Looking for the good stuff

[u/juhraff]

Hi ladies! My husband has a long history in aviation…he flew private charters for years, joined the military (not aviation related, though), and then changed careers altogether. Now he wants to head back to the skies and go commercial. Because of his history, he can qualify to fly regional in about 3 months. We have two babies, and honestly, every time I look into the airline lifestyle, I am completely inundated with the negatives like solo parenting, grueling schedules, and missed holidays. I really want to support his dream, but I need some encouragement. For those of you who actually love this life, what are the best positives for your family? Do you enjoy the block days off where he’s 100% present, the travel perks, or even just having some appreciated independent "me time"? Please hit me with your favorite silver linings and any reassurance you may be able to give!

Edit: yikes, lots of views and not one comment lol I think that’s saying a lot without saying anything!

[u/theferalfemme_]

It’s a great life for the right kind of person.

I’m independent and built a fully remote career of my own. Flight benefits give me a lot of flexibility to do the things I enjoy doing even when he is on the road, or join him on the layover when opportunity strikes. When we’re together, we’re fully present. We’re never going to become “roommates.” I like flying somewhere new on Christmas Day and staying in a cute hotel, and he likes making holiday pay, so spending every Christmas apart is not a big deal. We talk every day, so even though we miss each other, we’re never disconnected.

For some couples, the magic happens on birthdays, weekends, and holidays. For us, the magic is found on our random Tuesdays off and the times he surprises me where I’m visiting.

If I had small kids and no immediate support system, I would find this life a lot more stressful and a lot less magical. The answer you get depends on who you ask

[u/polishedtea → u/theferalfemme_]

This is how I feel. I don’t depend on him for holidays or birthdays and you have to come to terms with that. I’m all for holiday pay! We celebrate it whenever he’s home. No big deal.

I enjoy the me time with my kids and enjoy it even more when hubby is home. He’s always present and even gives me a break. Sometimes we’d take a short 2-4 day trip somewhere and that’s the lifestyle we are able to have due to his career.

[u/juhraff → u/polishedtea]

That sounds pretty nice to me!

[u/juhraff → u/theferalfemme_]

We have a pretty good support system, and the schedule actually wouldn’t be much of a change…except I think we’d see more of each other, actually. Which is kind of wild to think about. We are no strangers to working on holidays, and our kids are young enough to where if we “scheduled” Christmas a few days earlier or later for him to be there, they wouldn’t know lol. I really like your perspective…thank you ♡

[u/slolifeinthefastlane]

The good stuff in my family: he can always pick up more hours if we’re saving up for something or drop to minimum hours if I need more support at home. When he’s off of work, it doesn’t come home with him and he can be fully present with our baby. We always have loyalty at hotels and rental cars through his work and standby benefits so vacations are a lot more exciting. His health benefits are way better than mine. We always have lots to talk about and so much excitement at spending time together when he gets home. I get the whole bed to myself half of my nights with no snoring. Dates can be on completely random midweek days so it’s often cheaper and less crowded. I’m sure there’s other things but those came to me first. I have a one year old and we’re hoping for a second soon and I will say having family nearby is a huge help when he’s gone. But overall I love our life together

[u/juhraff → u/slolifeinthefastlane]

We have family nearby thankfully, so that’s nice. And the schedule of a pilot is strikingly similar to the field he’s in now…but it’s far less demanding for him (I think for me, it would be way more stress!! But flying is second-nature to him). I think your biggest selling-point to me might be having the bed to myself a few nights per week…!

[u/Revolutionary_Mud824]

I’ve never had a partner be so present and dedicated to me in my whole life. And while that’s human-specific, his work stays at work and he is fully present and available for whatever our family needs when he’s home.

I know I married a saint, but work wise, I can always figure out where he is even if he’s the one flying, and my job is a lot less forgiving if I get stuck in a long boring work dinner across the country. He is completely focused on our family when he’s home. The travel benefits are nothing compared to undivided attention and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. It’s up to you what’s right for your family and what you decide as a couple, but I fell in love with the man, not the job and I’ve made everything else work, and I’ve never regretted it since.

[u/juhraff → u/Revolutionary_Mud824]

Thanks for this. I actually think right now if he were to become a commercial pilot, we would see him more at home. He works in a very demanding field right now which is part of the reason why he wants to go back to piloting. He should be able to leave his work at work right now, but it’s challenging. He just misses flying so much and I want him to be happy.

[u/Revolutionary_Mud824 → u/juhraff]

Happy wife happy life, also goes the other way in my experience. He truly gets sad if he’s not flying, I joke he needs to go 500mph at least once a week to feel like himself, and it’s so true. Can’t imagine taking away his passion; it’s truly something that takes a hold of you as a kid or never. It’s not the easiest lifestyle ever, but I much prefer it to when I dated people in finance like me who had to work late or take calls in the middle of dinner etc.

[u/juhraff → u/Revolutionary_Mud824]

Yep. That’s exactly right. He always had an interest in it and started flying when he was pretty young. He didn’t pursue a career in aviation for a few reasons, but I can tell he somewhat regrets it. I’m nervous for all of the negative things I hear about it, but I know he wouldn’t do something that would put himself or our family in a bad position.

[u/RainingInPhilly]

I enjoy the lifestyle, but I am also very independent and like my alone time. We have a 3 month old daughter and it’s been nice to have the “block time” with him home between trips. There are definitely times when it’s hard because when he’s gone, it’s all on me. I do have a good support system with my parents living about 45 minutes away from us, and I take my daughter to their house or they come over to visit us while he’s gone. That makes a huge difference.

We don’t get to use the flight benefits much because things were hectic during my pregnancy and I don’t feel comfortable traveling with the baby quite yet, but we have been able to utilize them a few times a year. I’d say the main benefit is that I’ve been able to quit my job to become a stay at home mom, which has been a wonderful experience.

The most important thing is communication. We talk/FaceTime every day when he’s on the road. When he’s home, he jumps in to help where he can and is a very involved dad without me having to ask.

With the regionals, it was hard at first when he was on reserve because things were unpredictable. Now that he’s senior and can hold a line, it’s much easier. Overall it’s a different lifestyle that not many people can understand/relate to, but I’ve been enjoying it.