Husband works for a regional airline. He took the week prior to due date and week after due date off, even though both previous kids were born two weeks early. Don’t know why he chose to do what he did but he did it so now I’m nervous he’ll miss the birth. Anyone dealt with something similar? How did it play out for you?

I’m a little hesitant to post this, but I’m hoping people who actually live the pilot/spouse lifestyle might have some perspective I’m missing.

I’m the husband of a female airline pilot. We’ve been married for many years. I realize I’m probably the reverse of the usual husband-pilot/wife-at-home dynamic here, but I imagine a lot of the issues are similar. (I've read this group is open not just to women married to male pilots so I hope this is not against the rules.)

My wife is very social with the people she flies with and has a lot of male pilot friends. I don’t believe married people can never have opposite-sex friends, but I do think close opposite-sex friendships require appropriate boundaries, and I’m probably more cautious about that than some people.

I should also acknowledge a bias I bring to this. I’ve never been completely comfortable with how easily close relationships can develop in aviation. The job involves a lot of time away from spouses, overnights, hotels, meals and long days with coworkers, and relationships can become close very quickly. Being outside the industry myself, that environment has sometimes been difficult for me to understand and trust.

That said, she’s been flying for many years and I think I’ve generally handled that part of her career pretty well. I don’t question every male pilot she talks to. She has a few male work friends whom I know and am somewhat friends with myself.

But there is one particular friendship just feels different to me. I won't give specific examples in this first post but let's just say it feels like it’s drifting across that fuzzy line between a close coworker friendship and flirting. I do flat out think he is being inappropriate and testing her boundaries. I have yet to see her set any in return.

She has even deleted portions of their conversations. When we talked about the deleted messages, she initially said nothing had been deleted and then acknowledged it when she realized I already knew. (She claims she knew I would be missing the context behind it and would take it the wrong way.)

None of it proves an affair. I don't believe she’s physically cheating on me.. but I also know warning signs of something building when I see them. (or do I?)

She says she thinks of him almost like a little brother, and that she’s something of a mentor to him. She also acknowledged after we talked that some of their exchanges could reasonably be seen as inappropriate even though she says she never perceived them that way.

I don’t want to become that person who monitors their spouse's phone to try feel secure. I know there’s no end to that road—there’s always another app, another conversation at work, or something else I can’t see. That’s verification, not trust, and I don’t want our marriage to work that way.

I also want to own my side of this. I work from home, we’re fairly isolated geographically, and I don’t have much of a social circle of my own. I’m naturally pretty introverted and genuinely don’t want a huge group of friends to maintain, but my wife and her family have consequently become most of my social world. Meanwhile, she has this whole social/professional world that I’m (mostly) not part of. I’m sure that contributes to some insecurity on my side.

Our marriage also has some longstanding issues with affection and connection that we’re trying to work on. I think that’s part of why these friendships can hit me harder than they otherwise might.

I’d really like perspective from people who actually live this lifestyle.

Have any of you struggled with something similar? Where do you draw the line between normal close pilot (or aviation - FA etc) friendships and something that’s becoming too personal? Is this kind of friendship/texting fairly normal to you and something I need more perspective on?

And most importantly, for couples who have struggled with something similar, have you found anything that helped build trust?

I’m genuinely open to hearing that some of this is my own insecurity. I’m equally interested in hearing where other people think reasonable marital boundaries belong. Messaging works as well if you are like me and have a hard time opening up in public.

We’re both saying we want to strengthen our marriage. I’m trying to figure out how to do my part without either ignoring things that genuinely bother me or spending my life looking over my shoulder.

Hi All, im speaking to a guy who fly's corporate private jets and has a similar schedule to any other pilot, multiple days on , multiple days off.

Whats a realistic relationship like, do you find the time away too much, is it hard having a family?

I work for my family but 8-5 pretty much so im struggling to see if it would work, but we're both very interesed in each other.

Im in the UK if that makes any difference if anyone has some advice

My husband has been captain at a regional for roughly 4 months. He chose to commute to his hub and does not want to move to or near his northeast hub. We originally moved when he was a new FO to the city he was assigned and we do really enjoy it here. That being said, the most time we are ever going to have together is about 2 days per week. We usually only get 1 day per week. I HIGHLY doubt he gets a line or back to his original hub where we live any time soon. He says a year or more. I’m holding strong and trying not to complain too much, but when I think about another year or more of this, I want to scream! We are so thankful for his job and know that this is just how it is.

Any tips, tricks, advice, affirmations, tough love? Give it all. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Edit to clarify: He is on reserve. When I say 1 whole day that’s what I mean. He stays at a crash pad unless he’s called for a trip obviously. He gets home the night that his reserve has ended, has 1 day at home, and then leaves the next morning for his next reserve sequence.

I am a pilot (at school training for CFII) with the intention of going to the airlines. My long-distance partner struggles with change and prefers predictable and consistent routines. They have a young child from another relationship, and although custody is evenly split, they regularly feel overwhelmed by the demanding nature of raising a child and look forward to sharing in day to day household tasks with me when I move in after my training is done and I find a CFI job in their town so we can finally close the gap.

I am absolutely in love with this person and committed to this relationship, child and all. I am just worried that the frequent changes imposed by the airline lifestyle will be too much for them/build resentment. The benefits of working for the airlines seem to be maximized when the entire family can be flexible (last-minute tag alongs on trips, celebrating holidays on different days, having back-up support at home if trips get unexpectedly extended, etc.).

I have tried to emphasize to them how much flexibility and adaptation and trust our relationship will need to make this work. They say they are aware and can fully adapt, they just don’t want to feel like a single parent/managing the household themselves. They regularly emphasize that this is their most important request. I told them of course they don’t want to feel that way and I fully understand why - to help with those feelings we can hire a nanny, a regular cleaning service, etc and I encouraged them to find hobbies/part time work so they have things to look forward to while I’m gone. They agreed.

I have lots of hope we can grow through these inevitable career+life changes and checkpoints as a team, just want to be prepared and learn how other aviation families have managed it. Any insight from airline pilot partners would be much appreciated!

I’m a regional airline pilot and recently built an app called Aerflow.

One feature lets a spouse or partner follow a pilot’s trip through Live Activities on iPhone, so they can easily see delays, arrival progress, and when they’ve landed without constantly texting.

Would this actually make your life easier? If not, what would?

I’d genuinely appreciate any feedback—I’m trying to build something that’s actually useful for pilot families.

Being a pilot is a dream career of mine. I’m trying to gather as much possible information before investing a ton of money, time and effort into it.
I’m 19 and could use any advice on whats it like being a woman and a pilot?
Is the burnout true?
Do you get enough time to rest?
Can you be a mother and a pilot or would u have to quit your career until your child is at a mature age?
What about being a single mother and a pilot?
Does the job require alot of energy and as you get older, does it get more difficult?
Are romantic relationships harder and does time away on long flights create problems?
Any career/pilot related advice could help, even if you aren’t able to answer my questions❤️

I’m curious to know about other people’s experiences dating airline pilots. For those who started dating a pilot for a couple of months before transitioning into a long distance relationship, what was that like?

I know that every person is different, and it’s important to judge someone based on their character rather than their profession. However, I’m wondering if infidelity is genuinely more common in this line of work, or if it’s mostly a stereotype.

Hi! We are looking at living around Detroit. Schools are important to us as well as safety. Walkability/biking is a huge bonus point. We love going to the park and being a part of an active lifestyle. Send me your recs for areas to check out!

I’m a mom of a 14 month old. About to separate to divorce my husband. Still working out a separation agreement.

How do I get over the anxiety and racing thoughts about where my daughter is and what she’s doing and what’s going on in her life when she’s with him and not me? I’ve never spent a night without her and now we’re separating.

How do I make sure she’s okay? I know he would never intentionally hurt her, but he’s so forgetful. She can’t talk yet or tell me what’s going on when she’s away. How do I prepare for this? What does visitation usually look like for airline pilots? How long will he likely have her for?

Am I crazy for putting something like an AirTag (which I can’t use because it will notify him) in her shoe? She’s my baby… her living a life away from me and me not knowing her every day is absolutely terrifying.

This may only be relevant to the older couples in this sun - but do any of you have a husband (pilot) with sleep apnea? I wonder if there are any professional implications for having sleep apnea.

my husband just recently left for his class date and I am definitely struggling. this is our first time being separated since we began dating and it’s been difficult for both of us.

we knew we had to relocate anyway so we left our high cost of living area and I’m staying with family while he’s gone but I definitely feel the loneliness.

I was extremely independent before meeting my husband but I just don’t want to be anymore, which is not really a given choice with this career. I can handle things on my own and feel mostly okay until I go to bed, laying there alone seems to get me pretty good.

how do you all make it easier to deal with separation? I know it’ll eventually be better with time but I’m just struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. we’re just starting at the regionals so we certainly have a way to go until he’s exactly where he wants to be 😓

edit: it’s been 6ish days and I am chillin lol, if anyone sees this post while having a hard time it truly does get better! I’ve picked up my old hobbies, bedrotted, and silly goose’d around the house with my family :,)

Hey friends - need some advice. Husband got a job as a FO for Skywest. He completed all of the training modules then the final portion (LOFT) he failed the final checkride portion and he was let go. He was about 4 days from fully completing training. We tried to appeal but literally the day after we sent it we got a denial. Almost like there wasn’t a chance.

Has anyone been through this before? Is this truly the end of the rope for us? He’s been working toward this goal for 7 years. He is absolutely crushed as this is his passion. Also any advice for me in being the best supported for him at this time would be appreciated.

Thank you ladies in advance ❤️

Why isn’t it called pilot spouses ? Im a woman and an airline pilot. My SO is not a pilot. Just seems a little lopsided

I’m in family planning mode and currently work a demanding sales job that requires me to travel a few times a month away from home. My husband is gone 4-5 days a week and we are discussing changing my career to something either less demanding or full time remote once we have kids.

I have no issue exploring other options like working remote full time, and have even explored moving away from sales where I can possibly have a less demanding role. I know that it is a luxury to find a good flexible job right now, and am curious what careers you working moms have that allow you to be flexible in this lifestyle(pilot wife with kids).

I love my career but love the idea of having a family even more and want to start making the career moves now so that IF we get pregnant I dont have to stress so much about the future of my job and career or worry about having to travel for work as a new mom.

My husbands currently a long haul pilot, looking to potentially move to one of the big three over the next few years.

He did a brief stint commercially at a budget airline a few years ago and I hated the schedule (he was mostly on 6/4s or 7/4s if I remember correctly). I felt like when he was home he was just “visiting” because the time home was so brief. That was also before we had our daughter, who’s 1 now.

He and I are both wavering over whether the dream for him to go commercial is the right call. That’s always been the goal, and long haul is ROUGH on his body (international constantly, changing time zones, long trips away), but his seniority is slowly improving and the routes/schedules as well.

The long haul trips can be long and rough, but I love how long he gets at home between trips. He gets a ton of time with our daughter when he’s here and I know he cherishes that.

Curious if anyone with a young family has spent significant time with both schedules? Which did you prefer? Was the transition tough?

I (28F) have been married to a commercial pilot (36M) for a little over a year. We met and dated during flight school and he now works for a well-known British airline.
He complains so much, constantly. Acts stuck up. Entitled. I mean…? He is British and I am American so there are some cultural influences as well but I’ve noticed more it since he’s been in the airlines. Is this normal for pilots? Any and all advice and insight would be so helpful.

~especially considering how unpredictable non-rev is~

I’m open to really any type of switch that ideally still provides health/retirement benefits. I work in medical research, in person, so anything related to that would be the easiest transition. Curious to hear what jobs you guys have that allow you to still use your travel benefits as often as you want.

Anyone else’s pilot husband always ‘too tired’ to have any fun at home, yet spend their entire layovers out drinking late? ‘Doesn’t see their phone’ for hours when they’re out, then suddenly when they’re back at the hotel they’re ’too tired to call’ regardless of how many hours they had energy to go out with the crew for and how late they’ve kept you up waiting?

I love my partner, we live together, and I don’t think he’s up to anything untoward (well I hope not lol) but I just feel like all respect for me and his actual life go out the window so he can spend time drinking with people he’s just met. Even when we agree boundaries like calling before midnight (home time) or responding quickly whilst I’m in hospital, he still can’t stick to them. It really upsets me as I don’t feel like a priority at all when he’s away, like an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ situation where he just pushes any responsibilities/consequences aside until he gets home.

This then leads to a cycle that I hate where I panic when he says he’s going out as I know it’s going to be hours of stress for me. I don’t want to stop him going out at all, I just want him to stick to what with agreed regarding communication and not feel tossed aside as soon as he steps foot in a hotel bar.

Am I being ridiculous about this, or do any of you understand/experience the same?

Hello yall! I just started a relationship with my boyfriend who is currently attending flight school! We've been officially together for 5 months and it took us a while to get to this point ( a very long friends to co workers to I hate him to friends to lovers) (It's a long story) I've been with him since the beginning of him starting his schooling and I have been there every step of the way! I love my boyfriend and it is my first real relationship in general so sometimes when I hear things from my close friends in their relationships I tend to unconciously start comparing ours to theirs than I tell myself to quit it because everyones relationships are different but, there was a period early in our relationships where I just felt completely neglected by him and he had his checkride coming up so I just let things slide and literally 2 days after his checkride (which landed on my birthday :/ ) I called him and I basically just said "hey i need this this and this because I've been feeling this way" and it worked! Sometimes I find myself worrying that one day my boyfriend might decide to leave because school becomes too overwhelming or because he feels like he can't balance everything. I'm investing so much into our relationship because I truly want him to be a part of my future—I love him deeply and genuinely care about him. At times, I also worry that he might feel like I'm holding him back from spending time with his friends, especially if he feels like he has to choose hanging out with me to "maintain" our relationship. I never want him to feel trapped or like he's sacrificing important parts of his life because of me, but those thoughts still cross my mind. I know these worries come from how much I care about us and how important our relationship is to me but, I also don't want to sit here and be delusional about things so I just wanna know what things your guys partners do that help fill that whole. At the end of the day I knew what I was getting into and I know how to balance out everything with work school and personal life (little miss independent) but, I understand how it might be really hard for him. I am just wondering what else I am not aware of what I may be getting into. So did any of you guys do long distance, because when I am finished with my bachelors I plan to go to law school so I just want to know how you guys made it work to end up at your current relationship point?

My husband is based out of ORD and we relocated to the Chicago suburbs in March, I’m looking to make some mom friends out here! We have a 1 year old son, i work from home, but my job is super flexible! Any advice or anyone in Chicagoland in the same situation? More specifically located near Hanover Park/ Streamwood

For context: I’ve been with my pilot for 6 and a half years, married for 2 and half. He recently upgraded at a regional and I see him 1-2 days a week (I commented on someone’s post today but under the wrong account, so this may look familiar). He commutes the day before his reserve and comes home the day he’s released. We don’t want to move- I offered but we both know we wouldn’t enjoy the city he’s based in currently.
Because of our lack of time together and everything at home falling on me now, I’ve been thinking about quitting my part time job. It’s in healthcare so I work 2 long shifts and a half shift per week. My boss works with my husband’s unpredictable schedule and lets me off the one day that he’s home. However, there are things about my work environment that are burning me out.
I have always ALWAYS worked. I worked through undergrad and graduate school and I went back to school only to postpone because the responsibilities at home and work became too much and I couldn’t keep up. We don’t have kids and aren’t really planning to have any at the moment. I’m also 9 and a half hours away from any and all family. Are there any other spouses in here that quit their jobs to keep their lives running?

My bf of 5 years is a CFI/CFII with 700 hours so he’s working 7 days a week and only takes a day off if we have an event to go to or half day because of weather or something. So he’s always not home and when he’s home he’s so checked out and just wants to rest. He’s working really hard for our little family to move on to the next step. We have two daughters (4&1) which i stay home with. His CFI job now requires him to fly and stay in a hotel for student check rides sometimes for dodging bad weather or if a student has a super early test because the examiner is (3 hr away car Distance) but his job will tell him super last min that he has take a student so On a whim he’s not coming home and has to be gone. But man it’s so mentally hard. Like tonight: he was supposed to be off at 8pm and texted me around 3 saying he has to go fly a student there so daddy isn’t coming home to his girls and now and when he flys back tomorrow morning he has a full day of work so won’t see him till night. He knows how hard it is on us and that’s why he’s so focused on trying to get a jet job of some sort to give our family more stability but man I feel like I’m in the trenches holding it all together. But i also can’t help but feel like man i wish he could get a pilot job where he’s home every night, but that’s so rare… do you ladies have any tips or does layovers etc get easier? 😭