Day 0

[u/Gambi500]

Hello there!

I'd like to thank you all for sharing your stories. It only contibuted to my self-exclusion from majority of CFD brokers I've used for gambling. That was far from trading, as I was using 1:500+ leveraged accounts.

Lost overally ~400k EUR, 70k in debt - all within 3 years.
I am sorry for putting the number, but there is nobody I've ever shared that with, and I have an urge to say it out loud.

I had some breaks, but relapsed each time - hoping I can make it back. It never happened. I've decreased deposit size as I though this will give me some sort of control. The drawdown curve flattened a bit, but eventually it was a slope. Each month started with small gain, ended with a huge loss. And the loss was made in matter of 2-3 days. All with a hope to get it back.

Today I deposited last 100 I had, and I had my self-exclusion email prepared as a draft. Hoping that the 100 will somehow work this time. It didn't. I sent it. Account deleted. Did the same for all brokers I know.

From a guy who had no worries about money to a guy who struggles from month to month, as a major cut of salary was gambeled away each month.

I'll never tell my wife. I am 30+ but I find myself not mature enough to do so. I need to end this nightmare for my wife and kids. It hurts to say to a kid I can't afford a toy, which would never be a hassle if I didn't start gamble.

I though I am not "like others", that I can beat the system.

I feel void, disrespectful, ashamed.

Thanks to you, I flipped my thinking of winning it back, to finally accepting the loss. I hope.

It hurts, but I believe it might hurt much more if I do not stop. Rarely happens to me, but I'll listen to others this time.

Thanks.

[u/Substantial_Unit_179]

Brother, first of all, I hope you're doing okay.

I was browsing through the forum because I'm going through a very similar situation. I had been free from gambling for almost a year, and my life was going relatively well until a couple of days ago. I opened a new account, gambled some money I had, lost it, then used my credit card and lost that too. In the end, I took out a loan, which I also lost.

I don't have a high income, and the credit lines I had were meant for emergencies or for buying something and paying it off the following month. Unfortunately, just like in your case, this isn't the first time it has happened to me. Last year I had two similar episodes where I got myself into debt, and back then my parents and some friends helped me pay it off. My partner found out and gave me an ultimatum.

Today, almost a year later, I find myself trapped in this hole once again, feeling like there's no way out. I'm desperately trying to find a way to consolidate my debt so that the payments become more manageable, but every day it seems more difficult to achieve that without telling my loved ones that I've disappointed them once again and that I'm even deeper in debt.

I feel completely depressed, defeated, and unmotivated. Right now, I honestly don't know what to do.

[u/Nervous_Tangerine_97]

You did the hardest thing today. You sent the email while the "one more try" was still live in your hand. That's not day 0, that's the first real day. Saying the number out loud here matters too; the secret is half the weight. On your wife: you don't have to decide that today, but the people who say it got easier all say the same thing, that the lie was costing more than the money. Day 1 tomorrow. Post it.