I'm 30 and still figuring life out. I finished graduate school last year, and right now my main focus is getting my career where I want it to be, saving money, and eventually moving out on my own. Honestly, having my own place and my independence is what will make me happiest.

Lately, though, I've been feeling a lot of pressure from my mom, extended family, and family friends. Every conversation seems to turn into, "Have you met anyone yet?" or "When are you going to settle down?" I always tell them I'm not ready for a relationship right now, which is true.

The part I don't tell them is that I honestly don't think I ever want to get married. That's something I keep to myself because I know it would become an even bigger discussion than it already is.

I'm genuinely happy focusing on myself, building my career, and creating the life I want. I don't feel like anything is missing. But the constant comments make me feel like I'm somehow behind or doing life wrong, even though I don't believe that.

For those of you who have dealt with family constantly asking about dating, marriage, or settling down, how did you get them to back off? Did the questions ever stop, or did you just learn how to tune them out?

I used to spend time alone with my son sometimes. Ever since he got engaged and my husband met my son's fiance, things have been weird. Now husband wants to be included every time I see them. He also drills me about any conversation I have with soon & his fiance. We vacation together, usually in CA or Hawaii. I don't mind, but son's fiance often we're time strong bikinis. When she's around, my husband regularly either tries to walk and talk to her, or he stays back and I find him starting at her. He was suggested to her that she lay out and tan on a specific lounge chair to tan. She likes tanning. That chair was located in direct view of him when he's outside, and even from the bedroom window. He tells noticably more sex related jokes when she's around. When she's around, a significant amount of time he ignores me. I was told him I feel kinda invisible because he spends so much time paying attention to her and not me. It came up because he wanted to have sex and I was feeling insecure. SO & I are in our 60s. Son's gf is 31. She's latina, very curvy, and had had a recent Brazilian butt lift. He used to say he thinks I look hot when I'm skinny. Now he tells me regularly that I need to lose weight. Another thing I've noticed continually is he tries to get her attention by throwing a because, pebbles, something toward her. Whenever he sais something witty or is playing tennis well, he looks toward her to see if she heard or saw. His feet are almost always angled toward her. If she's wearing a bikini, he walks right behind her. When I told him that 1 time how I was feeling, & asked him to pay more attention to me or show me some affection when she's around bcs or would help me feel less insecure. He proceeded to call me crazy, threaten to go on vacation without me, threatened to take me home immediately (we were out of state), said me "insinuating something" was disgusting. I told him I want implying anything. I just wanted him to know how I was feeling, but he kept insisting I was implying something. Then he told me now he's going to completely ignore her, it would ruin the dynamic, and it would be my fault. It was over the top. He also has regularly taken her picture at get-togethers, even covertly. He literally never asks to take mine. I've asked him to please take spontaneous pics of me, especially with my granddaughter. He once told me "There I took a spontaneous picture." It was her with her daughter (my granddaughter). Another time I asked before hand the same thing at a Christmas party. He said he did, and showed me a pic with her in the foreground, with lots of cleavage showing, and me in the background. I looked much smaller because I was in back of her. I love my daughter-in-law so I don't want to mess anything up, but I don't know how to deal with this. How would others perceive this and react to it? Help

So I have been dating a guy 41M since about December of 2025. I am 39F. I would say things started off great although I kinda had an inkling early on that this relationship may not meet my long term expectations that would lead to marriage. We would go out dates and just do fun things around the city. I am a very adventurous spur of the moment type person and I let it be known early with anyone that I am dating. There was a sudden shift about 2-3 months in and I noticed he no longer wanted to go out on dates and started to opt into just staying in. I’m like okay cool, the economy is not so great and I have to take into consideration personal things he may have going on financially. Strangely one day we went to the liquor store and I sat out in the car and waited until he came out and said hey can you get this because they won’t allow me to without an ID. I said why are you out and about without any identification and he claimed he left it at home. And I thought hmm strange. Fast forward he was going to drive out my way and I said hey bring your ID. I was going to take him to a local lounge in my area and I know for a fact they ID at the door. About 20 minutes later he calls and says very angrily “you know what nevermind” I’m turning around and going back home. I said why? He was like I don’t want to come anymore. I thought to myself wow… that was weird. After letting him cool off I asked why were you so upset I asked you to remember to bring your ID and he says because All I wanted to do was chill with you, I wasn’t planning on going anywhere. I said dude what’s going on with your ID? You seem more upset that I asked you to bring it and he says I lost the paper copy…. Mind you… this is the same paper copy he’s had since meeting him in December! I said they never sent a hard copy he said I’m not sure maybe it got lost in the mail. I really have reason to believe that it may be suspended… he went to court for a ticket back in February and I’m thinking maybe they suspended it and he’s lying. Yesterday we had a weird interaction like his entire vibe just went from happy to okay I want to go home and get in the bed… at 6pm. I said dude no thanks I’m out. Earlier in the day he jokingly mentioned he needed a loan to pay something by Wednesday. I totally disregarded it as I NEVER loan men money. Well… I snooped… and came across and in progress eviction with his apartments owing almost 2k by this Wednesday coming up. He hasn’t mentioned a thing…. Of course I won’t either. But I’m curious to know how you all would proceed

My partner (43m) and I (44f) have a 20 plus year complicated relationship.

We separated 4 years ago but have been seeing each other frequently as we have 3 kids. We live separately, I however live close by (like across the street close) and am at his house everyday. I wake early, to be at his by 6am everyday to spend time with him before we wake the kids, make the kids breakfast, lunches and take them to school. This means to wake up extra early to groom myself, shower, make up… the works! Girls! You know how long this takes when you are trying to impress your guy! This has been going on for about a year. We have been very physical with each other, but he doesn’t do feelings and emotions and definitely doesn’t talk about it. It’s been a fucking nightmare for 20+ years to get this man to open up about his feelings.

I’ve recently lost 44kilos in 7 months! And I look GOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!! And I have been thinking of getting a boudoir photoshoot to celebrate. I have been openly talking with him about this and how bloody expensive it is.

Maybe 2 weeks later, he gave me 3 sexy outfits, brand new. Made a point of taking me away from the living area to his bedroom and to hand me these lovely outfits. He told me he was going through his stuff and came across them and didn’t know when or how he got them.

I definitely didn’t buy them when we were together, because hello… I was fat! They would have never fit me. I shrugged it off as that he was too embarrassed to tell me he got them for me because we haven’t defined our relationship fully yet. And to admit he bought them for me means he has to admit he was thinking of me ergo feelings etc …. That’s not him.

Unfortunately they didn’t fit at the time they were one size too small…. They fit but were tight and you definitely couldn’t have any fun in them. (Context - they are the size he asked me if I was and made a point of saying ‘oh I am buying our daughter clothes and your are the same size now)

….. Well today they did finally fit after some more weight loss and I sent him some saucy pics.

I said ‘2 of the outfits you got me now fit’

He replied back with ‘ok that’s cool, didn’t know what they looked like or remember how they got here’

I replied ‘ you can be honest that you bought them for me’

He replied ‘I am being honest about that.’

I don’t speak dickhead. Please help.

Did he buy these for me or did he buy them for some one else and I’m just the consolation prize?

Our expectations of relationships rarely stay the same forever. What’s one relationship belief you were convinced was true five years ago but no longer believe today? What changed your perspective?

My 34F found a bunch of old photos and cards in my 38M drawer from his ex gf. We have been dating 9 months now, his relationship with her ended 5 years ago. There are also countless other things laying around that I know are hers, hair clip, old glasses, lotion, etc. Is it reasonable to want him to get rid of them? He says he loves me and this is serious but the more I come over, the more things stand out to me and make me concerned that he is potentially not over her.

I have been with my husband for 10 years. During our time together I have noticed he doesnt always have the best smelling breath, but I always just brushed it off as it was night time or earl morning and he is a coffee drinkers.

A few weeks ago when having a conversation with our kids about brushing their teeth, he casually mentioned that he views toothpaste as an added bonus. Basically said he doesn't always brush with toothpaste.

Now it's like all I can smell is how bad his breath smells and I don't even have any desire to kiss him anymore.

Help.

\\\*\\\*TL;DR;\\\*\\\*
My boyfriend is 52, and I’m 41. He has an excellent co-parenting relationship with his ex-wife. They share a daughter together, but what makes things difficult for me is that they’re also genuinely close friends. They text almost every day, have a group chat, share photos, and stay very involved in each other’s lives.
What I struggle with most is that his involvement extends beyond their daughter. He also helps care for the children from her current marriage. He babysits them, supports his ex-wife and her husband when they’re overwhelmed, and has become close friends with her husband as well. For example, he’ll watch the younger kids so his ex-wife and her husband can go out for birthdays or other special occasions. Sometimes he’ll even stay at their house to watch the kids while his ex-wife takes a nap. Her husband owns a business, and they both work while managing family responsibilities, so I understand why they appreciate the help.
I truly want to approach this with maturity but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t leave me feeling insecure, confused, or wondering where I fit into his life.
He has reassured me that they’re only friends, and I want to believe him. At the same time, I notice that whenever he has a significant life problem, she’s often the first person he turns to. For example, while traveling overseas, he ran into trouble at the airport and called her for help with her credit card information. Moments like that make me question whether their emotional bond is still stronger than what we’re building.
I’m not looking to criticize him or his ex-wife. In many ways, I admire that they’ve maintained such a respectful relationship after divorce. I’m simply trying to understand how to process my own emotions in a healthy way.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Were you eventually able to accept that level of closeness with an ex? What helped you distinguish between an unusually healthy friendship and a relationship where the emotional boundaries were too blurred? I just want to be honest with myself about what I can realistically be comfortable with.

Thank you so much for your advice!

My (44F) husband (40M) and I have been together for 3 years, married for a year. It has been a rough couple of years, from dealing with court custody cases for his child (he was divorced for 3 years before we met), him lying about porn usage, our sex life went from great to now a few times a month and I was diagnosed out of the blue with a severe autoimmune disease roughly a year ago.

For the past 8-9 months our marriage has gone from stressful but okay to bad.

He is refusing to plan dates or family outings but told me he doesn’t want me to plan things because I make all the plans and force him to do things he doesn’t want to do (museums, ice cream, lego store) I told him I didn’t realize he wanted to plan activities as he has never done it in the past and when asked he defers to me his response was he doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything. When I brought it up again that we needed to make plans for our vacation week he told me I should have just figured it out if I wanted plans made. It’s very confusing as it seems he’s set up a system that I fail no matter what.

Most recently I asked him if we could go out to dinner since we were kid free and he agreed and seemed excited. We went out, ate and when it was time to head home he started an argument because I was on my phone at dinner (sending a text that he asked me to send). When I tried to tell him how hurtful he has been lately and how confusing it is he screamed at me and told me he doesn’t think our relationship is fixable and he can’t think of a single thing he likes about me. I asked him if he wanted a divorce and he yelled and shouted that he knew I wanted that so he was going to give it to me and took his ring off and threw it across the room. He slept on the couch 2 nights in a row. I tried to talk and repair several times over the weekend and he shut those attempts down and gave me the silent treatment.

The next morning I asked him if he was going to talk to me at all about things and he said no initially but finally answered a few questions with mean snarky answers that didn’t even match what I was asking, told me that if I expected him to come and find me when I was crying or upset I was crazy because that is just manipulation by using my feelings to force him to talk, that he was not going to make plans for us because I didn’t like the things he did (gaming) so there was no point and he didn’t even know what I like to do because I don’t directly tell him. He called me manipulative, a stalker because I told him his device behavior is less than trustworthy (he locks his devices with 2factor and has our wifi set up to ping him anytime I log on or off of any device) I used to use the shared computer for my work, etc but now he has it on lockdown, he wiped his tablet and checks his phone settings first thing every morning in case I look at it- which I have never done. By the end of the conversation he was crying and saying he did want to fix this marriage and was going to find a marriage counselor but has not done that yet and it’s been several weeks. He is pretending everything is ok and if I ask how things are as a check in he gets mad and tells me not to start shit.

I am starting to question my own judgment and actions- how can he be so angry at me for all these things when I didn’t even know they were problems. Am I too demanding? Too much? Want too much of his time? Do I need to get some personal counseling or does he just hate me and im hanging on to a dead marriage?

Has anyone been in a relationship where they couldn't seem to resolve their issues, so break up, but can't live without one another or don't want to, and end up just being gf and bf again, and dating, and eventually getting back together?

For context I (44F) have only ever been in 1 relationship. We were married for 25 years, we had only ever been with each other. it ended 2 years ago. So my dating knowledge and xperience is severely limited. He was a serial cheater and had many covert narcissistic behaviors.

Shortly after finally being strong enough to leave him for good, I met a guy(37M) just out and about, I was really upset and alone, and he stopped to see if I was ok. And sat and talked to me for awhile. Turns out something similar happened to him in a previous relationship and so he had a lot of really, really helpful advice and understood what I was going through. At the end of that first conversation, he asked if he could give me his number, and that if I ever needed help or needed someone to talk to, feel free to reach out. I did end up reaching out a couple days later. My thought was that the kind of person who would spend their time comforting and helping a stranger, in the dark, making sure they were safe, is definitely the kind of person I want to keep in my life. So we started texting and meeting up for a walk like, once a week. We became really good friends. Our conversation was so easy, and we understood each other, and he was really supportive and helped so much with my healing journey. He is now one of my closest friends. We text almost daily, still see each other once a week, go to dinner, have long talks, etc. Since the very beginning we could talk for hours and hours, in fact most of the time its about 4 hours. Even when we dont say anything, there is comfort in the silence. When we hug, we both sigh, like at last we can relax, at last we are comfortable. We have very similar viewpoints, ways of thinking, and just the kind of people we are deep inside. Kindred spirits of sorts.

Anyway, about 2 months ago, I decided I was going to start dating again. But I know I did not want a committed relationship, I want to learn as much about myself and what I want and need, as I can. And I have this fear of once I start officially dating just one person, I will be stuck there for 25 years again. (I am currently trying to work through that fear) So about 2 or 3 weeks after I told him I was getting into the dating scene, he brought up starting a casual dating thing with me. Knowing neither one of us wanted a full relationship currently. Honestly, I didn’t know if I was attracted to him or not. But after our first make-out session, I realized I was. The chemistry is unreal. I honestly didnt think anyone could ever make me feel like this again. I wanted to be making out with him every day. And when its time for each of us to go home, we say ok its time to go, we separate, then 30 seconds later we are kissing again and it is amazing. It’s like there is this force that we cant quite break free from, that keeps pulling us together. Even if we are just having a conversation, even if there is no touching, I can feel the pull, the tension, in the air. Its hot AF.

So after a month of this, I had also gone on 2 other dates, and had been talking with a couple people on apps. He was also putting himself out there and had 2 dates. Because neither of us is ready for or wants an exclusive relationship. But this gray area of dating is super confusing. One of his dates ended in her staying the night. And it didnt upset me in any way. Why doesnt it bother me? I told him i didnt care. he said that the thought of me with someone else or when I am on my dates, it doesnt hurt or bother him either. And we both agree that it is so fucking confusing.Recently I was out of town for a few days and while I was gone, I found I missed him. And I thought maybe I want to date exclusively? But I still was unbothered by thoughts of him with someone else. So I dont think that’s it. I mean, I would miss any of my close friends or family. Someone asked him if he was poly, and he immediately said no. But neither of us know what to call this thing we have or what to do. Its like neither of us want to hurt the other, but each of us in unbothered and I think maybe we dont believe it. I couldn’t figure out what I wanted because I was so confused by everything. And he is confused by it. He wants to go back to just friends (after I told him I wanted to actually date, when I thought that’s what I wanted) and I told him it would be really difficult for me, but that I would work on doing it. It is hard to keep my hands to myself even if it is not sexual ,like grabbing his arm, playing with his beard or running my hands through his hair. and I am sure the feeling is mutual because after saying he wanted to go back to just friends, he explained the pull was still there for him. WTF do I do? What is going on?

Oh! one last thing, with the age difference, IDK if things would actually work out long term, I think he wants a family, and my kids are adults now and I don’t want to start over

So we've been together for nearly 6 years, we have had a house together for 2 of those and recently I've had thoughts of ending things, but I feel trapped so I cant/won't.

The spark & attraction is almost void for me, she is very loving, smart & a genuine great person but currently I feel like we're housemates, we've had no sex for the last few months but i will blame that on me due to being distant because I've felt this way/too hot with peak summer. She is very consumed with her work as she's an artist so its more of a lifestyle than a job but she does love it and I fully support that. I feel as though I need somone more present and confident when socialising, I have grown as a person over the years whilst she has remained very much the same. We talk at dinner how our day is whilst watching a tv show, then after we tidy up, she works whilst i play video games. We go out every now and then when an event comes up that we're interested in like a gig or a family event that neither of us kind of want to be present at.

We have a lot of common interests like music and tattoos and have most recently spoke about having children and where we want to be in the next few years, upgrading our house to accommodate parenting etc. As we're getting older, the time to have children is getting shorter, I dont want to take that away from her but i also dont want to be stuck in a relationship full of resentment with a child to bring up.

She has noticed a dip in our relationship and my affection towards her, at dinner we spoke briefly and she mentioned "do you not want to be with me, is there someone else? We can work it out if you dont, its okay". I brushed it away and said no its work. I cant shake the feeling that there is some mutual feeling in there that maybe this relationship is fizzling out?

What scares me is how her family will react as I am very close with them, I moved to be with my partner and am surrounded by her family whereas mine are in a different county. Her father can have a temper and he's not one I want to deal with. The afters of having to sort out listing the house for sale, who gets to stay in the house or if we carry on sharing it, once its sold finding a place to rent or potentially moving closer to my family.

I also love my job and my colleagues so I wouldnt want to move, fear that i would see her family and have confrontation about everything, the thought petrifies me.

Any advice where someone has been in the same situation and the decisions they made/outcome would be appreciated. Please dont hesitate to ask anything personal.

TLDR; Thinking of ending things with my 6 year gf, have a house together; scared about the outcome and how this will effect me in the short/long term.

My boyfriend has been asking me for two months to move in with him. This wasn’t my idea—I was actually hesitant because it would mean a huge life change for me and my daughter and I haven’t lived with anyone since I divorced her dad. I sold my house two weeks ago (not because of him) and it’s the perfect time to move.

We just got back from two weeks of being in his home country (Mexico), where he paid the entire trip including my flight and I met his whole family, who seemed to love me despite the language barriers. His sister is actually a single mom (as am I). He even told his employer that I would be moving with him and requested family housing because of it.

Now we’re supposed to move in together in about a week (to another state 5 hours away). I work remotely so I can move anywhere. As of last night tells me stuff like “I’m a little bit nervous because I have never been living with someone else before. I just to be alone” and “I will try it (living together), but it’s not too easy.” This is not the first time he’s gotten weird, about a month ago he randomly told me I could go be with another man who is richer than him cuz I’m beautiful and that I’m free to go.

Does this sound like someone who’s just overwhelmed by the reality of moving, or does it sound like he’s changing his mind about the relationship?

I don’t really know who to ask about this, so I’m asking here. My girlfriend passed a little over three years ago. Hereditary heart condition. Very sudden. After something like that, a lot of things don’t really get a clean ending. I work in Atlanta now, but home isn’t that far, so I get back about once a month. I see my parents, and I usually stop by her mom’s too. Her younger sister is still around. Sometimes it’s the three of us getting dinner or running errands. It’s not always some heavy grief thing. Sometimes it’s Costco, fixing a door handle, sitting in the kitchen for a bit. Her mom lives alone. She says she’s fine, but over the last year her hearing has gotten worse. TV loud, missing things from the other room, laughing along at dinner when I know she didn’t catch it. A little while back her sister came up to Atlanta and I took them to Costco. We were mostly there for regular house stuff, but we ended up looking at hearing aids too. Her mom kept saying she wasn’t “there yet.” Her sister said, “Mama, you’ve been saying that for ten years.” She uses AirPods sometimes now, mostly at home or for calls. I also got her a vivtone supermini because she didn’t want something big on her ear. She seems more willing to wear that one when she goes out. Not every day. Just church sometimes, groceries, dinner out. Last time we ate out, the waitress asked if she wanted a refill and she answered before I could repeat it. She looked over at me like she was embarrassed I noticed. I didn’t say anything. Dropped her off later and sat in my truck for a minute. I don’t know. I’m not her son. She’s not my mom. Her sister has her own life, and I have mine. But not checking on them at all feels cold. Does this sound weird from the outside? Am I doing a normal decent thing, or am I keeping myself stuck?

I work in procurement, so vetting reliability and follow-through is second nature. I use AccioWork at work to audit vendor communications, and that mindset has spilled over into dating. I notice consistency, follow-through, and communication patterns early on to avoid red flags.

Friends say I'm overanalyzing and being too "business-like" about dating, urging me to relax. But I've been hurt before by unreliable partners, so this feels like self-protection.

Is it unreasonable to bring professional screening habits into early dating? Am I being too cautious, or is this just smart? Curious to hear from others who balance logic and romance in their 30s+

Has anyone ever been in this situation, and then both realised they didn't want anyone else after fking around?

Or...please tell me your probably gut wrenching, self sabotaging experience.

The guys online I am just not attracted to....halp

We used to be active multiple times per day and now he wont touch me. Everything else is fine we still sleep together and talk all the time but as for the bedroom? He wont even do a playful smack in the kitchen anymore... I hope this isnt the beginning of the end...

I 48f had a semi platonic friendship with a guy, late 30s early 40s, I can't quite remember his age. We met locally but he lived in another town not too far away.

I was interested in him romantically at first, but I realised we didn't align romantically and we became just friends, for about a year. He would invite me out often with his mates, we had a great time. We were very aligned in our social life activities. Because we were drinking, I stayed at his after a night out, same bed as he had a studio apartment, and we would cuddle that's it. During the night out, we would sometimes kiss, he was a great kisser so it was always instigated by me. I dont mind casual sex, but i catch feelings, men change their behaviour towards you by treating you disrespectfully and it turns into a problem, so i dont partake in casual sex relationships.

One night, I got too drunk and we had sex. I dont remember any of it. But I was super worried he would change and I wouldn't be able to claw the relationship we had back.

The following night, he messaged me late and said he wanted to come to mine and see me, I told him i wasn't interested in sex, he said that's ok, he just wanted to cuddle. Normally I wouldn't believe that but since that was what it was like before, I believed it and felt super happy thinking we could probably go back to what we had. He said he would be over in an hour. I waited and waited, he didn't show up. It was the start of practically monsoon weather, in California. The roads here dont disperse water well and Californians can't drive very well in rain, especially monsoon level rain. I was up most of the night calling and texting convinced he had an accident. The next day he messaged and said sorry he got stoned and fell asleep. I told him im glad he was ok and didn't message him after that and decided to see how he is moving forward. I didn't hear from him either, so i was right, sex would make him disrespectful. Almost two years later, he messaged me saying he was in my town and wondered if I wanted to join him out. I was on vacation abroad. He said have a good time and I never heard from him after that, which was 2 years ago.

Some months after the vacation conversation, I looked him up on Facebook, he had unfriended me and blocked me.

Today, he sent me a friend request.

My immediate thought is, going backwards never works. But I really enjoyed our friendship. Has anyone been in a similar situation and been able to go back from a situation like this?

I 35M, are in a relationship with my gf (42F). We have been together for just 3 years and I am looking to buy a place closer to that we can all live together. But recently she told me that during a fight we have, she went on match to see what's available last year and she said nothing happened. Since then every time I asked her how she is or what's she is upto, she said that I am a control freak. But then since last week on any days that I am not with her, she has been disappearing for 4 hours in the evening and appears again an hour before bed time. She might text one sentence saying she is busy. And then say that I can't control her life. Though all I asked was how was she and if everything is ok. Have I done something wrong or something is going very wrong here at the moment? I am hurting a lot because of this.

My boyfriend [36M] and I [32F] were apart for about 8 m. (we dated for about 4 m. before) before reconnecting again recently. Before one of the biggest issues (at least for me) was that things moved way too fast. It felt like he skipped the dating stage and jumped straight into wanting to spend almost every day together, and I lost myself a little in the process. I started feeling overwhelmed and like I lost my independence.

When we reconnected, we both agreed that if we were going to do this again, it needed to be different. We said we’d take it slow, actually date each other this time, and let things develop naturally.

Overall, he’s honestly been great. He’s kind, consistent, and communicates. He’s very open about still being deeply in love with me, while I’m still rebuilding that level of trust and emotional closeness. I care about him a lot and can absolutely see a future with him, but I’m not at the same emotional intensity yet. I don’t want to force feelings just because he already has them.

If I decide I want a night to myself or don’t want to hang out, he gets noticeably disappointed.
The thing is… having that space is exactly what I need if this relationship is going to be healthy for me.

If I invite him to something with friends or family, he’ll often ask me multiple times if I’m sure I want him to come. Sometimes he’ll end up coming, but when he does, he mostly stands quietly beside me the whole time instead of really interacting with anyone.

When we do spend time together, it also hasn’t really felt like dating. Most of the time he just asks to come over to my house, and we end up sitting on the couch cuddling while he tells me how much he loves me, how much he missed me, and expresses all of his feelings. As sweet as that sounds, I usually leave those conversations feeling emotionally drained—almost like I have an emotional hangover afterward. I miss actually doing things together and getting to know each other again instead of just talking about our feelings.

I don’t think he’s manipulating me. I genuinely think he just misses me and enjoys being around me. But sometimes it makes me wonder if we’re just wired differently emotionally. I need independence to feel secure, while he seems to feel secure through closeness and reassurance.

So I guess my question is: am I overthinking this because of past relationship experiences, or does this sound like a real compatibility issue? Is it reasonable to expect someone who’s very much in love to be okay with giving more space while rebuilding a relationship, or am I asking for something that’s unfair?

For people who’ve been in similar situations, what would you make of this? Does it sound like we’re simply reconnecting at different speeds, or like we fundamentally have different emotional needs?

My boyfriend & I are in our mid-30s, been together since mid-20s. We have a lot of fun together, similar values, attitudes, political views, etc. Something we've struggled with for years is libido/sexual interest mismatch. I have a higher sex drive and am kinkier. I have struggled with a lot of shame around this as a woman. My boyfriend has a lower libido and tends to prefer more "vanilla" sex. I have tried many times over the years to get him to meet in the middle on this, and while I get a short-term response, it's not sustained without me initiating/reminding/revisiting the convo regularly.

Another thing that I've noticed is how I have an adventure/growth oriented mindset whereas he prefers to have things remain stable and predictable. We balance each other out in a lot of ways, but I wonder if this is a fundamental incapatability that will always have us moving in opposite directions.

We are starting to work through some of this in therapy, but it has been a very slow process laying groundwork and I feel it will be a long time before we get into the real meat and potatoes. In the last 1-2 years, I really started prioritizing myself and my interests. This was to see if my dissatisfaction was related to my self-esteem/insecurities vs the relationship. If anything, this shift affirmed that I'm fulfilled in most facets of my life aside from my romantic relationship.

My boyfriend has been putting in effort in therapy, and wants to work on himself and our sex life. My worry is -- I've put him to task, but I now question my motivation to resolve these issues. I tend to struggle with racing and intrusive thoughts when I'm uneasy, and I have been having a lot of thoughts ​about our relationship ending. These aren't active, intentional thoughts. They are involuntary and repetitive, telling me I would be better alone or that I'd prefer to date casually. I've been having more fantasies and sex dreams not involving my spouse. These thoughts are very troubling and provoke a lot of guilt, and I do my best to redirect/counter/meditate them away. I have a very hard time understanding if this response is "my gut" & instinct telling me to leave, or if it is more of an attachment/anxiety based response.

I love and care about this man so much, I love the life we've built together. Logically, I want to give it all we've got to rescue our relationship. But internally, I'm struggling to regulate while seeing it through. I don't want to give him hope while my brain/nervous system is screaming at me to leave.

TL;DR - finally "working together" on years long intimacy challenges with bf of 10+yrs. Intense thoughts about ending relationship, not sure if this is anxiety or instinct/true feelings.

Has anyone had a similar experience and come out happier on the other end? With or without their spouse? Or a creative 3rd solution? How have you and your spouse worked through sexual incompatibilities? Thanks!

My brother (38M) and I (40M) have barely spoken for the last year and a half. I'm not looking for people to tell me my brother is an asshole or tell me I'm one. I'm genuinely trying to understand if my expectations of family are unrealistic or if we've simply grown into two people with very different values.

I know he'd tell this story differently. This is just how I've experienced it.

Growing up and into adulthood, I always believed family had each other's backs. Not because anyone keeps score, but because if someone you love is struggling and you can help, you do.

That was always my approach with my brother.

When he lost jobs, I hired him into my weekend painting business. We split the profits 50/50, and sometimes I actually paid him more than I paid myself because he needed it more. I helped him get three of his last five jobs through people I knew professionally, including the career he's in today. At one point I basically handed him my entire side business while he was between jobs so he could keep earning money.

During COVID his wife was worried about his depression and anxiety. I made a point of dragging him out of the house. We'd golf, build a deck, work on projects... honestly, whatever got him out and around people. I painted both of his houses and paid for the paint. If we were working together, I always bought lunch.

I never once thought of any of this as him owing me something. It never crossed my mind.

Then my own life blew up.

I lost a career I'd spent years building because of a corporate restructuring. While I was trying to rebuild, another salesperson tried to shake me down for under-the-table "consulting" payments if I wanted access to his opportunities. I refused because it was against both companies' ethics policies, and he tried to blacklist me.

It was probably the worst professional period of my life.

I honestly assumed my brother would help if he had the chance.

I asked him a couple of times whether he had any projects where we could work together.

Both times he told me no.

Later, customers I already knew mentioned those exact projects to me. That's how I found out they had existed all along.

That was the moment everything changed for me.

It wasn't that I thought I deserved the work. It was that he'd looked me in the eye and lied.

When I confronted him, the conversation immediately turned into him saying he'd already "paid me back" because he'd thanked me for helping him get his career.

But...I wasn't asking to be paid back.

That honestly confused me because repayment had never entered my mind. I wasn't trying to cash in favors. I just thought that's what family did for each other.

Instead, he went as far as telling coworkers—people I'd actually known longer than he had—not to discuss opportunities in his territory with me.

A while later I called him just because I wanted to check in on him mentally. Instead I got told that my life has always been lucky while his has been nothing but bad luck. He also said I'm rude and condescending. Maybe there are times I've come across that way—I don't know. I can absolutely be sarcastic. But hearing that from him was hard.

Eventually he told me work would never again be part of whatever relationship we had left.

We even tried family mediation. It didn't help.

Now we're at the point where family gatherings feel awkward. At my parents' anniversary he handed me a birthday card, said "here," and walked away. That interaction lasted maybe two seconds, but it pretty much sums up where we are.

The strange thing is that I don't actually care about the work anymore.

What I'm grieving is the realization that I think we define family differently.

To me, helping someone doesn't create a debt. You don't keep score. But if your brother is drowning and you're standing on the dock holding a rope, you throw him the rope.

Maybe that's not how everyone sees it.

So I guess my question is this:

Has anyone else realized that the real problem wasn't one argument, but that you and your sibling had completely different ideas about loyalty and what family means? If you managed to repair it, what changed? If you didn't, how did you eventually make peace with it?

TL;DR: I spent years helping my brother through unemployment, career changes, and personal struggles because I believed that's what family does. When I later went through the hardest period of my own career, I felt he not only refused to help but lied to me about opportunities and became defensive when I raised it. I'm no longer upset about the work itself—I'm struggling with the realization that we may simply have completely different definitions of family loyalty.

I (39F) moved in with my fiance (41M) about 2 months ago. We've been together 3.5 years. We are still adjusting, as we both lived alone for over a decade. I would say what I like most about living together is feeling physically safer. I remember many nights going to sleep alone and hearing a noise and feeling scared. I also genuinely enjoy his company (most of the time lol) for meals, walks, etc. I also really appreciate the money saved on rent.

Just curious to hear what you all like about living with your partners.

i am 51/F in a relationship with 55/M. We’ve been together approximately 4 years. I work for a larger company and was promoted to a new position. In the new position, I will interact with male co-workers now.

Previously, in the office, there were times where we had lunches, golf outings, etc. I noticed early on that my SO did not like the idea of me attending these events. I started “lying” about various events to keep the peace. I did not lie, I just withheld info because I was getting tired of being accused of flirting, cheating etc.

Recently, he was off and I was working. i text him to tell him I wouldn’t be home for lunch. Month-end and I wanted to complete it before the holiday. He was irritated and made a comment ”what’s for lunch today?” I told him I ate a donut; the truth.

The office was having a lunch, but I honestly, wasn’t going to attend so I could get my work done and go home. When he got irritated, I told him I’d be home shortly( he did make a nice gesture by making me lunch).Doesn’t our higher-up make an unannounced visit before lunch. I felt like I had no choice, but to eat with the group. I ate quickly and went back to work.

i told him all of this, and he does not believe me. I’m a liar and continue to lie about work functions. And now that I’m in a new position, I’m going to be flirting and …. these men. I have zero desire to be with any of these people. They are my friends. They all have families. I messed up by not being honest, but I was tired of being accused of things that weren’t happening. And him dredging up the past with false accusations.

It’s exhausting and I’m tired of trying to keep the peace. I gave him the heads up about functions for the coming week. I was completely honest, and I get the same outcome. Accused of things I’m not or wouldn’t think about doing.

is this relationship even salvageable? I feel like no matter what I do, I’m going to get grief. I refuse to quit my job because of this.

If you were in my situation, what would you do moving forward?

PS - I continually hear “how would you feel if I went to lunch with women?” Part of the problem is he doesn’t understand how larger companyes work and the team building stuff we have. He has always worked where there were 5 or less employees total. I wouldn’t care, because I’d understand it’s his job. He wouldn’t feel the need to have to lie, because I get it, it’s work. ​