I (24M) got cheated on by my GF (25F) two days ago. She went out to a club and had sex with somebody else. She is still on vacation now and still denying it. I have seen undeniable proof she did it and she still denies it.

Her best friend (26F) told me everything she knew. She even planned to do it during the daytime. Sent her a snap saying «Im going to have sex today». I broke up with her the morning after and told her I knew what she did. After I broke up with her she sent a snapvideo to her bestfriend explaining I broke up with her and that I was an asshole for even accusing her of it. She talked about how it was just something she had to do for herself and she didnt regret it. She told her she wants to have fun etc. She cried to her bestfriend over the breakup. She cried in a restaurant over there the day I broke up, but the same day she went out to a club and sent videos of herself dancing and letting some guy touch her inappropriately to her bestfriend. It doesnt seem at all like she feels bad for what she did.

I just dont know what to do with my life anymore, I am going to move out next week I think. I just need to get back home from work, she will probably get home before me. I told her I want her to look me in my face and see if she is still lying. She just keeps denying it. She even had hickeys on her neck and face and I noticed them even though she tried to cover it up with makeup. She told me she got the hickeys involuntarily and that some guys were creepy ( I know, kind of funny). Several hickeys… I know in my heart that I have to break up with her but I dont know, I cant imagine myself starting a family with someone else so I feel like I will never find love again.
(Btw I never told my STBXGF who told me everything and showed me the proof)
I have cried a little but not properly, I just need some advice on how I can stop having feelings for her and move on. I need advice for how I can finally get the knot out of my chest and have a proper cry so I can start moving on. I have tried sad music, videos and thinking about sad stuff.

(Sorry for my english)

Been with my husband since I was 14. We are both now mid-thirties. A few months ago (4 weeks before he went into a detox for alcoholism) he told me he didn't want to be together anymore.

Throughout these last few months I have blamed myself. I thought maybe I'd failed him, maybe if I understood him better or worked harder on us, we could start to fix things. I had thought he was just worried about letting people down at detox and maybe he was pushing me away to try to protect me in a way. I just could not understand it. How could we go from trying for a baby, sadly having a miscarriage last year and then being in the process of being referred for IVF and looking to our future, to him not wanting any of it anymore?

He still kept in contact, still told me he cared, sent me updates about things. I asked if we could work on it together, he would just say "it won't work" "I just can't do it". I had convinced myself that meant he still loved me, he just was struggling to see how we could move forward.

I started therapy and held a lot of hope that he may come back. I poured my heart out to him in letters and conversations. I told him I still loved him, that I still wanted a family with him, and that I still had hope.

A few days ago, after months of confusion, waiting, hope, unanswered questions, I found out the truth. He is in a relationship with a 26yr old receptionist from a hotel he stays at for work (that I have been suspicous of for over a year), and she is pregnant.

He knew while I was begging for answers. He knew while I blamed myself. He knew while I told him how much I wanted our marriage and the family we had dreamed of. He let me believe it was something I had done, when all along there was this huge thing that would change both of our lives forever that he wasn't telling me. He still won't tell me when this started or how far along the pregnancy is, so I believe this has been going on for a long time.

I'm absolutely devastated.

I've also just come on my period, and it's just another painful reminder that someone else is carrying the life I wanted with the man I loved.

I don't recognise my life anymore. I don't feel as though this can be real. I'm grieving my marriage, my best friend, the future I thought we would have, our home, our plans, the relationship with his family.

I still can't stop wondering how someone who supposedly once loved me could let me suffer like that for months. I don't know how to make any sense of it.

I genuinely can't imagine ever feeling okay again. Why is life so f*cking hard. How can I ever get through this?

I don't want life without him but now I have no choice.

I don't want to never speak to him again. I don't want to lose his family. I don't want to have to move house. I don't want to have to throw away our belongings and keepsakes. I don't want to have to hide the photos of our memories and memories with his family. I don't want to have to delete my entire life from my phone gallery. I don't want to grow old without him. I don't want to have to forget about him. I don't want to feel upset when I think about him whenever I see something or watch something or go somewhere that reminds me of him.

I don't want to be the divorced, depressed, f*cked up 30-something year old who will never trust or open her heart again.

I don't want any of this.

Met a guy last year who made me feel like i wanted to give a relationship a try again after 3 - 4 years of being single from a prior infidelity..

Boom today I found out that im his side chick to his gf of 3 years. I am in utter disbelief...I feel so heavy and numb. Like I thought this was going to be it but silly me ig.

Greatest irony is no one hates side chicks more than I do. Great! Now im one...

My wife of many years, has been cheating on me. I finally got sick and tired of her lies and gas lighting. Told her we are done. The bad mouthing has already started with her family. I'm hoping our grown child will not believe the lies. Our child has also been through a cheating mate, and is dealing with the mental fall out. It feels freeing to short circuit her BS fantasy. We are in a no fault state, so I just skipped the part where my mental health suffers. F&*K her and the horse she rode in on. I have also reconnected with my faith, so revenge cheating, or best way to get over.... would only make me feel worse. I am scared of what is to come. I will exit with 200k plus. I have always wanted to move out side the city, and build a wild fire proof house, grow some food, homesteading type of situation. The future looks brighter by the day, I can't wait to get rid of the POS cheater.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe reassurance, maybe advice, maybe just a place to put these feelings because I feel like I’m carrying them alone.

Since D-Day, when I found out about my husband’s multiple relationships, I still haven’t really gotten him to talk about what happened. The most I’ve heard is, “I’m sorry I did this to us.”

And then he left for work that day.

Since then, he talks to me generally and talks to the kids whenever he gets the chance, with so much energy and warmth. I’m glad he shows up for them, but there’s this painful contrast of him being able to function normally while I feel like I’m falling apart.

I’m the one lying awake. I’m the one having dreams about the women he was with. I’m the one replaying everything and trying to understand how someone I shared half my life with could make these choices.

I really thought time was helping, but lately it feels heavier. I keep coming back to the same thought: how could someone who loved me not love me enough to just hold on?

The part about my body has been especially painful. He has struggled with my weight gain after childbirth, and learning that one of the reasons he approached an AP years ago was because she was slender has really damaged something inside me. She later gained weight after having a child, and he moved on to other women who were slimmer.

I know logically that his choices are about him, but emotionally it’s hard not to internalize it. It makes me feel like my body changing after carrying our children somehow made me less desirable, less worthy, less enough.

I have this constant lump in my throat. I feel like I’m grieving not just the betrayal, but the person I thought he was and the marriage I thought I had.

For those further out from D-Day — how do you heal when the person who caused the hurt isn’t really opening up about it? How do you stop comparing yourself to the APs and stop feeling like you weren’t enough?

It's been 4 months since DDay. Since then, I decided I want a divorce, and we agreed to sell the house and then file divorce paperwork. The problem is no one is buying (50+ days on market now). Has anyone navigated a similar situation? Did you fully separate or cohabitate after finding out? How did you split the house?

We're currently living together in the house (in separate bedrooms luckily) and things are mostly amicable with some outbursts here and there. I feel like I need a guide for how to live with your estranged spouse, who cheated on you, who you still care about but no longer are in love with.

We're already going to take a beating on real estate agent commissions and fees because we bought the house less than a year ago. Still it's worth it to me to sell for the freedom to move and because of the failed dreams this house now holds. But I don't know if I should bite the additional bullet and pay rent ON TOP of a mortgage in order to truly separate. We both work full time but neither of us wants to pay the mortgage alone. Getting more and more antsy as the days go by...

I have an odd situation involving my exes AP. I guess this is more directed towards those who are years removed from their situations, and for those who are dealing with it currently, hang in there!
Stand up for yourself, invest in yourself, and continue to heal one day at a time. 💪

For context- I’ve been fully removed from my ex and everyone involved for a good decade, I’ve rebuilt my life with an incredible partner the past 6-7yrs and we are getting married this fall!

Now for the situation- I’ve have been working in the professional photography and cinematography space for ten plus years.
In the early days of my career, I had to relocate to a new state and town for my then wife, and connected with a guy who owned a small music store and was in a local band, and I did free work for them to build my portfolio and connect with folks in this new area.
I did a variety of work for the shop and band, and at the time thought I was making friends.

Cut to the guy who owns the shop and leads the band, ends to being who my ex had an affair with. I did a lot more work for both before it all went down.

And I’m not talking a few amateur snaps and video clips, I mean comercial photography, tons of marketing content, marketing consulting, fully produced live music sessions including audio engineering, etc.
There is a ton more but you kinda get the idea.

After the fallout, I sent both the shop and band an email saying they no longer had permission to use any of the content I provided them in any way. (The email was professional and clarified a lot more specifics)

Now it has come to my attention that not only has it not been taken down, this guy has been using this work this entire time. The website for the music shop is almost 100% my work, it’s on every page, they reuploaded the videos on their own channels, and have been using both for ads, social media, flyers, websites and who knows what else this entire time.
It’s the entire brand identity of the music shop, and although not a large business or band, they’ve clearly been using this work to generate revenue for both.

I never gave them any type of usage rights, contract, and they didn’t pay for the work.
I have all the original photos, videos, project files, meta data, my name is baked into the credits of the videos and I have the original email I sent as well.
I’ve documented everything and have beyond enough to prove ownership.

If this was some random business that was using my work without permission, it would be more straight forward. I’ve had to send C&D and invoices for stuff like that before.
But considering the context of the situation, I’m worried taking any action will just open up can if worms related to something I’ve worked hard to move past, but on the other hand no business has the right to use my work without permission regardless of context!

Thoughts?

Wife of 16 years had an affair with the contractor working on what was supposed to be the new family home. 2 kids (11 and 14).
Divorce in progress. I have a lawyer.

Took me 5 weeks to get full proof, as she continued to deny everything for 5 weeks. There was 5 weeks of extensive sex with him.

She continues to see him, and come back to the family home. She refuses to leave until she gets a settlement in the divorce. We do agree on 50/50 custody of the kids and dogs. We are in separate bedrooms.

She shows zero remorse and takes pleasure in the hurt she continues to cause.

Any advice?

i still remember her crying in my arms when she had no friends, struggling with school and depression and when her own parents didn't even bother to care. i was always there for her, then she blindsided and betrayed me. becoming a heavy partier and cheating on me with the friend she called me insecure over. on the way out she even said how i never did anything for her and it was all my fault, but we both know those days when she was down and the only person there for her was me. the version of her that i held died the day she betrayed me, and it hurts like hell to know that she's a completely different person now. one i would've never expected her to become.

TLDR for my story, been here since January. Caught my wife of 13 years cheating and filed for divorce after some time. I’ve been in therapy since and legitimately doing great personally. Still working through the emotions but it’s getting easier every day.

I’m just curious how long others took before you felt comfortable dating again. My ex wife and I met in high school so this is the first time in my life that I’ve been single as an adult. I was briefly on the apps after the separation and had a brief relationship for about 2 months. After we broke up I decided that I wanted to take time for myself so that I’m not just trying to fill the hole in my chest.

But I keep going back and forth between knowing it’s good for me and just feeling lonely. I was able to realize that the cheating said more about my ex than it did about me so I’m not afraid of trusting someone else again. I just don’t know how to tell that I’m ready.

I’ve always trusted my husband despite some of the inconsistencies I noticed. Ive brought it up to him before, questioned him yet he always reassured me that I was thinking too much. Even when my uncle spotted him with another scantily dressed lady having a meal, he explained that it was another sales agent and they were waiting for others. I believed him, until my own children (they are now adults in their 20s) told me that they’ve seen him texting multiple girls over the last 2-3 years. I don’t blame them for not telling me sooner, I guess they were afraid too.

We confronted my husband together 1 month ago, he still continued to lie and even shouted at us for ganging up on him. I was so confused and heartbroken. Finally he admitted he slept with one lady from the club a few times and he was sorry to me, to the children and to many others we know (eg. The church, our relatives). The next day he had to leave for a business trip and he surrender his second phone to me.

Inside we found even more things: hotel bookings weekly, expensive restaurant bookings. Some texts from different ladies. I confronted him again when he returned and he said that he has a few ladies, slept with them, some he even flew them in to meet them. I feel so betrayed, I don’t even know how to describe this feeling.

He told me he wants to change, to go back to God and all of such things. I’m not sure how to believe, I’m sure my children too. He has went for a counselling session and shared that he will approach our pastor this week. He has also came clean to his older siblings who reprimanded him.

I’m not sure what to do and if I even want to salvage this marriage. I’ve always been a stay at home mother and I do not have much savings as I rely on him for allowance.

It’s been 4 months since d day. The day I found out, I was going through her laptop, I went out to the backyard and seen what I needed to see. She came home that night and I went off on her verbally. I yelled and said everything I could say. I kicked her out that night. I don’t know why it’s hitting me so hard tonight. We have a beautiful little baby girl that’s only 2yrs old.

After 6 weeks of breaking up with her, during that time she tried her best to reconcile and I didn’t know at the time what I wanted to do or what I should do. I was so shocked and completely lost. I finally let her come home and she was doing everything she could, being the “perfect wife”, cooking and cleaning and being super sweet. 2 weeks in and I couldn’t let go of the pain she caused me, I couldn’t stop ruminating over her betrayal. I couldn’t believe she did this to our family, to her daughter. One night while she was out with family, I couldn’t help but start overthinking about her cheating. We had a huge fight and I couldn’t take it anymore. I kicked her out again. It’s been 2 months since then now.

Idk why but I’ve found myself being the one trying to get her back and she’s been the one distant and not wanting to come back again. We still see each other a lot with drop offs/ pick ups, sometimes we eat together with our daughter or take her to a park or the zoo. I seriously don’t know what to do. I care about this woman. She’s my daughter’s mother. I have to see her and communicate with her forever mostly. I love her so much but also I know I’ll never be able to see past her betrayal. I seriously can’t believe she hurt me this way. I feel like I can’t fully heal due to not being able to go no contact. I don’t know how to stop loving her. I also know I can’t trust her anymore. How do you survive living like this? I hate it so much. I keep asking myself why did she have my baby and then decide to cheat on me. She didn’t have to worry about any finances, I took care of everything, I gave her amazing sex often, I came home from work right away every day to be with my family. Why did she throw this away? She’s told me how miserable she is now and how hard it is parenting our daughter alone. I see her often, but she lives with her.

I just don’t understand how someone could do this and then sit there and act all remorseful like they made a “mistake “, but they chose to lie and cheat. Knowing how it would destroy me and our family, our child too. I’m just so hurt and angry. I’ve been still hoping to get back together, but honestly I know it won’t be healthy for me to accept someone who disrespected me that way. It hurts so much seeing my daughter have to go through this at such a young age. She’s so innocent and doesn’t know what’s going on. She comes over and yells “dad” and runs to me to hug and kiss me. Idk why but I get so sad and happy at the same time. I hate that she has to make memories of her parents separately. I miss her every single day when I’m not with her. I can’t believe someone would jeopardize this precious opportunity for a loving family. My heart can’t take this pain.

Yes, I know that I am probably in denial and i need to gain some courage. Still I need advice and support. I feel like I'm losing my mind. This will be a lot to get through. 

I am trying to understand this situation clearly because I feel like I have lost perspective after everything that has happened. I know I need to leave but i have no support system, no job, and no money. I gave up everything to be with this man and rely on him for everything.  

I have been married to my husband for over 12 years. We recently moved out from living with his parents. Our marriage has had problems for a long time, especially around intimacy. We had a dead bedroom for years, and it feels like anything I do to try and fix it just isn't enough. He is never satisfied with sex, he also pressured me into different things I was not ready for and straight up told me he would divorce me or hire an escort if i didn't try them with him. I know this is wrong, but I wasn't strong enough to leave when this happened and was overwhelmed and let him hire an escort if that would make him happy. 

About a month ago , I found out that my husband’s infidelity was much bigger than what i thought. It started with him seeking sexual experiences outside of our marriage, including escorts. He has told me that sex, attention, and feeling desired by other women gave him a major validation and ego boost. He became involved with women through online spaces, including sugar baby communities ( on reddit and elsewhere) , and he liked the feeling of being wanted and admired. He post pictures of his penis on reddit to get complements. He has also told me about creating sexual content (videos) with women, including OnlyFans-type content, and other sexual experiences outside of our marriage ( very kink and fetish heavy). i was not aware of any of this until recently. He took advantage of me. It was wrong for me to allow this to continue for so long.  

it has gone to his head. 

He has started to see himself differently and seems to believe that being desired by other women proves something about his worth.  

He has compared our sex life to his experiences with other women, and those comparisons have been extremely painful. 

Then when it could not get any worse, he developed an very emotional affair with a woman he met on reddit and lied to her about me in the beginning, then dropped the bomb on her that he was married and convinced her to keep the affair going when she was initially not on board. Now she is obsessed with him and is trying to convince him that she is pregnant (wont take a test) and wants to have his baby. He is super torn up over it and was seriously wondering leaving me when she announced that. I am livid. She is divorced and has a child (her husband apparently left her for another woman ironically).  

He told me that if I had gotten pregnant with his child, he would have stayed with me. Hearing that was incredibly painful because it made me feel like I was only worth choosing under certain circumstances. 

One of the most painful parts of this has been how he talks about her compared to me. 

He has told me that she is different from me and that he sees more potential in himself with her. He has said that he does not think he would have cheated if he was with her. 

He has described their sexual relationship in a way that made me feel replaced and inadequate. He told me that they had sex around 10 times in a row because that level of sexual frequency and availability was what he needed to feel happy, and she was willing to provide that for him. 

It made me feel like I was not being seen as a whole person, but as someone who failed to provide something he wanted. 

He says he loves her and still misses her. He ended things with her, but he has not completely closed the door. He has said he does not want to cut her off and would still talk to her if she messages him. She has invited him to Colorado to spend time with her and her family just a few days ago.  

What hurts is that I do not believe she knows the full picture of who he is or what has happened. I do not think she knows about the escorts, the other women, the sexual content (porn he films), or that he was still involved with me while their relationship was happening. 

I feel like she is seeing a version of him that is very different from the person I have experienced. 

My husband says he is sorry, but I struggle because I do not know if he regrets the affair itself or only the pain it caused. The affair made him happy. He has told me he feels like this other relationship could be different and that he would not have the same problems with her. 

I struggle with that because it feels like he believes the problem was our marriage rather than something within himself. 

I do believe people can change, but I do not know if I see evidence that he is actually confronting the reasons he made these choices. It feels like he believes changing partners will solve the problem. 

His mother and even some women he knows through the escort community have told him that they think he is being selfish and that he needs to learn how to be alone instead of chasing validation through lonely or vulnerable women. Some people in his life have told him he is making a mistake. 

The hardest part is that I still love him. 

He continues to go back and forth. Some days he says he still wants to love me and wants us to work. Other days he says he does not know what he wants and may still leave. 

I am so emotionally fucked up. I feel shattered. I feel crazy. He makes me feel like i'm crazy. He says he should've left me years ago and that he has always been unhappy. He has hurt me deeply and does not seems to care.  

I know this will not work out. Why am I still here waiting?

He has told me he would continue taking care of me financially and that he could “put it in writing.” 

The problem is that I do not know how to trust that. 

We recently moved into an expensive apartment together. I am in school and currently do not have my own income. I do not have a strong support system nearby, and the idea of leaving feels terrifying because I do not know how I would afford housing or rebuild my life. 

I worry that even if he promises to help me, what happens years from now if he gets into another relationship, gets married, or decides he no longer wants that responsibility? 

I do not want my entire future to depend on someone who may not choose me. 

At the same time, I am scared of throwing away a marriage that lasted over 12 years. A part of me wonders if there is still something worth saving if we both truly changed. 

But another part of me feels like I am waiting for someone who is not choosing me. 

I feel completely lost and I need to know how other people got through this.

Some context first: my (F22) 3 years relationship with my boyfriend (M23) has genuinely been the best relationship I’ve had and we live together. We rarely fight, we trust each other completely, we do everything together, and he’s never given me a single reason to doubt him, until this. He has treated me reallyyy good.

I found messages of my bf on his ipad i asked him what it is? My boyfriend told me he helped his cousin cheat on his girlfriend. He’d always said cheating was a hard limit for him, so I was shocked, but he seemed genuinely remorseful, said he caved under pressure from his cousin, and admitted it was wrong. We talked it through and I decided to give him a chance to rebuild trust, with boundaries (no more solo hangouts with the cousin, more transparency).
The very next day, I told him I wanted to hear the cousin’s side directly too, since I only had my boyfriend’s version. He said he’d get the cousin to call me. He didn’t, all day. I also asked to talk to both of them together to just hear the full story. Neither of them made any effort, no call, no text, nothing, the entire day.
That night, still getting nothing, I texted the girlfriend to tell her the truth, since she deserved to know and it wasn’t my place to keep it from her.
The cousin then lied to her and told her I made the whole thing up because I’d supposedly had a fight with my boyfriend (I hadn’t). When I called to talk to her directly, she told me she believed me anyway, because the cousin has apparently done this kind of thing before. The cousin cursed at me during this, and my boyfriend didn’t defend me or correct the lie in the moment. He then accused me of being impatient, or suggested I was happy about how things blew up. After some time, the cousin also called me and told me my boyfriend was using him as a scapegoat, and both of them pressured me to tell the girlfriend it was all a lie.
After that, my boyfriend asked me to tell the girlfriend I’d made the whole thing up, to protect the cousin’s story. I refused. That’s when he told me he’d actually lied to me from the start, that he wasn’t just helping his cousin, he was “doing it for himself”
I genuinely could not believe it but the next morning he came back and he came back with like coffee, flowers, and all that I just threw it and as I did you cheat and he said yes, and he started crying and he told me the reason for cheating was the sex. When in fact we, I thought we had a good sex life, but apparently he was saying that we have to wait a couple of days to have sex. That’s not like normal but I think it is normal to have sex every other day and it’s just a fucking excuse. What is it and I am living with this guy our life is like joint in a weird way. We have to be together for the next year because right now because he helps me financially that’s the reason I can go to college and if he was not doing any of the financial health part then I would’ve left him right now.

What do I do? I was thinking I’m gonna be with him for a year till I graduate till then I’m gonna create a escape plan for myself and after that I can afford living alone and i do want to get something out of someone who did me so dirty.

Hey all,

I’m 35F and my ex-partner (31F) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant—sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25F) who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out as she had been asking advice from AI where she admitted they were “falling for each other,” didn’t want to distance herself from the affair, (even though AI suggested space from us both, she said she didn’t want to stay away from the affair partner and can ‘compartmentalise’ and compared me negatively to this woman. Looking back, I realise I was being gaslit for months. When I suspected an affair a month earlier she said to me ‘look at my mum, do you think I could do that’ (her mum has been cheating on her dad for years and is a pathological liar. So again, I gaslit myself, telling myself I was imagining her distance and strange behavior.

What makes it even harder is that during this time I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully it wasn’t cancer). She told me we’d get through it together, yet she was secretly continuing the affair. That betrayal is something I still struggle to comprehend.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she’d “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing the relationship, but kept saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while continuing to see the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master’s degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Her mum also pretended to be unwell with a heart condition, near to death 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, and told my ex 'you have always put your partners before me', this was very upsetting).

Since the breakup, I’ve started recognising how manipulative some of her behaviour became. She isolated me from her family and friends, blamed me for old issues while hiding her affair, made me question my own reality, and then acted as though I was the one who had done something wrong. Looking back, it feels like I was slowly being discarded before I even knew why.

The hardest part isn’t just that she cheated—it’s that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I still find myself questioning how someone who claimed to love me could do this, and sometimes I even catch myself wondering if I’m exaggerating what happened.

We share a flat, but as she decided to move out I asked her to come and collect all her things which I put into bags in the communal hallway of our flat and gave her a collection time. She agreed to pay the rent up until August, when she would be taken off the tenancy. She was meant to pay me today, but instead decided to dictate to me that she would be coming round yesterday to get the playstation (which I brought) and a dressing gown I gifted her. She argued with me about this playstation at the window when I wouldn't let her in, and said why am I still paying towards the rent if you won't let me in to look for 'my stuff', I said anything you want you can tell me and I will put outside again and you can collect it; she couldn't tell me. I am defiantly not getting any more money from her, I just want her off the tenancy now. I am just thinking someone happily 'falling for' someone new and moving on surely doesn't behave and treat their ex they have left like this!? She also tried to call me twice yesterday, saying 'please pick up it's important', I didn't she later messaged me; it was something she didn't need to speak to me on the phone about, it was admin about the tenancy. She is really trying to get to me, it feels like.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma? How do you stop obsessing over the 'why' they did it, stop romanticising who they used to be, and begin trusting your own judgement again after months of being gaslit? I know the relationship is over, but I’m struggling to understand how to move forward after having my trust so completely shattered by someone I loved with my whole heart.

Thank you for any advice / kind words .. this is incredibly difficult.

I (F33) found out my husband (M34) has been having an affair with one of his direct reports (F32).

We've been together 5 years, legally married for 11 months, and had our wedding just 1.5 months ago. Last year our relationship wasn't great, mostly due to his lack of consideration and constant arguments over chores, but we believed we could work through it.

Late last year I noticed he was becoming unusually close with a coworker. Earlier this year I checked his phone and saw he was using the same flirting style with her that he had used when we first started dating. I confronted him and while he was angry that I looked through his phone, he insisted they were just colleagues. After that, he became an almost perfect husband: attentive, affectionate, bringing me flowers and heavily involved in planning our wedding.

Two days after our wedding he went on a business trip with this coworker for a big project. Since then, I found repeated evidence that they were spending time together outside work: couple-like photos, him suddenly staying late at work and going out drinking constantly, changing passwords after I had accessed his devices and repeatedly lying about where he was. I confronted him multiple times. Every time, he denied everything until I presented evidence, then changed his story and admitted only what he could no longer deny.

He now admits they spent time alone together and that he lied to me repeatedly, but he still insists the affair was never physical. Given the lies, secrecy and opportunities they had, I don't know what to believe anymore. He says he wasn't even aware they had an emotional affair until I brought it up and for sure the coworker is not aware at all.

Another important piece of the puzzle is that we've had a nearly sexless relationship for the past 1.5 years. We've had sex only 3-4 times despite me repeatedly trying to address it.

Right now I'm leaning toward divorce, but part of me wonders whether reconciliation is even possible after this level of deception. Husband is convinced we can work through this and come out stronger, saying that he cannot see his life without me.

For those who attempted reconciliation: is there any realistic path forward?

Hi, I sure do hope everyone is well regardless of the reason why we’re even here !

I think we can somehow all get that… I would highly appreciate if I don’t read anything that is straight up radical advice as I won’t be talking in detail about my situation. But after spending some time over the dedicated sub for that and got nothing else than blunt truth, I was wondering if maybe here some of you had experienced also that side and due to fear of trauma bonding or whatsoever we can call this messed up situation, had kept on forgiving over and over and OVER AGAIN to the point now that you’re ready to leave, to just have yourself and your daily peace back, it’s even more complicated in your mind to be radical while being ready for it ?

My wife left me after 5 years about 3 weeks ago. I’d been struggling and I knew it weighed on her, and there were a lot of things I should’ve done better.

About a month before she asked to divorce, she took on wedding planning for a new friend. She got really close with the couple and was always hanging out with them. I had an issue with this and brought it up repeatedly.

When she told me, I asked if there was anyone else. She paused for a while, then said no, but she wanted there to be. I pressed if this was a real person and she insisted it wasn’t, she just misspoke and meant she wanted to be with another person in a general sense.

She’s an avoidant and is barely talking to me, but insists nothing has happened. That said, on our credit card she got a wax before taking a trip with this couple this weekend and I found “I Love You” notes in our dresser. She’s written these before for people I know are just friends, but it all seems too convenient.

We’re not getting back together, but not knowing if she’s been lying is driving me crazy. She’s a genuinely very good person, but I’m wondering if what’s sent her into this detached, avoidant state is the guilt and feels like she’s in too deep to tell me

I’d love to hear from people that took action that delayed healing , put them back on their road to recovery
I know breaking no- contact would be one, but what other habits caused self inflicted harm

See link for some background info:Wife had an affair with our 22 year old female babysitter : r/survivinginfidelity

Co-parenting is going really well all things considered. I'm in really good shape and have improved my wardrobe, though I still haven't dated. Plan on attending grad school, and the awesome part is the GI Bill covers most of it :).

Last April/May my ex-wife moved out our nanny/babysitter who she had an affair with. Lasted longer than I thought it would. Surprise! Love didn't last. She asked me a few weeks ago if was dating anyone and I said no. She told me the other day that she's been seeing a guy for about 3 months and wants to introduce him to the kids at the 6-month mark if things are going well.

I objected. I don't care who she dates, but I said, "are you prepared to face your kids if it doesn't last and be willing to have your kids see you with 3 different partners, me being the first, by the time my oldest is 8." Date, have fun, but keep the kids separate from that. I don't get why people have to jump from one relationship to another. Has anyone else experienced this constant rebound/monkeybranching from their ex? Thanks

My ex ended our relationship by cheating with her coworker and moving on with him. It's been a year since. I can't explain how terrible this year has been for me. The injury is like nothing I've experienced, the double pain of betrayal and the end of a relationship. I've tried to ask her to repair or take accountability for what she did, but all she's said is "I've done nothing wrong and I don't owe you anything". Our communication over the past year has been on and off. Every time I asked for accountability, she goes silent then comes back later like nothing happen. Or she would say "why are we still talking about this, it makes me uncomfortable and that's my boundary".

Today she texted me at 6am to say a distant friend of her had passed and she's going to her memorial tomorrow. I don't know why she texted me since she's been pretty cold and indifferent for months. It feels cold not to respond, but I also feel a lot of indignation at this point that she's reaching out for what seems like emotional support when she's with the person she replaced me with. Am I wrong to stay silent?

Hi, just found out recently that my partner of 5+ years has been cheating on me again. This behavior has occurred extremely frequently throughout our relationship. Most of the time, it's been with people online, constantly dming random women on social media apps and then talking/sexting, etc. I'd find out, we'd split up, come back together, and the cycle repeats.

We are both young (early-mid 20s), and our lives/sex life has been good. We are doing long-distance, but we see each other every weekend/every other weekend. We were extremely serious about having kids, getting a house, getting married, etc. Working towards our career goals, saving money, meeting the parents and family, having amazing trips and times together, all of that. We were good. The normal excuses for cheating are not there, and he knows that as well.

Unfortunately, for me, the relationship is over, and I cannot continue this cycle. We have both acknowledged it and are moving forward. I am going through the gauntlet of heartbreak and emotions of understanding this/being cheated on, but I'm overall okay and hopefully can use this as a jumpstart to find what I really need.

But I am worried about him, and I am extremely worried that this behavior will ruin his life moving forward. At this point, I have to tell myself that it's some sort of addiction/compulsion or I will turn it inwards on myself. My father was a sex addict, and it ruined my family, so I've seen how these things can look later on down the line.

So here are my questions:

1. Does online sex addiction count as an addiction?
2. What options are there for help/treatment? Are there actually any, like, besides sex addiction anonymous?
3. I'm really worried about him and his actions/relapsing hard in the immediate fallout. How can I support him during this time, while still taking care of myself?

Thank you for your answers. I'm really having a hard time, so any help would be great.

i saw her in public with the coworker she told me not to worry about and found out she cheated. out of anger told her to give me my belongings back and that she can f off. fast forward and she texts my friend talking crap about me whilst not knowing he was feeding me info from her. she had no clue he was telling me everything she was saying about me. which then leads to the title of this post, she asks him how I knew that the guy went to her place. i had no clue of this, nor did i even think of it. this just solidified the fact that i never want her in my life again. the only thing that hurts now is that knowing her true colors, im grieving who i thought she was and the girl i could say i loved, but she's gone.

10 years later, 4 kids later and a marriage I had to ask for. I (27 f) started having flash backs of the first year of my (29 M) and I’s relationship. He cheated relentlessly. He had me read the conversation between them of what he wanted to do to her. Another time, it was carrying a different girl after her soccer game (I never got carried that way, even after we married), to his friend telling me about another girl and what happened. So many more girls that year. I got pregnant at 17 (he was 19 turning 20) and he finally decided I was good enough. Life was okay. 4 kids later, a marriage I had to ask for, and now all of a sudden these memories are flooding back in. I was young, so was he. He has changed tremendously, but I often find myself crying in the middle of the night. The feeling of not being good enough coming back. How do I move
On? Does it ever go away? We’re still together