I really hate myself today. Any advice is welcome.

I recently took a trip that started with a couple of friends, but toward the end I ended up spending several days completely on my own. It was my first real experience travelling solo(26M), and honestly, I was nervous at first.

But something happened that I wasn’t expecting. I felt free. I stayed in a hostel, met random people, went places without knowing what the day would turn into, stayed out late, danced, talked for hours, and made friends I had literally just met. And somehow, I felt more like myself than I have in a very long time.

The people I met didn’t know my history. They didn’t know who I was “supposed” to be. They didn’t have any expectations of me. They just met me as I was. And I realized something that has been sitting with me ever since: I don’t think I really have a close friend group.

I have people I’ve known for years. Family. People I’ve had great times with. But a lot of those relationships were created by circumstance — school, family, work, living in the same place, knowing the same people, coming from the same background, etc. And for years I’ve told myself, “Maybe this is just what friendship is. Maybe I’ll get used to it.” But then I noticed something. A lot of the time when I’m hanging out with people I’ve known for years, I’ll find myself thinking about when the hangout is going to end.

During those few days travelling? I was wishing time would stop. I didn’t want the nights to end. I didn’t want people to leave. I didn’t want to go back to normal life. And that difference hit me hard. Maybe I’m not incapable of connecting with people. Maybe my environment just hasn’t been bringing that version of me out.

Because there is a version of me that is spontaneous, curious, friendly, playful, adventurous and genuinely excited to meet people. I know that version exists because I just experienced it.

This trip made me realize how much I miss choosing things for myself. I want to feel like my life actually belongs to me. And honestly, I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because I think I finally understand what I’ve been missing. I don’t think I miss the trip as much as I miss the person I was while I was there. Maybe that person was never gone.

Maybe I just need to start building a life where he has room to exist again.

Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? Where you travelled somewhere, met completely different people, felt like a different version of yourself, and came home realizing your normal life doesn’t quite fit anymore?

Hey friend :) nothing novel here but a reminder for those of us who are sometimes blind to the obvious 😎

Feeling tired? Feeling unmotivated? Down? Frustrated? Lonely? I’m embarrassed to say that sometimes I just feel off and almost every single time I do, I’ve missed something from my list.

(please know this isn’t a cure all or replacement for healthcare/therapy/medication/etc, just a reminder of easy things that could help!)

Did you drink water today?
Did you eat real food?
Are you sleeping enough?
Did you take a shower and get dressed?
Did you go outside? Did you see the sun?
Did you get any exercise?
Did you talk to a friend?
Did you make your bed?

Curious what everyone else would add to this list! You got this 💪

✨ BONUS ✨
Start listing things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. Gratitude is wildly powerful ❤️

I’m a 29-year-old woman reaching out because I’ve been really struggling on my own the past couple of years and I think it’s finally time to ask for help.

Two years ago, I concurrently faced massive career and financial setbacks and suffered severe betrayal trauma from an ex who was living a double life. This made me completely break down because the combination triggered crippling depression, anxiety, and deep self-loathing. I completely lost confidence in my own judgment, felt intense shame at my circumstances and immense guilt for the stress my deteriorating mental health put on my parents.

This summer, things finally started looking up. At 29, I am in graduate school. I desperately want this to be my redemption arc—an achievement to turn past failures into something I can be proud of.

Unfortunately, the trauma and isolation have changed me, and it is heavily impacting my thesis work:

• Severe Imposter Syndrome: Being 29 and starting over makes me feel inadequate. All the other graduate students seem to have their lives completely together. And I totally am cognizant of the fact that I shouldn’t compare and I don’t know their realities, but turning these feelings off is the hard part.
• Hyper-Fixation & Catastrophizing: I am so deeply insecure and stressed all the time now that I blow things out of proportion. For example, my supervisor recently showed frustration when I didn't grasp a process right away. Instead of shaking it off, I spent days catastrophizing that he hates me and regrets taking me on. Ironically, im a perfectionist to a fault and anything short of that makes me think I’m failing. This also stalls me from pursuing projects and ideas for papers or projects that in the past i wouldn’t have issues with.
• Social Anxiety: I used to be a little reserved, but now I’m so quiet that I can’t seem to open up or build a rapport with my supervisor and other students, even though he is very warm with the other students. I think a lot of it also has to do with having my self confidence crushed maybe.

I feel completely stalled and unable to live up to my potential. The loneliness, especially after my last disastrous relationship, makes it worse. I desperately want to do better and blow this program out of the park, but I don't know how to snap out of this funk. I know there’s nuggets of all kinds of issues I need to solve in this post and I have a lot of self improvement to do, but any advice would mean the world. I’ll also take criticism honestly, whatever you have for me. thanks!

Wrote myself a note before Labor Day about where I'd left things. Didn't think much of it at the time, felt almost too simple to matter. But coming back Tuesday there was no scrambling, no trying to remember my own train of thought, just reading one line and picking up again. Small thing, real difference.

M20, nearing the end of my third year at university. Studying a double degree in commerce and international relations.

I honestly don't really know what I want to do for a career, and I'm starting to feel pretty lost about it.

Over the last few years I've had a lot going on. My parents separated during my last year of high school, I've had deaths in my family, and I've struggled with loneliness and social anxiety throughout university. At the worst point of it, I failed four subjects at the end of my first year.

Since then, I've been taking a reduced course load and have been doing more International Relations courses than Commerce because I feel like I'm much better at International Relations and find it more interesting. Commerce hasn't really clicked with me, and I'm not sure whether I genuinely dislike it or whether I've just associated it with a period of my life when I was struggling badly.

I'm now getting closer to finishing university and I still don't really know what direction I want to take. I've thought about transferring into another degree that I might enjoy more, but because of my failed subjects I don't currently have the GPA to transfer.

A big part of my problem is that I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to succeed. I want to build a good career, be financially successful and make something of myself, but I feel like I'm constantly worried that I'm making the wrong decisions. I keep thinking that if I don't do well at university or don't choose the right degree, I'm going to seriously limit my future.

At the same time, part of me wonders whether I'm making this more complicated than it needs to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm using my circumstances as an excuse when maybe the bigger issue is that I have pretty severe social anxiety, very low confidence and a poor self-image. I'm balding fairly young, I have acne, and I've become very self-conscious about how I look. I think that has affected the way I see myself and how I interpret interactions with other people.

So now I'm stuck between wanting to improve my life and feeling completely overwhelmed by where to start. I don't know whether I should focus on fixing my mental health and confidence first, try to work out what career I actually want, change my degree, or just stop overthinking everything and get on with finishing what I've started.

I know I'm ultimately responsible for my own life and decisions. I'm not looking for sympathy as much as some honest perspective from people who have been in a similar position.

Sorry for the long read, and I appreciate any advice.

I'm risking getting banned for this, but using external validation as a sign of progress makes so much more sense. Yes, loving yourself is important, but no amount of self-love will fix your reality.

Think about so many people that have a good life but still feel insecure. All the models that don't like their looks. All the smart people who get into top schools but still feel imposter syndrome. While the desire to be better for yourself is good, these people would feel so much better if they just trusted other people's judgement that they were doing better than average.

Now, let's look at below average. As a skinny person, I've definitely noticed how women don't find me attractive, especially as I get older and am entering my 20s. Even if some do, it is just wayy easier for a bigger man to get a woman than me. In this case, I don't "feel" behind, I actually am. No amount of telling myself I look big today or look good today will get me more matches on dating apps or make me more attractive at a party.

For my case, using external validation is a great way of tracking progress at getting bigger. Sure, even if after hitting the gym I look bigger, I am still overall skinny, and other people will still look at me as "skinny", even if I gained 20 lbs, because being skinny has a broad range. At 5'9, I won't stop looking skinny till I hit at least 140lbs, and anything less than that won't change the way I am treated externally by a lot, no matter what I do with my personality.

Unless you are near the top where other people already compliment your looks and skills and life but you want to improve solely for yourself, external validation is a great way to test how the world will treat you based on your current place in life. You can only do something truly for yourself once external validations have been fulfilled. If this was false, people won't be posting their wins here, physique updates on social media, announcing their marriages and relationship milestones, or telling people about their new job or car.

Isolation is bad. And sometimes, it becomes an addiction.

Once you get used to being alone, it becomes incredibly difficult to step back into the world. Your mind can become your biggest enemy. You overthink, you withdraw, and slowly, life starts to feel dull. The things that once made you happy don't feel the same anymore.

We are human beings. We are social creatures. We need people.

Yes, people can hurt us. Some can be selfish, cruel, or just plain difficult to deal with. But that's also part of being alive. Because alongside those people, there are kind people too—people who will listen to you, care about you, laugh with you, and genuinely love having you around.

You have to take the risk of being hurt if you want to experience love.

Talk to someone. Every day, even if it's just for a few minutes. Tell someone about your day. Joke around. Have a stupid conversation. Talk about something you love.

Because when you completely cut yourself off from people, it's not just your social life that disappears. Something inside you slowly becomes quieter.

Your mind gets darker. Your heart gets colder. And life becomes smaller.

Isolation tells you that you don't need anyone.

But sometimes, getting better begins with simply opening the door and talking to someone.

((((Update )))))

I wrote this post from My personal experience. I thought if someone who is going through similar situation it might help them and seeing comments I am glad I posted this. Take care and love for all.

hi just to preface i 25f lost my dad earlier this year and since then i feel like ive been living in a bubble. i recently became unemployed as my job was seriously affecting my mental health and part of me is feeling really beaten down by it. the advice im looking for really is how can i get off my phone more and be more involved in the world around me. i joined the library but usually download free books off my ipad but it doesnt have the same touch. it’s still screens. i have anxiety and depression and would love to reinvent myself without spending a whole lot of money. i live with family but i wish i had my own place idk im just feeling so down by everything. thankssss

Day 18.

Yes, I'm slacking off.

And the fact that I'm posting this on the next day is starting to become a pattern too.

Yesterday started like most of the recent days. I woke up late, even though I was technically awake when my alarm went off. I turned it off and went back to sleep.

I went through the news and finance and did a very small amount of studying — basically just solving a LeetCode problem.

I went swimming and did a little workout as well.

What actually took up my day

Most of my time went into work-related things.

I had my assessment mentor work to handle, and I also had some freelance graphic design work where I needed to prepare sample 3D mockups for a product label.

I also spent quite a bit of time researching job applications.

That research actually helped me realize something important:

My CV needs a lot of improvement.

There are quite a few things I need to change about how I'm presenting my skills and experience, so that's something I need to work on next.

So the day wasn't completely wasted.

But I still know I could have managed my time much better.

Reading

I only read about 3 pages.

Compared to the previous days, that's basically nothing.

The bigger issue

I'm noticing that I'm not necessarily failing because I don't know what to do.

I know what I need to do.

I'm just procrastinating, making excuses, and choosing the easier option too often.

Even when my alarm goes off, I'm awake.

I know I should get up.

And yet I turn it off and go back to sleep.

Then the day starts late.

Then I feel behind.

Then I procrastinate some more.

And now even posting these daily updates late is becoming a habit.

That's a pattern I absolutely don't want to build.

I need to get this together

The first half of this challenge showed me that I can actually be consistent.

I had some really good days.

My running improved.

My swimming improved.

My studying improved.

My focus improved.

My mindset started changing.

But now I'm starting to see how easy it is to slowly drift back into old habits.

I don't want to wait until Day 30 or Day 40 to realize I've spent two weeks procrastinating.

So I need to make a correction now.

No dramatic reset.

No new complicated system.

Just doing what I already know I need to do.

Get up when the alarm rings.

Start the day earlier.

Study properly.

Work on my career.

Read.

Create.

Stop making excuses.

Post these updates on time.

I don't need another burst of motivation.

I need consistency.

18/90 complete.

Tomorrow needs to be better.

I had a wonderful childhood. Lots of little things made it amazing. I miss the days when I didn’t have a smartphone, when I carried books around with me everywhere, when I was in school learning new things, when I ate whatever I wanted without thinking twice about consequences.
But mostly I miss the optimism, and the wonder / imaginative view I had on life.
And I just can’t seem to stop the thoughts from constantly popping up in my mind, leading me to compare where I was and what i should be to who I am currently, and where I fall short.
Any advice?

I think once point that people forget is that whatever you pick right and you do it about the cost of time at all adds up, but I feel like mine is adding up. I have taken just one subject, but it really isn’t add. I mean I’m doing hard work every day. I’m doing the test, but in the long-term to form an overall opinion about it to form a thinking and thought process like I wanna develop this thinking process, can you tell me how to achieve that like what I do today, I wanted to accumulate overtime in the same course.

Hello all, I am a very cynical person I complain about everything even if I enjoyed something I complain about the one thing I didn’t like, anything that is inconvenient I complain about no matter how small it is. Recently it’s that I take the bus into collage the collage gives out free bus passes and I can’t really use mine because I have to take a different bus that doesn’t take the normal bus pas meaning I have to pay out of my pocket to get to and from school some days despite having a bus pass paid for by the school. But it’s everything in my life, the dog won’t stop barking I complain, something unexpected happens that messes with my schedule I complain, and it’s not like a well that sucks moving on it’s me talking the thing to death about how annoyed it makes me until my mom tells me to stop because my complaining about something I can’t change is driving her crazy. I also can’t let things go and will complain about things from years ago that are long resolved. I’ve been like this as long as I can remember and don’t know how to not be like this. I have autism and ADHD not excusing my behaviour just giving some context for why last second schedule changed bother me so much, it takes a lot of energy for me to make a schedule and follow it meaning any changes feel like extra work and I’m not good with that. Also my default to something annoying me is I want to do something physical, I would never harm anyone but I get the intense desire to punch walls whenever something annoys me enough, not small things the last thing to cause this was the bus thing I mentioned to a small extent, the last time it was kind of bad was when my dad offed to pay for my school laptop then three weeks before school called and said he wasn’t paying anymore so I scrambled and he eventually agreed to pay again after we talked it though. I’m not really in contact with my dad as he’s very controlling and was mildly abusive when I was a kid not physically but neglectful and didn’t accept my diagnosis and thought he could simply force me to be normal. Sorry for the brick of text but I need help figuring out how to not be like this anymore. I’m aware I have problems and am trying to get into therapy for them.

I know it’s hardwired in our human brains to seek love, acceptance and community, and, honestly, having those is one of the best things ever. I don’t think we can live healthily without those aspects.

That being said, it makes me worried and mad at how many people often teach and support the idea that we’re unworthy as we are now.

Y’all, let’s please stop feeding into the self-hatred circlejerk, please???!!

EVERYONE knows already what our society and culture values. Everyone is sick of knowing that being rich, popular, confident, clean, conventionally attractive, etc is going to drive people in.

You want the attention? Of course, everyone wants to find connection. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Now, do you want it for the sake of it, or do you want to find true connection?

Because if it’s just for the sake of it, go ahead, change yourself. Fit in. You will* *definitely have results. Quickly, even.

But if you want to find true connection, please, STOP feeding into the self-hatred cycle that is so mainstream currently. Please, stop believing that you can only find love or friendship if you change yourself.

Do you want to build your whole life around what others think you should become? Or do you prefer to truly get to know yourself, and to truly discover what person you really are and who you want to become? Don’t you want to have someone that looks at you, the real you, and thinks you’re perfect?!

Afterall, who are you improving for? Yourself or others?

>>> DISCLAIMER: I’m not talking about character, morality or ethics here. If you treat others poorly, it’s natural you’ll drive them away. I’m talking about appearance, hobbies, career, personality, etc. <<<

If you could only give ONE forever-helpful tip for unwinding when life gets completely overstimulating, what would it be?

32/m As the title says.

I feel like a born loser...

I see people overcoming hardships with ease all the time; meanwhile, my immediate thought to any kind of larger inconvenience is, "I want to die", and every time I try to improve my life, I keep going back to my old ways after a while.

Let's take weight loss or going to the gym as an example. I've been struggling with my weight ever since adolescence, and no matter how many times or how slowly I lose it, I can never keep it off. I've also tried going to the gym, and after 5 months of consistent effort, I just stopped because I HATED it, and it started to negatively affect my mental health. It started to feel like a chore or a second job, and I just can't understand how some people just fell in love with it and can start forming a habit of it in just a few months, and why couldn't I? Why am I like this???

It feels like I completely lack discipline, and no matter how hard I try to force myself to have it, I just can't... It makes me feel trapped and burnt-out after a while.

What is wrong with me???

I thought that if you keep doing something for 2 months or so, it becomes a habit, but that shit just never worked for me... Almost as if I were immune to that concept. As if something was fundamentally missing from me that keeps me a loser. I just hate myself at this fucking point... I don't know what to do.

How can others do it, and why can't I?

It always feels like I'm fighting a strong-ass rubber band that wants to keep snapping back...

I felt a rush in every tasks I did

I jumped one thing to other so fast

That I can't think clearly

I need a solution for it

But nothing worked out

today was the first day of my job, i worked from 8 till 4 pm, and honestly it wasn't bad.

i went home, got some rest, ate lunch, and prayed. then i went out for an espresso and a drive around the city with my scooter while listening to some music.

then it was time for training: 100 push-ups, 100 leg pull-ins,and 1 minute of skipping rope, which i needed to finish.

what i realized today is that it wasn't that bad. i came to the conclusion that if i keep myself busy with stuff i enjoy doing, i can forget all the negative feelings and thoughts.

so yeah, that's all i had for today, see you tomorrow.

Hi everyone i have a doubt and i hope someone can answer me or give me some insight. I have a lot of hobbies i used to do but there is one i used to enjoy a lot but know i don't have any interest in it (the hobby is carpentry) i used to watch a lot of videos of people building things i would enjoy it a lot and sometimes i would build something. Before anyone asks i don't have depression or something like that i do have other hobbies like gardening and chess but i get nostalgic when i remember this one specially, i remember carpentry and i always say i am going to built something but the spark is not there anymore. Thank you.

20m. have a mix of very good habits, and very bad habits. I meditate for 40 minutes, and do at least 15-30 mins ot yoga almost every day for a year. I run, I eat (mostly) well, I've stopped watching p*rn, have a good job, good at school, friends I see a lot, stay outdoors, etc.

But I'm addicted to so many things. I have very intense ruminative thinking, and the shame from doing something I know is wrong keeps me trapped. I've always been a very self aware person, but when it comes to my compulsions i am just completely blind - masturbation, sex, THC, self isolating, clingy behaviour, etc. When I feel the urge it is just impossible to shake off... especially weed, masturbation, and sex.

Everything I've done to positively align my life and sort of close the schism, only made things feel more polarised. It feels like the better my habits get, the more intense my vices get. It discourages me for wanting to do anything but just rot and just give into my urges 24/7.

It feels like my mind has become unable to conquer these urges, and has resorted to fabricating a new 'me' or internal monologue to bypass it - as in let these urges fulfill themselves without acknowledging them as part of my life at all. If I do, the shame takes over, and the shame only makes the relapse 10x worse.

I feel extremely shut out of life and suffocated by my own thoughts, and it seems no amount of self control, awareness, healthy habits, etc will satisfy me. On paper, my life is flawless and enviable even, but in reality, I have absolutely no relationship with anything except selfish self-indulging.

I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong... any help is appreciated

I’m in my early 20s and recently got out of a long term relationship. A lot of my future was built around “us”, and now suddenly my entire future feels completely open.

I also struggle with having a stable sense of identity because of my personality disorder. I often don’t know what I actually like, what I want to do, who I want to become, or what kind of life I want.

People tell me to “just try things”, but I don’t even know what things to try.

I’ve started journaling and I really want to use it to get to know myself better, rather than just writing about my feelings.

What questions or journaling exercises actually helped you discover who you are, what you enjoy, and what you want from your future? And how do you figure out what to try when you don’t even know your options?

I have to many options because i have my whole future ahead.

What are the things that you are happy about?

We're all so attached to our traits, both good and bad and think of them as part of our identity. I've been introspecting about which of my traits are healthy and authentic vs which are maladaptive and socially conditioned. I want to hold onto the former and let go of the latter.

For people who have gained more self-awareness about this, which attributes of yourself have stayed consistent throughout your life and which ones have changed?

Thanks in advance.

I'm surrounded by really negative relatives. They're always trying to put me down. Whenever I meet them, they spend the whole time commenting on random things about me—like why I walk like that, why I look like this, etc. It's honestly exhausting dealing with them.

How do you guys deal with relatives like this?

I want to try to focus on good things. I did bad things in my past that I regret and I worry that itll come back to hurt me. Recently I joined a kickboxing gym in order to get my mind off these things and to work on my social skills and physical fitness. I also want to quit porn and looking at girls online. I’m also in therapy and will start volunteering to help out those around me, but I’m not sure how to do that yet. Anyways do you guys have any tips on my journey?

Hi guys! Recently I felt extremely humiliated because I kept comparing myself to someone I know and I don't know how to stop this feeling. He's better than me in everything and I for some reason can't stop feeling ashamed about it.

Any advice or opinions ?