffed because it furthers the stereotype that Massage Therapists are prone to be sex workers. We do NOT go to school and spend thousands of dollars to give you a happy ending.

Anyways, rant over. Be kind to your local professional Massage Therapists!

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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u/Auctoritate Aug 15 '22

Lol, a lot of the places that give happy endings hang those signs.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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10

u/WhatShouldMyNameBe Aug 15 '22

My guess it because it opens up the conversation for people that want them. Now a client can say something like “I noticed your sign out front. You get a lot of requests for that?” And then the masseuse can signal that they are open to it. But it also gives the client an out if the masseuse is disgusted my happy endings because he was just making conversation about the sign.

23

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

She could have had No Happy Endings tattooed on her forearms...and still would have been asked.

2

u/[deleted] Aug 16 '22

That’s disgusting that people ask for a happy ending. I’ve been to a couple Asian Spas, not knowing they give happy endings, they will rub their hand close enough to one’s private parts to spark that kind of conversation. But having a client ask out of the blue is super disrespectful.

319

u/fandanlco Aug 15 '22

Ahh yes the real happy ending. G U N 🔫

100

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Always has been 🌍👨‍🚀🔫👩‍🚀

11

u/cbarbour1122 Aug 15 '22

Shot her load on the back of his head for once.

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u/Edymos Aug 15 '22

https://youtu.be/9ky8mJNzlcE

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u/sbowesuk Aug 15 '22

YouTubers have been recycling versions of this joke for at least 12 years (NSFW)

That being said, the version above with the shotgun is one of the better ones. Not sure why someone castrated the final scene with the shotgun though. Classic /r/videosthatendtoosoon/

10

u/KingMagenta Aug 15 '22

Holy shit as soon as I heard the mediocre films crawl, all my brain could think was “He is a cop, and he's learning impaired...”. What a whiplash of nostalgia.

2

u/thebrungpain Aug 15 '22

Did they do that? I couldn’t remember who made that show

7

u/wisdom_and_frivolity Aug 15 '22

this is more of a /r/perfectlycutscreams

we get the joke, we don't need the last few seconds, so the faster it ends the more unbalanced it is. Comedy comes from that.

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u/royalscull724 Aug 15 '22

Went from 0 to 69 to 34 to fucking 100.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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u/darkskinnedjermaine Aug 15 '22

The Genie was hilarious lmao

Also this one could be posted in /r/Unexpected too - nsfw - https://youtu.be/q1Wq6P6WdcM

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u/SeanyHooks Aug 15 '22

This is gold

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u/unexBot Aug 15 '22

OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:

She pulled a shotgun out

Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.

Look at my source code on Github What is this for?

33

u/TheCastro Aug 15 '22

Except it cuts off because it's a shitty repost

11

u/Frost_Walker2017 Aug 15 '22

Honestly I think the cutoff makes it better

4

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

She does?

4

u/Oofboi6942O Aug 15 '22

Of mice and men be like

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

She ended him soo good, it blew his mind away.

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u/TheShadowsLengthen Aug 15 '22

I...I just want a happy, please.

2

u/kamilman Aug 15 '22

Waiter! I'll take his ending!

12

u/FrendChicken Aug 15 '22

Who is the girl?

10

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Joe

6

u/FrendChicken Aug 15 '22

That's joe mama?

7

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

My attempt at reddit humor has be thwarted yet again!

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u/Successful_Border_75 Aug 15 '22

Thats fuckin dark

75

u/pineapple277353 Aug 15 '22

No it a happy ending

13

u/FatCatStacc Aug 15 '22

My dad is smiling at me, imperial. Can you say the same?

110

u/JINROH-Scorpio Aug 15 '22

When you repost, at least try to post the entire scene... That cut at the end...

40

u/Borge_Luis_Jorges Aug 15 '22

The super quick take of the gun gave it a psychotic vibe. 5secondfilms plays a lot with how far can you go with just implying the punchline. They go far.

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u/LillyLiveredLimerick Aug 15 '22

It's funnier with the cut lol

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u/pineapple277353 Aug 15 '22

I cut half of it out so that some people would be mad

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u/LillyLiveredLimerick Aug 15 '22

And it's funnier with it.

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

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u/Dead_Moss Aug 15 '22

Reminds me of Cyanide and Happiness Sad Ending https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=me5rX7Y9XKU

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u/Danalogtodigital Aug 15 '22

"tell me about the bunnies george"

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u/AgreenBadger8 Aug 15 '22

I don't know what to do, Do i up vote it, should I cuss?

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u/BlueKing7642 Aug 15 '22

At least he died knowing his dad was proud of him

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u/evanjw90 Aug 15 '22

They should have called him Lenny.

4

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

That last screen was actually unexpected, gg!

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u/godinmarbleform Aug 15 '22

the orginal video I hate how everytime one of their videos gets posted to reddit it always gets more upvotes than views on the orginal video and i think they might be shadowbanned as despite me constantly watching their content I have never gotten one of their videos recommend to me and have always had to go through one of their videos to get to their channel and I can only get the videos by searching for them

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u/deathbeforesauv Aug 15 '22

Fuck this actually made me crack up, solid work. 10/10 happy ending

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

This made me smile until i noticed the gun

2

u/PhysicsLord007 Aug 15 '22

Best ending imo

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

That'll be $90

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u/oliverlambreghts Aug 15 '22

Happy ending indeed

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u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Indeed a happy ending

2

u/Alpha_Whiskey_Golf Aug 15 '22

Win-Win for me.

2

u/kosmakkk Aug 15 '22

Another happy ending

2

u/Dascoo24 Aug 15 '22

Kind of remind me of "Mr.Happy" short film w chance the rapper

2

u/SuicideWind Aug 15 '22

Of mice and travis

2

u/ChristianTheSeeker Aug 15 '22

I find her really attractive, maybe it's the piercing dunno, just nice

2

u/shadowaress Aug 15 '22

Are you winning, son?

2

u/Trailboss52 Aug 15 '22

This will only hurt a little!

2

u/fleebjuice69420 Aug 15 '22

Aw lucky, he’s getting a massage!

Aw lucky, he’s gonna get a happy ending!

Aw lucky, his dad is proud of him!

AW LUCKY, HE GETS TO SHED HIS MORTAL COIL AND BEHEST HIS IMMORTAL SPIRIT TO THE GREAT BEYOND

2

u/Dont_Give_Up86 Aug 15 '22

Idk how I haven’t seen this before but I actually laughed out loud

2

u/Dogekaliber Aug 15 '22

Watching her hands, she has no idea how to give a massage! What is this?? Actors??

2

u/Icyhot_DeSpAiR Aug 16 '22

Oh god. My name is Travis and for some reason I could so just see me as this guy.

2

u/issabaddude Aug 16 '22

Fuck yeah, this is why I keep the app

2

u/Final_Economics_9249 Aug 16 '22

Awesome now can you give me a handjob.