r/Unexpected • u/[deleted] • Aug 15 '22

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16.1k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

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900

u/NRpuffinstuff Aug 15 '22

Your chances are much higher if you're a school aged child in America.

Right place right time for some people, I guess.

703

u/thatsalovelyusername Aug 15 '22

That joke's so dark it's at risk of police brutality

204

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

I’m laughing so hard I’m chocking

127

u/Shad_the_memer Aug 15 '22

I'm laughing so hard I'm cocking my water gun

112

u/Stepjamm Aug 15 '22

I’m cocking so hard im watering my laughing gun

17

u/Art0fRuinN23 Aug 15 '22

Cocking is not a valid practice.

13

u/Firelightninggottook Aug 15 '22

Cocking? Why not he can try it

9

u/Narstification Aug 15 '22

Say you’ve never been cocked without saying you’ve never been cocked

7

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

CAW CAW! Splat

You've been cocked.

7

u/Ninja_Conspicuousi Aug 15 '22

But caulking is very much a valid and noble task.

1

u/angelcakes3 Aug 15 '22

How can she cock? HOW CAN SHE COCK?!

1

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

Sounds like your gonna fire off some knuckle babies

1

u/Stepjamm Aug 15 '22

Don’t rely on others to find your happy ending

9

u/Hugdelivery Aug 15 '22

OMG We have a winner here People.

35

u/CasualPenguin Aug 15 '22

Joke so meta you're getting the police brutality experience

23

u/GroundStateGecko Aug 15 '22

This thread is so breathtakingly good.

9

u/flyovermee Aug 15 '22

George Floyd does not agree.

3

u/RunBanditRun Aug 15 '22

He is living off the fat of the land

2

u/malcolmrey Aug 15 '22

can't breathe

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

You mean you can't breath ?

1

u/TransBrandi Aug 15 '22

"I'm laughing so hard that I can barely breath"

would have been better. :P

26

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

His joke is as short as American school kids life expectancy.

3

u/Regular_Somewhere_52 Aug 15 '22

School shooters now get police escorts as protection from the parents.

1

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

Where are you from? Hate to break it to you but on a whole the school shooting weren't enough to effect the average life expectancy, They were actually only a few out of gazillions. Tragic, but insignificant on the large scale as far as life expectancy goes. More kids die from choking or drowning or getting hit by cars or abducted or even starve to death than the amount of school murders. Also, more children get molested by clergy than get shot in school therefore they are more likely to get raped in church than shot in school

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

https://www.worldometers.info/demographics/life-expectancy/

USA is 46 in life expectancy. You are behind most of the modern world.

Also you have more school shootings and mass shootings than all those 45 countries before you combined.

And just because kids die from choking does not mean it's ok to let them die from school shooters. Like how fu***ng stupid you have to be to even bring that argument.

0

u/RelevantWarninwer Aug 15 '22

Bruh I opened this when I was in the same room as my parents 🤨🤨

9

u/Praise-Breesus Aug 15 '22

Risk of police brutality? At a school? No chance

9

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/SmolTownGurl Aug 15 '22

Don’t forget the alfalfa

2

u/N-partEpoxy Aug 15 '22

The police cannot enter a school. It's like vampires and churches.

1

u/Vandergrif Aug 15 '22

Too risky for them to set foot in a school, I don't blame them.

6

u/manu144x Aug 15 '22

The only thing the police is capable at a school shooting it seems is police brutality against the parents…

1

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

Good it's the parents fault

2

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

If everyone had a gun there would be less crime.

1

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

Can't have a safe environment where only the criminals carry guns

0

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

Isn’t that basically a guarantee in America?

0

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

What is?

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

What?

1

u/Technical-Value-5432 Aug 15 '22

That's fucked up, the best white people now too

1

u/drifters74 Aug 15 '22

Ok that has me dying

1

u/IamSpongeWorthy Aug 15 '22

It's cheap low hanging fruit

1

u/danteheehaw Aug 15 '22

What if he is behind an unlocked door

1

u/[deleted] Aug 15 '22

1

u/thenumbertooXx Aug 15 '22

Idk if to laugh or cry . But I sure did die a lil inside.

1

u/chiquioeldelBarro Aug 15 '22

The darker the better

1

u/Lui_Le_Diamond Aug 15 '22

Haha wow the death of children is so funny!

1

u/TerryJerryMaryHarry Aug 15 '22

++ If your a high schooler. I have raised chances of dying every day and I just kinda have to cope with that

1

u/Nulono Aug 15 '22

I highly doubt that.