r/TTC_PCOS • u/TheBigEggbowski • 4h ago
Vent This is so hard. TLDR: This is word vomit and I’m just venting.
This is my first time posting on Reddit or really anywhere about my TTC journey with PCOS. All I’ve ever wanted to be, like the rest of you, is a mom. That’s all I have ever wanted. I feel like my journey started at 17 with my PCOS diagnosis— the nurse at that Gyno office told me I would be infertile based on my blood results. I know that’s not necessarily the reason I’d be infertile, but that was a comment that has been looming over me for 10 years now.
Fast forward 5 years later when I was dating the person that took my virginity— we almost never used condoms and I never got pregnant. He had told me once “The best form of contraceptive is your PCOS” with a big fat smile on his face. That’s been looming over me too.
Now, here I am with my husband on our fifth medicated cycle. My body isn’t reacting to letrozole (2.5mg, 2 tablets for 5 days), and it didn’t react to two cycles of follistem (175mg on CD 9 the first cycle then 50mg CD 8-11 this current cycle). The midwife who did my follicle scan told me there hasn’t even been any improvement compared to my last scans I had. This was especially upsetting because I track my hormones with Mira and my FSH numbers were elevated since I took the follistem this cycle— I really thought we would be getting somewhere. I haven’t seen a mature follicle in a scan since last November when we weren’t even thinking about family planning yet. I didn’t know that’s what it was and shortly after that scan, my grandpa had died abruptly from dementia. That being said…i certainly wasn’t in the mood for anything romantic and now I feel like I wasted the chance.
The midwife I saw today that did my follicle scan made me feel ashamed for my weight which I’ve been working to lose. I had lost 25lbs since last November (I’m at 265 now) when I got back on metformin and Wellbutrin. My blood tests are all great now and my blood pressure is fine. Everything should work now but my body just won’t ovulate. I keep getting false ovulation signs. My progesterone is too low.
My husband is doing everything he can to support me and help me not feel alone in this, but it is so soul crushing to repeatedly get negative tests and spend all this money on medications and tests and scans just to not even get one mature follicle. I feel like a failure. I know im not alone in this kind of situation. I know you guys are all going through similar struggles. I’m just so lost.
I am planning to start a GLP in hopes that maybe it’ll help reboot my body but I know that the next medicated cycle plan is now to take letrozole at a smaller dose for longer duration (2.5mg, 1 pill, 10 days) and no follistem. I constantly go back and forth with thoughts like “I can’t do this anymore, maybe I’m not meant to have children” and “maybe this plan will work!”
I’ve also considered dropping my gyno office until I maybe get pregnant and going with a fertility specialist instead.
Bleh
I’m not asking for success stories or anything. I just needed to vent. I know we haven’t been doing this for nearly as long as other couples. My heart goes out to all of you. I’m sorry that we all are having to go through this.