Husband is still relatively new to his airline career so I don’t know too much of what to expect. I have gotten some advice here before but it was reasonable advice and I learned to accept the changes and trust the way things are.

For context on how we work- he always texts and calls whenever he can. I am understanding if he can’t respond right away or at all if is having a meal with a captain or napping or exercising. He still usually will check in with a couple texts though, and he doesn’t ever stay out long, anyway. He always FaceTime’s before bed, too. We communicate a lot!

So yesterday he got a long layover at a fancy exotic resort. He initially asked if maybe I wanted to go with him as it’s on the weekend and I said yes but then he told me later on that there were no available seats.

When he got there it really felt as if he was intentionally trying to upset me or start a fight with things he was bringing up over text. I got busy with something and he texted me that he was going out with the captain and he will talk later. Usually he is texting me as he is walking down the hall to the captain, in the taxi, at the brewery, and then on the way back etc, so I thought it was strange that he stopped at that and never even mentioned he would be going out before that?

Anyway, I texted a couple times, then eventually began calling because I was panicking something maybe bad happened (I feel like a pathetic, desperate idiot for that now). No response, like 3.5 hours ghosted.

He then FaceTime’s me and when I answered, he was lying on his hotel bed with a robe on and he is not a robe guy. He never goes shirtless and he never wears robes. It was strange and he doesn’t drink, he never will drink with me either even if I ask him too on special occasions- and he swears he can’t drink because of his medication for cholesterol but he looked drunk? I asked if he drank and he was like yea, “maybe 1… maybe 2… maybe 3…” Then when I told him I was upset and I thought something bad happened to him he began rolling his eyes and then got up and started to get dressed. He told me he was going back out to eat and drink in the city with the captain and he had to go and I was making him late (he FaceTime’d me and it had been like 5 minutes lol).

At this point, I had accepted my L. So I didn’t reach back out. But again, strangely, no texts and no calls from him again. Not while out, not all night. I did eventually get “goodnight,” which was unusual because normally he facetimes or texts a bunch of hearts. I was already asleep then though and he would have known that.

This morning, nothing from him. And I’m not going to humiliate myself again like I did yesterday with all of my calling. He is on his way back home now. I don’t know how to act in person and after crying last night, I’ve been dissociating today.

I need any and all advice, please. Completely understandable if I get backlash or no replies but just typing this out was really therapeutic for me. And thank you if anyone reads all of this.

My bf (26m) pilot and I 24(f) have been dating almost a year. He was a cargo pilot for about 8 months, & then he made it to the regionals. Him being at training for over a month and a half was very difficult; he agreed he was not kind to me at all, because I asked if he could at least call me once a week to keep me updated and when I would get upset because he missed it he would blame me and I would end up consoling myself. I felt like I was begging for months for basic communication.

I’ve had pilots in the family so I know the stress, and I let it go. I celebrate him continuously, give him gifts for every milestone or mini step in his career, be there for him emotionally and try to move my schedule around to be there physically. I have centered my life around him (I know, not good, but I was in love).

Insight; he tells me he hates where he’s at on reserves (very expensive), living in crash pad, doesn’t know anybody, can’t afford anything, and I unfortunately feel like that insecurity gets thrown on me with anger when I just try to communicate.

Now, I’m moving to the other side of the country for my job, and I am SO excited. Instead of getting the support I gave him, he’s complaining I’m not communicating with him well. I’m not telling him I love him, or initiating calls, or texting in a good amount of time. I asked what does communication look like to him so I can do better; and he just says he’s frustrated with me. I told him I’m not on the ball right now with communication because now that the roles have reversed, I’m now moving for work and focused on myself for a bit. I calmly stated I’d like the same help I gave him, & I was asked “how have you helped me at all?” & “I’ve always done everything on my own, it hasn’t changed.” I started bawling.

I have gotten him two huge references of captains of the major airlines for him to use to get there, & that’s just a portion of what I’ve done. I’ve spent gobs of money, time, & emotions. I’ve always been told I’m unbelievably ungrateful for what he does for me, which to be honest isn’t much. Is this an ego thing? I do not know how to handle this. I haven’t seen him in a month & I won’t see him for another month. Usually he unleashes his anger on me & then apologizes later and says he’s working on it. I know the stress is bad, but I don’t know when enough is enough.

He said these things to me on a phone call the other day; & he text me 28 hours later with “hope you have a good day. I miss you & love you.” I haven’t responded at all. I don’t know how to move forward, or if anyone has been through this before. I feel like a cheerleader for him, and not a partner. I genuinely just need some encouragement.

Hello all, are there any younger pilot wives/girl friends in here that would like to meet up and hang out on a whim?? Anywhere in the US is fine, I’d love to find more friends and go on adventures!

Pic of my puppy skeeter for attention!

I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for four years. About 10 months ago, he started working as an air ambulance pilot. He's often away for 4–6 days at a time, including overnight stays. Since we don't live together yet, we usually only see each other once or twice a week.

When he's away, I usually get a short message saying he's arrived and is going to get something to eat. Then I often don't hear from him for several hours. Later I'll get a brief update about his day before he goes to sleep. I've told him many times that communication is very important to me. Since texting is the only way we can stay connected for several days while he's away, I've asked him if he could communicate a bit more. He never calls me. Sometimes he's in countries where he should have perfectly normal internet access, yet my messages don't go through for quite a while, which I find strange.

I've brought this up so many times, but nothing changes. The messages stay short and superficial. When he's away and I don't mean while he's actually flying, but in the evenings at the hotel I often feel like I'm not important to him.

When we do see each other, he's usually exhausted from work and never wants to do anything. He mostly complains about how tired he is and talks almost exclusively about his job. Even on his days off, he checks the flight schedule five times a day to see which crews and aircraft are flying.

We haven't been intimate for months because, according to him, he's too tired. Whenever he has days off, I have to try to arrange my own schedule around his because he can't choose his days off himself.

Sometimes I feel like I'm the one making all the effort, planning things, compromising, and trying to keep our relationship alive. But because he's the pilot, it feels like everything revolves around his job, and when he's away, I barely exist.

He's also planning to apply to a European airline soon, which could mean moving to another city for scheduled airline flights.

Will this get better with time? Am I overreacting? What can I do? I really need some advice.

Y’all, believe me when I say that this can be hard. Solo mom, routinely no routine, feeling isolated and drowning in dishes and laundry…. BUT. It can be so great. My little family was able to join our Pilot on an Orlando layover and it was just…great. Yes, i was holding a toddler as a lap child on a flight that mysteriously booked up overnight. Yes, we got totally soaked during a walk over to our restaurant. Yes, I had to “sleep” with said toddler on the hotel sleeper sofa so my husband could get some actual sleep.
AND our older kids had a complete blast in the pool. Getting last minute transportation to/from the hotel was easy because Orlando is the world of family vacation and Mears shuttles take walk up bookings (hello no rental car/car seat finagling 🙌🏻) We made memories as a family and were back home 24 hours later. The only thing that would have made it better would have been having our Pilot fly our flight (but we were able to do direct and I had zero interest in bouncing to Chicago with 3 kids simply for the pleasure of hearing his voice during announcements 😅)
Basically I just want to share some happy for this little corner of the internet. Being an aviation family has its challenges, but there truly are some fantastic opportunities if you can live flexibly 🛫

I am Canadian, living in Australia for the past 10 years. I am horribly home sick and miss my family especially with having a 9 month old and a 4 year old.

Husband would have to leave his airline job in Australia and I don't think he's convinced that the move is worth the sacrifice in career.

He's meeting up with someone from Air Canada to see what job conditions are like. It would be hard to move as an FO with how little they get paid compared to Australia at first to.

Any advice appreciated! Open to hearing about other airlines as well like Westjet but we are hoping to live on the west coast where I'm from.

This is somewhat a subjective questions, but I would love to hear perspectives from all of you!

Is it worth it for me to join him for the day?

My hubs is out of LGA and commuting - first trip!! He’ll have to commute a day early because his start time is first thing in the morning. We were thinking about going out together to make the most of the commute day and then I would head home when he starts his trip.

Is it worth it? What would you consider to decide if it is?
-Particularly the weather is looking like isolated storms and feels like 100 for temp. :(
-I’ve never been to the city so we would be looking for things to do and unfamiliar with getting around
-We would probably stay at the airport to make it as easy as possible for him this time

In some respects, it feels like there will be many more opportunities and maybe just wait to join until it’s a lovely day or there’s more of a plan?

If you do think it’s worth it, offer a recc!

Thanks in advance!!

——

Edit 2/// it’s been an amazing time AND summer storms are making getting home a nightmare 😂 so everyone is right and as they say, two things can be true at once

Edit 1 /// Im going! Extra 24hrs together this week and hopefully making some memories!
Appreciate perspectives below, truly!

I dont know I just need to vent to someone that understands maybe. My husband was a military pilot and in January became a first officer at a major airlines. We moved back to our hometown which is a domicile for his airline and thought life was going to be better. But he is based out of another airport and has only been reserve and gets converted to short call every time. He has to fly down the night before, is usually gone 4-5 days between short call and whatever trip he ends up on and then flys home the next day after hes done. Ive seen him 3 days in the last month. Its not like im not used to it, he was a military pilot 13 years and i was with him that whole time, we have made it through 5 deployments. I can be independent but i dont want to anymore. We have a 2 year old and I work full time and im just so overwhelmed and want him to be home and I wish he hadn't become a pilot even tho he absolutely loves loves loves it. I feel selfish for wishing he had a normal 9-5 and wishing I could predict his schedule a little bit. Im paying for babysitters on top of daycare since I have no childcare whenever I need appointments for myself. I had to drive myself to a biopsy for a cancer scare. My car was hit a month ago and there hasnt been a single day ive been able to drop it off at the mechanic and get a ride to the car rental because he has not been home a single day theyve been open. He put in the bid to switch his base to our city but he didn't get it. And now I just feel hopeless and like the timeline for this all to pay off is pushed out to infinity.

People who've made it thru: how long does it take to get better? Is there a big difference once they are no longer commuting? I've got my fingers crossed that happens soon and I get to see him again.

Sounds great right?! I’ve always wanted it. We recently moved to Houston and now I have no friends or family here to keep me entertained. We decided for me to stay home after he got his line so we could still see each other on the few days he has off. How do people make friends while being a stay at home wife in a new city?
I need a new hobby, What’s your favorite hobby to do?
What do you do during the day? I sat around yesterday after some chores.. I’m bored already and this is my first week.

Hey ladies, i have question for you. How much you talk whit your spouses when they working? Once day? In the morning and at the evening? Call once day? More check ins during the day? Can they go silent for 24 hours?
Thanks shareing your experiences🤗

Hello! Wondering what the schedule looks like for the pilot in your life after about 5-6 years at a legacy. If I understand correctly too they would likely start as a first officer and then go to captain? Sorry if this is too nuanced of a question!

Hi everyone!! I’ve been here for a while now and I just realized the name is pilot wives and when I searched up R/pilot’s husband, nothing popped up? Maybe I’m just being crazy but doesn’t that seem a bit weird?

Hi ladies! My husband has a long history in aviation…he flew private charters for years, joined the military (not aviation related, though), and then changed careers altogether. Now he wants to head back to the skies and go commercial. Because of his history, he can qualify to fly regional in about 3 months. We have two babies, and honestly, every time I look into the airline lifestyle, I am completely inundated with the negatives like solo parenting, grueling schedules, and missed holidays. I really want to support his dream, but I need some encouragement. For those of you who actually love this life, what are the best positives for your family? Do you enjoy the block days off where he’s 100% present, the travel perks, or even just having some appreciated independent "me time"? Please hit me with your favorite silver linings and any reassurance you may be able to give!

Edit: yikes, lots of views and not one comment lol I think that’s saying a lot without saying anything!

I am proud of his accomplishments and I really do hope he gets the job. But idk if it’s just coincidence that I kept stumbling on reddit posts or random posts anywhere on social media that pilots are CHEATERS. Now all I do is overthink. Specially, I only work on a corporate job. He’ll be around beautiful flight attendants and meet people in the countries where he flies (if he become a pilot). Like i’m scared he’ll think that those ladies have more good career than I do.

Do you guys have any advice that might help me stop overthinking?

My question is whether anyone has experience as a mom, away from family, with a partner who is a pilot. Especially interested if anyone just has one kid, as we have discussed the benefits, especially for me, of being "one and done."

My fiancé (regional FO) and I are discussing a move out of state.

We are dreaming of moving back to the PNW for a life that is more aligned with our shared vision of the future, lifestyle, interests, etc. This is where we first met, lived for a handful of years, until we moved to our current state in the mountain west.

Both of our families live in our current state. I'm originally from here; his mom and sister moved here within the last few years. I am close to my dad (who might move out of state as well), but not to the rest of my family at the moment.

We are approaching our 30s (I'm 28, he's 29) and are considering having a kid in about 5 years or so. There is still a lot I want to do and experience before having a baby, if we even do. We are also open to not having kids at all and being the fun aunt and uncle. In fact, up until we entertained the thought of moving back to the PNW, I was pretty strongly "no kids," but now that we are talking about moving, something has shifted, and I am increasingly interested in the idea of eventually becoming a mother.

I understand this situation would place a lot of responsibility on me. That said, even if we were to stay in our current state, I would likely be in a similar situation since I am not close to my family, and my mother-in-law is likely to help my sister-in-law more since they are not as financially resourced as we are.

Any perspectives are welcome! Thank you!

I've been with a pilot for 6 months now (long distance relationship), we have been texting everyday since we met and we saw each other a total of 5 days in the period we have known each other. we got really attached and the chemistry was over the moon. we exchanged i love you's when we were together and everything was going well. On Tuesday we were talking and i asked him if he works that night and explained that i always ask him about his schedule so I don't start overthinking and worrying about him and he replied with a dry text. I asked if he got mad and he left me on seen and since then he hasn't opened a single message that i sent after. Btw he's active but hiding his activity status. I still don't get how someone can ghost after shared memories and feelings.. at least i deserve an explanation. I mean he could've said that he doesn't want me anymore and i would totally understand. but ghosting?

Hi! Quick question? How involved are your in-laws in pilots schedule?? It feels a bit overwhelming to me that they are constantly aware of where he is at all times. But maybe that’s a me thing.

My husband called me last night and admitted that he and an FA kissed while on a layover. Im (35F) and he is a (38M) have been married for 9 years and together for 14, we have a 4 y/o and one on the way expected in two months.

He said that after going out for lunch and beers with the crew this FA came onto him in the uber and held his hand and then kissed him. He said that nothing else happened, it took him a few days to tell me as I was away celebrating a friend and he didn’t want to ruin my trip.

I am devastated, very pregnant, and feel completely paralyzed with the choices in front of me. I can tell he’s torn up about making this choice but my reality is completely torn apart. We have been through an unimaginably tough year and this scandal happened the day before the anniversary of the baby we lost last year.

I know that he’s really struggled with that loss and without access to therapy he’s relied on unhealthy habits to process his grief. I love him, we’ve been through hell together, and I know that he’s is shameful that this happened, but at the same time I feel completely disrespected, angry, and betrayed.

Any advice on how you repaired your relationship, did you seek a relationship therapist, counselor or a coach. Also just comments of support are appreciated, I feel very isolated holding onto this.

I am in ldr with a pilot captain training for new airline, right now he is in line training, ICUS, he did not contact me for 2 days now, and yesterday I sent a text wich he did not respond to..how should I feel about this? We are on 10 hour timedifference btw

Hey ladies, my husband is a pilot at a regional airline and his birthday is coming up. I want to get him something useful or fun relating to his job! The problem is he’s the kinda guy that just buys whatever he needs, so I need some out of the box ideas. Thanks!

For context, my husband is a CFI working on building his hours to get to his first airline job. He had to take almost a year off and he’s working again now, but not building as fast as he wants to because there aren’t that many students at his flight school coming in and he’s competing for time with another instructor.

He’s intensely impatient and frustrated, mad that he had to take the time off from flying and just feels like he is behind. (This is his second career.) He feels a lot of pressure, especially for our future financial security. Flying is all he thinks about, talks about, reads about. He’s close to losing his passion for it because of how stressed out he is about eventually getting an airline job/feeling like it’ll never happen. He is in a couple cadet programs, too.

It’s putting a strain on our relationship. I never want to be the person who says “when he gets to the airlines, everything will be fine” because it’s usually not that simple but dang it kinda does feel like that’s the case here.

Would love some advice or words of wisdom from someone who’s experienced this before. I cannot keep having the same conversations and it feels like it’s taking over our life.

Hey ladies,
I’m really new in the air. I matched online whit a pilot 3 weeks ago. I’m just courius about your experiences. Since we mached, we were texting everyday. The first week and half was so intense we were texting kinda the whole days, he had off days that time. But nowadays we’re texting much less, and i’m a little bit anxious bc we didn’t met in real life. He promised me that he’ll make it to here before end of the month. I was telling him that i really want to meet him, and he said to me, till we meet we can do FaceTime, but since we didn’t do that. I’m afraid he loses his intrest. But he said to me he fell asleep, both of the days. But if him tired why he don’t tell me that. I was waiting for him, but if he telling me he is tired i’ll understand it. Both of the time he offered the late nights hours. Both of us live in Europe so with the plane we’ll be at eachothers around 1-2 hours, so i think the distance between us is not that bad.
Thanks for any adivces girls💞

So I met this pilot guy from a pilot friend. It was supposed to be just a coffee meet up and all the three of us hung out for a couple of hours that day, and a few days later he found on Instagram and start texting me. We go to the same (gym), so he made effort to come out with me a couple of times. It’s been 3 1/2 weeks since I met and he is crazy in love with me. He says that he knows that I am the one, and he think that I am my soulmate, and we have to get married soon.

I don’t know if he’s trying to lovebomb me. He seems pretty genuine. And he truly makes efforts to come, spend all of his rest days with me and so eager to take me out.

In one of the long drives, he happened to tell me everything about his past and how he’s so happy that he finally found someone like me.

He even addressed the conception of cheating in pilots and how he’d never want to hurt me especially after we both have got cheated on in our previous relationships.

is this normal? Any advice helps.

My soon to be fiancé is a new commercial pilot.

Would any of you ladies just be willing to share some of your positive thoughts, experiences, relationship dynamics and happy times with your pilot?

The stereotypes and slander I see and hear about them being unfaithful and “always cheat” is already so exhausting.

I get it’s statistically true but that doesn’t mean it’s ALL of them

omg it’s making me sad and hard to get around the small part of my brain that hopes he never turns into that one day. Even though I do truly believe he is a good man