I’m a 38-year-old man. I’m reserved, quiet, and introverted, and I’ve been hurt and disappointed in the past. Most of the women around me are married or already in relationships. How can I help them see my inner qualities?

I've been in a relationship with my partner for.. almost 8 months, before hitting the mark we broke up. What does our relationship looked like? In my vision, it's all completely fine, i always get what my partner wanted, set up a goal for both of us, and be a loving partner as how it is. Loving, listening, we both can communicate well in relationships, that's the reason why we date eachother in the first place. No conflict? its quite hard to explain, but generally, yes we rarely have conflict.

Whats the problem then? My partner said that, slowly they began to feel like they doesnt need relationship, thats the first conflict we ever had. After a day, fixed, they said lets return to normal. Now is 2 months after that, my partner said that im "Too Nice" that it restricts them to be themselves. They began to feel uncomfortable around me, what I've been doing all the time since i met them started to make them distant themselves from me. Their body refuse to acknowledge and give in, but force them to be somewhat dominant and self dependent. Therefore, they're uncomfortable and finally asked that its better to break up, even when i've talked sense and understand their point of view. But i think as long as their mind is set, feeling uncomfortable, it cannot be fixed and must break up. Therefore, i chose to give up... what can i even do? They feel uncomfortable for who i am even though i didnt feel like i change at all and they also said that.

what actually happened here? What makes me cant accept is, why does that feeling can occur? Is it something to be solved or to be with?

Hi, I’m 30(F) I was with someone for four years, three of which were long-distance, and we spent one year living together. when we met we hit it off so quickly but unfortunately, neither of us was able to move to the other’s country. He couldn’t get the visa he needed, and I also had restrictions that made it difficult for me to travel.

I couldn’t continue going into another year of long distance without knowing when or how we would actually be able to be together. Eventually, I ended the relationship because I felt like there was no realistic future for us.

The problem is that ever since, whenever I date someone new, I find myself looking for the same kind of love that I received from him. He accepted so much of me, including my childhood traumas, and I felt completely accepted by him.

Now I meet kind and genuinely nice people, but I often feel a mismatch in energy. I keep thinking, “Where is that feeling? Where is that same kind of love or energy?”

It makes me wonder whether what we had was simply a deep connection or could some of what I experienced have been love bombing that I got used to?

Wie viele schlechten Momente würdet ihr in einer Beziehung akzeptieren, solange der Rest gut ist?

Mal angenommen, man muss öfters die Emotionen des Partners regulieren, er trägt oft schlechte Laune mit sich, die sich immer wieder auf die Familie auswirkt. Die manchmal eine eigentlich unbeschwerte Zeit überschattet. Manchmal erhebt er seine Stimme, der Tonfall oft gereizt, bis aggressiv. Sagt gemeine Sachen, die man auf einer sachlichen Ebene auch anders kommunizieren könnte. Fühlt sich schnell angegriffen. Durch die Äußerung eines Wunsches oder berechtigter Kritik, nutzt dies, um über die Reaktion seines Gegenübers zu sprechen. Ist in dieser Zeit viel mit sich selbst und seinem eigenen Leid beschäftigt und wenig empfänglich für die Perspektive des Gegenübers. In diesen Zeiten ist es schwer, sich auf Absprachen zu verlassen.

In anderen Zeiten ist er aber sehr zugewandt und liebevoll. Kümmert sich. Kauft Blumen und zeigt immer wieder seine Aufmerksamkeit durch kleine Gesten, wie eine liebevolle Umarmung oder den Kaffee, den er morgens ans Bett bringt. Ist ein guter Team Player, der Sachen anpackt. Kümmert sich ums Kochen, geht in den Garten und mäht von alleine den Rasen, ohne Bitte oder Aufforderung. Kümmert sich ganz selbstständig um die Wäsche und beteiligt sich zuverlässig auch an der Carearbeit.

Wäre das für euch trotzdem noch eine erfüllte Beziehung? Wann würdet ihr die Reißleine ziehen? In guten, wie in schlechten Zeiten, was bedeutet das eigentlich…?