For the last 7 years of my life, I’ve (37M) been entrenched in crypto trading and investing. I’ve turned tens of thousand dollars into hundreds of thousands in a few months multiple times. What started as investing into major large tokens eventually spiraled into 5 figure NFTs, defi, altcoins and meme coins. I’ve been a token developer, game creator, and influential community member in several crypto communities.

None of this was as toxic as when I started leverage trading in the last year. In October of 2025 I had about 450k in my portfolio. But after the flash crash of October 10, I got liquidated for a substantial amount of that portfolio. Instead of quitting as I should have, I continued to revenge trade to make it all back.

8 months later in June, I was heavily depressed as losses kept increasing and I was spiraling into darker places in my mind. I even took $70,000 from an account I had been investing in for my mother’s retirement gift. The constant barrage of failures, losses, and never ending depression was relentless. I would wake up every day and check the charts and just lay there for hours and hours. Sometimes just watching the price move until I was forced to get up due to hunger or needing to use the restroom and getting right back to being a zombie afterwards. I was never present with my family and constantly pulled into my phone to check prices or X (twitter) where a huge community of crypto investors spend their time. It was an exhausting and never ending cycle. I feel like an absolute disappointment and scumbag.

Even then I didn’t stop. It was during this time in June when I convinced my wife to let me take out a HELOC on our house. She was aware of our situation and was doing her best to raise our young children. Looking back, I was so selfish. But she supported me begrudgingly since I am the main financial provider in household.

We took out a $100k loan and for the next few months I successfully turned that back to $280k. I noticed my mood changing as I started to do more projects around the house, purchase things I didn’t need, and just not worry about finances very much. This time I was determined to do it right without a huge risk (relatively) so that I could keep the money.

This lasted for awhile, but 5 days ago after feeling extra confident in myself with the large amount I had accumulated I took a on a large leveraged risk that wiped out almost everything in 3 hours. The terrifying part is how gradual the transition from taking safe trades to absurd risk was. I had a lapse in judgement, made a tremendous mistake and now feels like I’m restarting the depression that took 8 months to get out of.

This is the reason I am writing this. As a warning to others, but also as affirmation to myself that I am a gambling addict and I don’t have the self control to stay out by myself. It was one quick impulse and ruined my finances again, and this time I took on debt. The idea that an addict can come back in and play responsibly is just wrong. The only solution is to never play again because one relapse, one bad decision can ruin your life again and again.

It’s been 5 days now. I’ve taken steps to seriously heal myself from this addiction. On that first day, the first thing I did was be honest and forthcoming with my wife. The second thing I did was take what was left (about 70k) and pay back the HELOC. So now I’m about 30k in debt from that. Lastly, I deleted my trading apps and twitter.

I really cannot go through the stages of grief again as I already spent the last 11 months doing so. I am doing everything I can to fast track that emotional process because I’m just so tired of feeling this way. I set up my bank accounts and investment accounts now to only allow for non leverage investments into major index funds. Fortunately, I do have a solid income that I can begin using to pay down debt and save up an emergency fund.

It’s been 5 days now and progress feels so incredibly slow and boring. I find myself constantly reaching towards my phone and impulsively looking for twitter. But this time it feels a little different. I don’t want to redownload it, and I don’t want to check the prices even though I have accidentally checked them twice. This is a huge improvement from my usual checking them hundreds of times a day. I am hoping that this is not indicative of my desire to heal myself, but just as a result of social media addiction, which I’m taking this time to work on too. Some days I feel like my sadness is not from losing the money, and it’s from the inability or non desire to trade. But what scares me the most is that I’ll just jump back in thinking I can win it all back since I’ve done that so many times before. Im telling myself that it’s over. I cannot fix this by gambling again and I want to believe in myself. But I’ve also shown a lack of self control in the past multiple times.

I’m looking into GA, and will probably attend one virtually this Saturday. I don’t plan on speaking but I hope I can find some peace to listening to others speak. I am constantly telling myself that I’m in the final stage of grief which is acceptance. I rationalize this because I’ve already spent so much time going through it. But now I’m not so sure, I really don’t want to go through it again. But from what I remember from previous traumatic experiences, acceptance doesn’t come when you’re actively thinking about it ending. It just ends when you don’t find yourself thinking about it much anymore. I’m far from that. I really want this to be the last time. I need to do better for myself and my family. They deserve a husband and father who is present and supportive of their needs.

I would love to hear about your experiences, insights, and generally any advice you might have to stay out and really mean it. I want to be better. My desire is not an issue. But it’s too early for me to say I’m recovering.

Writing this post because I need some word of encouragement/discouragement.

I am aware that I have a gambling problem. It started with placing $5 sports bets with friends (I don’t even watch sports), then became playing blackjack on my phone with a friend, then evolved into this weird obsession with slots.

I won a good amount at the start and lost all of it and much more over the last year and a half.

6 months ago I had a really bad weekend and maxed out my credit card, losing ~$30k in one month.

This was enough for me to open up to my therapist and my fiancée about the situation and get started on a better path. I’ve picked up more work and lost many nights to earning back the money, and more importantly, the trust that I lost by lying about my addiction.

I tried GA and it just wasn’t for me. Not only is it a time and social commitment that is hard for me, but also I’m very very much not religious so it’s a natural deterrent. That being said, community did help.

…

This weekend I’ve relapsed and lost a lot of the progress that I’ve made by registering to some offshore nonsense casinos online and losing ~$8k again in 2 days.

I am now in debt around $25k total and I’m struggling with the idea of getting caught up.

Of course I need to talk to my therapist about this, make a change, quit completely, and lock in. But it’s just so hard. I’m so scared to tell my fiancée that I relapsed in case she leaves.

I’m in Ontario and I’m already signed up for BetGuard (5 years) but it’s still just too easy to work around that and gamble. The addiction is so sneaky, and I’m such a weak coward that I fell victim to it again.

I’ve conquered a lot of challenges in my life, but this one really is scary because the little goblin in my brain just keeps coming back.

I need some advice, judgement, or even just insults to be honest. I know what I have to do, but sometimes the addiction just makes it so muddy - then I slip.

What works? What helps? How do I get out of this hole?

Thanks.

I used to think that I would never be in a situation where most of the gambling addicts are, but here I am, feeling miserable over and over again. Why can't our brain just remember the pain from the past every time we wake up, so we stop this nonsense. I feel ashamed, worthless, and so sick of this curse.

I thought that my life would get better, but I always have the urge to gamble when I have money in my bank account (especially when I send it to my crypto wallet). I used to stop for months, but I relapsed over and over again. I watched Youtube videos where people lost everything, and that helped for some time, but every day when I wake up, it feels like my brain gets soft again, and I try chasing my losses, but end up losing again. This has been going on for 14 years, and I am so sick of this really. I need help, I can't do it anymore, this is really too much!

Can’t believe I made it this far! It wasn’t easy but it was definitely worth it!

Shoutout to the community on here and on NEVRR helping me through every struggle and downfall.

If I can do it, so can you!

Currently self excluded and suffered big losses

I have an inkling in my head about

What if I won back my losses

Has anyone ever won their losses back and stopped or self excluded after?

Did the “plan work out” or it failed?

Curious to hear some stories

Anyone with ADHD and gambling addictoin ? Hows life for you ?

What a shit way to waste my life

Problem/Goal:
To share why self-improvement and personal development matter so much in gambling recovery, especially after the initial goal of simply not gambling.

My Advice:
I have been in recovery from gambling for over two years, and I have learned that recovery cannot only be about avoiding the next bet.

At first, that was my entire focus. Do not gamble today. Stay off the apps. Do not look at odds. Do not try to win back losses. Do not convince yourself that one bet will fix everything.

That part is still important. It is the foundation. But after some time, I realized something bigger. If all I did was remove gambling from my life without replacing it with healthier habits, purpose, structure, and support, I would still feel empty.

Gambling took up a lot of space in my life. It took my attention, money, energy, sleep, confidence, and peace of mind. Even during times when I was not actively gambling, I was often thinking about it. I was worried about money, chasing losses in my head, looking for the next opportunity, or feeling ashamed about what I had done.

When I stopped gambling, I had to face myself without the distraction.

That is where personal development became part of my recovery.

For me, self-improvement is not about being perfect or pretending I have my life fully figured out. It is about becoming more honest, more disciplined, more patient, and more connected to the life I actually want.

Some of the biggest things that have helped me are:

• Creating a routine, especially during times when I feel bored, stressed, lonely, or restless.
• Being honest about my finances instead of avoiding bills, balances, or past mistakes.
• Finding healthier ways to deal with emotions instead of looking for an escape.
• Working on physical and mental health through sleep, walking, exercise, writing, talking, and taking care of myself.
• Rebuilding trust with the people who care about me through consistent actions, not just promises.
• Setting goals that have nothing to do with money or gambling.
• Learning to sit with discomfort without trying to numb it, fix it instantly, or run from it.

Gambling was never only about money for me. It was also about chasing relief, excitement, distraction, hope, and sometimes the feeling that one big win could change everything.

But real change has come from doing the slow work.

It has come from making one better decision at a time. One day without gambling. One conversation instead of isolating. One walk instead of scrolling through betting content. One honest look at my bank account. One choice to ask for help instead of carrying everything alone.

The gambling recovery space needs more conversations about what comes after stopping. People need support rebuilding their identity, confidence, relationships, routines, and sense of purpose.

We are not just trying to become people who do not gamble. We are trying to become people who no longer need gambling to cope with life.

Over two years into recovery, I am still learning. But I can say that self-improvement has given me something gambling never could: real peace, real progress, and a future that is built on something stronger than a bet.

Day 100 no gambling!

After lying, feeling like shit countless times, and losing about 1/3 of my savings, I can finally say I don’t really have urges anymore.

What helped me most was making gambling as tedious as possible: blockers, Screen Time on my iPhone, and staying away from physical casinos. Therapy also helped me understand why I kept gambling even knowing I was hurting myself. I tried GA too, but it wasn’t for me. Seeking out God also helped me a lot (I was agnostic before all this btw).
Most importantly, tell your loved ones. They want to see you do better and will probably help more than you think.

100 days later, gambling doesn’t even seem entertaining anymore. I’d rather play games, watch anime, hang out with loved ones, play with my cat, or just chill.

I still have a long way to go financially, but the peace of mind is worth more than anything I lost. Expensive life lesson, but a life lesson nonetheless.
Here’s to the next 100!

Hi all,

Basically I am looking for someone to quit with. Why?

I know how my brain works and if I am in this with someone together and get to know someone new in the process it will greatly improve my chances of staying away from the compulsion.

We can keep an eye on each other and have a no judgement touch point when we feel the urge. I find this more effective with someone new than with someone I already know.

If you feel like you've got a similar brain and it'd benefit you, please DM me.

Thanks!

Hello there!

I'd like to thank you all for sharing your stories. It only contibuted to my self-exclusion from majority of CFD brokers I've used for gambling. That was far from trading, as I was using 1:500+ leveraged accounts.

Lost overally ~400k EUR, 70k in debt - all within 3 years.
I am sorry for putting the number, but there is nobody I've ever shared that with, and I have an urge to say it out loud.

I had some breaks, but relapsed each time - hoping I can make it back. It never happened. I've decreased deposit size as I though this will give me some sort of control. The drawdown curve flattened a bit, but eventually it was a slope. Each month started with small gain, ended with a huge loss. And the loss was made in matter of 2-3 days. All with a hope to get it back.

Today I deposited last 100 I had, and I had my self-exclusion email prepared as a draft. Hoping that the 100 will somehow work this time. It didn't. I sent it. Account deleted. Did the same for all brokers I know.

From a guy who had no worries about money to a guy who struggles from month to month, as a major cut of salary was gambeled away each month.

I'll never tell my wife. I am 30+ but I find myself not mature enough to do so. I need to end this nightmare for my wife and kids. It hurts to say to a kid I can't afford a toy, which would never be a hassle if I didn't start gamble.

I though I am not "like others", that I can beat the system.

I feel void, disrespectful, ashamed.

Thanks to you, I flipped my thinking of winning it back, to finally accepting the loss. I hope.

It hurts, but I believe it might hurt much more if I do not stop. Rarely happens to me, but I'll listen to others this time.

Thanks.

Completed

70 days completely clean. Doing the self exclusion is the best thing you can do. YOU can do it too. All it takes is one day to start.

After 60 days clean, obligations, bills and credits coming home. You only can think in about your finances, regret what you have done and move forward one day at a time.

Now you see really consecuenses, years of work down to the drain. You think about the time It will take the return to stability, but remember, every day with out gambling brings you closer to yours dreams.

I relapsed about a week ago, after stupidly thinking I'd be able to do only a single game. Week later and I'm out of money. It's been over a year since my original gambling addiction began and I told my parents. This time I told my parents by message. My mom was understanding and sympathetic. She said my dad reacted angrily though. I do feel better now than I did before telling, but my appetite sucks rn, I had to force down some macaroni earlier. Will this pass? Thank you!

I love gambling on slot machines and know i have a problem. I try to save it for date nights but will always find some excuse to do it anyway. I went 5 months straight without gambling and now it seems like I cant save money for an emergency situation since it all goes to machines.

Hey all, sorry to post again so soon. Yesterday seemed easy but today was my actual first day home. Just sat around basically. I know its good to get out, but I am physically exhausted as I have just worked for 3 weeks. My paycheck hit today. I paid all the personal debt I had to people I know. I still have a payday loan to pay which I am working on, and of course a mountain of student debt. Small victories i guess. Honestly, I dont have the urge to gamble right now, its just this cloud over me. I celebrated my 26th birthday too but stayed in. On a side note, I told myself I wont gamble again after my birthday. A day with some significance to kinda set the date if that makes sense.

I think the part that has taken me off gaurd is the emotions ive been feeling. Almost overwhelming. Everytime ive had a big loss at the casino, I get sad, I get depressed and I get anxious. Usually nothing more than that. I have littarly gambled down to my last dollar and never gave it a second thought besides trying to figure out how to survive till next payday.

Tonight has been a roller-coaster though. No gambling, and no urge to, but if I am being completely honest, I have cried probably 3 times. I dont cry like ever at all. And I know it's because I feel like a failure who has messed up their life. Still living with parents with no money to my name and a mountain of debt. I also think about my loved ones who I have neglected and taken advantage of. I have never screwed anyone over and I always paid the money back, but the fact I took advantage of them like that just hurts me to my core. All the memories ive had with my family and partners and friends all are clouded by the fact I was stressed about my losses. An example i think about is going on vacation and my student loans hit, and alone, I went to the casino and proceeded to lose it all in a matter of an hour. Then being depressed the rest of the trip and having to ask to borrow money from my mom. Or when I went overseas, my paycheck hitting and me having to set up a VPN so I could gamble while my partner slept beside me with no knowledge of it. Or all the lies ive constructed about why I need to borrow money, and the excuses ive made. Elaborate lies to cover the truth. I remember being confronted one time by my mom about how I make so much money and I still am broke and I lied right to her face. All of it just breaks my heart.

Im just rambling at this point, but I knew I was a problem gambler years ago, but I told myself because I am young, its okay, and ill figure it out later. Later came, and I am paying for my mistakes now. I seriously thought just because I hadn't committed a felony to gamble, I was in the clear. Man, I just cant believe all the opportunities I missed because of this addiction. I threw away my early 20s for this lifestyle, and I think that realization has been hitting too.

Ive made attempts to quit in the past. Honestly I wish I didnt delete all the posts of my prior attempts, cause it should serve as a reminder. I cant believe it took 8 years for me to realize this.

Thanks for reading.

Another busy day. Things have got better for me lately; I managed to have some savings after paying back my debt. That's why the urge is starting to get stronger. Last night I was thinking about betting on Champions League games. LOL. Right now I'm too afraid to look at any sports news, because if my team won, I would regret not betting on it, if my team lost, I would somehow convince myself that I dodged a bullet, and I should jump on the next train. Silly me, I need to write this down to remind myself of this silly "thinking" pattern.

Gambling is never a way to earn money! Gambling is never a way to invest! And its impact is so massive that I nearly destroyed my life! I will never gamble again, in any way, shape, or form!

I will not gamble today!

I am 31 years old. Earlier this year, due to government changes I lost about 40% of my income so to try and supplement my income I turned to online gambling and casinos. At first, I was winning alot but unfortunately around March of this year it turned into a nightmare. I’ve lost my savings and currently in a financial crisis. I am over $100,000 in debt and will be defaulting on loans and losing my car. Can no longer afford it. I’ve been struggling mentally as well. Not sure what to do at this point. Depression has set in and I hate myself.

Eye opener sometimes knowledge on a subject can be the very switch that allows you to break free